Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Stephenie Meyer created it all.
Bella POV
I was so angry that my hand hesitated to even knock on the door. When would I lose my fear? I was no longer Bella Swan…I didn't need to feel unsure or unworthy. I was a vampire, strong in my own right and able to make my own decisions. No one had the right to make decisions for me anymore…whether they believed them to be right or not.
As soon as I knew for sure that Edward had left, I began my journey into self determination. I didn't go to Aro or Marcus. I wasn't sure I was up to facing my unorganized feelings about Jane, and I couldn't get to Sulpicia without going through my father. So I attempted to convince myself that I was doing this because of the necessity for a friend. My conscious scorned me. You are doing this because you want to…and it is okay.
I knocked once hard. In a moment, Demetri's startled face looked at me from the doorway.
"Isabella?" he asked in concern and then drew my attention across the room as his gaze went to Felix.
Felix rose from the chair he'd been sitting in front of the game of chess that I'd obviously interrupted. "Isabella?" he repeated Demetri's question, but his version was laced with nuances of a myriad of emotions.
"May I come in? I would like to speak with you," I said to him.
He moved so fast that he was nothing but a blur, even to me. "Of course," he answered, reaching down to take my hand and squeeze it gently. As the door closed behind me, I realized that Demetri had left.
As Felix led me across the room, I took in the atmosphere of the small space that I assumed separated their individual 'bedrooms.' I had expected that it would be spartan in appearance. I was wrong. A myriad of items from books to small weapons sat upon shelves. Knickknacks of centuries of living were scattered across the surfaces, indicative of the intelligence and varied interests of both of the men who occupied this space.
I sat on the couch, and Felix took a seat at the other end. He avoided my gaze for a few moments as he tried to collect himself.
"You've been avoiding me…" I murmured in statement and question.
His eyes flew to mine but then glanced away in guilt. SO…I'd been right.
"Isabella, it's only been a couple of hours since you returned to the throne room. If you will recall, I wanted to accompany you there…" he left off, reminding me of my insistence that he not join me.
A small smile played across my lips as I accepted his admonishment. He'd been unhappy with my choice, but unlike so many others in my life…he'd let me make it, and he'd accepted my ability to do so.
"I've missed you," I admitted, knowing it was the truth.
He groaned and put his head down into his hands.
"Felix, I'm confused. And honestly, I didn't feel it was fair to come here knowing the level of confusion I am feeling, but something just as strong told me I wouldn't be playing fair if I didn't come and tell you."
"Isabella, you love him. I…"
"STOP!" I quickly said and put my hand out to touch his arm. Fire raced through me at the contact. A quick gasp escaped both of us.
He focused on where my hand was touching his body. Before I lost my nerve, I let go and placed my fingertips under his chin, forcing him to look at me.
"But I don't trust him. Perhaps, I shouldn't still be holding what happened against him; I've heard enough this evening to understand more than I ever thought... But Felix, I was left to deal with my life. To go on living it… I tried, but I wasn't very successful. Then, I was brought here, and there was you…"
He started to speak, but I begged, "Please, just listen. I need to say this." As I'd come to expect from him, he gave me exactly what I'd asked for. He settled back against the sofa, but I did note that he maintained distance between us. I grinned internally with my newfound power. Ah Felix…you shouldn't have let me see that, I thought.
I struggled to get this out, but in fairness to him, I knew I had to. "This body is far needier than I ever thought it would be. I guess I was somewhat prepared for the thirst, but no one warned me about the other things that would overwhelm me."
"I even considered kissing Jane…like really kissing her," I admitted and then bowed my head in embarrassment. "I don't know even what that is all about yet…." His silence made me curious, and I peeked up to see him staring at me wide-eyed. His eyes were black as sin. "Are you angry?" I said.
His chuckle was harsh, but his words stunned me. "I'm in love with you…of course it angers me to think that she might be allowed that privilege before me. I'm also a man, so I'm equally turned on by the image." He shook his head, as if attempting to dispel the thoughts going through them.
I would have floundered at his admission had I not seen the results of the liberties these vampires lived with. The mated pairs, for the most part, weren't free with their affections, but since my last talk with Felix about this subject, I hadn't remained so blind. I'd seen and heard everything. I had credited my reaction to Jane to knowing that one, I'd seen the scorching looks between Heidi and some of the other females, and two, Jane was attractive to me – another big shocker that I could admit that.
"Love?" I squeaked in panic, dragging my mind back to the most concerning thing he'd said, and he grimaced at the sound.
"What do you think this has been all about, Isabella? I wasn't looking for this. I was perfectly happy being carefree, but I won't deny my feelings for you. Watching you walk away from me today toward that throne room was one of the hardest moments of my life – mortal, at least what I can remember, and immortal. He has a claim on you that I will never have. He is first in your affections. I want to obliterate him," he said harshly. His hands were squeezed into fists on his thighs.
