AUTHOR'S NOTES: If you haven't seen episode 6.17, you may be a bit confused by the appearance of Ellen Harvelle in this chapter. If you have seen the episode, it'll make more sense.

This chapter is one of the most emotionally charged ever and I tried to do my best with it.

Chapter 4

On the Head of a Pin

Fiona blinked in confusion when she woke up in the hospital. Sam was there, but Dean was missing.

"Hey," Sam said, quietly. "How are you feeling?"

"Like someone's been inside me redecorating," Fiona groaned as Sam adjusted the bed so she was sitting up a bit more. "Where's Dean?" When Sam looked away and didn't answer, she grabbed his arm tightly. "Sam, where's Dean?"

Sam turned to Fi, his expression dark. "The angels took him," he admitted, still not liking the whole situation. "They have Alastair captured and they want Dean to torture him for information." Fiona didn't say anything for a few moments and then she started sitting up more. "Whoa, whoa!" Sam said, quickly, stopping Fiona. "Where the hell are you going?"

"To find Dean and then kick some angel ass," Fiona groaned as she started to get up.

"Fi, you just woke up from major surgery, okay?" Sam argued, keeping a firm yet gentle hold on Fiona. "I'll find Dean."

"You're not going after him alone," Fi insisted. But she felt tired and even though she wanted to back Sam up, she knew she was in no shape for a hunt.

"I won't go it alone," Sam promised as he helped Fiona back into bed. "I swear." After a few minutes of watching his girlfriend until she finally fell asleep again, Sam slipped out into the hallway and pulled out his cell phone.

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Hearing the main house phone ring, Bobby picked up and answered, gruffly, "Yeah?"

"Bobby, it's Sam."

Bobby sighed and asked, "Sam, what in the world happened with Pamela? I called the hospital to check on her and they said she checked out A.M.A. this morning, leaving a message for me saying 'screw you'!"

"It's a long story, Bobby," Sam replied, sounding tired.

"'A long story'?" Bobby repeated, grabbing his coffee cup from the counter and filling it up. "Well, then you better start talking."

"I'll tell you when you get here," Sam assured him. "Fiona's awake, but I don't want to leave her alone right now and I need to go save Dean."

Bobby sighed and after a moment said, "Okay, I'll be there in a couple hours." Hanging up the phone, he looked up as he heard footsteps and saw Ellen Harvelle coming in from the library.

"That the boys?" Ellen asked, looking at the phone in Bobby's hand. Catching the slightly puzzled look on Bobby Singer's face, she smiled. "Lucky guess," she replied to the unasked question. "Where are they?"

"Cheyenne, Wyoming," Bobby replied. "That angel, Castiel, tricked Sam, Dean, and Fiona out there. They saved a seal but Fi and Pamela got hurt."

"That's why you said Pamela's not talking to you anymore?" Ellen figured. When Bobby nodded, she sighed and said, "Well, then let's get going."

"You're coming, too?" Bobby asked, a bit put off.

"Well, I could always stay and work on cleaning up this pig sty you call a house," Ellen countered with a smirk.

"I'll go get the car started," Bobby grumbled as he headed for the door. He must be out of his mind for dating Ellen Harvelle.

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After hanging up with Bobby, Sam made one more call before heading to the motel near the hospital. By the time he got back to the room, Ruby was waiting outside looking annoyed. "So is there a reason you called me in on this and not your girlfriend?"

"I need you to help me find where the angels took Dean," Sam replied, simply and he made a break in the salt line by the door to allow the demon entrance. After redoing the salt, he turned to look at Ruby who didn't look bothered at all by the whole thing.

"Not sure I see the problem," Ruby said, setting her bag down on the table. "You know they've got Alastair strung up six ways from Sunday. Dean cuts himself a slice, Al's reduced to a quivering heap, and the good guys get the goods. What's wrong with that?"

On the surface, Sam knew Ruby had a point. But in reality, he knew things were much more complicated than that. "He can't do it," Sam admitted, quietly.

"Look, I get it," Ruby said with a roll of her eyes. "You don't want Dean going all torture master again."

"No," Sam clarified. "I mean, he can't do it. He can't get the job done." Walking around the room, he went on. "Something happened to him downstairs, Ruby. He's not what he used to be. He's not strong enough."

After all the times Ruby had heard Sam talk about how strong Dean Winchester was, a very small part of her—the tiny sliver of her being that still felt human emotions—was saddened just a little bit. "And you are strong enough?" she asked, giving Sam a look. Sam had been on a 'demon blood lite' diet, but now she sensed that he was needing it more and more. And to her, that was good.

