Chapter 34 - More Hunting Shenanigans

JasperPOV

"Ugh, this damn stuff tastes like shit!" Peter shouted, spitting out the elk blood onto the ground and repeatedly wiping his tongue with the back of his hand. "I can't believe you actually expect me to eat this shit!"

Bella laughed hysterically, pointing at his disgusted face. "Told ya!"

Char whacked him on the back of the head then and glared meaningfully. "You're not being a very good role model, Papa," she snarled.

Making a face and grumbling under his breath, he reluctantly put his mouth back on the gushing wound and began swallowing. He pulled away a few times, gagging and hacking, but one look at Char's face sent him back to the source. As soon as the blood ran dry, he threw the carcass violently down to the ground and spit a few times.

"There, see princess, it's not so bad," he muttered, wiping his tongue on his shirt sleeve to get the taste out of his mouth.

Bella stared at him incredulously and then fell to the ground laughing. "Not . . . So . . . Bad!" She paused to look at his face and then started again, wheezing with the force of her full belly laughs.

"Ready for your next one?" I challenged, raising a brow.

"What? Fuck no!" he immediately responded, then caught himself, realizing what he'd just said in front of whom. "Oops! Sh - Crap! I mean, fudge no, Jasper. I'm just as full as full can be."

"Yeah, right! Your eyes are still black!" Bella quickly accused.

"It's lust! I've fed, and now I'm thinking of spending some quality time with my wife," he retorted.

"Liar, liar, pants on fire!" Bella chanted, jumping to her feet and pointing at him.

"Now, princess," Peter began.

"Nuh, uh, no way," She immediately interrupted, shaking her head. "You aint gonna fool me this time. I'm onto you and your wily ways."

"Well, damn," he swore, then flinched and backed away from Char before she could hit him again.

"You're gonna be in SO much trouble," Bella snickered.

Char darted away and darted back, carrying a struggling bunny by its hind legs. "Here, drink this," she sneered, thrusting the rabbit at Peter.

I winced, then smirked at Peter as he reluctantly accepted the fluffy beast. Bunny rabbits taste worse than dish soap.

One look in my direction was enough to warn Peter what he could expect as to the critter's taste, so he quickly protested. "I can't eat any critter named after myself, and this here is little Peter Cottontail. Haven't you heard the story of Peter Rabbit? It just wouldn't be right to eat my own namesake."

"Eat. The. Rabbit," Char demanded, her eyes shooting flames in his direction. I nearly expected her head to start spinning around the way she was talking.

Peter was just as freaked out by her fierce countenance as I was, if not more so, and immediately bit the bunny's neck. He winced and whimpered, but didn't wimp out, drinking the foul tasting liquid as fast as he could.

Char watched him expectantly the entire time and then turned to Bella. "Your turn to hunt," she coldly commanded, brooking no disobedience.

Bella gulped and complied without hesitation, running further into the forest. She was lucky and found a bear, which sufficiently filled her belly for the time being. While she was busy feeding, I caught a timber wolf, draining it speedily and disposing of its remains before she noticed.

"Aw, I'm telling Baby Bells you ate a puppy," Peter taunted.

I punched him hard enough to send him flying and was in front of him the moment he hit the ground. Like a true warrior, he landed on his feet, but I caught him in a restraining hold before he could retaliate.

"You do, and I'll tell Esme you said the 'f' word in front of Bella," I sneered.

He gulped and surrendered. "Fine, you win. It's not worth whatever punishment that woman would devise."

"Smart man," I chuckled, releasing him and backing away without taking my eyes off of him. I knew he would likely attack if I were foolish enough to turn my back. "Now, you need to find another animal to fill your gullet, 'cause you haven't had enough to eat yet."

He pouted, giving me a desperate look. "You've gotta be kidding me! I have to drink more of this shit? I don't think I'm gonna be able to handle this, Major! We coulda used this diet as a form of cruel torture back in the wars. I bet it woulda been way more effective than some of the other methods we tried."

