Still sadly I own nothing, but if I did... Angsty Smut Ahead

Olivia, pushed Alex back on the bed, she leaned down kissing her as she ran her hands over Alex's body. Alex moaned at the contact and looking for signs that Olivia didn't want this she found none. Olivia was playing the part really well, she was forcing herself to do this, to want and need this. Sadly this is the last thing she wanted, but felt the need to prove to Alex and to her self she did. It had only been a day ago that they let the suspect in her rape go. He was out there walking around free to do this again to someone else, or worse yet her. She never really thought he would come back, but there's always just a hint in the back of her mind that says he could. She didn't even know what he looked like, or hardly any details, she had only remembered a small tiny bit.

"Oh damn, baby that was amazing." Alex said as she rolled over on top of her girlfriend kissing her passionately. Alex was carefully watching for signs that this was to much, and to soon, but Olivia was giving none, she pulled Alex down on top of her kissing and moaning into her. Olivia didn't want this but was determined to let Alex make her fly. She would fly off that edge as her orgasm over took her, and know it was Alex delivering such pleasures not her rapist touching her. She knew this was another form of self harm, but couldn't stop it. She at least wasn't breaking bones or stuff, but this was a lot more dangerous.

Alex reached into the drawer next to her side of the bed and got out their favorite toy and some lube. Olivia smiled closing her eyes as Alex played with breast before pulling back to put some lube on the toy and turning it on. Olvia made all the right sounds and moans until she felt the toy at her opening slowly pushing in, but no matter how slow and gentle Alex was it still caused a vivid flashback.

Olivia griped the head board, fear and pain etched all over her face, she was seeing him. She felt his hands on her and the wooden table leg being forced into her, screaming out in pain begging him to stop. "NO.. PLEASE STOP.. DON'T.. YOUR HURTING ME!" She now remembered it all her arms were moving and hit Alex hard knocking her back so she almost fell off the bed. Alex quickly recovered turning it off and tossing it away from them, she pulled Olivia into her trying to calm her down and get her to see she was safe and not back there. "Olivia, Olivia.. it's ok, I won't hurt you, I love you, it's me Alex." Olivia's arms flailed pushing Alex away as she jumped up and ran into the living room.

"Damn it." Alex cursed herself, how could she not see this coming, Olivia had done such a good job of hiding her fears and making it seam she wanted it, she had been fooled and was to busy trying to maker Olivia happy and satisfied to see even the start of her girlfriends tears. She ran out after Olivia finding her holding her knees to her chest, rocking back and forth in the corner of the room looking so small and frail. Olivia could feel the pain in her head as if she had just been hit, she saw through glassy eyes him over her with the wood. He had shown it to her first and then shoved it hard into her. She heard something strange, someone calling her name, no he didn't know it, but there it was again, "Olivia, Olivia.. your ok, it's safe, your safe." She slowly looked up being pulled back into the present as she realized the voice was that of her love's. Alex she thought, but Alex wasn't there that must mean she's not either. slowly she leaned over seeing her Lex next to her, placing her head on her shoulder seeking anything she can from her. "Liv, baby I love you, I'm sorry." Alex wrapped her arms around her feeling the tears she knew had been held back for far to long, these were not normal tears, these were one's of a deep pain, one's that came with finally knowing all of what happened to you.

Olivia cried for the next thirty minutes till she had no tears left, "I... I.. I'm sorry. I love... love you." Alex eventually helped her up and they moved to the couch as they sat down carefully. Alex waited till Olivia was ready to talk, and let her go at her own pace not pushing for details as to what happened, or what she was feeling, when Olivia was calm enough she would speak up.

"I wanted so badly to show you I was ok, you could touch me and I would be ok."

"Baby, I've said before and will keep saying it, we never have to do anything, I love you with out the physical stuff."

"I know, but it's for me too, I wanted to feel it too, but then..."

Alex sighed internally, as she held Liv close. "Then..." Olivia really wanted to tell her, she was trying but couldn't get the words out. they sat silently for another long period of time, ten minutes later she finally got some of it out. "I know... I umm, I finally.." she was trying so hard, and Alex refused to push and just kept her arms around her.

"I didn't just flashback, I saw it all." she said as fast as she could in one large breath. "I remember what happened, I still can't see his face, but I know what happened, what he.. he.. did." She explained over the next hour remembering the whole thing, and gave details that no one knew before then, even she hadn't known because of being knocked out.

"It's ok baby, your safe now, he can't hurt you." Alex's eye was beginning to hurt and felt heave and swollen.

Olivia looked up into Alex's eyes and finally saw the bruise, "Oh Lex, did I do that?" She asked as she reached up to gently feel the eye, She had been in such a state she hadn't realized she hit Alex at all. Shaking her head, "it's fine it hardly even hurts, what do you say we get you into a bath so you can clean up, and I'll get myself some ice for this." It was more of a statement than a question as she pulled Liv up and walked her into the bathroom.

Alex was watching TV with ice in a towel on her eye to keep the swelling down when Olivia came out in pajama bottoms and a tank top, sitting down next to her girlfriend kissing her softly, "oh baby, I am so sorry, is it feeling any better?" Lex laughed slightly, "Liv, you have some hell of a punch, but really it's ok, I love you." Olivia gave a sheepish grin getting up, and getting them each a drink before returning to her side, and leaning into Alex all curled up.

Please as Always R/R, I'd like 5 reviews at least before I update thanks.