AUTHOR'S NOTES: So I finally finished season 5. And I cried. Again. Trust me, I wanted to make sure this was as emotional as possible. I hope I did alright. I also kept in Chuck's monologue as he writes the last book. (The chunks of text in italics is Chuck.)
xxxxxxx
Gibbs: "What's on your mind? You're awfully quiet over there, Duck."
Ducky: "A mute swan, actually. Believe it or not."
Gibbs: "I believe it."
Ducky: "Legend has it that Cygnus olor is silent most of its life until the moment of its death when it sings only once."
'NCIS' episode 8.23 "Swan Song"
Swan Song
"On April 21st, 1967, the 100 millionth GM vehicle rolled off the plant in Janesville—a blue 2-door Caprice. There was a big ceremony, speeches… the Lieutenant Governor even showed up.
Three days later, another car rolled off that same line. No one gave two craps about her, but they should have. Because this 1967 Chevrolet Impala would turn out to be the most important car—in fact, the most important object—in pretty much the whole universe.
Eventually, she ended up at Rainbow Motors—a used car lot in Lawrence—where a young Marine bought her on impulse. That is… after a little advice from a friend.
I guess that's where this story begins.
Shortly after the Impala fell into the possession of John Winchester, another important event occurred: the birth of James Brendon's only child—a daughter named Fiona.
Four years later, John's wife, Mary, would give birth to the first of two sons. She named her older son Dean—after her mother, Deanna—and her second child Sam—after her father.
Although John and James were best friends along with a third Marine, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, none of them knew that one day their children would be connected in ways no one could have ever imagined."
Walking up to the Impala, wearing his father's old leather jacket, Dean wasn't surprised to find Sam sitting on the hood of the car, his back against the window. It was, in fact, his favorite spot to sit and think—had been ever since Sam had turned 13.
Seeing the beer that Sam held, Dean followed suit and dug in the cooler, pulling out a bottle for himself.
As Sam watched Dean open the beer bottle and lean against the car, he asked, "Dean? What's going on?"
"I'm in," Dean replied, simply, tossing the bottle cap onto the ground.
Sam frowned, briefly, a touch confused by his brother's statement. "In with?"
"The whole up-with-Satan thing," Dean clarified, reluctantly. "I'm on board."
Sam sat up, not sure if his brother was putting him on. But looking at his older brother's stance, Sam knew that Dean was sincere. "You're going to let me say 'yes'?" Sam repeated, still amazed by the turnabout.
"No," Dean said, thinking about what he'd come to realize earlier. "That's the thing." When he caught sight of Sam's confused expression, he went on. "It's not on me to let you do anything. You're a grown—overgrown—man… If this is what you want, I'll back your play."
"That's the last thing I thought you'd ever say," Sam admitted. Looking at Dean, he added, "Look, I know that Fiona thinks it should be her, but… But you need her more than you need me."
"Sam," Dean started to argue. But seeing the look on his brother's face, he shut up and let Sam talk.
"No, Dean, it's true," Sam pressed. "You're my brother. And nothing will ever change that. But for some reason, you've never needed me to keep going. That's what you need Fiona for."
Dean had to admit that Sam had a point. And when Sam fell silent, Dean said, "You know, the truth is… Watching out for you? It's kind of been my job, you know? More than that, it's who I am. But you're not a kid anymore, Sam. And I can't keep treating you like one." He reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and withdrew the letter he'd written before. Holding it out to his brother, he said, "I meant for you to read this. I thought you should, before…"
Sam took the letter, watching his big brother walk back towards Bobby's house. He didn't read it, though. He couldn't. But as he slid off the Impala's hood, he pulled out two letters of his own and stuck them in the bottom of the glove compartment for Dean and Fiona to find when they were ready.
The next few days were stressful.
In an abandoned townhouse in Nebraska, Sam, Dean, Fiona, Bobby and Castiel had found two demons strung up in what had been the living room, their bodies very freshly drained of blood.