"Quit whining, ya big baby," Char ordered, coming up behind him and clapping him on the back. She was dragging a moose carcass behind her. "What do ya want me to do with this, Major?"

"Remove the antlers, so ya can take 'em home and compare 'em to Emmett's. He always claims he's captured the biggest of any type of prey, so it'll be hilarious if you've bested him. Then pull the rest of it to pieces and toss it into that hollow yonder," I advised her.

Bella came over and joined us, looking eagerly at Char's kill. "I think he might be a bit bigger than Emmett's bull. Way to go, Momma!"

Char grinned at her proudly and began dismantling the moose. Peter sighed and headed back into the heart of the forest, theatrically hanging his head in despair and dragging his feet, as if headed off to his doom instead of dinner.

"Oh, look," Bella stated solemnly, nodding her head slowly. "Dead man walking."

She pulled off the deadpan expression perfectly and sent Char and I into hysterics. Peter tried to glare at her over his shoulder, but we could all see the gleam of amusement in his eyes. He really was acting like a man on death row headed to the electric chair, and there was no hope of a reprieve or a pardon from the governor. No, Carlisle wouldn't be changing his mind about our feeding habits anytime soon, considering he'd been perfectly fine with it for over three centuries.

I followed him, just for the sake of my own amusement, while Bella helped Char thoroughly clean off the antlers. We didn't need the house stinking from the disgusting odor of rotting flesh. It didn't take much for our sensitive noses to detect it, so Esme had made the rule, shortly after Emmett was changed, that anything brought inside from the outdoors must be completely free of decaying organic matter. Unlike humans, we couldn't even appreciate a cut bouquet of floors for more than a few minutes before the inevitable decomposition process began, releasing unpleasant aromas into the surrounding air.

Emmett never 'forgot' that rule more than once. Everyone always thinks of Esme as so sweet, gentle, and loving, but there's an iron side to her that only her family and enemies ever get to see. Her maternal instinct runs deeply enough to know how to teach her children the important lessons, and when she's had enough, everyone scatters to the four winds, praying they aren't the ones who invoked her wrath.

According to Emmett, the first time he brought in a trophy that wasn't entirely sanitary, the rule was made and the warning given. Being Emmett, he tried to hide his next trophy in the attic, wrapped in a quilt and stuffed in a trunk. A few days later, Esme tracked down the source of the unpleasant odor drifting through the house. She opened the trunk and removed the reeking quilt. Then she marched downstairs and out into the backyard, a woman on a mission.

"Emmett McCarty Cullen! Come. here. right. now," she murmured quietly, emphasizing and enunciating each word. When Esme yells, she's scary, but when she is past the yelling stage into the cold, quiet rage, she's downright terrifying.

Emmett still shakes in his boots whenever he tells this story. He described her eyes as twin black holes sucking in his soul, in which he could clearly see the fires of hell reaching out to claim him. "This quilt was a gift from my grandmother on my sixteenth birthday, Emmett. It is irreplaceable. Why does it reek of rotting flesh, Emmett?"

The way he mimics her voice when he tells the tale has it ring with eerie power, as if she was possessed at the time. Emmett readily confesses he was unable to speak, to respond at all. He claims the only thoughts going through his mind at the time were, 'OH SHIT! I'M GONNA DIE! SHE'S GONNA KILL ME!' Obviously she didn't kill him, but his punishment was one he never forgot, and he never made the same mistake again. She shoved that decaying matter so far up his nose, he was smelling it for months, and it only got worse the more time passed, as it rotted further. He did try to make amends by steam cleaning and dry cleaning the quilt, which did get most of the stain and stink out of it, but he also never went near anything stored in the attic again.

I remembered the odd look on his face when he stared at me and asked in all seriousness, "Did you know it's completely impossible for a vampire to sneeze? Of all the things to miss about humanity, I never thought I'd envy a human the ability to sneeze."