Love? No… What did I feel for Felix? Certainly, I still loved Edward, deeply and irrevocably. Was it because of the devastating result of his actions that I could view the man before me with something other than friendship, or was it a part of this fantastic vampiric brain that so much could be considered at the same time? Did I feel the same about Felix as I did Edward? No…not yet, but had Edward arrived much later…perhaps, it would have been different. I had to be bluntly honest with myself…What I felt for Felix was far more than friendship, and a part of me could see a future with him…without Edward.
My silence must have worried him because he stood and stalked over to the window, putting distance between us. Gazing out into the night, he said, "I understand. You don't have to explain. I do have to ask though that you give me time and space to work through this. I won't force the issue."
"What if I do?" I stated boldly, before I lost my nerve.
His eyes again found mine in shock. "I don't understand."
"Neither do I, but I'm not willing to give you up just because the self-appointed cavalry has charged in. On the other hand, I don't know what I have to give, as I told you in the past. I'm not right. I'm broken. I feel angry about being this way, and I hate myself for not understanding clearly what I want. I'm conflicted. And I feel like a horrible creature. I don't want to give you your freedom, but yet I have no idea what I have to give you." I stopped for a moment. Did I need to be as blunt as I had to Jacob? It was only fair. "Felix, I still love him; I won't lie. I just found out some things that changed my perspective toward him dramatically…in his favor. But, I can't just walk back into his arms. It's not that simple for me now."
"I get it. You love him, but you don't trust him. Easy to understand," he put it succinctly. He moved slowly toward me. "And how do you feel about me?"
"I trust you implicitly."
"And…" he stood in front of me forcing me to crane my head backwards to look into his face.
"I love you, but I'm not in love with you." I flinched, wondering if that was too brutal. I honestly didn't even know if I was capable of loving anymore. But, I knew that I felt for him as much as I had felt for Jacob.
He inclined his head slightly, "As in you love Demetri but you're not in love with him?"
He was a tricky bastard, getting me to admit to a level of feelings I didn't want to. "You know that isn't the case."
A slight smile played about his lips. "It would seem that I have the advantage then, and because of that, perhaps I'll allow young Edward to live. I have your trust where he doesn't, and although your feelings for him may be stronger, I still garner some degree of affection with you. I'll just have to do whatever it takes to make those feelings deeper."
He appeared more pleased than I almost felt comfortable with. Damn…Jacob, and now Felix…why was I always getting myself into these situations? A thought raced through my mind that I was truly unworthy of any of them. Go ahead and paint the scarlet letter on my chest and get it over with.
He sat back down on the couch. This time, however, he made sure that the expanse of his muscular thigh was against mine. Tricky...tricky…
"Isabella?"
"Yes?"
"Don't go to Jane again."
I started to hiss at him at the presumption that he could control which friend I spent time with, but then I realized the connotation of this words. Had I been human I would have been truly wearing scarlet – just not the letter. I must have gulped because the small smile that had been playing across his face broadened significantly.
"I told you all you had to do was give me permission."
"Huh?"
"Permission to wipe them from your memories, to take care of the demands of your body."
I moaned as everything within me flared. I must have said something…most likely 'please'…because I saw through my lust his eyes widen significantly just before he joined his lips to mine. The moan turned into a primal plea of need as I curled into him. I felt infinitesimal against his broad chest as I clenched my hands in his shirt and realized just how easy it would be for him to crush me once my newborn strength left. When his hand laced through my hair using the leverage to turn my head, I knew all was lost. He traced the outline of my lips with the tip of his tongue, again asking for permission. My body began vibrating against him as I opened my mouth, and our tongues met.
Edw…the nice Isabella attempted to shout. SHUT UP! The angry one replied, hissing over her.
I heard a noise climbing out of my chest…a sound close to purring but with liberal moaning thrown in. Felix wrapped his arm around my back and slowly lowered me to the couch. A snarl erupted when his hips wedged between my legs, his erection…holy crap there was no way that was going to work…hit my already wet and aching core. I lifted us both off the couch as I arched into him, providing the friction I needed.
"Isabella…shh…" he whispered against my lips, obviously attempting to get me to calm momentarily.
He used one elbow to take some of the pressure off my body and his hand to hold me slightly away from him, removing the pressure that had captured my attention so thoroughly.
"Little one. I'll take care of you," he promised, just before joining our lips again. It was a demanding kiss, challenging me to join him.
My hands clinched in his hair, attempting to devour him as passion ran through me. Perhaps this wasn't about love, but for now, it was exactly what I needed. He was obviously a skilled lover, softly running his hand down my arm, making sure that the contact wasn't solely between our lips. The dichotomy of touch scattered my senses thoroughly.
"Hmmm," he muttered across my skin, but I could feel the upward curve of his lips against me, pleased at my reaction. "So responsive…" he whispered. "You are going to kill me…" he murmured. Eyes black with passion, he panted above me. A soft smile curved his lips. When, I felt the brush of his body against me, I realized again just how large he was.
"What's wrong? I feel you tensing up," he looked down at me, sex oozing from every pore of his face and body. "Isabella…" he murmured then, his lips suddenly teasing me again. "Tell me…"
"ARGGH!" I panted out as the fire raced across my body at the sound of his gently demanding voice.
