Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Stephenie Meyer created it all.
Edward POV
Days passed and turned into a week, and the silence began to finally sink into my shattered psyche, bringing peace. Marcus was an odd companion. I could still hear his thoughts, but he wandered through the hallways like a quiet wraith. I saw, through his mind, the notes sent to us, but he never mentioned them. I recognized my family members' handwriting…and Bella's, but he always turned the envelopes back over to the messengers unopened. His message was clear, leave us alone.
He'd done this before in the past, I realized. When it had become too much, he'd retreated here to maneuver the hallways in the stillness. I realized that he had no memories of Didyme in this place; the house had only been built in the last century. Perhaps that was why it had become his sanctuary. It was a fine line he walked, living in the castle – the need to be where she'd been so imperative and then the retreat to the Chateau – where he could find relief from the pain until the hunger for her memories overtook him, compelling him to return to his brothers and the haunted hallways.
I'd at first been uncomfortable with the nothingness…no requirements…no school…no family…no demands…no mental reprimands. I'd always stayed busy reading or playing the piano as my family went on with their lives around me. When Bella had come into my life, as my family members had done with their mates, I'd filled my moments with her. I wasn't running away or hunting either humans or animals, and the inactivity was actually painful in a way. It left me with nothing to forestall the introspection. This time, the self reflection was different. I wasn't a deranged, rebellious newborn full of the lust for blood and battling my inner demons nor was I the self-assured love-struck teenager. I was just Edward Cullen, attempting to figure out who Edward Cullen was…without the hampering and binding of a well-meaning family.
I'd known that something inside me had changed the day that I felt comfortable within myself and with the tranquility of just doing nothing. It had hit me as I relaxed back in the bubbling water and gazed upon a particularly vibrant sunset and the resulting twilight… How significant…
I'd finally allowed myself the pleasure of soaking in the pool Aro had built to capture the sulfuric spring water that bubbled up through the ground. The plush atrium he'd attached to the house to incorporate the natural amenity was a sensual pleasure. The pool itself was huge, but the view of the rolling hills surrounding the house offered an amazing picture. It was hard to equate the idyllic space with the man who led our world. As polished as Aro was, he was still a calculating, ruthless killer…and I was mostly likely obligated to serve him for eternity due to my bargain.
Bella… I'd feared that my absence would force her into Felix's arms, and spasms of pain had radiated within me at the thought. But then I realized something…if she was going to be with Felix, it would happen with or without me around. I was incapable of controlling anything that would make the decision for her. I was, in fact, capable of controlling one thing only…me.
I'd only wanted a few moments to orient myself to the newly acquired knowledge and agony. The moment had gone so wrong. I didn't blame Bella; she'd obviously thought exactly what she'd screamed out – that I was running away. But, oddly, I didn't blame myself either. I had needed a few moments, just a few moments, and strangely, I didn't feel guilty about that need. And it was with that realization that I called out Marcus' name and asked him to join me.
He ghosted into the atrium not a few seconds later, and my laughter rang out through the cavernous area. He looked like a GQ model, albeit a very pale model, his board shorts hanging low on his hips, his hair unbound. "I'm buying you a surf board, and we are going to the coast one day. It seems I'm not the only one who "hides" behind a mask," I challenged him, astounded at just how young he looked minus the trappings of his position. Just like Carlisle, he hid behind the clothing of an older generation, but his body still held the youth he'd been when his change occurred. Like Aro, the milkiness to his eyes was also beginning to dissipate, and I wondered at the cause.
"What do the young people say now – 'whatever,'" he challenged back impertinently, causing me to start laughing again as he lowered himself into the scalding water with a grunt.
He looked over to me and smiled gently at my face. "And so it seems that it begins, young one."
Your face…it is much better…not haunted. You have come to find it within you, haven't you?
"I'm not dancing on the top of a hilltop like a crazy lunatic if that is what you are implying."
"Of course not, that is not you. But, you will manage now, one way or the other."
"It isn't just about Bella, Marcus. It's about me. For so long I've just went along with what the family needed or wanted. It was like I was a nonentity. I never asked to move; I never asked to be out on my own. I did what I was supposed to…for the most part. Both times that I made decisions contrary to the status quo, they were out of pure reaction. Have no doubt, though; Bella's rejection will cripple me…I'm not that strong yet."
"She awakened you, but now you must find yourself…apart from her."
Apart from her…I couldn't even conceive of it and wheezed from the pain the thought brought.
And our debate began then, days upon days of back and forth, arguing about each of our fallacies. I came to know the leader probably better than I did anyone…other than Carlisle. And so, I challenged him as well, which resulted in his rage. I could handle rage…I definitely understood it. It was cathartic, this give and take. Even he…long since aggrieved…began to enjoy my impertinence. There would always be a delineated demarcation between us once we left this space. He was, after all, a leader, even if he hadn't espoused it, but for now, it was just Edward and Marcus, broken hearted men that needed to vent with someone.
He'd actually thrown something at me the night I'd challenged the fact that he'd allowed his grief to win. "You want me to accept that I need to live through my grief if Bella chooses Felix, yet you have closed yourself off to life as well. You spent a thousand years in Didyme's embrace and enjoyed the right to love her. I have not had that pleasure. You are a hypocrite."
My pleasure at his rage stopped him. He shook himself slightly when I said, "At least you are acting alive. Doesn't it feel good to have some sort of emotion flowing through your body again? You stopped the anger after you forgave Aro but closed down everything afterward. Ask yourself whether she would have wanted this life for you. Your only answer can be…of course not. You've experienced someone loving you without bounds, and she would want you to find it again, if possible. You would have wanted the same for her. Bella may care less what happens to me after this, but you…you have had someone who cared for you more than her own life."
He'd, of course, told me the story. I was as horrified as he told me Bella was at the tale.