"I will be," Sam assured her. He knew what he needed to do, but he hated the prospect and silently begged Fiona for forgiveness.

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In an abandoned meat packing facility, Dean tried to drown out Alastair's voice as the demon started taunting him—reminding Dean how he'd broken in thirty years while his father had held out for nearly a hundred years.

But Dean knew all about Alastair's penchant for psychological torment as well as physical torture and searched his mind for something to focus on. It was the way he'd lasted as long as he'd had down in the Pit. Dean had forced himself to think about Sam, think about Fiona… anything but the torture.

But now it was different.

Because now Dean knew that there would be no one swooping in to save him. He was alone in this.

"Just not the man your Daddy wanted you to be, huh, Dean?" Alastair sneered. "Makes me wonder… Maybe if it had been that girl of yours, huh? I wonder how long she would have held out for."

Realizing that he meant Fiona, Dean stiffened. "Yeah, well, keep wondering. Because you will never get your hands on Fi." After pouring out some holy water into a cup, he turned to the demon that had tortured him for more than a quarter of a century and said, "You know what else? I could still dream, Alastair. Even in Hell. And over and over and over, you know what I dreamt? I dreamt of this moment." Turning back to the array of tools and weapons on the cart in front of him, Dean filled a hypodermic needle with holy water and out of the corner of his eye, he felt satisfied to see a nervous look on Alastair's face. "And believe me—I got a few ideas."

But the nervous look was replaced by a defiant one when Dean faced the demon. Walking up to Hell's greatest torturer, Dean had a twisted smile on his face as he held up the needle. "Let's get started."

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After Ruby's hocus pocus to find Dean's general location, Sam felt the absence of the demon blood weighing on him. There was an energy he was lacking and much as he hated the whole idea, he needed the strength the blood gave him. It was the only way to save Dean and for his brother, Sam would do anything—just as Dean would do anything to save Sam. "Ruby… It's been weeks. I need it," Sam said, feeling ashamed of his weakness.

"You don't seem too happy about it," Ruby said, wishing her hold on Sam was stronger. "Besides… I thought you didn't want to do that anymore. Something about your little girlfriend having a hissy fit about it the last time."

"You think I want to do this?" Sam asked, going to sit on his bed. "This is the last thing I want." Not to mention the fact that he'd promised Fiona that he'd stopped for good. "But I need to be strong enough. I need to be able to save Dean and Fi."

Walking over to Sam, Ruby withdrew a knife from the sheath in her boot and stood in front of Sam as she slowly drew the silver blade across her left forearm, smiling as Sam pressed his lips to the cut, drinking deeply of the rich, dark blood.

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"How're you doing, kid?" Ellen said as she entered Fiona's hospital room with Bobby.

"Who're you?" Fi asked, wincing heavily as she sat up in bed.

"Ellen Harvelle," Ellen replied with a smile as she held out a hand. When Fi shook it, she added, "Friend of Bobby's and John Winchester's."

"Nice to meet you," Fi replied, looking from Ellen to Bobby before rolling her eyes. "Let me guess—Sam called you."

"He's worried about you," Ellen said, pulling up a chair as Bobby leaned against the window sill.

"He needs to be worried about Dean," Fi said, breathing through a fresh wave of pain. "The angels have Dean torturing Alastair and I've got this really bad feeling."

"Bad feeling about what?" Bobby asked, frowning slightly.

Fi shook her head, not sure of how to describe it. "I don't know. But something doesn't feel right about all this. Why would demons murder angels?"

Sitting up in her chair a bit more, Ellen said, "No idea."

"So why did both of you come here? I'm fine," Fi said, wishing she could just get out of the hospital already.

Looking at Bobby, Ellen said, "Bobby, why don't you go over to the boys' motel and see if Sam knows anything?"

Bobby hesitated but seeing that Ellen wanted to talk to Fiona alone, he just nodded and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Once Bobby was gone, Ellen sighed as she leaned forward. "I know about your dad, Fiona. James came by the Roadhouse more than a few times. He was a good man. He and John worked well together."

Fi was quiet for a while and after a few minutes she felt the tears in her eyes. "I'm the oldest, okay?" She finally explained. "And once again, Dean and Sam end up saving my ass."

"Yeah, well," Ellen said with a smile. "The boys'll do that." Putting a hand on Fiona's arm, she added, "I say you just start getting used to it. Just 'case you're older doesn't mean you don't need help now and then." Leaning back again, she said, "'Sides, to Sam and Dean, you're family. They'd do anything for you, honey."