After collecting the blood in empty water jugs, Dean and Bobby looked over possible omens in the back of Bobby's van. "What do we got?" Dean asked, trying to keep his mind off of things for a moment or two.
"Best bet…?" Bobby handed over a printed out article. "20 degree temperature drop in Detroit in about a 5 block radius of downtown Motown."
"That's it," Dean confirmed, thinking of what Lucifer had said before. "Any way we can slip in unnoticed?" Glancing at the Impala, he added, "Not exactly incognito."
"Well, there's good news on that front," Bobby said with a shrug. "Turns out, we'd be getting there right in the middle of Michigan's biggest classic car show." He handed Dean a flyer advertising the Woodward Dream Cruise. "Best we can hope for."
"Yeah," Dean muttered, looking away.
As they drove through the night—Cas traveling with Bobby and Fiona with Sam and Dean—it seemed like everyone was thinking about the events to come.
"Look, guys…" Sam said, after a while. He didn't know how to say it, but knew that it needed to be said, "If this goes our way and I triple-Lindy into that box… you know I'm not coming back."
Dean nodded, silently, and Fiona whispered, "I know."
"So you've got to promise me something," Sam said, looking from Dean to Fiona in the backseat. "Both of you."
"Okay, yeah," Dean said, not sure what Sam was talking about. "Anything."
"You've got to promise not to try to bring me back," Sam said, firmly.
"What?" Dean said, quickly. "No, I didn't sign up for that." When Sam started to argue, Dean pressed on. "Your Hell is going to make my tour look like Graceland! You want me to just sit by and do nothin'?"
"Once the Cage is shut, you can't go poking at it, Dean," Sam insisted. "It's too risky."
"So then what do you want us to do?" Fiona snapped, irritably. She knew Sam was right, but it change the fact that the man she loved more than anything would be in Hell… forever.
"You guys go live some normal, apple pie life," Sam replied. "Dean, you go to Ziva and pray she's stupid enough to take you back. And Fi…"
"Sam, don't," Fiona begged, trying to hold back the tears.
But Sam didn't stop. "Fiona, you find someone else… someone who makes you smile, and you settle down and have a family." When neither his brother nor his girlfriend said, anything, Sam said again, "Promise me."
"Promises were important to the Winchesters and to Fiona. To them, a promise meant something that you could hold onto, even if things seemed to be beyond all hope.
John had promised to kill the demon responsible for murdering Mary, even if the action would do nothing to resurrect the only woman he'd ever really loved.
And then there had been Dean, promising to do anything to save his brother—everything except killing him.
Even Fiona swore to kill the demon responsible for killing her father and sending Dean to Hell—two separate demons, by the way.
But some promises are easier to keep than others. And even as they promised Sam to live normal lives, Dean and Fiona knew that it was one promise they couldn't keep forever.
As they drove through Detroit, hidden among the classic Mustangs, Chevys, Dodges, and Cadillacs cruising down Woodward Avenue, Dean wondered if this was all a big trap. If Lucifer knew about the rings… Somehow, it all seemed too easy. As though Lucifer was rolling out the red carpet.
But when Sam, Dean, and Fiona found the Devil's hiding place and essentially gate-crashed, it didn't take them long to realize that they had been expected. They knew instantly that what planning they had done had been for nothing.
Lucifer knew everything, and even as Sam said 'yes', Dean could see that it was all falling apart even worse than he could have ever imagined. He saw Lucifer take his brother over… Watched as Sam pretended to use the rings, only to undo the spell and vanish, leaving Dean alone in the room. And as he stood there, despair washing over him, Dean knew that it was over and they had lost."
In an abandoned theater, Lucifer could feel Sam Winchester scratching away in his mind, like rats in attic eaves. "It won't work on me, Sam," Lucifer warned, calmly. "I'm not like your typical demon." Walking up to an old, cracked mirror, he looked at the reflection of Sam as he said, "Look, I'll take the gag off, okay?" After a moment, he added, "You got me all wrong, kiddo."
