June 12
I rubbed my forehead with my hand as I leaned my head away from my phone where my sister was currently trying her best to rupture my ear drum through the speaker.
"Look, I know I said I was going to be home last week, Irena, and I'm sorry but they need me right now. I can't just leave four teenagers by themselves in a cabin!"
"Yeah, well, we need you too, Carter," Irena said in a whining tone.
"No you don't, between you and Zatanna there is enough magic to definitely break the mind control of the Reach in Blue and Green Beetle. You just want me to come home because you miss me," I said matter of fact-ly.
"And because I'm worried about you. They don't know the entire situation. They can't help you if you get stuck in your thoughts and go into depression again."
"Irena, I'm always depressed, some days its just better than others," I said, "Besides being in nature has been nice. It's allowed me to work on manipulating living trees without feeling guilty for affecting the ecosystem."
"Are you going to come back if he is?" Irena asked.
"Well that's probably not going to be for a while—"
"Try in the next couple weeks."
I paused, "What do you mean?"
"According to Dick, there is a big meeting going on between the Light and the Reach in the next couple weeks. The plan is to take the Reach down and possibly the Light if we cover all of our bases."
"I'll see what I can do," I said slightly astonished.
"Wait, you aren't coming for this? This is like the endgame, Carter, we defeat the Reach, and we get back Kaldur and Artemis. Even Wally is coming and he's retired," she said rushed.
"The guys need me right now. I can't just leave four teenagers with super powers unsupervised."
"What about Kaldur? You finally get him back." she asked agitated.
"I've got to go, Irena," I said. "I love you." I hung up the phone and pressed it the my forehead. I took a deep breath and released it. I turned and looked out to the forest. Am I prepared to have him back? To see how much he's changed? Will our relationship even work after everything?
"Carter?" I looked over the balcony to see Eduardo staring up at me. "Are you okay?"
"I'm okay, Eduardo," I answered.
He vanished into a haze of yellow and appeared next to me on the balcony. "Talked to your sister again?"
I gave him a curt nod. "To nag me to come home."
"You can go home you know," he said with a shrug, "We kind of got it around here."
I shook my head, "That's beside the point, I don't want to go home. Too many demons to face."
"So you've runaway with the Runaways?"
"I know it's quite poetic," I said as a joke.
They have come a long way with their training. I barely have input since they now have a better understanding of how their powers work. I give little aids and words of wisdom here and there but mostly they are self-efficient. Until it's time for hand to hand combat.
"Come on, you guys! Virgil, you're up. Show me what you got," I said standing in a fighting stance.
He smacked his lips and gave me a look of a whiny two year old. "Why do I have to go first?"
"You have bad luck, I guess," I said with a smirk. "Come on, I'll making it quick." He came at me with an attack. Which I easily blocked and deflected. "Stop being so predictable. Be spontaneous. Having a dance routine will end in your death after fighting the same group of villains in a month."
"How you can you be spontaneous…with a strategy?" he said in between blocking my hits.
"Watch your opponent watch how he or she moves his body a certain to avoid a weakness. It can be small like only using a certain foot for weight in an attack. Favoring a side. Your strategy if finding their weakness without exposing yours. Your goal is to knock them on their ass and getting what you need out of them. Information, their arrest, you can't reach your goal with the same set of moves." I round house kicked causing him to bounce back. I threw in a series of punches and another round house. Finally something clicked in him and he began fighting back. He actually did really good and even included some attacks with a small concentrated electricity.
"That's good, Virgil, keep at it." the fight ended minutes later at a draw. I must be out of touch because my body ache and I was fatigued. "Ty, Eduardo, you guys go next I'm taking a break." I began walking over to the bottom of a tree where all our stuff was in search of the bottled water I place in my bag just a little while ago. Halfway through the trip my vision started getting fuzzy and I collapsed on the ground.
I woke to four teenagers arguing over head. I open my eyes, turning my head away from the sun and focused on the conversation.
"What do we do?" Ty asked slight panic in his voice.
"What do you mean what do we do?" Virgil asked severely panicked. "We take her to a hospital or somewhere with a doctor!"