Of course I laughed at him. Who wouldn't? But ever since then, any trophy he brings home is clean enough for a human to eat off of without getting sick. Cruel and unusual punishment? Maybe so, but at least it worked!

I missed my opportunity to see Peter take down his last animal while I was reminiscing, but he seemed vaguely satisfied, so I didn't worry about it. We ran back to join the ladies, who were giggling together.

Char rewarded Peter's perseverance with a tonsil tickling kiss that soon had them projecting strong waves of lust our way. I stopped in front of Bella, giving her a gentle hug, then pulled away to look at her. Her eyes were gleaming with happiness, the bright red color not yet fading. I traced her features with my own golden eyes, that were rapidly darkening to black under the influence of the lust from the happy couple nearby.

I noticed her lips were stained with blood and brushed them lightly with my thumb, my fingers tucked under her chin. "You missed a spot," I murmured huskily, licking my own lips. The tip of her little pink tongue peeked out, licking away the blood, and causing my eyelids to droop, hooding my gaze. I peered at her through my lashes and felt a strong desire to taste her lips for myself, unwittingly projecting to Bella, due to her close proximity.

Her eyes widened, and I saw her eyes dart hastily back and forth between my eyes and my lips. I could tell, if her heart were still beating, it would be racing. Her breathing had picked up, responding the way it would have if she were still human. I could see the flickering in her eyes and feel it in her emotions, the confusion, fear, and doubt. Sure there was excitement, anticipation, curiosity, and love, but the negative emotions were strong enough to break through my lust haze and bring me to my senses.

She's not ready! My mind screamed at me. Back down! It's not time yet! Knowing the little voice was right and not wanting to scare my mate by pushing her before she was ready, I forced myself to take a step backward. I couldn't make myself let go of her, but the distance helped enough for me to regain control of myself and my gift.

I shared my frustration and irritation with Pete and Char, bringing them to their senses as well and alerting them to the problem. I smiled down at my mate reassuringly and gave her a loving kiss on the forehead. "We should get back to the house now," I recommended, my voice only shaking slightly.

Bella nodded, but couldn't hide her disappointment or her relief from me. I hated to let her down, but she was only just now developing feelings of attraction for me. She was feeling drawn to me, but didn't even understand her own feelings or her body's response to mine. Even though I couldn't read her mind, I knew her thoughts were still innocent. She wasn't ready to enter into a relationship of equals, much less take that relationship to the next level.

After all, we'd been careful about what she had been exposed to through the television, internet, books, and each other, so all she knew was what she had seen. Her mind, which had just started processing me as mate/boyfriend material, hadn't yet progressed beyond holding hands, hugging, and kissing. As her mind continues to mature and put her through her teenage stage of development, her attraction to me will morph into lust, longing, and desire, wanting to connect with me physically as well as emotionally. It was going to be nightmarishly difficult to fight both her desires and my own, but it was extremely important to do this the right way, if we were to have a healthy dynamic.

Soon, Major purred in my mind. Soon our mate will be ready for us to claim her. She is strong and learns so quickly. We won't be kept waiting for long.

I was glad he was optimistic, because if he wasn't, I didn't know if I would have the strength to stop him if he insisted on pushing forward. I wanted Bella every bit as much as Major did, seeing her adult body, but we both knew her mind was still much too young. Good things come to those who wait, I reminded myself.

Bella ran on ahead, and I watched her go, following slowly behind her.

"Hmm," Peter grunted. "I think it's time to drop the Papa and become Uncle Pete."

"What? Why?" Charlotte exclaimed, thrown off more than usual by Peter's seemingly random change of direction.

He furrowed his brow and frowned. "I just don't think I can accept my sire as my son-in-law. It's kinda twisted, if ya know what I mean."

"Twisted? But he's her sire too," she declared. "And mine, for that matter. That makes us brother and sister."

Peter made a face and stared at Char as if she were crazy. "Don't be daft, woman! Jasper's my brother and you're my mate!"

