Chapter 12 of the story... some surprises in it... tell me if you like it;)

Desires

"I…" I didn't know how to start. How should I start? What should I say? I'm sorry? I'm so sorry? And how could I apologize for something I didn't knew about? I tried again. "Jake… I…."

"Shhhh, don't say anything" he looked me deep in the eyes. His hands hold mine and his breath was even. "you don't have to say or explain anything. I bet you don't even know what you're apologizing for, right?"

I didn't answer, just looked at him. Looked at the person that I my absence had cause so much pain. Someone who didn't deserve it.

"But… you didn't deserve it" I began " you didn't deserve what we did, Jake."

"Nessie, you don't have to feel guilty"

"But I do. And I am. I'm as guilty as everyone. I'm as guilty as my dad, mom, grandparents… I could've done more"

"Yeah but you didn't knew…"

"I had a hint…"

It slipped out. I wasn't planning on saying that. But in the moment I said it did I realize it was true. I had know what was going to happen. How my mind reacted to the separation, how I couldn't sleep, the nightmares. Of course I knew we weren't coming back. I had just realized. My body had prepared itself for something painful.

Jake looked at me with big eyes, waiting for me to explain.

I told him everything I just said once again. His hand squeezed mine more for every word I said.

"You suffered too" he said after I had explained.

"Not as long as you have" and it was true, I hadn't suffered at all. "I don't remember the suffering… well… except these last days. But it wasn't suffering. It was joy and desire. Desire to see you again, my Jacob." I looked at him. He was suffering thinking of me suffering. He must be the most good-hearted person I know.

"Well, I know that it's not your fault. It's…" Jacob stopped but I knew who he would say.

Edward's

"Do you know why…?"

No, he don't want to tell me. And I don't think he ever will.

We both sighed.

"But, I'm glad he didn't. if he had then maybe you wouldn't be here with me" he had come closer to me.

My heart started to beat faster and uneven. I took a deep breath.

"What is it?" he asked. He had seen the change.

"I don't know. It's you… you make me… nervous" I said feeling a blush creep up. I looked away. I didn't want him to see me blush. As embarrassing as I was.

"I make you nervous" he chuckled "Don't you know what you do to me?"

I turned my head to him again. What did he mean 'what you do to me'? did he also became nervous and…

"You don't know that?" he said looking at me with surprise in his eyes and voice.

"Something I should know?" I asked.

He looked away.

I can't tell her!

I let my hand go of him like if just putt my hand on a iron. I flew back.

"What can't you tell me, Jake?" I looked at him and couldn't imagine how I looked.

"How did you…? Are you also a mind…?"

"No… I just… hear things people are hiding from me or secrets no one want to reveal. I'm like a lie detector."

"But… you weren't like that" Jake seemed as freaked out as my dad had looked when he found out.

"No. We just founded out."

He looked wondering at me.

"So tell me, what can't you tell me?"

He looked away.

"Jacob, I can find out just by touching you. But I don't want to do that because I want you to tell me. I want you to trust me"

He was looking at the floor, his hands together like if he was praying. I took both of them in mine but he didn't move his eyes from the floor.

"It's something that has to do with you… and me… and my feelings" he started.

"It all happened the first day I meet you"

Yesterday?

" No. the very first time I met you. When you where newborn."

I gasped quietly.

You where there?

"Yes." Pause. "Do you believe in love at first sight?" he turned to me. His eyes looking for some kind of reaction from me.

I thought over what he just said. Analyzed word by word. Looked for the meaning in them. When I got it, I was paralyzed.

What? was the only thing I could say. The only word I remembered.

"When you were born… I wanted to kill you."

He looked away, his face and eyes filled with guilt and remorse. "I wanted to kill you, because I was in love with Bella"

You… in love… with mom?

He nodded.

" I was there during her pregnancy and I could see the damage that it was causing her. And when you were born… she almost died. If Edward hadn't poisoned her…"

She would be dead I said finishing his sentence. I thought of mom. Laying on a bed, bleeding. I saw myself, taking her life.

I felt Jake react under my hands.

"No, Nessie… it wasn't you… your mom really wanted to have you, she even drank human blood for you. She knew what was going to happen" he stopped and slightly caressed my hand. "But I didn't understand that. I was furious about that she wanted a baby instead of her own life. I couldn't understand. So I went out while she gave birth to you, and my hate grew. I didn't see you until I was over and Bella was changed, but I didn't see that either. And I… I went to look for you. To kill you. But when I saw you…"

He looked at me. And I nodded to tell him that I understood. I understood what had happened to him. Why he hated me in that particular moment. What happened when he saw me.