"NO…" he said stopping my wandering hands. "Talk to me first. Why did you tense?" he pursued his question, holding my body pinned beneath his.
"You're…"
"Yes?" he said softly. He nibbled at my neck. Wetness oozed from me.
"I'm a little daunted by your size," I admitted in a rush of words, wondering where I got the strength to be honest with him. "I'm not quite sure how it will work," I hissed out, arching into the wonder of his mouth.
He froze and then lifted his head from torturing me to look down into my eyes. His look was somewhere between horror, thrill, and confusion.
"Not sure…. Isabella, are you a virgin?" he barely breathed out.
Obviously, I didn't have to be a human for the look on my face to give me away.
He moaned, putting his forehead down on my chest. "That changes things…"
"NO..no…" I felt him withdrawing if not physically, emotionally, the words too horribly reminiscent of a time of pain.
My eyes must have been wild because he pulled my body tightly to his in response.
"Please don't…don't think I'm leaving. But that does change what can happen here…right now. I am probably not your best choice for your first. I am not…" he paused, obviously struggling with his own lust and embarrassment, "average sized."
"Again," I pleaded, but he rose to look at me again.
"Greedy, greedy," he smiled softly at me. "I would love nothing better than to spend the rest of the evening with you, but I have duty in less than fifteen minutes. That is why, once you shared your secret, I couldn't take this any further." He leaned down and pressed his lips firmly against me. He snaked his hand around my waist, pulling me to him. "If you allow me, we'll get there, Isabella. I promise."
I couldn't control the shudders that ran through my body at the dark vow.
"Stay here and relax while I shower quickly," he said, smoothing the wild hair away from my face.
Within a few minute he was back, pulling me into his arms. "I have one thing to ask of you," he murmured against my hair. "Don't berate yourself over this. I fear that is exactly what you will do, feeling remorseful over our actions."
̴
I thought about his words as I approached my room. "Don't berate yourself." He'd known exactly how I'd feel once I wasn't under the influence of the narcotic lure of his body. I was dying because I felt unfaithful to Edward. Then, I felt unfaithful to Felix for even worrying about Edward's feelings. I was more torn than I'd ever felt over Jacob. Dear lord…I even felt guilty over Jacob. And that was never going to be a possibility now. I felt immense sadness over the loss of my best friend, even if there was a good degree of his own culpability in the situation.
My concentration scattered when I entered my room. I could smell Edward everywhere. My eyes jerked spasmodically, looking to see why. I barely made it to my bed before I lost my strength and sank into the soft silk. On the bedside table was a glass vase of multi-colored freesia. The perfume from the flowers filled the air, and I had a faint memory of Edward telling me that my blood smelled that way to him.
Beside the vase stood one of the pictures he'd stolen from my house, when he'd wanted to convince me that it would be as if he never existed. It was a candid shot of just the two of us. I was leaning against the lockers, most likely at high school. Edward leaned down toward me, his arm braced above my head. He was smiling gently. A second picture stood just beside it…one I'd never seen or at least couldn't remember. It was of the whole Cullen family, and I couldn't remember taking it. The house, though, I recognized as the Forks mansion. We all stood in front of the fireplace. Alice was wrapped in Jasper's arms and Emmett grinned broadly, his arm around a surprisingly smiling Rose's waist. Esme stood before Carlisle, serenely smiling toward the camera as Carlisle held her wrapped in his embrace. I'd avoided glancing at the last couple, but my eyes finally lost the war against my heart. Edward's arm draped around my shoulder and his body leaned toward me, his lips pressed to my hair much like Felix had done just a few minutes earlier. Edward's face glowed with contentment. My human face glowed in love and happiness, my brown eyes simmering with expectation. It was then that I noticed the cake in the background. We must have taken this just before I'd cut my finger. The calm before the storm.
The CD he'd given me lay before them, a note addressed to me on top of it. I grabbed the plastic case in anguish and almost crushed the item in my anger. I stopped just before the plastic would have shattered, unable to destroy it. I didn't know if I could face the note, but knew I'd never be able to resist reading it.
Bella,
Alice's visions have been all but nonexistent since the day you left Forks. However, as I returned from your room, she saw a vision of you with Felix. I cannot stop what has been started, but I will not stop trying to convince you of my love. Most assuredly, I deserve the reality of you in his embrace. I would have taken the same opportunity had you allowed me, so therefore I cannot blame you or him. I blame myself. However, I am through with chastising myself, though, because it will do no good. Do not think my abandonment of my guilt means I don't understand it and accept the responsibility. But, guilt will not win you back.
I kept these two pictures with me the entire time I was away from you. Looking at your face reminded me of what I was fighting for. That fight was the wrong one. This one isn't. Although I would have chosen to be the first one to bring you passion, I want to more importantly be the one to give it to you for the rest of eternity.
I adore you. I worship the ground you walk upon. I ache at the loss of you in my arms that I caused by my actions. But, I have not given up, nor will I. I will not leave or stop pursuing you until you order me away.
I love you. Edward
I lay down on the bed, fully expecting to feel overwhelming guilt and grief. Instead, as I put my head down on my pillow, I realized from the concentrated smell of him that Edward must have lain in this exact spot. I grinned. Had Edward Cullen seriously just thrown down a sexual gauntlet?
