I slowed my pace as night fell on the forest. Riley grew impatient by my slowing pace. I was lost in thought, no longer concerned with either of our wellbeing. Instead, I was hung up on the past and how if I had been just a little faster, just a little smarter, maybe I could have prevented the nightmare that had soon become my life.
A low moan didn't shake me from my thoughts. I didn't even flinch. The walker walked right on past me, either because I smelled like it, or because…well maybe I was already dead.
My grip on reality slipped as I aimlessly walked through the forest, no longer paying attention to the trail. Riley whined, growing more and more nervous. I sank to the ground next to a tree, all the fight and determination lost along with my sanity. I clipped the red reflector to Riley's collar and told him to go. He barked, but did as I said. As his footfalls grew more distant, I allowed myself to cry. I allowed all the pain, all the emotional turmoil to finally take over.
I didn't fight back as the small herd made it way towards me. I just sat there, almost welcoming death.
Merle saw the reflector in the distance before Daryl did. He was the first person Harleigh had ever bothered to tell about the little S.O.S signal.
"We've got a problem, baby brother," he said, motioning to the dog as he ran to the fence.
"No," Daryl's tone was soft as he let the dog through the fence, tearing the reflector from his collar. "There ain't no way in hell she's dead."
"You think she'd send the dog back if she wasn't?" Merle asked skeptically. Even back in Woodbury, the dog was always at Harleigh's side. He often teased her about it.
"I'm going out after her!" Daryl said, his mind made up.
"Why? You ain't owe her nothing," Merle said, his tone dripping with disgust.
Daryl said nothing. Instead, he grabbed his crossbow before nodding at the dog. "Find her," he commanded. Riley whined, clearly not sure if he should follow the redneck's command. Merle smirked, amused by the dog's confusion.
"She's dead," he said, his tone almost sympathetic.
"Who's dead?" Rick's bitter tone rang through the darkness. Daryl looked at his friend with troubled eyes.
"Riley came back. Alone," he said slowly, guarded.
"She made her decision," Rick shrugged. He wandered past the brothers, clearly unconcerned about the news.
"Looks like some things never change," Merle muttered. Daryl said nothing. He turned back to the dog, hoping, no, actually truly praying that Harleigh was alive.
"I'm goin' after her," he said finally, looking at his brother for backup.
"I'm not," Merle shook his head.
"Please," Daryl breathed. For once in his life, he needed his brother to man up enough to do the right thing. "You owe her."
Merle pondered his brother's words. It didn't make sense that his brother cared for the little, scrawny huntress. But then again, Daryl never was right in the head, as far as Merle was concerned.
"Fine."
I found myself thinking back to a conversation I had with Merle a week after landing in Woodbury. Alana was with Macy, a kind mother of two. Alana loved her little girls and the three had been inseparable since we'd arrived. Merle and I had agreed to go on a run for gasoline. Apparently Woodbury was running low.
"Carin's gon' get ya killed," Merle said as we scouted the gas station, taking out the undead as we went. Merle was to my left, Riley to my right, Blade up ahead, his nose to the ground. Scout was trailing behind, his ears perked at every sound.
"Caring's kept me alive this long," I shrugged as I quickened my pace.
"You're stupid, Kitten, you know that?" Merle said, his tone as bitter as ever. "Always off helpin' someone."
"It's called being human," I argued. "Try it some time."
"Didn't ever care 'bout no one," Merle muttered, more to himself than me.
"Not even about your brother?" I asked. As soon as we'd gotten back to Woodbury, Merle had asked if I happened to have crossed paths with his brother. From what I had gathered, they'd been separated a few months prior.
"That's different. Kin's all you've got," he muttered, his tone unreadable. I spared a glance at the gruff, angry man. Maybe there was something more to Merle after all.
"You'll find him," I said gently before pulling ahead, following Blade around the back of the gas station.
"Crazy," I muttered, shaking my head. "The world's gone to hell, and still, people get their happy endings." It seemed strange to me that Merle never said what his brother's name was. I hadn't even pieced it together until Michonne found the prison. Maybe it was fate. Maybe that was my purpose.
No, I thought to myself. My purpose was to raise that little girl. I had to. Alana had no one left in the world. No one other than me. But I couldn't bring myself to move from my perch. Riley was gone and the walkers were swarming the tree I had climbed. I was screwed.
Nice one, Harleigh, I scolded myself. Of course you come to your senses after you've gotten yourself into a mess. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to die. Right there, I wanted to roll over and give up.
"You'll never amount to nothing…" "You're a disgrace…" "Your mother never wanted you, you spoiled rotten bitch…"
"You deserved all the lashes dad ever gave you. You deserved every, single one of 'em!"
"I'll make you scream my name, you little whore. I'll make you scream till ya can't utter another word!"