It was with the remembrance of Marcus' astounded face that I returned from the local forest after having hunted. Marcus' red eyes glowed, and I didn't want to even know how he'd come to feed. He'd called me into the study, and I found him staring into the flames.
"We've been summoned." He sat in a chair staring at the crackling fire and bent his arm upwards to hold the missive between two fingertips.
I took it and saw the writing…Aro's. The one we wouldn't ignore.
I have need of you.
Short and simple…and incapable of being disregarded.
"I have need of you," I intoned, mimicking Aro's voice precisely but adding a slight flair. It was something between Bram Stoker's Dracula and Darth Vader. I wasn't sure Marcus would get the humor, but he did snort. "I'll pack my bags and be right down."
"You didn't bring anything," he stated without inflection.
"Damn, there went that one second delay."
We sat for moments more, and it was then that I heard a group approaching. I was certain it was to escort the leader back to safety. "At least they waited to disturb us until the very end," I stated, of the contingent that had stayed in the woods in the distance. "Marcus, you won't ignore what you have promised, will you?" I asked of him.
He turned and looked at my face. "Are you certain?"
"More than I have ever been of anything in my life," I nodded. I felt at…well, peace wasn't quite the right word…because only Bella's arms could satisfy that feeling…maybe content was the right one. That was it…I felt content with the decisions I'd made.
"Very well," he replied.
"Are you going to follow through with what you have promised to me as well?"
"How does Carlisle put up with you? You are a tenacious, impertinent young man."
I smirked at him but waited silently to see if he would beg for a chance to get out of the promises he'd made.
He huffed slightly before rising and turning to the door that would return us to Volterra. "I have not forgotten."
Bella POV
The past two weeks had been Hell. My father had stopped me from following Marcus and Edward numerous times. He was vicious in his astute assessment of the situation. "Isabella, you have no hold over either of them. They will return when the time is right."
Even my letters, begging for forgiveness, had been returned unopened. Afton had assured me that Edward had never been in the vicinity to receive them, and I had to admit to anger at Marcus for forestalling my attempts. Did Edward even know that I'd written? Surely, he would have seen them in Marcus' thoughts. Did he really not want to speak with me? Had I done irreparable damage? The thought paralyzed me.
It was with that fear that I did the unthinkable. I braved the den of angry Cullen lions. I'd wondered if they would blame me but found them in the midst of their own self inflicted punishment.
"Everything's changed," was all Alice could manage. "It's all a blur, and I can't figure out what he wants."
Carlisle had just stared out the window with an emotionless mask, and Jasper sat with his elbows on his legs, his face in his hands. Esme sobbed as soon as she saw me and sat on the couch in reaction. I expected a snarky attitude from Rose, but she just glanced at me sadly. I hadn't even spoken to Rose or Alice yet, and quite honestly, I expected them to lash out at me so the silence I received from both of them was unsettling.
Marcus had blocked their letters as well, I was to learn. I had risen quickly to leave, feeling like an unwelcome guest in their midst. Jasper's quiet words had stopped me. "Bella, don't leave, you're family. It is as much our fault as yours. I don't think any of us really realized just what we had possibly put Edward through over the years. He doesn't complain, and so it is hard to realize at times that he might have his own desires and wishes. I think that is why we caved so easily in leaving you temporarily. We are beginning, as a group, to realize that his silence and tendency to isolate himself might have had more to do with our inability to give him space than a natural tendency to be emotional as we have so often assumed."
"He didn't ever have anyone to talk too…I mean, a mate. I think he did it to get thinking space instead of leaving because he knew it would trouble us for him to go off on his own," Emmett said, with surprising insight.
Carlisle worried me; he was so standing so rigid. I walked over to him, placing my hand on his arm, and he was kind enough to place his hand on mine, offering me solace instead.
"Carlisle…" I began but stopped suddenly, seeing a flash of pain cross his face.
My worry increased, realizing that he was on the verge of sobbing himself.
"You didn't…" I began to defend his actions.
"STOP! Of all of us, I should have seen it."
I wanted to deflect his pain so I settled for calling the person into question that needed to be called into question…me. "Help me to understand. What was so devastating to him to find out about Felix?"
They'd all heard what I'd cried out in response to Aro's question…just what had broken Edward. Carlisle looked down at me solemnly, before glancing over at Esme.
"Bella, for all our visits with our cousins and the occasional nomad, Edward has only really received guidance from me since his making. There is an undeniable bond between a sire and his or her progeny. I waxed on too much over the years about that fact, I'm sure. He wanted to share that bond with you, as I do with Esme. It is one of the reasons he left, his undeniable and growing desire to make you his that way as well. He felt he was losing the battle and was afraid he'd snap and do it in a moment of weakness. He hadn't come to accept the inevitability of it…it was one of the reasons he ran after your birthday party. It wasn't that he did not want to be with you…as you know…he loves you beyond all reality. He just wanted you to have a truly happy life, and he thought our way would not provide it."
"He'd prepared himself for the process of changing you, when he finally decided to come back to Forks to ask for your forgiveness. He knew that it was your heart's desire to be with him, and he'd accepted that he needed to make that concession. Once he embraced the idea, he was finally able to find some joy, and it exploded in him, I believe. I think that just as when I snapped and bit him and then Esme – knowing that there was no other way – that excitement must have taken over, knowing that he was so close to happiness. However, as you know, chaos ensued when we finally made it back to Forks. We have been in a mad rush since then. We've all been a little angry with him over this all, and I don't think he has felt comfortable talking with any of us about it. When he needed us the most…we let him down. Just like in the past, he wasn't able to share his true feelings with anyone."