Edward POV
I left Bella's room in anguish. Alice's vision had given me the hope that Felix would not be able to make love to Bella, but the fact that he'd touched her, would have her arch into him was enough. Rage, scarlet red, washed through me. I had to lock down my muscles to keep from running to the area I knew housed Felix's room. I leaned against the wall as great waves of agony threatened to overwhelm me.
My fault…but as Esme had so wisely told me, it was time to move past the guilt. I'd lose her if I continued to focus on that. So I'd made a decision that I hoped wouldn't signal my doom. I wouldn't be able to just romance Bella, waiting for the day she would become my wife to share that level of intimacy with her. I was battling for my life here…guilt be damned…and it looked like morals would have to be as well. So I'd let her know that with my note. But I wasn't going to totally forgo the things that meant so much to me and hopefully to her, hence the flowers, music, and pictures. Goodbye guilt…hello strategy.
Speaking of letting go of guilt, if I couldn't barge in on my love and her new lover (explicit and demanding directions give by Jasper and Alice, making me wonder what else she'd seen and hidden from me), the least I could do was speak with Carlisle. It took every ounce of control I had not to find Bella and destroy Felix, but something in Alice's face had given me pause. For once, I listened….as I should have the first time. Her face had blossomed in love and forgiveness when she realized I was going to follow her advice and trust her. It went a long way to healing the chasm my actions regarding Bella had created between us. My bow of acceptance also brought the beginning of peace for Jasper. Finally fucking way, he'd thought, then grinned realizing I'd heard him.
"Jasper," I'd begun to speak, to ask his forgiveness, but he'd stopped the words with a tight embrace.
"Am I forgiven?" he'd asked.
"There was never anything to forgive," I replied.
"Right! Then get your pansy ass out of here, and take care of the business at hand. "
So as I walked away from Bella's room, trusting against all my selfish instincts, I contemplated where to find Carlisle. After he and Esme's tryst, I figured that the new dawn would find him reflecting upon the opportunities so readily being offered to him. Esme had looked at me, just before I left the room on my mission, asking me to find Carlisle afterward…knowing I would be able to provide him a sounding board as I'd done in the past. The woman could ask me to jump in a fire, and I would. Why she felt the worry so prevalent on her face I couldn't imagine…was she seriously concerned that I wouldn't accept the latest development? If so, it was a testament to how my chaotic decision had rocked the foundation of our relationship…my family. No guilt…I reminded myself…go forward from here.
The rooftop perhaps?
As I started walking to the staircase that would access the area, I began searching for his thoughts. I smiled when I caught them. Almost a hundred years of living with this man had not let me down. He was, as I suspected, watching the approaching dawn, contemplating life.
"Edward…" he whispered with joy, when he heard me approach.
We hadn't had time to talk since…HAD it really just been a day? I couldn't believe it. So much had changed in a span of twenty four hours.
I stopped at his side. He was leaning over the parapets, watching the faint glow of the sky turn from night to a rosy pink.
"Are you okay?" he asked softly. I heard the unspoken thoughts. He knew that I was at a breaking point. Felix's face washed through his mind.
"I want to kill him, but I don't have that privilege right now. If I were to do what I want to do, which is interrupt them…immediately, I would lose all chances of winning her back. My actions would be too close to the behavior she considers controlling. I'd never be able to convince her I could be any different." I knew my eyes were black in agony and rage. I saw my contorted features through him. "What is it you always say to me…what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger? You've done both, by the way."
He chuckled at my attempt at dry wit. "I love you, Edward. I just can't fathom this working out anyway but positively for you. Bella loves you…you'll just have to get her to like you again."
"Piece of cake…" I joked, knowing that the path ahead of me was anything but. "And your handling of Aro, will it be so easy?"
"I fear not on that course. He will not give up so easy; however, if there is one thing I know about the man who rules our world, he will not force what is not wanted."
I sat on the parapet facing him. "Tell me what formed the bond between you and him?" I said, wanting to know the Aro he knew, the man that earned my father's regard. I'd heard brief stories, but of course I knew now that there was so much more.
"I was still very young to this life when I found them…Aro, Caius, Marcus, and their wives. You know that the life I'd led with my father, at least what I can remember, had been pious and austere. The day Jane found me in Rome and brought me to them was a moment of great reverence. The decadence and learning, the beauty and debate…I felt like I'd died and gone to paradise even if this particular nirvana was inhabited by fallen angels. Aro was cunning. He did not force the human feeding issue…he waited until decades later."
He paused, continuing to stare off into the distance. I saw the beauty of this world through his young eyes, the splendor almost drug-like to his inquisitive nature and intellect – something his biological father had attempted to beat out of him with physical discipline and sanctimonious fervor. I saw Aro and Caius debating with him adamantly, recognizing him as an equal being versus solely as a vessel for narrow minded, fanatical continuance. Marcus provided just the opposite. He was the calm within the storm, someone with whom Carlisle could spend quiet reflective moments. It was suddenly easy to see just how this life would have tempted him.
