Chapter 7

Once the medication had worn off, Alex had experienced a bad night. She awoke repeatedly from nightmares, and got very little sleep. Her brother Johnny had come in early, only to be snapped and snarled at.

He was grateful when Goren showed up. He made an excuse about breakfast and left the room.

"Good morning," Bobby said to her quietly.

She bit back her sarcastic reply and only stared at him. "You look better," she said.

Bobby smiled. "A real improvement!" He took her fingers in his hand. "Rough night?" he asked.

Alex nodded. "It's hard to… to sleep without the… you know."

"I, uh… I got you something, maybe it will help."

She perked up. Bobby pulled the small box from his jacket pocket and handed it to her. To his delight, she took it in both of her hands, setting it on her lap to open it. She was moving much more easily, now.

"Bobby," she breathed.

"I know… I know your faith is important to you. And I… Alex, I have faith in you, that you'll come through this. Maybe this can help you remember that."

She tried to raise her hand to his face, but the agonizing pain in her shoulder stopped her short. Bobby leaned down, and she bent her elbows, taking his face in her hands.

She was touched by his thoughtfulness, and he was overwhelmed by her tenderness. Bobby touched his lips to hers and drew back up. He took the necklace out of the box and with some effort from Alex, they got it on her neck. She held his hand, and suddenly what they'd shared before her abduction didn't seem so far away.

"Johnny's here," Bobby noted, trying to make conversation.

Alex sighed.

"What?"

"I bit his head off."

Bobby gave her a smile. "He can take it." For a moment, they were quiet. Bobby's fingers gently massaged her hand. There was a knock at the door, and her brother peeked in.

"Lex?" he said.

Alex nodded.

Bobby saw the same stiffness he'd noticed yesterday. Johnny most certainly held a grudge against him.

"I'm sorry, Johnny," Alex said.

"Sorry? For what?" Johnny replied.

Alex rolled her eyes and looked at him with affection. Bobby let go her hand and went to sit in the chair by the window.

"You're looking better," Captain Ross said.

"Thank you, Captain."

"Eames, I've had a meeting with the Chief. He reviewed the whole scenario, and… you're going to have to be cleared by a department shrink before you can return."

Alex was less than pleased.

"You've been through a major trauma. There's no shame in getting some help. Even the strongest person would benefit from a little therapy after something like this. We've got some very good people. Skoda, Huang, Olivet, Gyson…"

"When do I have to start?"

"As soon as you can. Here's a list, you can see any of them." He set the list on the table beside her bed. "I suppose Goren told you the rest."

"About Jo Gage?"

"Yes."

"I'm glad Bobby caught her," Alex said, knowing full well her boss had helped and not wanting to give him any credit.

Ross smiled politely. "Speedy recovery, Detective. I'll be in touch." She gave him a polite goodbye and he was on his way.

Bobby knocked as he entered, wondering what had just transpired. Alex jerked her head toward the paper on the table, and he looked it over. "Therapy… it's a good idea," he said with a nod.

"You go, then."

He looked up in alarm before realizing it was just a snarky comment and not a real suggestion. Bobby's eye flitted around the room. "Maybe, I'll go with you, if you want. You know, drop you off, pick you up."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "In case you… you have things on your mind. You won't have to worry about driving."

She sighed and shut her eyes.

"You're still tired," he said.

"I'm tired, all right. I'm tired of hurting, of being stuck in this damn bed, in this damn room, in this damn hospital!"

Bobby almost folded his arms, but he worried she might read that as closing her off. At the last second, he dropped his hands and stuffed them in his pockets.

"I guess… I just have to get used to the idea… life is pain."

Her words sent a jolt right through him. "Alex, no…"

"Don't tell me no!" she cried. "This is never going to go away, Bobby! I heard that poor girl screaming! I heard her die!"

He pushed his fists into his pockets until he could feel the fabric straining against the pressure. His own guilt reared its ugly head, and he could think of nothing that might comfort her. He thought about her words. He'd always thought that was something unique to him, to his life. Maybe she was right. Life was pain.

Alex saw his eyes darken, and she looked away, still burning with her own anger but very aware of the effect her words had on him. It only reinforced the notion in her mind. Life was pain. Bobby was living proof.

The door swung open and her father walked in. "How's my girl this evening?" he asked her.

