Celestial Being Chronicles - Chapter 102

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gundam series, nor any of the various series which are used or referenced in my fic, so please point that damned lawsuit cannon at someone else, also, don't read this if you are not of legal age to read such material. The story contains possibly disturbing content and should not be read by close-minded people (i.e., people who are easily offended.) Everything in the story is fictional. I am also not responsible for any actions taken by people who read this story and society's problems. I do, however, own my original character; Hope Yamato.

Lacus Clyne sighed as she silently stood on the Excalibur's massive observation deck. Suddenly she heard footsteps from behind her. She turned around, and saw Kira. And he looked horrible.

"Kira?" She asked.

"Lacus, I'm losing it. Help me." He pleaded softly. He was going to collapse on the floor, but Lacus quickly caught him and slowly kneeled him to the ground. She was much stronger physically now than when she was human. She let Kira's head rest on her shoulder.

"Kira, Kira, it's all right." Lacus reassured him. "You're not crazy. I know you're not crazy."

"I am crazy, Lacus." The amethyst-eyed man whimpered. "You don't understand."

Lacus couldn't hide her skeptism in her voice, no matter how hard she tried. "Tell me why, then."

"Why does this little girl come to me in a dream and say everyone's going to die?"

Lacus paused. This wasn't the nightmare Kira usually had. Usually no one spoke to him in a civilized manner in his nightmares. They all screamed at him, in anger, fear, and sadness. Cradling broken, dead loved ones in their arms. Or, more often then not, they were zombie-like horrors, undead ghosts, making sure that he never rested until he would simply die.

"No one's going to die, Kira." Lacus said. "Everyone's safe."

"No one's going to be safe, Lacus." Kira replied. "The girl said something's going to happen. From someone I thought I could trust."

"You can trust me, Kira." Lacus smiled.

"That's what I'm afraid of." Kira whimpered.

Lacus got angry then, but she instantly stifled it. The last thing Kira needed was a tongue-lashing. In his state, if she got angry, he would completely lose it. Apparently, some deep, dark part of Kira's mind was messing with him, and he was trying to drive himself crazy. She had to fix it before it was too late.

"Kira, if I were going to betray you, do you think I would've done it by now?" Lacus asked.

"I don't know anymore." Kira replied.

"Kira, I have stood by you for so many centuries. Even after since this started happening." Her voice was beginning to break. "I have done nothing but support and love you. I don't want you to...to..." She was silently crying now. She was going to lose him, she could feel it. And this morning he had started out so much better than usual too. Why was this happening? Why couldn't she slay these demons that assaulted his mind and heart?

"I'm sorry, Lacus." Kira apologized. "Please don't cry. You're right. It's not you."

His grip on her back became tighter. Lacus let out a brief gasp. "Kira..."

"You could've hurt me anytime you wanted, but you never do." He continued. "Instead, all I've done is hurt you."

"Kira, don't do this to yourself." Lacus pleaded. "And don't tell me you're going to listen to some little girl conjured in front of you."

"I've never seen this little girl before." Kira sighed. "She has this dark hair and eyes...and she doesn't look evil. Just sad."

"Sad?" Lacis asked.

"Sad." Kira nodded.

Lacus was confused now, evnn as she thought. 'So this girl isn't tormenting him with anything except with the words she speaks? The girl isn't accusing him of being a mass murderer, a war criminal?'

Kira continued to ramble. "She told me she wanted to protect her big brother, but she wouldn't be able to from this. She said I have to protect everyone. Someone I trust...someone probably very close to me, like Athrun or Murrue...is going to do something terrible soon. Something that'll kill everyone."

"Did she name anyone?" Lacus asked.

"No." Kira answered.

"Then this is just another nightmare, Kira." Lacus concluded. "This isn't anything supernatural. You nearly started to fight me just a moment ago because of it, right?"

"Yeah?" Kira looked away.

"It's nothing, Kira. Just something trying to tear you apart." Lacus continued. "Now stand up, and I'll help you to bed. I'll be right by your side all night once I'm done here."

He took a deep breath. "O...Okay."

She turned and kissed him softly on the cheek. "Good. Now get up."

She brought him to his feet, and held his hand all the way to the bedroom.

Kira Yamato's vision was blurry, but he saw something dark, with faint blue spheres, right in front of his face. There was a faint light behind the dark figure, a crack that gave a miniscule glimpse at the world behind whatever was enclosed all around him.

"Kira, it was just a nightmare. Wake up." The voice was firm, feminine. He blinked several times, and saw a distorted visage of Lacus Clyne staring at him. Her flesh was rotting, blood seeped from her several injuries.

Her voice suddenly took on a demonic air. "Kira..."

He lashed out at this hideous monster or whatever was masquerading as Lacus and leapt off of the bed, backing away from the downed figure. He stared at his hands. Full of blood. He could see the blood pouring from his hands. He blinked several times, trying to wish it away. He could almost hear the blood beginning to splash into the ground.

"Kira, stop! Shake it off!" The voice said, sounding much more like Lacus than before. Kira blinked several times, trying to see whether this was true, whether he was hallucinating.