In reflection, Carlisle had created such with us, his family. He'd built the world he'd left behind. I was the debater, although my experience couldn't rival the knowledge Aro and Caius held within just an infinitesimal part of their brains. Esme provided the succor. My siblings and Bella had rounded out the family, each in their own extraordinary ways. He hadn't selected us for that purpose, but the ability he'd given us to freely be ourselves had created a family just as addictive.
But before us, Aro had been shrewd in his manipulation as Carlisle had said. He'd taken everything at his disposal and laid it at Carlisle's feet in an attempt to seduce him.
"Our debates were glorious. He challenged me…provided me the resources to follow my questions. We attended plays and recitals. Special dispensations were given by museums for us to visit during the evening hours. Sulpicia was as bad as Alice in getting me to dress with care, bringing me out of my shyness. They were courting me…I didn't quite comprehend that then," he continued, picking up with spoken words where his unspoken ones had left off. "The debate regarding humans versus animal soon began."
"He wanted you to feed off humans, believing it would release your inhibitions…that you'd feel the blood lust more. He hoped it would tip you in his favor," I informed him, having read the errant thought in Aro's mind.
"Yes that is exactly what he did, but it didn't work, nor will it," he smiled serenely, and I didn't doubt his statement.
I heard Aro's footsteps approaching, his mind determined to speak with Carlisle before another day waned. He knew that Jacob would be leaving today and believed that chaos would most likely ensue with Bella over this. He knew my love well, I realized. He didn't want the demands of his attachment to her to cause him to forego what he 'needed' to do between him and Carlisle. He'd sought Carlisle out in our suite, only to be directed to the roof by a grinning Esme.
"Aro is coming," I told him. "He is determined to speak with you." I laughed as the corners of my father's lips quirked up.
"Edward…"
"Yes?"
"I lived here for many years. During that time I had leave of this building. However, there were many instances I did not want to go through the hallways in order to avoid those that had just fed off humans."
I looked to him in dawning appreciation. "Where?"
He grinned and pointed to the wall that led to the balcony across the way. "There is enough foot and hand holds afforded by the wall to easily gain access to Bella's balcony. I do believe she is back. Perhaps a surprise visit after her time with Felix is what is in order."
I caught him in a quick fierce embrace and then quickly lowered myself down the wall, and after finding the first rough edge, began making my way quickly over toward paradise. I heard Aro greet Carlisle and then several shared chuckles that alerted me to the fact I'd been caught. There was no shout for the guard, and I saw that Aro would keep his promise in allowing me the ability to court Bella. I grinned in anticipation quickly gaining the balcony that beckoned me. Why hadn't I thought of this? I didn't make a noise as I pulled myself the last foot, and flipped lightly on to the stone terrace. This was so reminiscent of my entrances at her house in Forks.
For a moment I panicked wondering if following so quickly after Felix was such a good idea. A quick snippet of Alice's vision replayed in my head…Felix's hand wrapping around Bella and bringing her into him. The beast within me roared, "MINE." Yes…I thought…I'd take my chances.
I moved noiselessly toward the open door and immediately saw that she lay on her bed, her arm thrown over her eyes. My note was still grasped in her fingers. I prayed it was a good sign that it wasn't torn into a million shreds. I could only maintain silence for so long. She sat up immediately on the bed, turning to the sound of my footsteps.
"Edward," she gasped.
The sound of my name on her lips caused me to break out into a broad smile. It was so much better than the bitter rendition I'd heard in the throne room. "My Love," I responded.
Dropping the note on the side table, she quickly dashed to put the couch between us.
"What are you doing?" she questioned nervously.
I wanted to grin at just how much her nervousness gave away. Just one glimpse…what I wouldn't give for just one foray into that incredible mind of hers.
I began stepping slowly toward her, throwing out as much magnetism as I could. Bella always said I dazzled her so, I decided to use whatever weapons I had. It must have still been working because I saw her pupils begin to disappear as her eyes darkened.
"Will you please sit with me?" I pleaded.
She shook her head 'No' rapidly, and I saw her fingertips clench into the leather of the sofa. Distressed leather was definitely not the current rage, my mind thought seeing her torture the poor piece of furniture.
"Bella, come sit with me. I promise I won't force my attentions on you. I just…" my voice actually broke with my need. I took a deep breath and shook my head slightly. "I just need to be with you for a few moments, please!"
I sat down in an attempt to make her feel comfortable. Turning my back on the face I needed like a drug, was an excruciating process. It was hard to intentionally deny myself what was now so readily available.
"Aren't you angr…" she said, slowly coming around the end of the couch to sit as far away from me as possible.
I cut her off with a slash of my hand. "Can we not talk about anger, or guilt, or mistakes?"
"What would we talk about then? I've already been changed, so we don't have that to argue over. I don't have to worry about school, or keeping the secret from anyone," she spit out.
I broke out into deep bellowing laughter. Bella looked over at me obviously amazed at the sound. It was the first time she'd been able to truly hear me, and I could sense her interest.