"How do you know that?" Fi asked, curious.

Ellen laughed and said, "I know quite a bit about the Winchesters. John and my husband, Bill, went of a couple hunts together, sometimes working with James, too." Her expression growing serious, she asked, "So… what's this bad feeling you have?"

Fi shook her head. "I just don't know. Something about this whole thing just doesn't sit right. And then there's Sam…"

"What about him?" Ellen asked, leaning forward again.

Fi thought for a moment before she replied, "Sam and Dean have been on edge with each other lately. For a while Sam was…" Trailing off, Fiona realized that Ellen might not want to know about the whole demon blood mess and she just said, "Things have been strained between them."

"Oh, honey," Ellen murmured, quietly as she stood, sitting down on the edge of Fiona's bed and pulling the younger woman into a hug. "I know how hard his must be for you."

Gently hugging Ellen, Fi felt the hole in her stomach grow again. She'd barely been older than Dean when her mother had died and just like Dean, she often longed to feel her mother hold her one more time.

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As he listened to the sounds of Dean torturing Alastair, Castiel felt himself being drawn further and further into doubt. He knew Heaven's orders, knew what had to be done, but he did not like having to bring Dean Winchester into this. The young man had been broken enough in Hell, and now he had to do something that would destroy what little of his soul remained intact.

"Hello, Castiel."

Castiel would recognize the voice anywhere and without turning, he said, "Anna."

The formerly fallen angel walked up to her old friend, giving Castiel a look. "Why are you doing this, Cas? You know this isn't right. Since when is torture God's will?"

Turning to face Anna, Cas sighed, deeply. "Then what are we supposed to do? Let Lilith slaughter our brothers and sisters?"

"What makes you so certain that it's Lilith?" Anna asked, stepping closer to Castiel. "That the orders come from Heaven?" Looking into the other angel's blue eyes, she asked, "What do your instincts tell you, Castiel?"

"My instincts?" Castiel repeated, not certain that he understood. But as he thought about it, he realized that Anna meant the twisting in his stomach.

Anna could see the conflict in Castiel's eyes and she gave him a sad smile. "What you're feeling? It's called 'doubt'. It gets worse, Cas. And it's confusing when you first choose your own course of action." Putting a hand over Castiel's heart, she added, "But you know what's wrong and what's right." She looked at the door behind which Anna could hear Alastair's pained screams. "This is wrong, Castiel. And you know it. Stop this. Before you ruin the only real weapon you have."

Castiel didn't reply for the longest time. "I don't know what to do," he admitted, not liking the feeling. "Anna, please tell me what to do," he implored, not knowing how to do anything except follow orders.

"Like the old days?" Anna asked with a small smile. "No. I'm sorry. It's time to think for yourself, Castiel."

Before Castiel could try again, Anna had gone and he was once again alone. But he didn't have much time to dwell on his thoughts and his doubts as he heard a crash coming from the room where Dean was torturing Alastair. Looking through the window of the door, Castiel felt a surge of panic when he saw that Alastair was no longer bound. Opening the door, he found Dean lying bloody and unconscious on the floor. Grabbing the knife lying on the floor, Castiel tried stabbing Alastair but the demon seemed remarkably unfazed.

"Oh, almost," Alastair, commented, looking at the handle of the knife. Turning his gaze to the angel, he sneered, "Looks like God is on my side today."

But Castiel wasn't about to admit defeat and holding out a hand, used his own abilities to slowly twist the knife. But Alastair pulled the knife out of his shoulder, dropping it to the ground before running at Castiel and pummeling him.

Sam burst into the meat packing plant and hearing the sounds of a fight, he ran towards an open room, eyes wide as he saw his brother on the floor and Castiel pinned to the wall by Alastair. Sam raised one hand, sending the demon slamming into a wall with a single gesture and slowly walked towards him. "Leave my brother alone," Sam ordered, his expression cold.

Getting up off the floor, Castiel stared in disbelief at Sam. The power coming off of the younger Winchester was stronger than anything Castiel had ever felt before from angel or demon. As Sam took over the interrogation, Castiel felt an uncomfortable surge of fear. Alastair was one of the most powerful demons even known and as Sam killed him, the angel looked from brother to brother before quickly winging out of the room, afraid that the younger Winchester's wrath would quickly find a new target.

