As soon as we stepped into our cell block, all hell broke loose. From what I gathered from Hershel, who looked at the brothers with a look of heartache, the group had been debating Merle since they left to find me. Rick was half in, half out of the conversation, constantly shifting his gaze like he was watching something we couldn't see. Glenn and Maggie were firmly against the older Dixon staying at the prison, whereas Carol and Hershel were arguing his case. I listened numbly for a moment before clearing my throat.
"What?" Glenn asked, throwing me what I could only assume to have been a dirty look.
"Did anyone ever stop to consider the options?" I asked carefully, glancing at the pair who stood awkwardly at the wall. Riley stood beside Daryl, clearly attached to the man now. "Did anyone even stop to think the options you're giving Daryl without even seeing it?"
"What do you mean?" Carol asked me, giving me a hopeful look.
I shook my head. Were these people really this stupid? Were they really this out of tune with human emotions that they couldn't see what they were doing to the one person who time and time again went out of his way to protect this group? I thought Woodbury was fucked up with their logic, but at least the Governor's people, the innocent at least, were able to live relatively normal lives, all things considered.
"It shouldn't be a matter of if Merle can stay or not," I said, my tone bitter, "Not if you want Daryl to stay. Merle's his brother. Do ya really think y'all can make him turn his back on that?" The words came out of nowhere. Maybe I was speaking from my own, deeply buried scars, or maybe I still had an ounce of humanity left in my body, unlike these people, who were so willing to turn Merle out.
"Merle can't stay," Rick said matter-of-factly. "He's dangerous."
"So am I. So is Michonne. You aren't kicking us out. Shoot, my dog alone is more dangerous than the three of us put together. Riley? He's been bit at least a dozen times. Who's to say he won't turn into Cujo or something?" I snapped. "Rick, you're dangerous. Glenn's dangerous. Fuck, if I was Hershel, I wouldn't have let none of y'all near my family 'fore all this started. Except Daryl, actually." My words continued to pour out. "Because apparently he's the only person in this fucking group that still has a sliver of sanity left!"
"You don't mean that," Carol said gently. "You're angry over nothing."
"Over nothing?" I screamed at her. "What happened to not turning people away? What happened to humans helping out their own? Y'all are starting to sound like a bunch of hypocrites!"
"You trust him," Hershel said. It wasn't a question. "How long have you known him?"
"All winter," I sighed. "Merle and I went on countless runs together. He's always been true to his word, if nothing else."
Maggie glanced at me, her expression showing that she was torn. It wasn't Merle who had hurt her. She knew that. She knew in her heart of hearts that I was speaking the truth.
"Glenn, she's right," Maggie said, her tone gentle.
I didn't say anything, just glared at each member of the group. Were they really this self-centered? Were they really this willing to lose one of their own, just over a feud they couldn't put to rest?
I overheard Merle say something to Daryl along the lines of "There she goes again, caring way too much." Which got a small smile out of Daryl. I growled to myself before looking down at Blade who was carrying my small bag in his mouth. I knelt beside him, pulling out the dog tags that once belonged to my uncle. I stuck them in the boot while the rest of the group went back and forth about Merle.
"Alana, let's go," I called to the little girl. She raced to my side, taking my hand in hers.
"Where're you going?" Rick practically demanded.
"The watch tower. Until things get sorted out down here, I have no interest in sticking around. If you're still up on your high horse in the morning, Alana and I will be making for elsewhere," I shrugged.
"You can't leave," he growled.
Something snapped. Something deeply hidden under the months of torture and pain. I lunged at him, my arm holding his throat against the wall. My life was drawn and level with his forehead.
"Don't you dare," I hissed, seeing red. "Don't you dare."
"C'mon, Leigh, he ain't worth the air he breathes," Merle's warning tone broke through my anger. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to find Daryl trying to guide me away. With one last warning glance at Rick, I turned away from the group leader, grabbed my bag and stalked out of the common room, tears in my eyes. Alana followed me up to the watch tower, where I told her to get some sleep while I kept watch. Blade and Riley were glued to my side, both tense and antsy at the events of the day. I think we all were.
What was happening? To me? To the group? To any of us? Were we all losing our grip on reality? Were we all really going crazy? Could one man be to blame for all that?
I owed Merle more than I cared to admit. He'd helped me countless times in Woodbury, in his own cruel, emotionless way. He'd kept me strong without realizing it. I wasn't about to turn away from that. And Daryl. God, Daryl was my freaking lifeline. If he hadn't stepped up when he did, who knew where Alana and I would be? Was Rick really stupid enough to turn his back on a friend like that? A friend that kept his little girl alive when he was too broken to do so himself? A friend who time and time again risked everything for the greater good? Where did Glenn get off spitting demands? Sure, I'd seen Glenn take out some of the walkers on the fence, but what else was he good for? Fucking Maggie? That wasn't important. He had no right.
For the first time, I found myself missing Woodbury. At least there, we settled things in the arena. We didn't turn our own out just because.
Maybe there was something to be said about this group. Maybe, first impressions weren't everything. Rick seemed to have it together a day ago, now, well now he was as cold as the Governor was insane.
I stayed up in the tower for a long time. I didn't move from my perch in the one chair overlooking the front of the prison. Alana had fallen to sleep hours before and the silence was eerie and welcoming. It wasn't until I heard footsteps approaching that my attention shifted. As the door opened, I was surprised to see Daryl looking at me with a strange look on his face.
"Rick wants to send him away," he said, his tone barely audible.
"He'd be stupid in doing so," I sighed, letting my gaze return to the fence. "Glenn's whispering orders in his ear again."
"You caught onto that pretty fast," Daryl noted.
"You learn to read people when you're on the run," I shrugged. "What about you? Are you going to leave if they send Merle off?"
"He's blood," Daryl nodded. "I don't want to, but I gotta."
"I know," I nodded. I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time. I felt the need to need someone. I looked up at Daryl, surprised to see a torn look on his face. "If you leave, I'm coming with."
"Why?" he asked, taken by surprise.
"I owe you and your brother too much not to. Besides, Alana likes you," I shrugged, glancing down at the sleeping child. "Between the three of us and the dogs, we'll find something."
"Rick won't let you leave," he said softly.
"Rick doesn't own me," I pointed out.
"Merle said you've always been a loud spitfire. You've been quiet up till now, why?" he asked me.
"Didn't have an opinion," I shrugged. "Now I do. I think Rick's stupid to cut you and Merle loose. If anyone's gonna survive this, it's gon' be the two of you."
"Ya really think so?" he asked me.
"Of course. Merle's a cruel man, but I've got enough faith in him to know that there's good in there somewhere. And you, well you're a hero," I smiled.
"Ain't no hero," he said, looking at his feet.
"You are, Daryl, whether you believe it or not, ya are," I nodded.
"Ain't no hero," he repeated, sitting down on the floor across from Alana. For the first time since meeting either of the Dixon brothers, I finally saw a softer side. Daryl didn't want to leave any more than the group wanted him to. It seemed to me like he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Maybe after sleeping on it, Rick would change his mind. He'd be stupid not to. The group needed Daryl and if that meant keeping Merle, they'd just have to suck it up and deal. Because that's what families do for each other and wasn't it Rick who said this group, these people, were family to him?