"We talk about all the things that made us…us. Your adamancy to become one of us, and our need to be secret was only a small part of who we were. I know you haven't forgotten, Bella. There was so much more. The connection of who we are…music…books…our aspirations…our family."
She turned to stare out the glass paned door and balcony. "Things are already getting hazy. Aro secured pictures of Charlie, Renee, and Phil to help me."
I saw her glance to the photos that rested on the mantel. I'd noticed she'd left the pictures of our family and us on the bedside table. I could only find pleasure in the realization that she hadn't smashed them.
"I'm sorry I hit you," she said suddenly, glancing down toward her lap.
I grinned like an idiot again, realizing that her mind still continue to work in its human like fashion. She was jumping from topic to topic just like she'd done before her change. I wondered momentarily if everyone's conversations sounded like this, but that my ability to hear the internal debates just helped fill in the details for me, or if this was just Bella…being the miracle of Bella.
"I deserved it," I admitted readily drawing her gaze again.
"WHY are you smiling?" she challenged, and I saw a moment of a newborn's volatile nature shine through in her agitation.
"I am just so happy to be with you. And, you are just so much still you...and it pleases me. I don't mean any disrespect."
"You are different," she noted, tilting her head to the side studying me.
Doubt and worry filtered into me at her statement. "In what ways?" I asked quietly.
"Well obviously I can see and hear you better, so there is that. But, you seem not as…" she paused trying to find the right word, "…tortured?" She said the last word almost as if she was even questioning the correctness.
"Give me the blink of a human eye and I can quickly dredge that up if you need it," I joked. I tore my eyes off her face, and glanced out into the dawn sky, in my resolution. 'Tortured mind' would probably always brew underneath my skin for what I'd done.
"My love, I know my actions prior to your change may have seemed restrictive and controlling at times. I won't deny that to some degree that was in fact true, but for the most part I was reacting to the incredible changes you caused in me, the fact I'd finally found my mate, and ultimately that my mate was still very much a fragile human…and my singer. I don't have to worry about your fragileness now. It is a cathartic experience, to say the least."
I flashed her a devilish grin, clearly denoting my delight. Her eyes widened significantly, and for a few moments, blessed silence reigned within the room. I warred with the instinct to attack her. I imagined pressing her against the cool feel of the leather below us, of sinking into her body after bringing her to release over and over again. I imagined the taste of her on my lips, my tongue traveling across her slightly glowing skin. I wanted to see her blood red eyes widen in pleasure, and have her cry my name in passion. And damnit…I wanted to replace the feel of him on her skin…I could admit that part of my raging desire had to do with the 'pissing contest' (as Emmett would call it).
I was stuck in Hell. I was not going to reach out for her, I'd promised her that, but I also wasn't going to leave. Her human complaints about my 'control' quickly resounded in my head. If she'd only known…
I heard the subtle shift of the leather just before her hand touched my face. My eyes closed on their own accord as a deep hiss issued from my chest, my lips pulled back into a feral snare. Fire poured through my body, as hot as the experience of the change. What had been a controllable hard on now ached from the feel of her hand against me. I would have cum like a human teenager had she touched me anywhere slightly erogenous. I was beginning to believe that my face was one of those places as well.
"Edward…open your eyes," she said, her breath and smell fanning across me.
La tua cantante…the thirst was still present as the change had not altered her scent, but what was originally a thirst for feeding was now transformed into one of sexual necessity. Calling it necessity was even a pale description…it was an indescribable need within me to take her…deeper and more uncivilized than 'necessity.' I groaned realizing that my lust for human Bella had been only a hint in the dark to what I felt now. My body instinctually knew that there was a difference. Unbreakable… Uninhibited… Yours…
Emmett was going to crucify me…he'd had enough fun with me after my nights with Bella at Charlie's.
Of their own volition, my hands tangled in her hair when I felt her lips on mine, pulling her to me in desperation.
Oh my…he still feels and tastes the same, just much much better. I'm going to explode just from the feel of him against me.
"BELLA!" I said tearing myself away from her. I was stunned. We stared at each other with wide eyes. I'd just heard her. I HAD HEARD HER!
WAIT! I just heard him in my head. "Edward?" she mimicked her internal confusion with the question she asked me.
"Fuck it…" I decided, figuring out this latest development was second to tasting her. Later…
I agree.
A roar escaped my lips, and I grabbed Bella's hips slamming them to me; the contact between us caused our bodies to arch. I felt my face contort with pleasure/pain, just before I connected our lips again.
OPEN damnit. She obeyed.
My mind was a colostrum. I could hear how my tongue felt to her. I felt her trembling as the taste of my venom coated her mouth. Oh…oh, I have to suck on his tongue I need more. She thought, just before she did it.
Oh shit I wonder what it will feel like for her to do that to my cock. My mind crashed.
I bet it will taste even better!
FUCK YES!
For a moment anxiety covered us both, could I bear the reality that Bella would hear every deprived thought I'd had or would have about her.
You have thought of me that way?
Love, you have no clue.
This discourse occurred while we physically plundered each other's mouths. I was weeping through my jeans, and I could feel the heat of her against me, throbbing. I rotated her hips into me. FUCK. SHIT. DAMN. Whose thoughts started the words didn't really matter, they echoed through us.