"Daft? Me?" she huffed. "Jasper's my brother too."

Pete shook his head in exasperation. "No, he's my brother and your brother-in-law."

Char grimaced, getting irritated. "Fine, but if he's your brother and Bella's your niece, then that makes Bella+ his daughter."

Peter shook his head again. "No, no. She's your niece and my niece-in-law, which makes it fine for her to be with my brother."

Char stared at him. "Are you sure the animals you just drank from were all healthy? Is it possible for a vampire to be allergic to animal blood? Did you hit your head or something?"

Pete rolled his eyes and shook his head again. "Look, it's quite simple really. She already has more parental figures than she needs, right? And uncles are more fun than dads, cooler too. She doesn't have any uncles yet. Or aunts for that matter. Besides, Esme's her mom. Esme's your sister, so Bella's your niece. Which makes her my niece-in-law, who happens to be in love with my brother. Case closed."

"Sure, that would make sense, except none of us are actually related in the first place," Char grumbled. "All the relationships are arbitrary."

"Yes, dear," he smirked. "I have a feeling it'll worked out for the best." Unable to argue with his 'feelings', she simply rolled her eyes and went on up to their room to contemplate his recommendation and build her acceptance.

xxxxxxx

RosePOV

Bella is unusually quiet and withdrawn today. I've never seen her like this. Did something happen while she was hunting? Hmmm. It must have. She was behaving normally before the hunt, I thought, lovingly brushing the leaves and twigs out of her long brown hair. She normally talks my ear off while I brush her hair, telling me all about her day. It's always been our special one-on-one time together.

I watched Bella in the mirror over her dresser while I started on her first braid. She was normally at peace during this time, soothed by the repetitive motion of the brush strokes and the scalp massage. She usually would sit relatively still, only moving her arms and hands to emphasize her words, and allow me to play with her hair, sometimes for hours at a time. Yet now she was agitated, fidgeting like a human, and seemingly unable to sit still on the stool. I noticed she kept zoning in and out of focus, obviously thinking hard about something. I tried to wait patiently for my girl to start chatting, to confide in me, but finally couldn't wait any longer.

Meeting Bella's eyes in the mirror, I softly inquired, "What's the matter, Bellarina? Why are you fretting?"

Bella gave me a half-hearted smile at my use of one of Emmett's favorite nick-names for her, but then just looked away. "Nothing," she mumbled. "I'm fine."

I swung her around on the stool so I could meet her eyes directly. "It's obviously not nothing, darling. Why are you upset? Did something happen while you were hunting today?"

Bella's eyes widened, and she bit her lip, unconsciously giving herself away, before shutting down again. "I said I'm fine, Mum. It's nothing, really."

Ugh, she sounds just like a teenager, I grumbled to myself. Then the light bulb turned on in my mind. A teenager! Wow, she's growing up so fast! Think, Rose. What agitates teenage girls? Duh, boys. Oh. Oh! Jasper. She must be starting to sense the mating pull. Uh, oh. She's definitely not ready for that yet! She's still only about twelve or thirteen at the most.

I decided to do a little probing. "Was it Jasper?"

Bella's eyes shot up in shock, her body language betraying her once again. She quickly recovered and looked away, giving a little shrug. "Nah. I'm just tired."

I smirked. Tired. Yeah, nice try, little vampire. I wasn't born yesterday, you know. "Did something happen with Jasper today?"

Bella shook her head in the negative, but her body became more agitated, and she started nervously playing with her bottom lip, pulling and twisting it between her thumb and pointer finger. I watched her closely, though Bella refused to meet my eyes. There was something oddly familiar about Bella's facial expression. I ran back through my memories of Bella, back to when Bella was human. Suddenly, I realized what it was. Bella was blushing! Her cheeks no longer darkened, flushing with blood, but her facial features were mimicking the same expression she used to wear whenever Emmett made a sexual reference or suggestion. He used to love teasing Bella with conversations full of innuendo, deliberately trying to trigger her blush.

