TopHatGirl: Just to remind you, this chapter is not written by moi. It's by ecrounox.
ecrounox: Hello everyone, don't shoot me for no reason, I'm not immortal like Kenny.
Disclaimer: Neither of us own South Park, it's characters, Comedy Central, or any of it's affiliates. Any accusations that we do can and will be taken seriously.
I was in the middle of waving my hands around, trying to elaborate on my feelings, when Shift finally speaks up. "What the-" he was staring down a hitchhiker on the side of the road that we were driving down. The asshole wasn't even paying attention to me, but whatever, I should be used to it.
As we drove closer, I noticed that the hitchhiker was wearing some kind of orange jacket, and he looked seriously familiar.
His name was on the tip of my tongue. Someone from South Park? All the way out here? "IS THAT KENNY MCCORMICK?" I jumped when I finally got the name.
The car passed him. "I'm gonna pull over," Shift said, and the car pulled over onto the side of the road. I saw who we thought might have been Kenny approaching in the side view mirror, actually, he was more like jogging over.
"It is Kenny," I mumbled to Shift. He shrugged, quickly taking the opportunity to turn the awful radio off. We haven't seen McCormick or his alter ego, Mysterion, since the damn Hot Topic burning that suddenly felt like it was yesterday. We rolled down the window for him as he got closer.
"Hey, you guys heading towards-" McCormick took one look at me, and I took my big "gay" sunglasses off so that it was easier for him to recognize me.
It took him a minute. "IKE?" his eyebrows raised.
"At your convenient service," I replied. Shift leaned over and made some kind of wave-like gesture. "Oh, yeah, you remember Shift, don't you?"
"Yeah, dude. Well, wow, this is kind of weird. How have you guys been?" Kenny ran a hand through his hair underneath his hood awkwardly.
"Good, I guess. Can't say the same for yourself," Shift told Kenny, rather loudly in my ear.
Shift was right. Kenny looked like he'd just been in a bar fight or something close to it. His cheek was a bit swollen, his lip looked like it was cut and his right eye was definitely bruised. To top that, his orange hoodie was covered in spots of dirt. A pretty suspicious look for a 22-year-old.
He rested his hand on the hood of the car and arched his back. "It's a long story. All I can say is that I got in a fight with one of my friends and he kicked me out of his car here. Left my phone and all of my money in his back seat." He put his hands in his pockets and they came out empty, just to emphasize.
I wasn't sure if Shift believed his story, but I knew Kenny as an honest man. Feeling kind of empathetic towards him, I unlocked the backseat for my brother's old friend and told him, "Come on, get in."
Shift didn't protest. Kenny thanked us and climbed in. I noticed that he had a small limp in his step.
"Careful with the stuff back there." Shift said. Kenny picked up a couple of empty plastic coffee cups and tossed them on top of some of Shift's boxes. He moved his legs around so that they were comfortable and slammed the door.
"Where to?" Shift asked.
"The nearest gas station is fine, I can make a call there and hopefully get off your back."
Whether or not that was true, Shift shrugged and managed to get back onto the road.
Shift and I sat outside on the curb of some Nevada gas station. We were waiting for Kenny, who huddled with his back facing us and a pay phone in hand. Shift was analyzing the US road map for us, tracing his finger over Highway 80 and trying to see where it might take us into California. I leaned over, trying to see, completely thankful that the wind was carrying the smoke from his cigarette in the opposite direction. "We're about 30 miles away from Winnemucca. Should we find a motel there for the night?" he asked. "If we drive all day tomorrow, we'll be in California by nightfall."
"Yeah, that's fine." I said, taking a bite of the nasty hotdog that I bought at the small convenience store at the gas station.
"How can you eat that shit?" he asked. I could tell in his eyes that he was craving a bite, since neither of us had eaten anything other than potato chips all day.
I shrugged and offered it to him. He glared at me for a second and took a bite, instantly spitting it out onto the concrete.
"Alright, we're getting something edible at our next stop." he took a drag of his cigarette. I snickered and looked up at Kenny as he walked over and stood above us.
"Okay, so," he clapped his hands and rubbed them together anxiously, "I just begged one of my bros for a good 20 minutes and he finally gave in. He's driving from a few miles away and we're going to Vegas for the weekend." He smiled wickedly. God knows what kind of shit he's going to get into in Vegas. "Yo, Shift, you got any of those death sticks that I can borrow?"
Shift glanced down at his cigarette and reluctantly pulled out his pack. "It's not borrowing if you're never going to give it back, genius." He dug around his jacket pocket for a lighter and handed the two objects to Kenny. The older man hastily lit the cigarette and carefully sat down beside me on the sidewalk with the stick between his teeth. He grunted and blew smoke out of his nostrils.
A few minutes passed of awkward silence. Shift spoke up first, "So, how did you end up trying to hitchhike in the middle of nowhere exactly?"
"Like I said, a long story. I don't wanna get into it. Ike here might tell dear Kyle, wherever he is, about the new lifestyle of Kenny McCormick."
I held my hands up in defense. "No I won't. I haven't spoken to him since he packed up his bags and moved to New York."