Running to his brother, Sam felt a fresh surge of anger that Castiel had flown the coop before healing Dean. But pushing that aside, Sam bent down and picked his brother up, hurrying outside to the Impala and getting his brother into the passenger seat before driving back to the hospital.

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"Sam!" Bianca Sheldon exclaimed as the young man came in carrying his brother. "Good God, what happened?"

"Someone attacked him," Sam replied, vaguely as a couple nurses helped get Dean onto a gurney.

Bianca quickly took Dean into the emergency room, noting the extensive injuries and hoping that they weren't going to lose him, especially considering that Dean wasn't breathing.

Watching through the windows as the nurses and doctors worked on saving his brother, Sam prayed that he wasn't going to lose Dean again.

x

When Dean came out of emergency, Dr. Sheldon went over to Sam, looking grave. She hated giving him more bad news, especially considering that his girlfriend was still healing from her internal injuries.

"How's Dean?" Sam asked, hoping that the injuries just looked worse than they really were.

"He's on his way to surgery," Bianca explained. "Dean was beaten up pretty badly. He's got four broken ribs, internal bleeding, and severe head trauma." She hated saying the next part, but she knew that this was no time for candy-coating the situation. "Your brother's in a coma. We won't know what his chances are until we get the results of the CT scans."

Running a hand through his hair, Sam could feel the rage and ager building up in him and before he could stop himself, he turned and threw a punch at the wall, wincing as his fist collided with the concrete.

"Sam!" Bianca exclaimed, approaching him cautiously, knowing that angry family members should be approached carefully. Trying to see Sam's hand, she asked, "Are you alright?"

Sam didn't respond right away. He could feel the power from the demon blood still pumping through him and he was afraid of what might show up if the doctors ran blood tests on him. But when the doctor gently took his hand, examining the open injuries and feeling for any breaks, he felt himself slowly coming down from the immediate high from the demon blood.

"Okay," Bianca said, with a knowing smile. "I can tell you're one of those guys, so how about this? Humor me and get some x-rays of that hand and then go see your girlfriend, Fiona. I'll come get you as soon as I know anything about your brother."

Considering that his hand was starting to throb pretty badly, Sam just nodded and headed towards the radiology wing, his mind still racing with his worst fear about what might happen to Dean.

x

Half an hour later, Sam was sitting in one of the exam rooms on the first floor, holding an ice pack to his right hand. When he saw Bianca out in the hallway, he realized that it circumstances were different and he was more like Dean, he'd have been flirting with the pretty, brunette ER doctor from the moment he first saw her.

But Sam wasn't Dean. He'd never be Dean. Dean would never have taken to drinking demon blood or working with a demon on a regular basis.

"Well, I'll say this," Bianca said as she entered the room, holding Sam's x-rays. "For a guy stupid enough to punch a brick wall, you at least know what you're doing."

"I take that to mean I didn't break anything?" Sam replied with a wry smile.

"No, you didn't," Bianca replied, pulling the x-ray out and snapping it into the light screen on the wall. "Your hand's going to be pretty badly bruised for a while, but nothing serious."

"Thanks," Sam replied, dully. "Any news on Dean?"

The doctor looked a bit regretful as she reported, "He's in surgery. As soon as I know something, I'll come find you, okay?"

"Thanks," Sam muttered heading back upstairs to Fiona's room, surprised when he saw both Bobby and Ellen.

"How're you doing, sweetie?" Ellen asked, giving Sam a smile.

"Been better," Sam said with a weary sigh.

"Well, where's Dean?" Bobby asked, not liking that fact that Sam was alone. Seeing the look on the younger Winchester's face, he knew it was bad.

"Sam, what happened?" Fiona asked, panic in her voice.

"Alastair," Sam replied, simply. "The angels had him in a Devil's Trap but something happened. Alastair broke free and went after Dean. He's in surgery, but it's bad."

"Get me out of here, Sam," Fiona barked in her best Marine voice as she slowly started to get out of bed.

"Whoa, hey!" Ellen said, quickly as she and Sam went to Fiona's side. "Fiona Brendon, you are not going anywhere, young lady." When Fi shot her a glare, Ellen didn't even flinch. "Don't you even try it, kid. I've tousled with hunters twice your size."

But Sam could see that Fiona wasn't going to let anyone stop her and in an effort to keep his girlfriend from ripping out her stitches, he said, "Fi, Dean's in surgery, okay? It'll probably be at least half a day before you can see him."

Fi didn't move and didn't say anything for a while, but eventually she let Ellen and Sam get her back into bed. Before Sam could move away, she grabbed his arm and fixed him with a look. "Soon as Dean's out of surgery, we go see him together," she said, her tone making it clear it wasn't an issue for debate.