"Since that day… I was never far away from you. I practically lived there. Until…"

We left I said

"Yeah"

He sat quiet some minutes. I needed to take everything in.

So, love at first sight?

"Yeah, it's a… wolf thing… it's called imprinting" he said looking at me

Does that… happen to everyone?

"Yeah, kind of. Sam and Emily. Paul and… my sister" he shook his head.

What about that?

"Paul is a real pain in the as. I feel sorry for Rache."

What, she can't choose if she want's to be with him?

"Yeah, but Paul can't live without her. We can't live without our imprints. It's like suicide"

Oh my God! I gasped in my thoughts. And out loud to. Jake, why didn't you say anything?

"Because I thought you knew"

No I didn't… did anyone else know?

"Yes. Everyone"

He didn't have to specify who 'everyone' was. I felt furious.

"Hey, Ness it's ok"

No it's not okay, Jake. How could he? Doesn't he have a heart. He knew! He freaking knew!

"Hey, calm down! Okay, I don't want you to go home now and freak out. Calm down."

I took a deep breath and counted to ten. I repeated that for like ten times.

"That's my girl" he said when he saw that I had calm down. He putted his hand on my cheek.

The touch burned on my cheek. Electricity came over me and I instantly felt the desire to do something I never had thought of. I fought against it as much as possible. Jake saw my struggle.

"What is it?"

I took a deep breath before answering him.

"This imprint thing… is it contagious?" it was a childish question but that would be the only reasonable answer to what I was feeling.

Jake laughed slightly "What?"

I nodded.

"Eh… I don't know. Why?"

I took another deep breath. I had to tell him.

"Because… right now… I'm fighting against the desire to kiss you" There. I said it. "And I honestly don't know if want to fight back."

Jake looked at me, his hand still on my cheek. He looked into my eyes, I looked into his. His eyes, the most beautiful thing I ever seen. They where looking at me with confusion. I saw that he had a fight of his own.

I was filled with a feeling that took over the control of my body. It made my hand find his arm, it told my body to get closer to him. And it did. I stopped before I could do anything else. And the feeling took over my words.

"I've never said this before. I've never felt it before. But… I love you, Jacob. I love you. I've never thought of anyone. I've never wanted to kiss anyone. But right now… I really want to kiss you" I closed my mouth, afraid of saying anything else.

"Ness…" he looked for something that could stop him. A movement that could prevent him from getting closer. But he didn't find it. And he would never find it. My body and brain had erased any type barrier.

I felt his hand sliding down my cheek to the back of my neck, leaving burning traces after it. I felt his breathings becoming deeper and heavier, just like mine. I felt my body react to his touch and I moved closer. Our legs met. The hand I had have in his took his hand and brought it to my thigh. Leaving another burning trace. I bended forward and so did he. My free hand founded his face and led it to my face while the hand on my neck pulled me towards his face.

Our lips met in a slight touch. I took a breath and felt his smell. His beautiful and own smell. His head moved back some millimeters, but I didn't want it to. I let go of his hand that was on my thigh and putted it on his face. Together with the hand that already was there did I pull he towards me. My lips found his and they reacted to my intense touch. He reacted to my kiss by pulling my neck towards him. He slightly opened his mouth. I took a deep breath so that I wouldn't faint, which I felt I would do at any minute.

Help me I told him.

His mouth started to move in soft movements and my lips followed. The movements became more intense for every second. Something I was totally okay with. The hand that was on my neck slide down my back and the hand on my thigh grabbed it harder and pulled it up while caressing it in soft touches. The fire that his touch left was over my entire body. Overwhelming me. My hands went down his face to his chest. They grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer while he pushed my back and brought my thigh closer to him. I was half sitting on his lap, our lips still moving. I pulled his shirt once again and heard how some seems where ripped.

Sorry I said while my lips kept moving with his.

It's okay he said in a slight gasp.

I freeze in the middle of a very complicated movement.

"I heard you" I said breathing heavy and pulled my head away from his.

"Heard what?" he said looking up.

"I heard when you said 'it's okay'."

He looked at me then kissed me again

You heard my voice, princess? he said with a playful but serious voice. I moved my head back and nodded. I was touching him so I could talk to him without speaking.

Yes. It seems like I can hear you talk like when you hear me… when you kiss me.

"only when you kiss me?" he said out loud.

I don't know.

He moved his head to mine so our foreheads met. We both where breathing heavy.

I loved you I heard his voice in my head.

"Did you hear that?" he asked looking at me.

Loud and clearly I said smiling.

He smiled to and his lips found mine once again.

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