Sam's anger was simmering below the surface and he knew Lucifer could feel it, too. "Yeah? I could say the same to you!"
"Such anger, young Skywalker," Lucifer said with a smirk. "Believe it or not, Sam, I understand how you've felt all these years. Alone… unsure of yourself… questioning your beliefs in everything. Knowing that there is something greater for you out there but never being allowed to embrace it."
"Yeah, maybe so," Sam admitted reluctantly as he managed to worm his way into Lucifer subconscious. "But you and I are nothing alike."
Lucifer looked almost amused at that and he smiled. "Why? Because your brother refused to put you down like a dog? Because your father really loved you?" With a smirk, he added, "Because you've known real love from Fiona?"
But to Lucifer's surprise, he felt Sam's raging anger still as he said, "Because I know what's really important."
Leaving Bobby and Castiel in Detroit, Dean and Fiona had wasted no time heading out towards Lawrence, Kansas, where—according to Chuck the Prophet—the final showdown was due to be held.
"You're not going to tell me that this plan is suicidally reckless?" Dean said, glancing at Fi who was in the passenger seat.
"I figure you already knew that," Fi replied with a sigh. "But it's all we've got." Looking out the windshield, she added, "Sam's in there somewhere, Dean." She looked over at him and spoke with more confidence than she felt. "We just have to reach him."
"Yeah," Dean said, knowing with almost 100% certainty that he and Fiona were going to meet their deaths. But it didn't matter. They couldn't leave Sam alone. Whether they managed to get through to him or watched Michael kill him, all that mattered was that in the end, Dean, Sam, and Fi were together.
"In between jobs, Sam and Dean would sometimes get a day—maybe a week, if they were lucky.
Before being reunited with Fiona, they'd pass the time lining their pockets with money won either from poker games or by hustling pool.
Once Fiona had joined them, the trio sometimes spent their free time acting like old friends do. They'd go to a baseball game or just spend a few days in a small town doing nothing at all.
After Lucifer had been freed, the time in between jobs and chasing down dead ends was spent in Washington, DC, in Fiona's old townhouse. Fiona would use the downtime to work with her physical therapists and Dean would spend almost every possible moment with Ziva David, a former Israeli Mossad officer and now a Special Agent with the Naval Criminal Investigative Service.
Neither Dean nor Ziva could really say how they found themselves together except that they feel like two separate pieces finally made whole.
At night, when they were out on the road, Sam and Dean liked to sit on the hood of the Impala and watched the stars for hours, without saying a word. Fiona liked to use these moments to sleep in the Impala's backseat.
The boys never thought about the fact that they'd never really had a roof and four walls because as long as they had each other and the Impala, they were never, in fact, homeless."
"This is, quite possibly, the most foolish thing we've ever done," Castiel said as he and Bobby headed towards Lawrence, only minutes behind Dean and Fi.
"Yep, probably is," Bobby replied without looking at the powerless angel. He'd considered calling Ellen, but he didn't want to think about what she'd say. Or worse, she'd end up showing up just in time to see him get killed. "I'll tell you one thing, though," he added, resolvedly.
"What's that?" Cas asked, looking slightly puzzled.
Bobby finally glanced at Cas and said, "Whatever those idjits are up to, they're not going to do it alone."
Stull Cemetery was as quiet as, well, a graveyard when Lucifer appeared. He looked around, waiting…
Hearing the sound of wings behind him, he turned and was surprised to see that Michael wasn't alone. "Celeste," Lucifer said, eyebrows raised. "How long has it been?"
"Too long," Celeste admitted, sadly, as she looked from one brother to another. "You know I can't stop thinking about something Dean said." When Michael and Lucifer both glared at her for bringing up the name of the older Winchester son, she ignored it and went on. "You two are brothers. Family. And no matter what you've done to one another, you still love each other."
