Sorry that it took me so long to update. I was very busy because of school. But here comes, finally, the next chapter. Enjoy reading!

Chapter 8

Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys. Alphonse de Lamartine

Cautiously JJ lay her arms around Hotch's neck while he gently placed his hands on her hips. They slowly swayed to the music. JJ didn't dare to look into Hotch's eyes, she was too scared of what she would see in them. She feared to find anger in them, but way more did she fear to see love in them.

Under her fingers Hotch's shoulders quivered uneasily, so slightly that only JJ's sensitive and nervous senses could feel it. JJ wondered if he was as scared as she was. But then she felt his muscles gently move against his hands while he elegantly danced, and JJ thought, no, Hotch was brave and strong and steady, as solid as a rock. He wasn't afraid. He was the tower of strength for everyone who needed him, for his team and his family. He was selfless and devoted for those he loved and she would trust him with her life.

They danced pleasantly for what felt like an eternity. Finally JJ carefully looked up to see Hotch's face but as soon as his eyes met hers she quickly looked away. Hotch's lips opened slightly as if he wanted to say something but then he stopped himself. JJ felt the atmosphere between them tense up. Her fingers softly but nervously grabbed Hotch's shirt. Eventually Hotch sighed desperately. He put his forefinger under JJ's chin and forced her to raise her head so he could look into her eyes. They were filled with doubt and insecurity.

"JJ…", Hotch whispered with his sonorous voice, staring deeply and meaningfully into JJ's eyes. His eyes were gentle and full of honest love. This realization filled JJ with a warm, fuzzy feeling and she suddenly had the deep desire to feel his lips touch hers.

But then memories of other lips and other eyes came into her mind. Suddenly she felt a wave of sickness, guilt and pain flash through her as a picture of Will pushed itself in front of her inner eye. Hotch's real face and Will's virtual face fought for dominance and JJ's stomach turned because of her internal chaos of feelings. It wasn't right, she had to stop...

JJ wanted to avert her eyes from Hotch's gaze but as hard as she tried she couldn't look away. She was locked in Hotch's intensive brown eyes which were so different from the green ones she used to look into and yet were so beautiful. They seemed to look right into her as if she would be made of glass. Caught in a gilded cage, flashed through JJ's mind. But she immediately rejected this thought. No, it felt more like a wonderful magic spell…

Their faces drew nearer and nearer without JJ being able to stop her movement. It was like an inner force, a deep natural instinct took over control of her body. She wasn't really aware of what was happening, she was too much distracted by the fight inside of her, the fight between the beautiful memories of a dead man and the scaring and yet tempting reality in front of her.

And then, finally, she felt Hotch's warm and tender lips on hers.

JJ didn't flinch, didn't back away, it felt way too good. JJ kissed him hesitantly back. She forgot about everything around her, her mind went completely blank. Even Will's face slowly faded until all she could feel was Hotch. Although she had closed her eyes she still saw Hotch's deep brown eyes in front of her inner eye. The kiss was chaste, soft and shy and yet so real and full of love. JJ's skin prickled pleasantly and warmth began to build up inside of her. The kiss remembered JJ of spring, still weak and hesitant, but ready to become something great and beautiful. Hotch's gentle lips touching hers were like the soft sun of springtime that slowly banned the cold winter.

When JJ kissed him back Hotch grew more confident. He began to be more passionate, the pressure of his lips against JJ's became stronger and yet stayed so very gentle. His lips radiated a heat and lust that JJ recognized as a long oppressed longing. JJ enjoyed his touch so much and yet she felt a sting in her heart, knowing deep inside of her that this was not right.

Finally they broke apart, both eagerly gasping for air. An honest, happy smile spread on Hotch's face. But JJ couldn't return it. Her eyes were full of pain. The wonderful feeling from a few seconds had disappeared and after feeling for a few moments what it meant to be happy again JJ now felt the pain even stronger than before. When looking at JJ Hotch's smile became bitter and slowly faded.

"Hotch…", JJ whispered unhappily. "I'm so sorry…"

Hotch gave her a small smile. "Don't. It's not your fault. I understand you."

JJ shook her head vehemently. "No, I have to say it, Hotch. I owe you that much after all you've done for me and Henry." JJ sighed deeply to regain her usual confident self. "I'm so sorry, Hotch, for what I said to you last night. I didn't mean to hurt you. I hope you can forgive me."

"Of course I forgive you, JJ.", Hotch looked at her lovingly. Then he smiled. "I liked this kiss." Appreciatively he touched his lips with his fingers.