"As Emmett so easily deduced, I'm afraid our inability to allow Edward to seek his own solace at times has added to the problem over the years. I was so afraid that he would never meet anyone, and I was particularly sensitive to his sadness, blaming myself. I think I associated that emotion with him in an unnecessarily magnified way. We all need time away from life and the others, but in the case of the rest of us, we had our mates to be with. Edward just needed the same…I think…and we didn't give it to him. He doesn't believe he knows how to ask without hurting us – a belief I'm afraid we've fostered with our overreactions toward him."
"He asked me…and I didn't give it to him," I admitted, a sob tearing out of my chest. "Then, instead of respecting him, I humiliated him, although unintentionally, in front of everyone."
I was wrapped in Carlisle's arms instantly. "Sh…" he murmured against me. "He will be back, Bella. I don't think he would have gone, if Marcus hadn't ordered his attendance. He can't leave you…it is impossible…intolerable for him. My sadness is not fear of this causing him to leave us; it is because I have caused him pain and did not recognize it. Edward is a caretaker, a protector, and I should have realized…looking back, it is so easy to see it all."
"But, it has been two weeks…"
No one said anything further.
So it was with some degree of trepidation that I received a summons to appear in the throne room. Marcus and Edward's absence would be acutely prevalent; knowing that the last time we'd been so called was the precipitating event for their leaving. Eleazar and his coven had left just days afterward, and I could tell that Tanya was pissed at me. She even became bold enough to ask Aro where they'd gone. Her words, that she would step in if I screwed up, had echoed through my head like a death toll. I wondered if he would he be able to withstand her another time. Fury had rolled through me at the thought, and although she had really been nothing but polite if not distant to me, I was glad to see her go.
I stumbled when I walked in to see Marcus sitting at his throne. He wasn't in his robe, but he was clearly in clean clothing. Demetri passed me in my frozen stance, the ceremonial attire in hand, and he helped Marcus to shrug it on. My gaze went crazy, attempting to locate Edward, and my heart sunk when I couldn't find him. I saw the rest of the Cullens doing the same… "the rest of the Cullens"…had I just included myself in that representation?
Marcus intentionally avoided my eyes so I went to stand before him. There was no way that I was going to allow him to evade me.
He raised an eyebrow at me, "Isabella?"
I hissed at him, the newborn in me showing. I was furious. He knew I'd written him and Edward, yet he'd avoided reading my letters…and kept them from my love.
"Where is Edward?" I snarled.
Aro's voice came from behind me. "Isabella, we need to get started; calm yourself. We can speak later."
I saw Carlisle and Esme's fear as they took their place beside Marcus. It was clear they were concerned about his absence. Aro had barely begun to speak when I heard one of the doors close behind me, and I just knew. He was here. I felt the fine hairs stand up on my arms, and I threw my shield out farther to catch him. His light stepped just behind me, and I saw from the corner of my eye, his hand reach out to Aro's shoulder. My father jolted from the contact. Joy and agony warred within me. I needed to see him…to touch him, and here I was bound by the rigid structure of Aro's formal court. I wanted to scream in frustration. Glancing subtly to my right, I saw Esme and Carlisle's faces. Their looks of concern raised my level of anxiety. My gaze darted to Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie. Jasper looked profoundly confused, and the rest stood in disbelief. What was going on?
I turned slightly to catch Jane's attention. She'd been my rock in a way during the last two weeks, although I'd made tentative trips back to the Cullens. Alice had remained subdued, actually leaving the room when I stepped in. The one time I'd stepped toward her as she retreated, Jasper had quickly shook his head, telling me to leave her alone. I'd been too chicken to confront him and chase her down. Jane's eyes were wide as she took me in and then glanced behind me. What did that mean?
I couldn't take it any longer, and I intentionally stepped back into his body. Fever raced across me as I came into contact with the rock hard abdomen and chest behind me. What shocked me more was that he did not move. He didn't breath in to smell me. He didn't wrap his arm around my waist or so much as touch me. He stood firm where he was, not moving away, but there was no give, no subtle softening. Panic raced through me.
Aro carried on his business, droning on at the vampires before him. I was paying next to no attention to what was occurring before me. He couldn't hear my thoughts so I imagined wrapping my hand across his lips to stop the nonsense. His next words caught my attention though, "Marcus, Caius, Carlisle, and I will discuss this further with you in the library. I want you to specifically draw a map to the area you are indicating. Edward, you as well."
Aro stood up and began to move forward. I felt Edward take a step backwards and then begin to move around me to follow Aro and the group of vampires who had petitioned him, out the door. My breath whooshed out when he stepped to my side, and I saw him. His face was indescribably different. The perfection that was his face was even more defined, gone was the haunted look. He seemed even younger, if that was possible…as if a great weight had been lifted from him. Something about his look drew me, even more than before. Almost like Jacob, he radiated something…something warm…something I wanted to get close too. He turned and caught me staring, just as he began to pass.
"Hi," I said, needing to make some contact with him.
He nodded his head in response. His eyes twinkled, but he didn't say a thing as he followed the others out of the room. As soon as the door shut, Alice dashed out of the room, muttering under her breath. Jasper shrugged at us, and everyone else began to congregate, waiting for the group that had left to return. Jane glided over to me.
"What happened?" she said softly.
"I'm not sure, but something…" I answered dumbly.
Felix gazed at me from across the room. We'd argued over the past weeks as well. Amazingly, he'd been upset with the way that Edward had found out. He, like me, had assumed Edward had known.
"Okay, Isabella, you know I would normally celebrate anything that would drive a wedge between you and Edward…as it only makes my chances better, but can you explain to me what occurred?"
When I'd told him, his breath came out in a gasp. "What did he do, Isabella?"
"Nothing. He'd stood and followed Marcus out. I was such an ass. I didn't mean to be. But I was. "
He shook his head in consternation and then walked away. I'd been totally confused. He'd come back later, as if he couldn't understand. A second telling of the tale had resulted in the same reaction. Jane, of course, had called him an "Ass" when I'd explained.