"Or how about we try to wake her," Eduardo said matter-of-factly, "You know like we are right now with our yelling."
"Guys, I'm fine I just need water."
"You fainted, Carter," Virgil said, "Fainted! We need to take—"
"Me back to the cabin for water and air conditioning," I said holding out a hand. "Help me up."
"But—"
"Virgil, water and air conditioning."
"Fine."
After getting back to the cabin and drinking two bottles of water, they finally relented their watch and relaxed. In the back of my mind I was still curious as to why I fainted. I chalked it up as dehydration and downed another bottle of water before going to bed.
June 16
I sat on the plane in coach and stared out the window for the several hours flight back to Palo Alto. I figured it was time to get back to reality. Also it was a huge relief to stop my sister's nagging. The only thing that concerned me was leaving the guys on their own. However, they made several promises and I felt comfortable leaving them on their own.
I walked into my living room a few hours later and immediately wanted to get back in the cab. Irena, M'gann, Connor, Mom, Oliver, Wally, Dick, and King Orin all inhabited various positions in my living room. I dropped my bags on the floor and took off my shoes. I took off my jacket and turned to everyone with a sigh. I focused my eyes on Dick, "So everyone knows finally."
"I told them everything," he started, "About the plan, Kaldur being undercover, Artemis, everything."
"Took you long enough," I said tartly.
"Carter!" Dinah snapped authoritatively.
"No, I get to be angry," I said as I walked into the room. "I had to watch as everyone got confused when Kaldur just disappeared. I had to pretend every single day like I was clueless and heart broken. I had to hid the fact that I was terrified for his life. I had to listen to every single person bad mouth him in an effort to make me feel better and bit my tongue so I kept it a secret. I had to play the part and choose to avoid the team and the hero life so M'gann wouldn't find out from my thoughts because stupid things in the cave kept reminding me of him. I had to watch almost every single person in this room have a small part of them die inside and mourn Artemis because she's such a huge part of our family. I had to become a recluse to keep the secret and I ended becoming fucking depressed because I had two main facets in my life taken away." I finished. "I get to be angry. Wally gets to be angry. You all get to be grateful that he removed the wool from over all your eyes and gets to tell you the good news."
"He was right to keep it in a close circle of who knew. The less people who knew the better," Mom said diplomatically.
"He can not change his actions, Carter, he may only use his wrongs to make his rights in the future," Orin said very diplomatically. "He is working hard to get back our Kaldur."
"We're getting a Kaldur back," I said angrily. "My Kaldur is gone."
"And how can you be so sure, Car? You are just making assumptions based off your worst fears," Wally said.
"I'm not assuming, I know Kaldur is different, he's angry and regretfully and feels so guilty for what he had to do," I said.
"Carter, I was in his head," M'gann said softly. "It's true he's angry at himself and he regrets his choice because of the effects its had on you and your relationship. But he loves and misses you so much."
"I don't doubt his love for me," I said immediately. "I just-" tears filled my eyes. "What if it's different for us? I'm not the same and neither is he what if our we doesn't exist anymore?"
"Carter," Irena said speaking for the first time. "You carry so much anger. And sadness and pain. But it's going to be okay."
A gust of wind ruffled my hair and Wally stood in front of me. "Carter, stop running away from your fears."
"Very weird for you to be the one to tell me to stop running," I quipped.
He smirked. "We get Kaldur and Artemis back soon. It's going to play out and they get to come home."
I let out a sob at his words. "That's all I want," I said. "I want things to be okay but what if they aren't."
He shrugged and moved back and gestured to everyone. "We'll still be okay."
After my revelation, we discussed a little more before, finally, they got the heck out of my house. Irena, thankfully, left with them. Leaving me to my piece of mind. After closing the door behind them I made my way upstairs to my room. I threw my bag next to my dirty laundry and took off clothes and tossed them into the overflowing hamper. I took and nice long well needed shower, which was needed if the smell of my clothes was any indication. The smell of the forest combined with the smells of the airport and taxi was a disgusting combination. An hour later, I was sitting on the couch flipping through the channels on my TV dressed in my pajamas clutching a glass of chocolate milk. I fell asleep after the second episode of a rerun series I liked as young teenager.