JJ looked at him seriously, still not returning his smile. JJ had already gone through a lot. She had lost her big sister. Her best friend who was like a little brother to her had been kidnapped and it had been her fault. Her best friend had almost died when having been shot. But she couldn't remember that there had ever, ever been something that had been as bad as it was to lose Will.

This pain… JJ shivered.

"Hotch…", she said sadly. "I know I disappoint you but I can't do that right now. All I can say is sorry although I know that this is not enough."

Hotch shoulders slouched but he still kept his composure. JJ admired him for that. "It's okay, JJ.", he soothed her but JJ could hear the opressed emotions in his voice.

JJ looked at him desperately. "No, it's not okay. I hurt you. But please let me explain in it to you." She pulled herself together and banned Will's face from her mind to completely concentrate on the man in front of her. On the here and now. "Hotch, you are important to me, you know that. You have a solid place in my heart, you always had. You are my friend, you are family. But Will… I really loved him. He was the one. The one I wanted to spent the rest of my life with. The man of my dreams. Now he is dead… my world is shattered. And then, suddenly, you come along. Suddenly it's you instead of him who holds me when I cry. Suddenly you are the one who cares for me and my son. Hotch, I begin to view you in a completely different light. The place in my heart you already owned begins to grow… but Will is still there. And he will never disappear. I'm not ready yet to let go of him. I love you, Hotch. I really do. But right now I still love Will more."

Hotch nodded. JJ had seen the flame that lit up in his eyes when she had said the three magic words. But she also had seen it die when she had mentioned Will. The hurt burnt way brighter than the joy.

"Hotch", JJ said sadly. "If you hate me now I understand that. I'm so sorry, again, but this time I don't expect you to forgive me. You deserve better than me."

But Hotch looked at her, his eyes filled with a stoic hopefulness, a comprehension only someone who had experienced the same could have, and simply deep love. "JJ, I love you.", Hotch told her with a low husky voice. "And if it's time that you need then I have plenty of it. I will wait. I don't want someone else, all I want is you. So I will wait until you are ready."

JJ smiled slightly. She couldn't believe it. How could she ever deserve someone so understanding, selfless and loyal like Hotch? "But we will still spend time together?", she asked hesitantly, but hopefully.

Hotch smiled caringly. "Of course. I wouldn't be able to stay away from you."

"We will have movie nights and the boys will play together?"

Hotch reached out his hand and gently stroked JJ's cheek. She leaned into his touch, seeking comfort. "Yes. Jack and I will be there for you and Henry. Whenever you need us."

Suddenly JJ looked up at Hotch worriedly. "How is Jack? Is he okay?" Hotch smiled inwardly, happy that JJ hadn't forgotten about his son. She wasn't ready yet, he understood that. But she was the right one. For him and his son.

He nodded quickly. "Yes, we reconciled at home. I guess Jack just had a bad day and missed his mother a little more than usual." Hotch shrugged, trying to hide his worry. "And today I bought him a new action figure."

JJ smiled. Then she said urgently: "I have to talk to Jack."

Hotch frowned. "What do you want to tell him?"

"I don't know… but I absolutely need to talk to him. I care about him and was really worried.", JJ told him compassionately.

Hotch looked at her seriously. "JJ, I have no doubt that you truly care for Jack and I know that it would mean much to him if you would talk to him." Hotch took a step back. "But still… JJ, Jack lost his mother and this wound will never heal completely. Before you begin to be more for him than just an aunt I have to know that you are ready for him. I can wait, I can bear deceptions, but I don't want this pain for my son. He can't lose another mom. Jack needs stability, someone on whom he can rely completely. If that is too much for you right now that is understandable but please, think about it before you raise his hopes and dash them again." Hotch's voice was passionate and merciless. He loved and trusted JJ, but his son had been, was and would always be his first priority.

JJ sighed sadly. Hotch's words sounded harsh and for a moment JJ felt hurt. But then she realized that he was right. Hotch just wanted to protect his son and surely she would do the same thing if she would be in his situation. "You are right, Hotch. Of course you are. I swear to God, I love Jack like a second son and all I want for him is to be happy. The last thing I want is to hurt him. I will think about what you said. "

Hotch nodded. "Thank you, JJ. That means much to me." Then he took JJ's hand and left the dance floor with her. He led her back to the bar, his hand on the small of her back. The others sat a few steps away from them and looked over to them curiously. Hotch ordered two drinks before smiling at JJ. "Let's enjoy this evening and forget all the worries for a few hours before we face reality again tomorrow.", he announced and held up his drink.

JJ finally smiled back. That was a Hotch you rarely got to see but JJ enjoyed every second of it. "Good idea, Hotch!", she responded and downed her shot.

My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn. Louis Adamic