When I'd stared at her, demanding an explanation, I began to unravel the mystery.
"Felix would have destroyed something Bella, if he'd face humiliation like that. He would never hurt you in anger…he reserves the killing instinct for his job or those that have wronged him, but he doesn't understand Edward's control. It is unheard of really. Why do you think we all stared in the manner we did? Your Mr. Cullen is an amazing creature, Bella, and Felix is worried, maybe more than ever."
"Jane, I'm afraid he isn't my Mr. Cullen anymore," I'd attempted to say with grace and then broken down into dry sobs. She'd held me, as I fell to pieces.
Jane had enough wisdom to not tell me that I was being silly. "Do you believe he truly loves you?" she'd asked.
"Yes, I have no doubts that he loved me. Does he love me anymore…I'm not so sure."
"When you thought he'd left you, did you stop loving him?" she'd asked.
"Of course not!" I'd shouted.
"That is what the love of our kind is about…you were even human then and you found it. When you find it…it doesn't just disappear, Isabella. It is forever."
She'd said it with such pain that I'd suddenly realized something. "Who is he?" When she'd looked at me in a cross manner, I backpedaled and said, "Or she?" She had still been angry, but there was something behind it. "Jane?"
"It is nothing; don't worry. It was something long, long ago."
I'd narrowed my eyes at her, wanting to know her secret, but Jane eluded me that evening.
Alice flying back into the room startled me out of my reflection. Her face was distressed. "Everything is gone," she shrieked. "He's moved everything out of his room. That is why he was a little later than Marcus. He waited until we were in here I am guessing and went into our area to clear out his items. He is planning on living in the Guard quarters…away from us," she cried out.
Esme stood beside Jasper and leaned into him for support. "Why would Edward do something like this to us?" she began speaking, and then uncharacteristically cursed. "Damnit, that is just the thinking that got us into the predicament in the first place," she said with dawning understanding.
Alice blurred over to me then, approaching me for the first time since our ill-fated reunion.
"Do you love him, Bella? Truly love him? Because, he really needs to know. It is time for the games to stop."
I began to snarl at her at the audacity to claim I was doing this for fun.
She huffed unexpectedly, a sound so unlike anything I'd never heard from her. "Bella, for God's sake…you know what I mean. I've given you your space and attempted to be good. I've left the room each time you've come to our suite to give you privacy, and watched you, my best friend, share things with Jane that should have been shared with me. You know why? Because I love you and I've taken it as my due. I would respect you less if you didn't take your time testing our allegiance. I know you've needed to resolve your anger…I really understand that. We've deserved it, and it doesn't worry me. In a way it is even comforting, as great anger like you've felt for me can only have its origin in great love."
"But…this has to end. If you need to still stay cold toward me…okay. But don't do this to Edward or Felix. You can't have them both, and the longer you take, the more it will hurt. Imagine something for me Bella…imagine your life without Felix…what will happen to him if you tell him that you can't honor his burgeoning feelings for you." She stopped long enough for the picture to form in my head. "Now ask yourself how you will feel without Edward, and what will happen to him…without you."
The picture did flit through my head, but as is so often common with words of wisdom, it wasn't always the main point that speaks to you…it is the tiniest detail. A miniscule spark that initiates the flame. Something that resonates within you and adds the final missing piece…In a way it is even comforting, as great anger like you've felt for me, can only have its origin in great love.
My head snapped up, and I grabbed Jane's arm dragging her toward the hallway. My friends and I needed to talk…sadistic little witch…stubborn oaf.
"What did he do to you?"
"Nothing other than break promises he made."
"That I'm used to. At least this time, if I decide to go that direction, I'll go in knowing that it's the likely outcome. Do I need to stop the path before it goes forward any further?"
"Not on my behalf," she stated in an acidic tone.
The memory of my talk with Jane swarmed through my head. "Come with me," I said simply to Felix as well as I approached him.
I heard their mutual hisses and smiled deeply. I shoved Jane into the room ahead of me, and Felix followed, albeit reluctantly. Jane went automatically to the window, putting great distance between them. Felix leaned against the wall beside the door. He looked at me curiously.
I didn't know how to do this… I had a faint memory from being human. Something about a doctor telling me that the best way to take a band-aid off was to do it quickly. Just rip it off and get the pain over with as quickly as possible. I was too selfish though, to just do it normally. My heart was going to break a little here as well so I was going to grab a little comfort first. I walked over to Felix and wrapped my arms around him, laying my head against his broad chest. I sighed as I felt his arms surround me, and I breathed in his familiar scent. I did love him…deeply. But when Alice had asked me to envision him without me or me without him…it hadn't been as devastating as the other scenario. We both deserved more, and somehow, I believed he knew the difference as well. I needed to sear him with my emotions for just a few minutes though…to let him see my level of love for him. I needed just a moment to honor the piece of my heart that he held and to pay homage to the fact that I knew I held a piece of his as well, before I turned him over to the one whom I believed held the rest of his heart.
"Felix…Jane…" I began speaking as I broke away from him and moved just a few feet away "…you are my best friends here, and I need to speak with you."
Jane turned to look at me, even though she kept her eyes shuttered.
"How did you go from loving each other to hating each other? What happened? Because I really need to know so that I don't make the same mistakes and go decades, possibly centuries, without the comfort of love."
I knew I'd struck a chord when they both stiffened.
"You do not know what you speak of," Jane growled at me, and I instinctually threw my shield around Felix as well. I knew she would think nothing about torturing him.
"Do I not, Jane?" was my simple reply.