Trapped inside his mind, Dean found himself in a familiar place—the Harvelle Roadhouse.

Sitting at the bar, a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue and a glass in front of him, he poured himself a drink, letting the scotch try and sooth the pain he felt. The physical pain was gone but the wounds to his soul burned and throbbed.

He had broken the first seal.

He had started the apocalypse.

How was he supposed to live with that?

There was no way he could stop it. The very idea of killing Lilith was ridiculous.

"It's not hopeless, Dean."

Dean looked up, surprised to see Anna sitting beside him. "I'm not in the mood," he muttered, not wanting to hear some crap about Heaven or God.

"Dean, I'm sorry," Anna said, honestly. When Dean finally turned to her, she added, "I wish one of us had brought Sam back. I wish we could have saved you from all of this."

Dean just poured himself another drink and downed it. "Yeah, well, you can't change the past."

Putting a hand on Dean's arm, Anna tried again. "What happens to Sam if you give up? To Fiona or your friend, Bobby? They need you, Dean. You don't have to always go it alone."

"I'm not strong enough, Anna," Dean whispered, his voice cracking as the tears started up.

"You don't have to be," Anna insisted. "Fiona… Sam. The world isn't only on your shoulders."

But Dean couldn't be comforted. "I broke the first seal. I started everything."

Anna gave Dean's arm a gentle squeeze and she gave Dean a warm smile. "And you'll be the one to stop it." When Dean's eyes finally met hers, she said, "I have faith in you, Dean. Don't give up now." Leaning forward, she met Dean's lips in a tender kiss and as she pulled away, she promised, "I'll be watching over you, Dean."

With that, Anna disappeared, leaving Dean alone again.

True to her word, Bianca Sheldon came to Fiona's room as soon as Dean came out of surgery. "The good news is that Dean's in recovery right now," she reported, candidly. "We almost lost him, but Dean's a fighter."

"What's the bad news?" Bobby asked, sensing another show about to drop.

Bianca hated giving this kind of news to patients' families, but she knew that the truth was preferable to empty reassurances. "Dean's still in a coma. We're keeping a close watch on him, but… But it's not good. He's on a ventilator right now and we're giving him transfusions to help with the blood loss."

Ellen looked stricken and she knew that as terrible as she felt, Sam and Fiona probably felt even worse. "But Dean's gonna make it, right?"

Bianca swallowed, wishing she could give them better news. "We won't know anything until Dean wakes up. If he wakes up."

"Can we see him?" Fiona asked, starting to sit up, ignoring the pain in her abdomen. Seeing the doctor start to protest, Fiona straightened up, even though it made the bruises on her back flare with pain. "I'll go in a wheelchair or lying on a gurney, but I have to see him." Looking at Sam, she amended, "We have to see him."

Bianca offered no argument. She could tell that it would be pointless and after simply nodding in agreement, she went to flag down one of the nurses to take Sam and Fiona to Recovery.

When the two had left the room, Ellen let out a soft laugh as she sat down on Fiona's bed.

"What's so funny?" Bobby asked, not sure he saw any humor in this whole mess.

"Fiona and Sam," Ellen replied, with a shrug. "They kinda remind me of when Bill and I first met."

Bobby just nodded, not sure of what to say to that.

xxx

In another hospital room in the ICU, Fiona couldn't help the tears that came to her eyes as she saw Dean lying unconscious, hooked up to a ventilator, leads monitoring his brain activity. "This is all my fault," she whispered, taking Dean's hand. "I should have been with you guys from the start. I put my needs first, and… I lost Mom, I lost Dad… Dean, I can't lose you, too."

Sitting down on Dean's other side, Sam couldn't think of anything to say. Dean shouldn't be in this mess. This was all Castiel's fault! Catching movement in the doorway, Sam looked up to see the trenchcoat-clad angel standing there. Getting up while muttering some excuse to Fi, Sam headed out of his brother's room and just down the hall, his temper rising as he pointed to Dean's room and snapped, "Get in there and heal him. Miracle—now!"

"I can't," Castiel said, flatly.

"You and Uriel put him in there!" Sam shouted, ready to tear the angel limb from limb. "Because you can't keep a simple Devil's Trap together!"

"I don't know what happened," Castiel snapped back, angrily. "That Trap…" Taking a moment to collect himself. "It shouldn't have broken. I am sorry."