"He betrayed me!" Lucifer shouted, angrily. "He sided with Dad over me!"
"You betrayed us first!" Adam retorted.
"I don't care!" Celeste snapped, reaching up and head-slapping the other two angels. "Now Dad created me to help keep the celestial order," she said, irritably, putting her hands on her hips. After a moment, she sighed and lowered her head, silently praying for help. When she looked up again, she glanced first at Lucifer and then at Michael as she said, said, "I've lost too many brothers and sisters to this war. Don't make me lose both of you as well."
For a few moments, both Michael and Lucifer seemed to consider their sister's words. They knew that in all likelihood, both of them would be destroyed in the ensuing battle. And for a while, they each considered walking off the field—reclaiming their standing as brothers and equals.
But Michael had followed orders for too long and whatever independence he might have had had dwindled over the ages. Looking regretfully at Celeste, he shook his head. "I'm sorry." Turning to his brother, he added, "But I have to do this. I don't have a choice."
Lucifer also gave Celeste an apologetic look before turning to Michael, pain and anger in his eyes. "I'm sorry, too, brother."
But before either angel could make a move, they were interrupted by the sound of a car engine and Lucifer felt Sam suddenly fighting him harder than before. It was as if the younger Winchester believed that his brother was there to save him.
But just as Lucifer managed to get a hold on Sam again, the fight ramped up as a song started blaring from the car's speakers.
"Lonely is the night when you find yourself alone
Your demons come to light and your mind is not your own
Lonely is the night when there's no one left to call
You feel the time is right-say the writing's on the wall
"It's a high time to fight when the walls are closin' in
Call it what you like-it's time you got to win
Lonely, lonely, lonely-your spirit's sinkin' down
You find you're not the only stranger in this town"
It was Sam's favorite song and Lucifer found himself fighting tooth and nail to keep his vessel under control—to keep Sam from taking over.
As the Impala rumbled to a stop and Fiona and Dean got out, Celeste looked both scared and relieved as she walked over and stood in front of the car.
"Howdy, boys," Dean said as he leaned on the open car door, the music still playing. Looking from Lucifer to Michael, he faked ignorance as he said, "Sorry, am I interrupting something?" As he walked around the front of the car, catching a cautionary look from Celeste, he said, "We gotta talk."
"Dean," Lucifer said, making sure to keep a tight reign on Sam as he spoke. "Even for you, this is a whole new mountain of stupid."
"Not talking to you, he's talking to Sam," Fiona said, hoping that somehow she could reach Sam.
"You're no longer the vessel, Dean," Michael said, annoyed by the interruption. "You got no right to be here."
Looking at his youngest brother—to Dean, the 'half' part was only a formality—Dean said, "Adam, if you're in there somewhere, I am so sorry."
"Adam isn't home right now," Michael said, still pissed.
"Well, then you're next on my list, buttercup," Dean replied, turning his attention to Lucifer. "But right now I need 5 minutes with him."
"You little maggot!" Michael said, starting towards Dean.
Celeste started to get in between Michael and Dean, but suddenly leapt back when she heard someone shout, "Hey, assbutt!"
A holy-fire Molotov hit Michael square in the chest and in mere seconds, he was gone. Celeste turned to see Castiel and Bobby standing there.
In unison, Celeste, Fiona, and Dean looked at Cas and said incredulously, "'Assbutt'?"
"He'll be back—and upset—but you've got your five minutes," Castiel replied, breathlessly.
"Castiel," Lucifer said, every line on his face etched with cold fury. "Did you just Molotov my brother with holy fire?"
"Uh… no…" Cas stammered, backing away, suddenly very, very afraid for his life.