"AAAH…" she cried out against my lips. Edward, please! She begged me silently.
I have to taste you. I have fantasized about it forever. I relived my thoughts of my lips and tongue against her as I masturbated in the shower of our Forks home. I allowed her to see the true wickedness and frequency of my fantasies. She groaned inundated with a multitude of scenes I'd conjured up over our time together and apart…things from slow affectionate love making to bondage. I had an endless cache of fantasies stored in my head thanks to my gift.
Yes. She said to them all.
Not going to have control…
NOW! She ordered.
I didn't even register the trip to the bed, or the fact I ripped her clothes from her. The splendor of her body registered though, and I knew the picture of Bella spread before me in wanton surrender would be forever etched in my brain. Her eyes were heavily hooded, her limbs splayed in abandon.
"Edward, your clothes...I want to see you."
I wanted her to do that, and leaned over the bed so that she could reach me. The lust that radiated through me as she tore at me was indescribable. Her hands brushed against me constantly, hearing my thoughts. Her gasp as she gazed upon me was like adding fuel to the fire. I breathed deeply attempting to regain even an ounce of control.
Her black eyes were wide as she gazed down the length of my body. As she stared at my erection, her tongue came out to lick her lips. She began to lean forward.
"NO! Bella, not yet. I…" I groaned and blurred to join her. I placed my hand upon her chest and forced her back to the bed.
I caught the feeling of fear that rippled through her as I lay my body on her. I groaned as I heard her think that she'd believed Felix's size was as a direct result of his stature. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Cry that she had knowledge of him in that way, laugh because she was slightly nervous that I was as 'impressive' (her words).
'Sorry' I heard her say, realizing I would have caught her thought of Felix. I chose to ignore it – and she of course caught this. Now was not the time.
I'd hoped to do this slowly, lovingly the first time.
NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. We both thought.
I was determined to indulge in one of my biggest fantasies about Bella before I lost all control. She shuddered against me, hearing my thoughts, as I began to slide down her body. I wanted to nibble at the breasts firm and tight against me, and I realized I could spend hours worshiping them. She arched into me having heard my thoughts. Next time, my Love… I heard her moan in response. The heat and smell of her was beckoning me, though. I skimmed quickly over the flat area of her stomach and moved my hand to cup both cheeks, raising to my knees and bringing her hips with me.
She was spread out in her glistening glory. My hands actually shook from the emotions and craving that raced through me.
"Edward, I need you," she spoke harshly.
"I need you too, more than you'll ever know," I replied, thinking not only of the overwhelming physical desire to mate with her, but to my darkest moments over the past few months, how I'd felt at the cliff and when I thought Victoria had destroyed her.
I heard a keen of distress and belated realized she would have heard and felt everything I'd just remembered.
NO, Love. We are not going there.
I ran the tip of my nose up her inner thigh and through the dark curls covering her clit. She screamed as I passed over the sensitive nub between her folds. I intentionally spread her legs further allowing then to hang to each side. I froze my lips just above her. I bared my teeth using the opportunity to draw in the essence deeper. The smell and heat was incredible, far surpassing my expectations. I sadistically enjoyed the torture I created for myself in waiting, enjoying the last moments of mystery, as I savored the scent being draw into my body. The feel of moisture reaching my hands as I held her broke the trance.
Bella, in my fantasies this always ends with you screaming my name.
The flavor of Bella broke over me as my tongue ran up through her folds. I snarled pushing my face further into her in reaction and used my hold to pull her tighter to me. NOTHING…nothing could taste this good. Nothing…not even her blood. I was frantic. I could stay here forever, lapping at her.
Her hands were in my hair, pulling harshly, tangling through it, and she panted harshly, "Oh god…Edward."
The taste was all Bella. The liquid of her arousal held the sweet taste I remembered from her blood. It would never be quite the same, but I realized I would be addicted to this now…this drinking from her. Her blood would have run dry. If I was privileged enough…if I did my job right, I could enjoy this over and over again. My own erection was painful, throbbing in intensity, but I refused to let go of this for now.
I licked every swollen, sensitive inch of her over and over again. The living of the experience from both my and her perspective helped me to hear clearly what felt good to her, slowly and leisurely at times, then roughly breaking off just in time to keep her from falling off the precipice. I tongued inside of her harshly mimicking the at I planned to enjoy shortly, she rippled in response. I let loose of one of her ass cheeks to work a finger into her, she was so fucking tight, as my tongue returned to her clit, swirling, pressing, and teasing. Years of hearing others told me exactly what to do, but feeling it for the first time was incredibly more erotic. I twisted my fingers, hitting her spot. I felt the tremors just before the feelings began running rampant through her body, her inner muscles clenching tightly around my finger as she held me tightly to her riding out her orgasm on my mouth.
"EDWARD!" she screamed her body twisting harshly in my hands, and I snarled in pleasure.
I smoothed my hands down her thighs softly soothing her, but couldn't help the final brushes of my tongue across her flesh.