I felt distinctly uncomfortable now, realizing my baby girl had grown up enough to be thinking sexual thoughts about a grown man. A grown man who should have known better than to encourage such thoughts, I believed, feeling outraged and betrayed. Why was he encouraging her to grow up so quickly, pushing her into womanhood before her time? I'm not ready for her to grow up and not need me anymore.

I furrowed my brow and addressed Bella sternly, though I could hear worry prevalent in my tone, "Did he, did Jasper, um, well, did he . . . do anything, touch you maybe, or say something, that made you feel . . . well, that felt wrong?"

Bella looked up at me in confusion. "Huh? What? NO! Of course not! Jasper would never!"

There was no mistaking Bella's horrified sincerity, for which I was truly thankful. I didn't think Jasper would do anything inappropriate, but I had to be sure. It was better to be safe than sorry. Considering I trusted that snake Royce and never thought he would do something so monstrous to me, I wasn't entirely certain my judgment of others was sound. I didn't want anyone else to suffer as I did, particularly not someone I loved and felt responsible for, because I foolishly and mistakenly trusted someone I shouldn't have.

Bella shot up off the stool and began pacing. "Really, Mum, nothing happened. There's no need for you to worry, okay? I just need some time alone to think, that's all. Please, just let it go."

Ugh, Rose, what do you expect? What teenage girl really wants to talk boys with her mom, beyond the superficial that is? She needs a confidant, a best friend, or maybe . . . a sister! That's it! I smiled, relaxing a bit. "Okay, honey, but there's something else I wanted to discuss with you. You're growing up so quickly that you've almost caught up to my age now!"

Bella turned and looked at me, meeting my eyes for the first time since she returned from feeding. Her eyes were wide with shock and she gasped. "Really?"

I nodded, and she seemed impressed with herself. I couldn't help smiling as she turned to the mirror to study herself, as if she could see some external evidence of her growth. "So, you know, I'm only eighteen myself. I'm not old enough to have a teenage daughter. I thought maybe it was time for me to back off of the motherly role. Esme is your mother and my mother too. That makes me your big sister. I've always been your big sister, but when you were younger, I was so much older that I took on a maternal role. I loved every minute of it, but you don't need me the same way that you did before."

She was studying me, rolling over what I said in her mind. Finally, she grinned. "So you're my big sister?"

I nodded, smiling back. Her grin got wider. "Does that mean you can't punish me anymore?"

I raised my eyebrow and gave her a stern look. "Now look here missy, just because I can't punish you like Mom and Dad can, doesn't mean I'm going to just let you do whatever you want. Sisters sometimes fight like brothers do, and I have a lot more experience getting my way than you do. Besides, all I have to do is inform Esme or Carlisle, and they'll make sure you learn your lesson."

She stuck out her tongue, putting her hands on her hips, and huffed, "Tattletale!"

I smirked. "Takes one to know one."

Her eyebrows shot up at my response. Usually only Emmett would indulge her in childish taunts like those. She laughed. "Okay, sis. What do you want to do now?"

I need her to open up to me. How can I do that, get her to see me as an equal, a sibling, instead of a mom? Oh, I know! "How about we play a little prank on Emmybear?" I suggested. "Oh, and you can call me Rose now."

Her whole face lit up in excitement and delight. "Thanks, Rose, that's an awesome idea!"

Yes, this should work. After we act like kids together, she should hopefully feel comfortable enough to confide in me. I have no idea how to parent a teenager - that's Esme's specialty after all these years, but I do know how to be a good big sister. I decided, watching her start making a list of ideas for our new devious plan to catch my poor husband completely off guard. This'll be fun. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he figures out I was in on it!

xxxxxx

AN: There you go - a little fluff and a few relationship adjustments that needed to be made before Charlie arrived on the scene. Hope you enjoyed it.