"Nobody dicks with Michael but me," Lucifer said with a quiet anger. Snapping his fingers, he watched as Castiel exploded, spattering Bobby Singer with blood. With a second gesture, he snapped Bobby's neck and enjoyed the screams from Sam as he watched himself kill the only father he'd ever really known. "How does it feel, Sammy?" Lucifer asked Sam. "To know that both your fathers are dead because of you?"
"Sammy, are you in there? Can you hear me?" Dean asked, tentatively.
Lucifer said nothing at first, just turned to Fiona and Dean, both of whom looked suddenly very afraid. But before he dealt with them, he had to take care of someone else first. Turning to Celeste, he smiled as he saw that she was gone. Well… at least one of them had shown some brains. "You know," he said, going back to Dean and Fi. "I tried to be nice for Sammy's sake." Grabbing Dean by the lapels, he threw him onto the hood of the Impala, smashing the windshield. "But you are such a pain in my ass."
Dean groaned as he watched Lucifer advance on him. "Sam, listen to me."
"Sam's not here right now," Lucifer replied, coldly. "But feel free to leave a message." Looking to Fiona, he smirked. "Now, you… If I kill you, that would put poor Sammy over the edge." Holding out a hand towards Fiona, he went on. "But I know what would hurt him even more." With that, he flicked his wrist slightly.
Fiona cried out as she felt her lower spine crack. Her legs suddenly went numb and gave out, causing her to fall to the ground.
"Sam, don't do this," Dean said as Lucifer started in on him, beating him bloody. "Sammy, I'm here. I'm here. It's okay." When Dean felt the next punch, he tried again to reach his brother. "I'm not gonna leave you."
But at Lucifer pulled back a fist for yet another punch, the faintest ray of sun reflected off of the silvery trim around the Impala's window. He squinted against the sudden brightness and his eye was drawn to something inside the car… something tucked away in the ashtray on the rear driver's side door.
A small, plastic army man… A simple child's toy.
For a second, Lucifer wondered why something like that would be there. And then he was flooded with memories of Sam's childhood.
Of cramming the toy in the ashtray…
Of Dean putting Legos in the car's heating vests…
Of Sam and Dean carving their initials into the underside of the seats of the Impala…
The storm of memories grew stronger and stronger and Lucifer saw more and more of Sam's life, rapidly becoming overwhelmed and losing his control on Sam.
And finally, Lucifer had one last image of Sam, Dean, and Fiona, lying together in the same bed, asleep, before Sam jerked the reigns out of Lucifer's grip.
"It's okay, Dean," Sam assured his brother, "It's okay. I've got him."
Dean couldn't say anything as he watched with his one good eye—his left was swollen shut—as Sam tossed the Horsemen's rings onto the ground and speak the incantation to open the cage. Sitting in the ground where Lucifer had dropped him, he wasn't even aware of Fiona making her way towards him until he felt her grab his left arm.
"Sam," Fiona said, as the wind blew around them. She knew it was her last chance to say it, and pulling herself up as best she could, she said, "I love you."
Sam paused for only a moment. He wanted to say it back to Fi, but knew that if he did, then he'd never be able to jump into the cage. But thinking of Fiona's favorite 'Star Wars' scene, he gave her a smile and nodded. "I know."
But just as Sam prepared to fall, Michael appeared next to him. But as the archangel tried to pull Sam from the edge, he found himself falling as well.
As both Sam and Adam went over, there was a blinding light and when Fiona and Dean could look again, the two were gone and the hole that had been there was gone as well.
It was nearly an hour before Dean and Fiona finally managed to pull themselves out of their numb grief. But even then, they just sat there, leaning against the Impala, mourning the loss of Sam.
xx
For Dean, it felt like part of him had been ripped away. He didn't know who he was without his brother.
Beside Dean, Fiona felt her heart shatter into a million pieces. All the things she'd hoped for as she and Sam had begun to get serious were gone.
