Chapter 4

Those we love don't go away,
they walk beside us every day.
Unseen, unheard, but always near,
still loved, still missed and very dear.
Anonymous

Jack steered his car against Henry's so that the cars loudly crashed together. Henry giggled and let his car make an impossible somersault so that it landed elegantly on its tires.

"Jack?", Henry asked while his car avoided a new attack of Jack's car.

"What?", Jack answered.

"Your Mommy is in heaven, too, isn't she? Just like my Daddy.", Henry said.

"Yes. She sits next to God and always looks down at me.", Jack explained without looking up from his car.

"My Daddy sits on the other side of God.", Henry responded.

Jack looked at Henry, smiling. "Maybe my Mommy and your Daddy play together sometimes."

"You think?", Henry thought about that for a moment. Then he asked softly: "Do you miss your Mommy?"

"Yes, lots.", Jack answered sadly.

"I miss my Daddy, too.", Henry whispered sorrowfully. "I want him back."

"In heaven means that he is dead, Henry.", Jack explained precociously. "He can't come back. And my Mommy can't, too."

"I know!", Henry answered rudely. After a moment he added defiantly: "But my Mommy told me that although I can't see my Daddy he is always with me because he loves me." Henry let a tear fall but brushed it angrily away. He was a big boy. Big boys didn't cry.

Jack nodded and stopped playing with his car. "My Daddy says that my Mommy now is an angel." Jack's big brown eyes looked attentively at Henry. "She is my guardian angel and always protects me."

"My Mommy says that my Daddy is a hero.", Henry told Jack proudly. "I'm sure he now is God's superhero and secretly saves the world!"

They were silent for a while, calmly playing. Finally Henry spoke again. "Jack?", he asked softly. "Do you think when we die we will see them again?"

Jack thought about that for a moment. Finally he answered: "Yes. But we mustn't die. I can't leave my Daddy and you can't leave your Mommy. They need us."

"Jack! We go home!", Jack suddenly heard his father shout.

Henry and Jack jumped to their feet. "Daddy?", Jack asked, surprised by Hotch's upset voice.

"Come on, buddy. Put your shoes on, we go home.", Hotch told his son wearily. Puzzled, the seven-year-old followed his father down the stairs.

"What's up, Daddy?", Jack wanted to know and looked enquiringly to JJ who had picked up an equally puzzled Henry. "Why do we already have to go?" Jack immediately noticed that there was trouble brewing between JJ and his father. It made him sad to see how JJ avoided his father's eyes.

"Jack, please, hurry up. I will explain it to you later, I promise.", Hotch tried to convince his son. Please, please, no rampage now!, Hotch begged inwardly.

But Jack had other plans "No!", he contradicted stubbornly. "I don't want to leave! I want to stay with Henry and JJ!"

"Jack, we will leave now. No back talk!", Hotch told his son sternly. But Jack refused to move. "Jack!", Hotch shouted angrily and grabbed Jack's arm. Hotch was really hurt by JJ and absolutely wasn't in the mood to argue with his sassy seven-year-old son. Why couldn't he just do what he told him? "Now is not the right time to throw a stupid tantrum! You act like a baby!", Hotch shouted angrily.

Tears began to stream down Jack's little face. "No!", he cried defiantly. "Let go of me! I want to stay!" Jack broke away from his father, ran to JJ and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Go away, Jack! That's my Mommy!", Henry shouted jealously, absolutely not liking it that Jack clung so passionately to his mother. Rudely he pushed the bigger boy away.

"Henry!", JJ scolded him frantically. This whole situation was too much for her. She wanted quiet and silence and loneliness.

"Jack, please!", Hotch begged. "Come to me!" But Jack didn't let go of JJ.

"Jack, sweetie…", JJ said gently, lay her arm around him and petted his back. "I really love having you here. But look, you hurt your Daddy when you don't want to go with him."

Jack sobbed. "But JJ!" He backed away from JJ.

"Jack, come here! We leave!", Hotch shouted again.

Jack glared at his father furiously. "I thought you love me, Daddy! Why do you always have to destroy everything? We are supposed to be a family! You should be the Daddy and JJ should be the Mommy!" He pointed at JJ who had effaced herself and stood several steps away from Jack and Hotch. "But I see, now you scared her away, too!", Jack screamed. "I hate you, Daddy!" With that Jack ran out of the house.

"Great, JJ! Really great!", Hotch said coldly to JJ before running after his son. Now not only JJ but also his own son hated him!, Hotch thought desperately.

The door closed behind Hotch with a loud thump. The harsh noise made JJ flinch. Then it was silent.

"Mommy?", Henry asked softly. JJ reluctantly adverted her eyes from the closed door and looked at her little son.

"What is wrong with Jack?", Henry asked worriedly. "Is he sad?"

"He misses his Mommy.", JJ explained gently. "You understand that, don't you?"

"Yes.", Henry nodded sadly.

The past is our definition. We may strive with good reason to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something new to it. Wendell Berry