I looked up to see faint glimpses of agony cross Felix's face. Ah…lost love. It did make me nervous. The love of our kind didn't "go away," so Jane had said. It made me anxious to contemplate how they could live separately, hardly speaking to each other. What had happened to drive such a wedge? How had she stood to see me contemplate him…to have even given me permission after a fashion? Carlisle had told me about how painful it was for mates to be apart…almost impossible. I couldn't imagine Carlisle standing aside for Esme to consider another. I believe he would tear anyone apart who touched her in an intimate manner.
Were Felix and Jane mates? Maybe, I was wrong. Or did differing levels of love exist for vampires, like for humans. I realized I had no clue. I only had the Cullens and now my newly adopted parents to compare to. Aro and Sulpicia's love was as deep and rich, even if it was hard to conceive. Aro was much darker than Carlisle, conniving…incredibly manipulative, and this nature would lead you to believe that he could not love in a great manner. It wasn't that I didn't recognize that Carlisle wouldn't do anything to protect his family, and I wasn't naïve enough to think he wouldn't fight if they were threatened. But, Carlisle still retained a degree of humanity that Aro had long since abandoned. There was no doubt in my mind, however, that my father loved my mother as deeply and clearly as Carlisle loved Esme.
Jane glared at me, remaining quiet after my impertinent reply. I approached her and wrapped my hands around her upper arms.
"Look at me, and tell me you don't love him. You know I can tell when you aren't telling the truth or when you are hiding something. You've done well hiding this from me until this point…the damned pixie had to wake me up."
"I will not speak with you, Isabella, about this ridiculous precept. I have never had anyone care about me in the manner you are proposing. I will not deny that Felix and I once considered a relationship, but he found me unworthy of his attention fairly quickly," she hissed.
Great pain…great agony…
I turned quickly in an attempt to catch Felix's eyes. I was hoping he would jump in here and say something to dispute her belief. He stoically stared at the window, as if he was attempting to dissociate himself from the moment. They obviously didn't understand how stubborn I was.
"So you 'only contemplated' for how long?"
Neither said a word. I decided I could manipulate Felix easier than Jane and stepped close to him. I stood on my tiptoes and reached up to grasp his chin, turning his face to me.
"How long, Felix? This is important to me."
He huffed and finally met my eyes. "Several decades…until she decided to leave me for another."
A vase shattered on the wall beside us, but neither of us responded. I was frozen in shock, and he in agony. But somewhere inside of me I marveled at Jane acting so "feminine."
"You are a liar…" Jane shouted from across the room, and Felix's face froze in anger.
I grinned…yes we were getting somewhere. Felix's eyes widened as he looked at my face.
I spun to face her, keeping myself between them. Honestly, I knew he could defend himself easily against her, as long as I kept him under the protection of my shield, but I still couldn't stand for them to go after each other.
"How is he lying?" I asked her gently.
"I never touched another…never while we were together. It took me years to be able to touch anyone after you tossed me aside. You know that," she spit at him. "I should have just surprised Demetri the night afterward when he came to check on me, and fucked his brains out…"
His roar broke through her words, and I literally had to put pressure on him to keep him still. I believe he would have lunged at her if I'd allowed him. "Bitch…you would have too…wouldn't you? Wasn't it bad enough that you went to another of my friends while we were together? You would attempt to destroy everything in my life!"
"Felix, stop calling her a Bitch. I don't like it, and it is disrespectful," I said softly, patting my hand to his clenched stomach in an attempt to comfort him. It was an impressive stomach too…I was hedonistic enough to note that. Another leaner torso filled my mind though, and my fingertips twitched, wanting to feel the texture of the fine bronze hairs I would encounter on it.
Jane's face contorted only briefly in response to my defense of her. Her eyes softened though when she looked at me. I knew she was thanking me; I'd come to know her well enough to know that.
"I don't even owe you an explanation anymore, Felix. I foolishly attempted to give it to you many, many times in the past. I do not care to rehash history, but I will answer for Isabella's sake. She needs to know the unfaithful snake she is considering…" Felix growled behind me, but Jane continued, "…Felix believes that I slept with another. He would not believe my explanations to the contrary. He withdrew his affections and left me. It is plain and simple. I long ago quit caring that he wouldn't believe me. Even if he'd come to his senses, I would never be able to trust him again. How he could believe I would have done something so stupid to risk what we had, I'll never know."
"HE TOLD ME JANE! He gave me intimate details. Things that he wouldn't know without having been with you," his harsh voice answered.
"Sure. I didn't say that I hadn't slept with him before you, Felix. Just that I didn't do that once I was with you. Of course, he would know. I was here many years before Aro brought you into our midst."
"It makes no sense, your explanation. He had nothing to gain by lying. He went to his death without clearing up what you would propose was a "misconception." In fact, he taunted me…well at least until he realized he was losing the fight. Then, I think he just was fighting to stay alive." His voice carried too much satisfaction.
I spun to face him. His face was a cold mask. "You destroyed him?" I said in a horrified whisper.
"With great relish…" he stated, narrowing his eyes. He looked every inch of the cold blooded killer that his reputation claimed.
Jane's face carried no emotion which would only make sense if she really didn't feel anything for the other vampire. Jane wouldn't have slept with someone during her relationship with him unless there had been a significant attachment. I wasn't placing my still human emotions and strictures on her; it just wasn't within her. I knew enough about her from our burgeoning friendship. Jane didn't do relationships well, and anyone she dedicated time to meant something deep to her...which is what I was banking on here.
"Okay, Jane, let's get this out in the open so that we can go on from here. Tell me why Levi would have claimed something that did not happen. Why did he go to his death without clarifying it?" Felix asked, probably putting together the longest discourse I'd ever heard him have with her.
"I don't know," she said hopelessly. "I really don't…"
"Who was Levi?" I asked.
"Just another guard member, but he was Felix's counterpart. They were similar in size and agility. Aro enjoyed having two henchmen surrounding him, like buffoons..."