"Mommy!" my son wailed as I handed him over to his father. My heart broke as I looked into his eyes one last time.
"I love you, honey," I said softly as I handed him his teddy bear. "I love you, don't you dare forget that." I pressed my cheek against his, tears in my eyes, kissing him goodbye. Had I known, I'd never have let him go.
I broke down right there and then. Tears rolled down my cheeks until there were no tears left to cry. And then I regretted my decisions. Each and every one of them. All I wanted was to hold my little girl in my arms and kiss her goodnight. And now, well now that wasn't even going to happen. Instead, I would starve to death, in that tree. Or maybe I'd fall and turn into one of them. Or maybe…No. That wasn't a possibility anymore. No. This time, there was no knight in shining armor or escape or four legged friend to get me out. Even my dog knew it was better to leave me than to fight to keep me alive. Even I knew it was better to give up on myself. Because right there, I was lost. I was lost in my own head. I was lost, alone and walker bait. All because I cared too much. All because I cared too much to deal with what I was feeling. To put the concern for others aside long enough to cope. To cope with the death of my son. To cope with the death of my uncle. To cope with what happened in Woodbury. I was too damned stubborn to express any sort of feelings. Instead, I put all my energy into protecting everyone else.
Merle was right after all.
Riley led the way through the trees, stopping every so often to mark a rock or a stump or a bush. Daryl kept his eyes on the ground, searching for signs, anything, that Harleigh was alive. After walking what seemed like forever, listening to his brother's endless complaints and insults, they finally came across something plausible. Her bow. Arrows were scattered around the ground. A low echo of moans and growls could be heard.
Riley froze, his ears pinned to his skull, his thick fur standing on end.
"Told ya Darlina, Kitten's long gone," Merle said bitterly.
"Shut up, Merle!" Daryl growled. His heart sank as he moved towards the sound, terrified of what he may find.
Riley suddenly shot ahead of them, barking loudly, his thick fur flying in the wind. Daryl followed after him, only vaguely aware that Merle was following him.
Riley started jumping at the walkers, his teeth, claws, and the spiked vest cutting through their flesh and bones. Merle started slashing at them as Daryl took aim, finishing the herd in record time.
Then he knew. He looked around, his heart racing, his eyes wild as he searched with all his might to find her.
"Riley, you old fool," her voice rang. A rustle of leaves caused Daryl and Merle both to look up. Another rustle, followed by a soft thud made the pair exchange a look. From behind the tree, she appeared. Riley didn't give her a chance to react. He threw himself at her, his tail wagging a mile a minute.
"Stupid dog," she groaned, pushing him away. "Told ya to go home."
"Ain't home without ya," Daryl said before he could think. This caused both his brother and Harleigh to look at him in disbelief.
"Ain't home without ya," he said, his eyes locking on mine. I felt my heart flutter, but quickly masked all emotion. There was no way in hell Daryl Dixon was my knight in shining armor. Was there?
"Shouldn't have come," I muttered as I looked down at my ever faithful dog. "Told ya, Riles, no search and rescue."
The dog looked at me as if to say 'Just 'cause you went crazy for a minute, didn't make you dead.'
I rubbed his head before retrieving my bow and arrows. I stretched as I tossed the weapon carelessly over my shoulder.
"Let's go," I muttered, barely acknowledging Merle, who was watching me with a dumbfounded look. It wasn't until I picked up pace that he said anything. He was right in my ear when he whispered two words that coming from a man like him, actually meant something.
"Thank you."
A/n - Ah, how I love writing about crazy people! :D I told you all that it was about to get a little confusing. ;) Hope you all kept up alright! Anyway, time for some shout outs and replies, eh?
bridgetlynn - First off, thank you so much for the review! I totally agree with everything you've said! Actually, so much that it's inspired me with one of the future chapters. ;) I'm not going to give too many spoilers at this point, but I am going to say this, 1) Her reasoning for keeping Alana alive slowly shows itself in the upcoming chapters. 2) Expect to see a little something or other along the lines of a very dramatic blow up soon, and 3) that's why I'm playing on the storyline a little. I'm going to keep canon in the sense that I'll follow the main plot changes (Lori's death, The Governor's Attack, the sudden "Flu" outbreak, ect, but very, very loosely. :D And thanks for what you said about Harleigh. I'm trying my hardest to make her a badass without making her into a mary sue.
mrskaz453 - As warned from the very beginning, this story will eventually lead up to Harleigh/Daryl romance. :P But very, very slowly. Merle has always been a favorite of mine, even when I hated his guts. So I had to keep him alive. Haha, for how long, I'm at no point to disclose. xD Thanks for the awesome review!
SoleFaith - Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying it!
Alright guys and gals. Thanks for reading, and as always, feedback is always welcomed!