Kiss me, please. I want to feel you on me. I need to feel you in me. I want to feel you fall apart, and call out my name as well. I've wanted you for so long.
Her silent litany came as I kissed back up her body. I froze when I met her eyes, seeing my forever in the warmth shining from them. I'd waited so long to bring her pleasure. I broke away from her only for a moment, to crouch over her. There was something I didn't want to share with her for fear of scaring her away, something important to me. As I gazed down at her lovingly, I silently repeated the vows I'd heard Rosalie and Emmett recite during their many marriages. If I couldn't do it the right way, before a minister, I would do it in my way. There was no going back, there never had been. If I didn't win Bella in the end, I would find a way to be destroyed, allowing her to live in peace with Felix.
"Edward?" her sex roughened voice called to me, questioning my hesitation.
"Sorry, Love. I can't get over looking at you. You are particularly stunning at this moment."
With that half-truth done, I lowered my lips to her again. "Bella, I love you," I murmured before lowering my body to hers again.
We both startled at the loud knock at the door.
FUCK NO! Echoed through our collective conscious.
A second loud knock started just a second later.
"Isabella, Aro has asked that I escort you to meet with Jacob Black," Demetri's voice came clearly through the door.
I slid to Bella's side, moaning at the loss of the feel of her body against me. It was then I heard his thoughts.
I know you are in there Edward. Aro won't broker disrespect for his request.
Curiously, I didn't hear any anger for the situation he'd caught us in. Knowing his allegiance to his friend, I would have thought he'd feel something differently. What was I to know about him, other than he'd just interrupted my opportunity to make love to Bella. Damn him…
She laid her hand on my arm, communicating slightly with me. Edward, I can send him away.
I shook my head negatively, knowing that the disrespect wouldn't be tolerated.
She looked to me pleading, but I shook my head again, knowing that I would have to live with this interruption.
"Demetri, give me fifteen minutes to shower and change. I'll meet you at that atrium," she called out, questioning me yet again with her gaze.
"As you wish, Isabella." Demetri walked away without any further discourse.
"Edward?" she looked to me in concern.
I smirked finding the irony in the situation. "Bella, you have to go. In reality, I need to go. I want to be there for Jacob. He left during the night, saying he was going for a walk. I attempted to go with him, but he asked me not to. I asked Jane to have some of their guard follow him because I didn't want him being attacked by any of Aro's enemies."
"But?" she glanced down at me, now curiously shy considering the things she'd been saying and begging earlier.
"I've lived through this before," I admitted, standing to only realize I didn't have any clothing to wear back to our rooms.
"What?" she said, with curiosity in her voice.
"Why do you think I insisted on all those blankets, Bella? My temperature was only one of the reasons, and you've now seen how I had to take care of the consequences of my lust," I said, before leaning down to swiftly kiss her smirking lips.
She rose and softly brushed her hand across my cock, earning a growl, then moved to touch the tips of her breasts to my chest. "Are you sure you can't stay?"
"I will not risk making Aro angry," I said, but it was hard to mean it. I slowly forced my hands away from her arms where I had been gripping her tightly.
She looked sad, but then shook herself. "I have a robe you can use," she indicated, having obviously realized my predicament.
̴
"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Emmett cackled the minute I walked into our suite. "Here enters Edward on his walk of shame," he continued, sniffing the air around me.
Jasper did the same. "Something tells me that even though he's not been fully…umm…successful, that he is at least a little closer to the prize," Jasper razzed as well.
I grinned at my two brothers. Let them tease, I could care less. Bella's scent surrounded me; her taste was on my lips, which in my book meant life was good. I did however worry about Jacob, who sat silently on the couch waiting on me. He saw my glance.
To say I am happy would be a lie, but I can handle it.
"I'll take a shower and be out in a few minutes," I told them, and then walked out with as much dignity as I could considering Emmett and Jasper were rolling on the floor and Rosalie and Alice weren't far behind. Damn vampires…
I hadn't won Bella over yet. I had no such delusions. I still had a long way to go to convince her, I knew.
This time, as the hot water poured across my skin, I had the real taste of Bella on my lips to heighten my sensitivity. I grabbed my erection, stroking hard, and began to replay the moments I'd buried my face in her. As she called out my name in my memory, I shot cum all over the shower, and my knees almost buckled in reaction. I steadied myself by pressing a hand to the shower wall, and then leaned my back against it, letting the water wash over me. Best hand job ever…but I wouldn't feel complete until it was Bella's walls milking me instead of my hands.
Momentarily I realized the interruption had actually been a blessing. Unlike what would have occurred today, the next time I'd do my best to torment her for hours before I joined our bodies…before I sank into her scalding wetness. Crap! I reached down to my again throbbing cock…round two.
I would love to know what you think!
As always, I want to thank my Beta:
Crmcneill – For his patience with me (contrary to how he presents himself on his FF profile) and his incomparable editing skills. Male twilight fans are not a myth – they do exist, and I am so glad I was able to connect with him. I've called many men friends, but I've never called one master until now. "Strong is the power of the comma. Mind what you have learned. Save you it can." See the link to his profile below.
www . /u /1933926/