"Jane!" I hissed. "As I didn't like Felix calling you names, there is no reason at least in my presence for you to do the same.
She narrowed her eyes at me and turned back to stare out the window. But, something occurred to me while I glared at her.
"Felix, you came after this Levi?" I asked.
"Yes."
"Jane, you were involved with him before?"
"Yes, but it had been some time."
"Solely?" I questioned.
She shrugged her shoulders. "Very few people brave me, as you know. It wasn't..." I couldn't tell for sure, but it seemed as if she grew embarrassed "...satisfying...the relationship. That was before I realized that you could just fuck for fun."
Felix's stomach contracted at the thought of Jane 'fucking for fun.' And I thought my and Edward's relationship was a mess.
I wanted to scream. "You are such idiots...both of you. Felix comes here and probably earns my father's regard for his size and skill, and then he captures your attention, Jane. Are all vampires so clueless because it seems so simple to me. You and your relationship were a threat. Jane, you probably rank in the top two or three guards in importance, and Felix...you were getting it all. You, in your own right, are critical to Aro, and a mating between you two would be powerful. I am betting that Levi was hoping to obtain that status for himself. He probably thought he would win against you in a fight...had you ever sparred?"
Felix began to stir behind me, and I turned to see an uncomfortable expression cross his face.
"To be so incredibly intelligent, I am beginning to believe that vampires give up good common human sense during the change." I was thinking back to my family's...damn I was doing it again – placing myself with the Cullens...maneuverings in regards to James and how 'surprised' Emmett had been that I could assess the situation and put a plan together.
"He wanted Jane, and he wanted you gone, Felix. My bet is that he was willing to suffer any punishment my father would inflict to make sure it happened. He would have ridden in on his white horse to comfort her afterward and assure her that he would never have doubts. Was there punishment?"
"Of course, Aro felt it appropriate to allow Jane to punish me. He threw us in a room together, and she tortured me for killing her lover," he said but then breathed deeply. "Or so I thought..."
"My father put you together in an attempt to allow you to work it out. Your punishment...both of you...came from your own inability to listen and communicate. He is good about giving individuals opportunities; what they do with them he will not control."
"Jane?" Felix's voice came out hoarsely. He'd grabbed my hand for support. I could swear I even felt him tremble a little.
"It is useless, Felix. Don't even try. Your incapacity to give me a chance…that is what I can't forgive. I begged you...I humbled myself...not just once but many times. You meant that much to me...back then. You and I can never be, even if Isabella is giving it an admirable try. If you will excuse me, I do not feel comfortable leaving Aro without protection," she said, while walking out of the room.
Felix held it together until she closed the door behind her. His unnecessary breath came out in a whoosh, and I turned to face him.
"You could have warned me, Isabella," he said in a disgruntled tone.
"Yes, I could have, had I realized where this was going. Something Alice said made me rush headlong into this. I don't always think before I jump, I'm afraid."
There were several moments of silence. It wasn't awkward though because Felix had seen me through much more discomforting times.
"You know I love you, right?" he said solemnly, brushing his fingers across my cheekbone. Pain filtered into his face.
I nodded. "Felix, I am beginning to think I am flighty. How is it possible to love more than one person? Jacob, you, Edward...I feel ashamed. It makes me feel like an unworthy person."
"No...absolutely not, it makes you special. Not many people can open themselves up to one person like that, much less others." He pulled me into his body, and I relaxed against him. He rubbed his face along the top of my head. "This is difficult because no matter which way I go I lose someone important to me. You need to go to him, Isabella. You need him in ways I'll never satisfy..."
"Do you want me to first go protect you against the Dragon Lady?" I joked, weakly breaking into the statement that was painful for us both.
"Hm...that is definitely an intriguing proposition." He shuddered against me. "I think she makes it worse for me...with justification I understand, but the prospect of approaching her gives a whole new meaning to the word 'masochistic'."
I chuckled softly against his broad chest.
"I don't really know how to say this, and I'm sure it will come out wrong. We may have both lost them...I know that, so I want you to know...I love you enough to spend forever with you, Isabella. I know it would not be the same, but we could be good together. I am going to go fight for her, and I expect you to do the same, but I don't want you to think I have pursued you lightly. I meant every word and the promises I made to you."
As his arms began to loosen around me, I finally vocalized to him what I'd withheld for whatever reason, "Felix, I love you too."
When we stepped into the throne room, I quickly noticed that Aro and the others hadn't returned. Jane stood by Alec. She'd secluded herself in a corner of the room, and he remained beside her, clearly concerned about the agitation on her face. I saw Felix square his shoulders and begin to stride purposefully towards them. Alec glared as the huge vampire approached, and he looked over to his sister for guidance. The only sign that she recognized Felix's approach was the subtle stiffening of her body. He hadn't hit the floor yet, so I was happy. She was at least letting him approach her. Good luck, my love...
The Cullens had gathered in a small grouping, and I was drawn back to the pain I was facing. My venture in playing matchmaker seemed to have happened in a cocooned bubble, and reality had just burst it. I'd frozen just inside the door, but Felix caught my eyes as he came to stand next to a sneering Jane. I am going to go fight for her, and I expect you to do the same.
No time like the present. I walked over to them, and intentionally placed myself beside Alice. She trembled in place, awaiting my acknowledgement. She must have seen it, and it was a testament to her patience that she allowed me to make the first move. Her hand clenched mine tightly when I slipped my fingers through hers. I expected her to squeal out loud, but I noticed Jasper's hand on her and the calming influence he was providing. Edward and I had both thrown her for a loop today.
"Two minutes...they'll be out in two minutes," she whispered to the group. "But, we aren't going to like what he has to say..." Her eyebrows scrunched together adorably as she attempted to filter through her vision.
