I had just announced to everyone that I was pregnant. I knew for sure now, and I wasn't going to hide it. I was high, and I made a mistake. I was now a little more understanding of Angelica, but... at least my mistake didn't get anyone killed.
In hindsight, I know now that I should have told Chuckie in private that I made a mistake, not announced it to everyone... I may have broke his heart. I had no idea why Dil ran out. That baffled me and confused me more than anything else that evening.
Anyways, everyone was sitting around the table, looking at me. Kimi and Tommy had looks of disappointment, and all of the parents all had looks of shock. "Stu, we better go." Didi said. "Us too, Koibito. This is a family matter." Kira said to Chaz. "Yes, OUR family matter. She's pregnant with our grandchild... let's go find Chuckie." Chaz said. All of the parents left, except for mine, because it was their house. Tommy and Kimi stayed, though.
My mom stepped in to say something. I knew what was coming. "Lillian Marie-Jill DeVille, what were you thinking?! It was dumb enough that you were taking drugs, but...but...losing your virginity?! We always told you to save it for your wedding night... and you've probably gone and broke 'ol Chuck-o's heart. That boy has been crazy about you for years! You finally make him think that your happy with him, only for him to realize that you were on DRUGS and you weren't thinking! And I don't know if you guys agree, but I think Dilly has had a little crush on Lil too. You've probably broken his heart, too. Why weren't you thinking?!"
I had no comment. Kimi just looked at me and started talking. "Lil... I know that you know that Chuckie has had a little crush on you, now... but here's the deal. It was more than a little crush. That boy has been IN LOVE with you since High School. That's almost 9 years that boy has been waiting patiently for a chance to finally be with you... You broke his heart, Lil." That really hit me hard. Kimi was my best friend, and she was talking down to me.
"Lil... sweetheart... you need to go find Chuckie." My dad said. "And I need to go see where my brother went, and find out what the deal is." Tommy said. So, I went to find Chuckie, Tommy and Kimi went to find Dil, and my parents stayed home.
After about 30 minutes, I found him. He was sitting in his parents house. I went in and talked to him. "I've already heard the shpeal, just got through hearing it from my parents. They were talking to me like I was still some dumbass teenager when I'm a grown man." Chuckie said. I sat down next to him and looked at him.
"Chuckie...I had NO IDEA that you loved me so much. Really. All these years, I thought that you thought of me as a friend. I'm...I'm so sorry... I mean, I really just can't get a grasp on myself right now. I was being selfish by trying to kill myself, even more selfish for using you for sex, and EVEN MORE selfish for announcing to everyone that my sex with you was a 'mistake.' I can't apologize enough for that. Chuckie, my feelings are a little mixed right now. I'm not sure how I feel. Let me ponder on it for awhile. Regardless, we have a CHILD on the way, Chuckie. I'm going to have to move out closer to you. Am I saying we should live together? No. I just think a child's parents should be hundreds of miles apart. But, who knows. Let me think about it for awhile, and we'll get things straightened out. I promise. Just know that if my feelings don't end up being exactly what you want them to be... I'll always love you with all of my heart like a brother. I promise, ok?"
"Ok...but you have to promise me one thing... That you'll never stray away from me. Whatever your feelings may be, I always want to be closer to you, Lil... I also want to be close to my child, so... we're in this together, no matter what." He explained. I smiled, have him a kiss on the cheek, and went out to my car. I decided to go to Tommy's parents' house.
I walked in, I was greeted with Tommy talking to Dil in the living room. Dil was crying, and Tommy seemed concerned. I wanted to know what was happening.
Tommy looked at me. "Talk about it with her. I have all of the information I need, so let her know." After he said this, Tommy walked off to his parents and Kimi, who were in the kitchen.
"Dil...what happened back there?" I asked him. "Lil. I have...look, I...I just...I have loved you for years. YEARS. Ok? Years, I have been waiting and hoping that you'll realize my love for you... Here it is. When you called your sex with Chuckie a 'mistake', I ruled out ANY chance of you coming anywhere near me. I was so broken-hearted before when I heard that you had tried to kill yourself. Why do you think I was the one who made the most visits in that hospital? I was...so afraid of losing you for sure. But, it doesn't matter. I know I have. If you want to be friends, that's fine. I know there's nothing you want to do with me."
After he said that, my heart just fell the the pit of my stomach. I was just so frustrated and so sad at the same time. Here I was, two guys I have known as brothers my entire life. I was pregnant with one's child, the other one's heart-broken BECAUSE I am pregnant with the OTHER one's child, and both are sad because they both thought that they would never have a chance at love with me. I have really screwed a lot of things up. I had no idea that either of these guys loved me they way they do. But, no getting around it, they do...
"I'm so sorry, Dil... if I wasn't so selfish, we wouldn't be in this mess I have put you, myself, and Chuckie in..." I told him.
"You're not selfish. Your only brother just died, and 2 days after he died you find out that one of your best friends is pregnant with his child. I completely understand why things are little messed up right now... I don't want to be in the way, at all. Just know that, no matter what, I will always love you. Period. Whether you love me back or not..." He explained.
Once he said that, I didn't know if I felt better or worse. All I knew at this point was, there was a lot of things I really screwed up that I needed to fix.