There we sat in silence. I waited for Lil's reply to what I had told her. I just remember seeing a mixture of... sadness and anger. Some may ask why she would be mad at me for carrying her dead brother's child... How would you feel if you found out that one of your friends allowed your brother, who died because of the party, to impregnate said friend, when said friend should have been stopping him from shitting his life down the toilet and pulling him out of the party BEFORE he passed out? I completely understood what Lil was thinking. I just didn't want her to be so mad at me.
"I'm sorry Lil, but it's true. Without a doubt. I was supposed to have my period 2 days after the party... the party was 2 weeks ago. I haven't had my period yet. The past 3 days, I have woken up sick and throwing up. Then... there's this." I pulled out a pregnancy test with a 'plus' sign on it.
Lil just looked down and started to cry. Kimi held her, and looked at me. I couldn't decide what Kimi's emotion was at that moment. It was a tie between anger and content. Her facial expression didn't quite pull through what the message was. After a good 30 or so seconds of crying, Lil looked up.
"Well, Angelica, that's fine. You're carrying my dead brother's child. But... Angelica... instead of helping my brother... you... you help yourself by having sex with him?" She asked me, with a hint of anger.
"It's not like that, Lil. I was drunk, and I made a dumb mistake..."
"Really? Drunk? Now, if I remember correctly, you said you walked in BEFORE you started drinking, and SAW PHILLIP downing his 30th BEER? How did you even know how much he had drank?
"Shane told me when I walked in..."
"So, instead of helping my brother before he made himself sick, and you know that he had already been sick a time or two before... you get drunk, and have sex with him?"
I felt tears rolling down my face.
"Lil... I'm-"
"Sorry, huh? Sorry doesn't give me my brother back..." Lil said to me, under a broken voice. She really wasn't happy with me.
I really started to cry, and my voice began to break up, too. "Lil... I was... I... I wanted..." I couldn't think of what to say. I was guilty.
"When you come up with a good excuse, call me. Until then... don't talk to me..." Lil said, walking out the door. She walked to Kimi's car. I was sobbing at this point. Without saying any words and with no emotion, Kimi walked over to me and gave me a hug. She let me cry on her shoulder for a good 30 seconds before she just said. "Think about what you've done. If your morning sickness really starts to bother you, call me." She walked out the door after saying that.
All I could think to myself at this moment was... How am I going to tell my parents? Or Tommy? Or The DeVille's? Or anyone else for that matter? What am I going to become to this family? I cried to myself. Over the years, I have been one selfish bitch, and nothing could change that. I've been trying to change, but this little mistake I made here takes the cake.
Oh, God. Something had hit my mind at that moment: Chuckie. I have loved Chuckie since before I graduated high school. I think he still has a crush on Lil. Now that I've gone and done this... he probably won't even want to be my friend anymore. Chuckie was never one for bullshit, and I know he won't stand for this.
I can't blame this on anyone but myself. I was at that party for a reason... and I didn't take the chance I needed to take. I, instead, became a drunken slave to my urges. I knew in the back of my head, if I didn't get pregnant, I wouldn't have said a damn thing. That's just the kind of bitch I am. God's punishing me for being who I am. I don't blame God at, I've had it coming for years. Of course, who would 'blame' God? Not even a bitch like me, I know what he can do.
Anyways, I was in a fix. I knew for sure that I was in for some trouble... but, I kept thinking to myself. In the end, I would have a beautiful baby, and I was going to do the best for it from here on out as I could. Hopefully, I can stay on everyone's good side. Hopefully...