Esme looked at each of us. "We will not question him as to why. If he wants us to know, he'll tell us. He'll only be across the castle. I won't whine too much, I promise," she stated. It was obvious she was saying it to convince herself as well as us.
"Sure, Mom. You are already barely restraining yourself from going over to his room and making sure it is 'good enough.' He will realize Alice already knows. We just need to let it go," Jasper suggested. "I'll put anyone on the floor who can't restrain themselves," he threatened.
Rosalie snorted from beside him, "And who is going to control you, soldier boy?" She grinned endearingly at me, and my lips inched up. Imagine...me smiling at Rosalie, and her instigating it.
"Bella! I've not grappled with a newborn in awhile...it'll be refreshing," Jasper teased, causing Emmett to laugh out loud and snicker the word 'backrub.'
The back and forth insult swapping was halted as we heard the unmistakable sound of the group returning. I wanted to shout for joy when Carlisle came through the door with his arm linked through Edward's. Papa Cullen was taking matters into his hands. I barely restrained myself when Edward's eyes snapped to Felix...and his direct gaze, widened and then scurried around the room to find me. I didn't feel like I could smile at him because that assumed that he would be willing to accept my plea for forgiveness. But, when his lip slightly crooked, it was all I could do to not throw myself at him. The cloud on Carlisle's face did not bode well, though...
"OH!" Alice squeaked. "NO...he can't go."
Carlisle did grin though when he saw me standing beside Alice, and he cleverly dropped Edward at my side.
"You can't go off; it isn't fair. We have just gotten back together again," Alice whined.
Edward shook his head softly. "Alice, it isn't as if I have a choice. Aro has decided to send me with them. I don't have the ability to disobey his orders."
"WHAT?" Esme gasped, looking to Carlisle for explanation.
"Aro is sending Edward as his ambassador with the group. He wants Edward to listen and learn then bring the knowledge back. They brought notice of a group being trained by Vladimir and Stefan, and Aro wants to see it from all the perspectives first hand."
"And you are perfect for that duty," Rosalie hissed, looking at her brother.
Edward nodded softly. He still hadn't moved closer to me or done anything remotely affectionate. I couldn't stand it any longer.
"May I speak with you?" I asked shyly, suddenly feeling like the old Bella. He swallowed deeply, and I felt my confidence surge again at the telling physical sign. "Since you've moved your personal items away from the family suite, the only option we have is my room. Let's go there," I said, getting the obvious out there.
He drew himself up and looked at everyone. "Regardless of what you may think, I'm not running away. I made the decision to join the other single guard members because in effect that is exactly what I am. Aro allows the mated couples to live together, but all others have assigned quarters. I do not want nor do I believe I am worthy of special privileges. We will be here for many years; it would seem. I need to know those whom I will be working with. Marcus actually made the suggestion, believing it will help me to develop relationships with them. There is no reason to start my life here setting a barrier between me and my soon to be compatriots."
"But I have a room to myself, close to Aro and Sulpicia," I growled out.
My outburst finally earned me his regard. His eyes were a curious mixture of humor and sadness. "Bella...you are his daughter. You are special and therefore deserve such an honor."
I'd had enough. I reached over and grabbed his hand and turned toward the door. For a moment, panic washed through me because it was eerily similar to what had occurred weeks before...what had sent him away. Felix winked at me as I strode by him and a still furious Jane. I didn't stop, though, until we walked through my door, and I locked it behind us. It was ridiculous I know to do so, but ironically, locked doors where respected around here. Edward stood stoically just inside the door almost like he might bolt.
Band-aid...just remember that.
"Edward, I am so sorry for what happened. I spoke before I should have. I know you weren't running from me. Had I realized, I would have given you the time you needed. I just didn't understand...about Felix and how that would make you feel."
His hand went to his hair. But it was almost as if he realized what he was doing, and he slowly unclenched it. He leaned back against the wall, his eyes closed, finger pinching the bridge of his nose. "He loves her very much, as she loves him. I do hope they can work it out. She didn't cheat on him. But the man who spoke to Felix...he was very convincing. It is amazing how words can destroy so much."
I quickly reached his side. "Like us. But Edward, I want you...I want it all back. Is it too late? Did I destroy it all when I spoke so foolishly?"
His eyes opened slowly. He searched my face for what seemed an eternity before he spoke. "Bella, you have nothing to apologize for. So much of what has come between us have been words spoken in haste. It would seem that we have been destined to rip 'us' apart before we even had the time to really be."
"You didn't answer my questions," I pointed out, moving to pin his body to the wall with mine.
He shook his head. "Which one?" he mumbled, staring at my lips distractedly.
Smiling internally at his reaction, I decided to tear off the Band-Aid. "Edward Cullen, do you still love me?"
His glorious golden eyes rose from my mouth to look into my blood red ones. "With everything I am..."
"Good because there is no one that I can love more. I can't imagine my life without you. I'm tired of wasting time," I said against his neck, eliciting a groan from him. "I'm tired of staying away from you. Whatever you need, Edward...wedding...public declarations...I'll do them. Tomorrow, if you want. But tonight, you're mine."
I heard him chuckle, but it seemed anguished. I broke away from the suction I was applying to his neck and looked back up to find his face a mixture of bliss and torture.
He opened his eyes again, and groaned. "I have to leave tomorrow morning, Bella. We would be leaving tonight, but Aro intends to entertain the group first. He wants to brush against each one of them to steal their memories. I will be gone...possibly for a long time. Damnit!" he swore out. "Always something in the way..." he groaned.
I refused to think about this right now. "But, not right now."
His eyes jerked to me. "Bella...a rushed evening, under less than auspice conditions...is it really how you've dreamed of us...the first time?"
"I don't dream anymore, Edward...as you well know. What I do is fantasize...and I can tell you...I've fantasized about getting you anyway I can. But, I tell you what...you demand special for our first time, right?"