Looking up as he heard the sound of multiple sets of wings, Dean saw Castiel, Celeste, and Gabriel standing in the empty spot where the cage had opened up. "Cas?" Dean said, his voice hoarse and muffled by the fractures to his jaw caused by Lucifer's assault. "You're alive?"
Castiel walked over to Dean and touched two fingers to the hunter's forehead, healing his injuries. "I'm better than that," he replied, quietly.
As Dean slowly got to his feet, he watched Celeste go over to Bobby and after a moment, the older hunter awoke and also got to his feet. Looking from Celeste to Castiel, Dean asked, "Cas, are you God?"
Smiling politely, Cas shook his head. "It's a nice compliment, but no. Although I do believe he brought me back. New and improved." But as he reached down to heal Fiona, he was surprised when she leaned away from his touch.
"Don't," Fi whispered, still staring at the spot where Sam had fallen. "It should have been me," she said, softly, tears falling down her cheeks.
Dean wasn't sure what to do, and he knew even less about what to say.
"I'll take care of her," Gabriel said, going over to Fiona and zapping both of them away from the cemetery.
Dean noticed that Cas had gone over to join Bobby and that for some reason Celeste looked like she'd come out worst in a bar fight. "You okay?" he asked, her, trying to think of anything other than his brother.
"Been better," Celeste admitted. "Dean, I'm sorry I didn't stay. I didn't leave intentionally."
"It's okay," Dean muttered. Rubbing his face with one hand, he asked, "So what are you and Cas going to do now?"
"Return to Heaven," Celeste replied with a shrug. "Heaven's without a leader, so someone's gotta keep things under control." After a while, she asked, "What about you?"
As Dean thought, he heard Sam's voice in his head. "You go live some normal, apple pie life. You go to Ziva and pray she's stupid enough to take you back." As much as it hurt, Dean knew that he didn't have any other place to go. But glancing over at Bobby he knew he should say good-bye first.
As soon as Dean and Bobby got back to Sioux Falls, they met Ellen and Jo at a local courthouse where Bobby and Ellen were married by a local judge who owed Bobby a favor.
As he drove away, Dean knew it was the last he'd see of the Singers for a very long time.
He hadn't asked for Cas to save him… he hadn't even wanted to be saved. He wanted his brother back… he wanted things to be the way they used to be. He needed something—anything—to hold on to.
It was that desire that led him to an old brick and stone townhouse in Washington, DC.
The rain had moved through only half an hour ago and the roads were still wet as Dean pulled into the driveway of the townhouse, parking and turning off the engine of the Impala. He thought about the first time he'd come here with Sam and he felt his heart break all over again.
Sam was gone… forever.
It was too much to deal with.
Looking at the front door, Dean slowly got out of the car and made his way up to the door, the short distance feeling more like miles. He knocked lightly once before sniffling back the tears and sadness that threatened to overwhelm him. Not for the first time he thought about just turning and walking away.
Instead, Dean rubbed his face with one hand and knocked again, more resolved this time. When Ziva opened the door, he just stared at her, wanting to say a thousand apologies.
Instead, Dean looked into Ziva's eyes and said the words that he'd never spoken to another woman since he was 4 years old. "I love you, Ziva."
Ziva pulled Dean towards her, her arms wrapping around him, holding him close and she felt his body shake with silent sobs. She knew that no words of comfort would help right now, but she still murmured soothing reassurances as the two stood in the open doorway, Dean holding onto her like she was the last thing on earth.
It was a while before Dean felt that he could let go without falling apart. And when Ziva finally led him inside, he mentally breathed the words that had eluded him for almost his entire life.
He was home.
"So what's it all add up to?
It's hard to say—but me? I'd say this was a test. For Sam, Dean, and Fiona.
And I think they did alright. Up against good, evil…angels, devils… destiny… and God himself.
They made their own choice. They chose family.
And, well… isn't that kinda the whole point?
No doubt—endings are hard. But then again, nothing ever really ends, does it?"