Bobby spun and marched away from the bed, using the interruption as an excuse to stare out the window. Liz followed soon after her father. Alex shoved her anger aside and tried to be civil to her family. Her sister noticed the necklace right away.

"That's nice," she said, touching her own necklace. "Where'd you get it?"

Alex forced herself not to look at him. "A friend," she said.

"That's a good friend," Liz replied. "Alex, have you talked to anyone yet? I can ask the hospital staff. I know there are priests who make the rounds."

"No," Alex said.

"No, you haven't? Or no you don't want to?"

"Both."

"Alex, you can't carry all of this yourself. Maybe a little spiritual guidance would do you some good." John Eames came closer, touched Liz's arms, and gave her a short shake of the head. "Sorry," Liz said quickly, realizing she was pushing too hard.

"Sorry?" Alex asked, suspicious.

"You've been through so much. I don't mean to try and—"

"Oh, God, Liz! Don't pity me. I don't want your pity."

Liz looked desperately at her father.

"Now, Alex," John said. "Your sister, well, all of us, really… we hate to see you like this. You can't blame her for wanting to help."

The tears started to spring up, and Alex shoved them back by bringing her anger to the surface. "You can't fix this. There is no fricking bandaid that will make me the way I was. It happened and it didn't kill me and I guess we all just have to try and move on."

Bobby came back to her bedside. He stared into her eyes, and put his hand over hers. Just his presence seemed to calm her a little.

"Look, I just want to be alone," Alex muttered. Her father and Liz glanced uncomfortably at each other, and Bobby started to pull away, but she held him firm. "Not you, Bobby. I just only want you." Alex saw the strained look on her Dad's face, and it made her mad. "Sorry, Dad," she snapped. "Liz." The two stepped outside into the hall, but made no attempt to leave.

Bobby held her hand, but said nothing. He knew all too well what Alex was like when she was angry and tired. Even the nicest of words would be likely to set her off. He rubbed her hand and after a time, she drifted into sleep.

He used the time to go outside and try to talk to her family. Johnny was with them now, too, and he was none too happy with Alex sending them out. He stood with his arm around Liz, who was leaning against his shoulder for comfort. John senior stood by with his arms folded.

Bobby's nerves were shot. His stutter reappeared. "S-s-sorry. She's just, you know, tired and grumpy."

Alex's father dropped his hands and offered Bobby an encouraging smile. "We're just glad she has someone she trusts."

Disgusted, Johnny let go of his sister and marched away. Bobby threw the others concerned glances and then followed him.

Eames was quite a bit shorter than Bobby, but very strong. He heard the big man's footsteps behind him and spun around, coming to a halt. Johnny jerked his hand, pointing at a vending room nearby. Goren followed him in.

"Y-you're angry... with me," Bobby said.

"How the hell could you let this happen to her?!" Eames demanded.

Bobby wasn't surprised by the question. He'd known all along what was eating at her brother. What surprised him was how very much Johnny Eames was like his partner. He didn't beat around the bush. Bobby looked the man straight in the eye. "I've been asking myself the same thing."

Dissatisfied, Johnny pivoted and slammed his hand against the vending machine. A loud smack reverberated through the room.

Bobby stood his ground, and waited for the rest, just the same as he would do with Alex.

Johnny's hand was still against the machine, and he rested his head against his upper arm. "You're supposed to have her back."

Nodding, Bobby sank down to the floor and set his elbows against his knees. His hands were folded against his mouth. He paled, thinking about it. "It was just like any other investigation, at first… only m-more frustrating. We were both r-running after scraps, and the b-bodies kept coming."

"You know what?" Johnny said, earning a glance from Goren. "Don't. Stop." He was turned towards Bobby now. He shook his head sadly. "Lexie loves her job, she always has. I've always been proud of her, you know? If you tell me, like this… I don't think I could… it would change everything."

Bobby blinked six times, and then scrubbed his face with his hand.

"Look, Goren, I'm sorry. You and my sister, you've been partners a long time. I know you did your best. Hell, you wouldn't be here if you didn't care about her. I guess I… just needed someone to blame." Johnny shuffled his feet a moment, then repeated. "I'm sorry." Then he quickly stepped past him and out of the room.

Bobby sat on the floor, tears filling his eyes once more as he fought with his own terrible sense of guilt. If it had been anyone other than Jo, than Dec… maybe he would have picked up the clues faster, sooner. Maybe he could have prevented it.