"Bella...that isn't what I meant," he began to interrupt, but I'd decided that I wanted to give him something. I wanted to give into Edward's ultimate fantasy...because in the deepest part of me...a place so far deep that I shuddered to bring it to light...I wanted it as well.
"Edward, stay here. I'll be back in just a few minutes."
He called my name out in confusion as I ran down the hallway like the hounds of hell...which I guess would be Jake's pack in our world...were after me.
I blurred into the throne room and caught my father's hand. His eyes widened as I whispered my need to him. He smiled and nodded toward Marcus. "Your uncle can accomplish that for you." When my eyes widened in disbelief, he chuckled. "He has had more than ample time on his hands...and his father was a religious leader, Isabella. He studied for years and served as our liaison to the Pope." I looked at him, amazed at the reality that we'd interacted with such a religious leader. "I'll take care of it...and the others needs you will have...go to Carlisle."
My request to the family resulted in more than a few open mouths. Alice started to argue, but Jasper wisely clamped his hand across her mouth. She was still struggling when Jasper carried her through my bedroom door, causing Edward to rise from the couch where he'd been sitting. I'd included everyone in my shield, but him...so it was with a great degree of confusion that he asked, "What's going on?" His eyes flew wildly around the room taking in his family, and mine. Felix had even managed to somehow get Jane, Demetri, and Alec here.
I stepped to him and placed my hands on his chest. In reaction, his hands went to my waist. "Bella?" he said obviously nervous.
"Marry me. Right here, right now. Just marry me," I said simply.
"I..." he didn't say anything else. He was quite adorable tongue-tied.
Marcus stood before us. "I can't perform the ceremony if he doesn't indicate he is willing," Marcus said seriously, but I could see the twinkle in his eye.
Edward lurched from me, and started to the door. My knees threatened to buckle and allow me to fall to the floor. Had I'd misinterpreted everything? He and Rosalie almost crashed together as she ran into the room, and he tried to run out.
"Edward, don't worry, I have it," she laughed, handing him a box. I hadn't even realized she wasn't at Emmett's side.
He snatched her into a bone crushing hug, then spun to come back to me. "My mother's ring," he croaked, obviously incapable of anything further.
He fumbled attempting to open it, and Carlisle stepped in taking it from him. Esme smoothed her hand against his cheek, smiling gently at the dawning euphoria on his face.
What was to be my wedding ceremony blurred in my mind. I knew that my multifaceted brain had recorded it perfectly, and I would cherish it later. For now, what was burned into my conscious was the glow of Edward's eyes as he said the words that bound us and the joy that spread across his face when I repeated the vows back to him. I didn't even look at the ring he pushed onto my finger. But I did panic when I realized that I did not have one to give to him. Would it still be legal without one? What did I know? It was during that panic that I heard my father behind me, and his touch as he took my hand. A circle of metal...a ring. I sobbed lightly, knowing that Aro had procured one. I shuddered at the thought that it might have belonged to one of our victims, and my feelings must have shown on my face.
Aro actually laughed and leaned closely to me. "It was created by an artisan in Rome, Isabella. I've received many items from business partners as gifts...it is a priceless piece of art and has never graced another's hand. I think you will find it appropriate."
Edward paid the ring as much attention as I'd paid mine. He snatched me to him before Marcus even had the words 'you may kiss the bride' out of his mouth.
Alice swore when Jasper released her mouth. "I only needed a day! ONE DAY! You allowed my baby brother and my sister to go through this farce," she screeched loudly at Aro. I barely heard her; my mind was overwhelmed by the smell and taste of Edward as he kissed me deeply.
I could hear the excited chatter of those around us, but we were totally enraptured. After what was probably several minutes, I heard Carlisle chuckle behind me. "Let's leave these two alone."
Edward hummed in agreement around my lips, never breaking contact.
"I will postpone your leaving for another day, Edward. We will give you the privacy of this end of the castle," Aro said from somewhere close.
I tore my lips from Edward long enough to mumble out a thanks and goodbye, before I felt his arms lift me and the silk of my bed against my back.
"Mrs. Bella Swan Velathri Cullen," his velvet voice murmured passionately as he looked down into my eyes. "I am not certain exactly what came over you, but fantasy fulfillment seems to be the modus operandi of the day. " His fingers gently brushed aside the silk of the dress I'd put on for court and nipped at my collarbone. "I have tons of fantasies, Bella. Marrying you was only one of them. I have just made myself a promise. We will get through as many as possible over the next day so that while I'm gone we'll have beautiful memories to keep us company," he said, slowly licking the skin he'd nibbled.
Taking one of my hands, he raised my wrist to his mouth, covering the faint script there with his lips. Unwanted. "From the first moment I saw you…my sin has been that I wanted you too much. I still do. You hold my salvation or destruction in the palm of your hand, Bella. You are my mistress in every sense of the word." He moved that hand to his hair, silently telling me to bury my fingers in it. He brought the other to his lips. Unloved. He laughed harshly against that wrist. "If you were more loved, I would have gone crazy. So many others love you deeply, and it was acid to my mind to realize they may be so much better for you. But I will tell you this; I will not do anything to make you regret choosing me, Bella. Tonight, I am going to drive any thought out of your head that you were ever unloved. I plan to worship every inch of your body, making sure that you carry the memory of my love in every pore."
I hissed as he placed my hand above his long dead heart and settled his lips against my throat...
A/N: I hope the length made up for the wait. Honeymoon night and day next. THOUGHTS?
As always, I want to thank my Beta – please check out her stories here on FF and on Twiwrite – they are incredible:
hopeforastalemate – A better name for this woman would be Volturi Girl. She challenges me constantly to stretch my limits, and was gracious enough to beta this for me in a pinch, even when she isn't as enthusiastic about the totally cannon world.