"Is that where he went? Hm." he and Shift simultaneously took drags of their cigarettes. "With Stan, I would assume."
"Yeah."
"Ah, I haven't talked to them in forever. I guess we all kind of grew apart. Screw Facebook if you can't access a god damned computer," Kenny muttered.
"Screw Facebook in general." Shift tossed his own cigarette to the ground, ignoring the fact that we were at a gas station still.
Kenny raised the eyebrow of his black eye. "Heh, I like this kid, Ike." he exhaled more smoke and the wind smothered my face with it. "You guys going in the same direction as Stan and Kyle?"
"Maybe you haven't looked at a map recently. New York isn't in the West," Shift replied.
"No, I meant, like, a 'boyfriends' kind of direction." he winked and snickered, and I could feel my cheeks getting red.
Neither of us answered.
Damn it, McCormick, keep your mouth shut next time. Some people might take your implications offensively.
In the back of my mind, I was reflecting back on all of the times I've been called a fag, how many people assumed that Shift and I were dating back at the high school, the multiple times I've had my head shoved in a toilet by some asshole whose standards I didn't live up to, my brother, and my parents. My thoughts were too swarmed to say anything. I was thinking that the same must have been true for Shift.
"Okay, I get it. It's cool." Kenny looked away, taking interest in a wad of squished fluorescent green gum on the pavement. He stood up and dusted his hands off on his jeans. "I kinda want to repay you for picking me up. It was really freaky seeing you again. Too bad I don't have any cash."
"Don't worry about it, Kenny," I told him. "You did save our asses back in Middle Park. We're basically paying you back."
"No, I'd like to be repaid for having to deal with your music tastes for the duration of that drive." Shift said, closing the map in his lap. Kenny had taken part in my sinister plan of pissing him off with pop radio. It was my idea, though.
"Don't make him do that, Shift," I said.
"It's fine, Ike. I might be able to help somehow. Where are you guys heading anyway?"
"We're going to San Fransisco for college, why?" I asked.
"Holy Shit. This is perfect." Kenny flicked his cigarette butt on the ground. "I've got friends there, too."
"Do you have friends living in every city or something?" I had to laugh. I kind of expected that from Kenny.
"Pretty much. Listen, are you old enough to get into clubs? I got a friend who is a DJ at this one nightclub and-"
"We're only 18." Shift said bluntly.
"Okay then." Kenny rubbed the back of his neck, probably thinking. "Then do you have a place to stay?"
I'm positive I wasn't the only one whose eyes lit up when he asked. "Not yet." I replied.
"Cool. 'Cause my amigo's grandma just died and her place is up for grabs. It's really cheap considering how no one wants to move into an apartment with history like that."
"Seriously?" I dropped the now cold hotdog to my feet. This was too good to be true. "We were hoping on figuring out living situations when we got there, but fuck that if you know some place."
"Where is it exactly?" Shift asked. "We were hoping on somewhere near the university there."
"I can't remember everything, dude. Let me call Craig up and ask." Kenny said, digging through his pants pocket for the quarters that we had given him for the pay phone. He walked back to the booth, leaving Shift and I behind.
I looked over and smiled at Shift, giving him a thumbs up. In return I was flipped off, but he was still smiling back.
Kenny returned momentarily with a crumbled receipt in hand. We stood up when we saw him and he offered the paper to us with an address scribbled on it, along with a phone number for the real estate agency.
I took the paper from him. "This is, like, right next to Haight Ashbury," I announced. "Which is kind of close to the university, I think."
"So, we definitely need to get this place, is that what you're saying?" Shift asked.
"Yes, yes we do." I turned to McCormick, who was standing with his hands in his pockets. "Thanks man, this is a better favor than just picking you up on the side of the highway."
"Are you glad I asked him for repayment then?" Shift smirked, putting the address and number in his own pocket.
"Shut up," I told him.
"You're welcome. Well, anyways guys, thanks for driving me here. I'm gonna go over to that casino down the road and wait for my friend to pick me up there. I'll see you around sometime, yeah?" Kenny said, probably pleased with himself for being able to help.
"Definitely. Seeya, Kenny." I waved as he began to walk away.
He suddenly turned back with a look on his face that meant he had something important to tell us.
"I usually give these to cute girls, but this is just so you know who to call whenever you get into any trouble. California's kind of dangerous." he whipped out some kind of business card and placed it in my hand. For a second, I wondered why he would have a business card in his pocket and not his money, but I took it anyway. It read in big bold green letters on a violet background, "MYSTERION." His number was on the back of the card underneath, "Wandering Crime Fighter." I'm guessing his alter ego was the reason why he had so many friends in so many places. Anyone was willing to help out a "superhero" if he could save their ass.
"Thanks, but I already have your phone number." I said.
"Shit. I need to get my phone back." he mumbled, stalking away with a limping stagger.
Shift and I walked in the opposite direction. Soon we were back inside the car with a full tank. It had grown darker outside and we were about ready to find a place to stay for the night.
"So, Winnemucca, right?" I asked, reaching for the stereo's volume button.
"Yep." He slapped my hand away. "Don't even think about it. I don't need to be reminded that I was 'born this way' for the 8th time today."