"Calm down. It's okay." Kira looked up from his bloody hands to see a normal Lacus Clyne approaching him, her light pink hair unusually disheveled, her famous pin missing from her hair. Her blue eyes gleamed with concern, and, much to Kira's momentary relief, she looked normal. Like he was back in reality, or whatever reality was, anyway.

He looked at his hands. They glistened with sweat, but there wasn't anything else. Certainly no blood. Clearly, he had been hallucinating. A leftover from his nightmare had plagued him upon being woken up. The images he had seen had been elements of the nightmare, and he had transferred it to the reality. This was real. Lacus was real, she was here, flesh and blood, alive, without possession, without being a reanimated corpse. He hadn't been crushing people. He wasn't an unstoppable berserker.

Or perhaps the reality was hideous and he was dreaming right now. But before he could think about that possibility, even consider it, Lacus had wrapped her arms around him. Her head rested upon her chest, and stray strands of her hair tickled his chin and lips. Kira took a deep breath, and exhaled. His shaking arms gripped Lacus in a tight embrace.

"That's right, calm down. Deep breaths." Lacus sounded tired, more exhausted than she used to. The last three years, since the final battle of the so-called Great War, had universally been spent giving Kira makeshift therapy. He hadn't made a lot of progress and frequently relapsed into delusions and insanity, and it was starting to wear on both of them, especially Lacus. Kira wished he could do something to improve, so that her patience and compassion would finally be rewarded, but the nightmares continuously erased every amount of progress he made.

He suddenly realized that Lacus sounded injured, too. "Did...did I hit you again, Lacus?" He asked, fearing the worst.

"Just a blow to the stomach. You weren't yourself, don't worry about it." Despite the reassurance, Kira could sense the physical pain Lacus was in through the tone in her voice, and he looked away, staring at a random point in the wall.

'I hurt her again...I'm no better than a wife-beater, am I? She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve me.' Kira thought.

"I-I'm sorry, Lacus. I-I didn't m-mean to...God." He buried his face into her shoulder, letting her nightshirt absorb his tears. It quickly became soaked with his hot tears, and only more poured out with each pat on the back Lacus gave him.

It was a miracle she had remained this tolerant. Why she had sacrificed so much of her political influence, why she had ignored her musical career in favor of helping an orphanage and trying to keep him sane was beyond Kira's comprehension. She constantly told him why, but he wasn't sure whether he believed it or not. She seemed sincere, but a small part of him remained suspicious. Perhaps she was punishing herself for sending him into more and more battles long after he had been pushed beyond his limit.

He was never sure with Lacus Clyne. After all, when he had first met her, she had seemed to be an innocent, somewhat loopy songstress. But she was slowly revealed to be far more than she seemed, and Kira felt that there were still layers to this young woman he had yet to see.

'Am I going to break her? What if I go crazy and kill her?' Kira asked himself, as he did every time he had one of these nightmares. He wondered if the nightmare would continue to stick with him, long enough that he would change his reality into something like his dreams. And Lacus then would really be a corpse.

"Take a deep breath, Kira. You can do it. It's all right." Kira obeyed, forcing oxygen through his nose and down his constricted throat. He coughed as his throat protested against the surge of dry air, and Lacus told him to breathe like that again. And repeated it once more. Eventually, his heartbeat slowed to a halt, and his frantic grip slowly loosened.

Probably ten minutes passed in this deliberate, cautious dance of sorts. There was no way for Kira to tell the time, but when he had inquired once Lacus had told him it usually took anywhere from five minutes to two hours to get him calmed down. To Kira, this felt like one of the shorter ones. The nightmare hadn't been as long, and hadn't been as explicitly detailed as some of the others. Or perhaps it was the worst one of the lot and Lacus had simply improved at comforting him.

At least the fact that he still cared what happened to Lacus, and that he was afraid of hurting her reminded him that he was still human. Despite everything since the Bloody Valentine War, he had managed not to regress into something less than human. That was only mild consolation, but it was something that he could hold onto. And reason for Lacus not to give up yet.

Finally, his eyes dried. Perhaps sensing this, Lacus loosened her embrace and Kira was able to stare into her beautiful blue eyes. "Are you all right now, Kira?"

Kira nodded slowly. "Yeah. I guess."

One of her famed, dazzling smiles crept across her face. "That's excellent. This one was shorter than usual. Maybe you will get better, Kira. Just stay strong, all right? You're going to get through this."

"I hope so." Kira couldn't think of anything else to say.

Lacus curled her hands around his own, and she led him to the bed. They sat down on it, and the bed creaked softly underneath their combined weight. "Just rest right now. Remember that I'm here. We've both got a bit of work to do, tomorrow, getting this place ready for the others to come back."

"Yeah. You're okay, right? I don't want to-" Kira began.

"I'm fine. Now lay back, and try to fall asleep." Lacus smiled. "I'm with you if anything happens, okay?"

Kira rested back, pulling the blanket above his body, He felt Lacus curl her left arm around his midsection, and after an initial moment of awakward silence, he realized he had a question to ask. It was one he asked frequently, for he was never sure what was the real answer. It was the same one, but he could never bring himself to trust Lacus. He didn't know why. Perhaps all the betrayal and misdirection that happened to him in the war still affected his mindset. There was no real answer. His memories back when he was happy, back when he had a small group of friends and lived in peace seemed so distant now, almost like an alternate reality or an alien society.