"This whole thing was pointless!" Sam insisted. He couldn't believe that the angel wasn't taking responsibility for what he'd done. "Do you understand that? The demons aren't doing the hits. Something else is killing the angels."

As Castiel contemplated that, he felt a flicker of fear as he realized what that meant. "Perhaps Alastair was lying," he said, hopefully.

"No," Sam said, quietly. "He wasn't." Without another word, he turned and headed back into Dean's room.

It was nearly three weeks before Dean started showing signs of regaining consciousness. Sam and Fiona had almost permanently camped out in his room, although Ellen and Bobby spelled them in shifts periodically.

After two weeks, Dean had thankfully been able to breathe on his own, but he still hadn't woken up.

The doctors and neurologists had been cautiously optimistic at first, but as the days went on, they grew less and less hopeful that Dean would wake up.

As Bobby sat with Dean one night while Fiona, Sam, and Ellen went to get some sleep, the grizzled older hunter said, "Never told you why I threatened to shoot John if he came by again. Every time I saw the way he was training you boys… You should have had a real childhood. You and Sam." Sighing, Bobby leaned back in his chair. "John and I got into it—I mean, I really worked him over. When it was over, I grabbed the shotgun, told John if I ever saw his ass again I'd fill him with buckshot."

After a moment of watching Dean, Bobby went on. "This shouldn't be your life, boy. You should have a wife, kids… a real home. And Sam and Fiona should be working on a family." He leaned forward and, ignoring the tears in his eyes, took Dean's hand. "You and Sam are the closest thing to family I have. So you need to wake up, Dean. Besides…" Bobby manages a sad smile as he said, "Don't you want to give me hell for dating Ellen?"

The monitors started beeping a little faster and Bobby looked up sharply when he heard Dean give the slightest of moans. "Dean? You in there, boy?"

It felt like an eternity, but slowly Dean's eyes slowly opened a crack. "Dad?"

The word was spoken so softly that Bobby almost missed it. "Dean?" he said, seeing Dean open his eyes just a little more. "Thank God." When Dean didn't say anything else, Bobby got up and went to go get one of the doctors, casting one last glance over his shoulder before he left the room.

In the moment that Bobby left, Castiel appeared and took the still-warm chair. "Are you alright?" Castiel asked, quietly.

Waking up a bit more, Dean slowly turned his head towards the angel before looking away again. "No thanks to you," he said, hoarsely, his throat still feeling sore from Alastair choking him.

"You need to be more careful," Castiel cautioned, hoping to that he and Dean would have at least a few minutes before Bobby returned.

"You need to learn how to manage a damn Devil's Trap," Dean replied, wishing he had the strength to give the angel the finger.

"That's not what I mean," the angel said, quietly. "Uriel is dead."

"Was it the demons?" Dean asked, looking at Castiel.

"It was disobedience," Castiel corrected. Looking at Dean, he added, "He was working against us."

Remembering what Alastair had said before whomping his ass, Dean asked, "Is it true? Did I break the first seal? Did I start all of this?"

Castiel wished, more than anything, that he could deny it, but he knew Dean would see through the lie, even in his weakened state. "Yes. When we discovered Lilith's plans for you, we laid siege to Hell. We fought our way to get to you before you—"

"—jumpstarted the apocalypse," Dean finished.

"But we were too late," Castiel finished.

"Why didn't you leave me there, then?" Dean asked, weakly. The memories and realization of what he'd done were crashing down on his and he wished that he'd never woken up… that he had died…

"It's not blame that falls on you, Dean," the angel went on. "It's fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it." Facing Dean, he pressed, "You have to stop it."

Dean's voice trembled as he said, "Lucifer? The Apocalypse…? What does that mean?" When Castiel looked away again, Dean raised his voice as best he could. "Hey! Don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. What does that mean?"

"I don't know," Castiel confessed.

"Bull!" Dean shouted.

"I don't," Castiel insisted, wishing he had better answers. Looking at Dean, he admitted, "Dean, they don't tell me much. I do know our fate rests with you."

The weight of that only served to make Dean feel worse. "Well, then you guys are screwed," he said, feeling himself start to cry. "I can't do it, Cas. It's too big. Alastair was right: I'm not all here. I'm not st… I'm not strong enough." The tears slid down his cheeks and thinking on everything, he added, "I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else… It's not me."

'If not you, Dean Winchester,' Castiel asked himself. 'Then who will be the one to save us?'

A/N: Next chapter will cover 'It's a Terrible Life' and you'll never guess who Dean's married to! (Although if you want to guess, feel free.)