Live with passion
Chapter 9
No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible. George Chakiris
It was already one or two o'clock in the morning and JJ and Hotch still sat at the bar, talking and laughing carelessly. The alcohol had loosened their tongues and JJ simply enjoyed herself, having forgotten all her pain and worries.
"JJ, do you think it was a coincidence?", Hotch suddenly asked.
"Huh?", JJ replied, confused. "What are you talking about?"
"Do you think it was a coincidence that Rossi dragged me in the same bar at the same evening and the same time as you were dragged by Garcia and Emily?", Hotch explained his suspicion more precisely.
JJ frowned pensively. "You think… they planned this?"
"Why not?", Hotch responded. "It's hard to believe but there is something about Rossi that reminds me strongly of a gossip-loving teenage-girl!"
JJ nodded understandingly. "And he was married four times. There has to be something romantic about him after all!"
"But he also was divorced four times.", Hotch reminded her.
"Yeah. That explains why he tries to set me up only three months after my husband's death!" JJ was too numb because of the alcohol to feel sadness or indignation. The words just flowed out of her mouth.
"Let's just ask them!", Hotch announced vividly and jumped to his feet. But immediately he began to weave and an uncontrolled squeak escaped his mouth when he almost fell.
JJ laughed out loud and reached out a hand to grab his arm. "A drunk, staggering, squeaking Aaron Hotchner! Hilarious!"
"Stop laughing!", Hotch grumbled, but he couldn't suppress a grin. It was wonderful to see JJ so carefree and happy. "You aren't better, Jareau!" At this JJ laughed even more. Together they stumbled laughingly over to their friends. It was impossible to say who was keeping upright who.
Garcia greeted them effusively, thanks to the alcohol even more cheerful than she already was. "Oh, my lovey-dovey pair! You are so sweet! Did you two have fun over there?" JJ blushed and Hotch glared at Garcia with his famous, dangerous Hotch-glare.
But Garcia laughed out loud at his glare. "You can't scare me with that, Hotch! You look asquint!"
Emily couldn't suppress a laugh. Nonetheless she nudged Garcia into the side and hissed warningly: "Garcia! If you don't stop you will regret it tomorrow!"
"What?", Garcia asked innocently. "I'm just saying the truth! And you have to agree with me, they are cute!"
Emily groaned helplessly. "Don't blame me, JJ! I gave my all to stop her from getting drunk!"
"Drunk? Me?", Garcia exclaimed indignantly. "Who is one who was talking the whole time about her pillows-fucking cat?"
Emily grinned brightly. "Oh, yes. That was me!" JJ couldn't help bursting out in laughter.
"Girls, girls, please.", Rossi tried to stop the women from having yet another crazy laughing fit. "I'm really not the person for vicarious embarrassment but this is too much!" But that only made the three women laugh even more.
"Hey, Rossi!", Hotch intervened and asked curiously: "You planned this, am I right? I mean, me and JJ meeting and dancing, that was exactly your plan, wasn't it?" Immediately everybody at the table pricked up his ears.
"Me?", Rossi asked innocently. Way too innocent. "Why would I do that?"
"Oh, no, don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining!", Hotch exclaimed. "You are exactly the kind of person to do something like this!"
Feigning to be hurt, Rossi said: "But Aaron, why would you think of me so badly?" But Hotch noticed the grin Rossi was unable to hide.
Hotch grinned. "Rossi, I may be drunk but I'm still a profiler! A counter question is always a sign for you concealing something!"
JJ looked at Emily. "I don't really know you as a romantic plotter, but you were involved, too, weren't you?"
"No, no! We didn't plan anything!", Emily exclaimed, undertaking one last try to hide their secret intention. But when being scrutinized by JJ with a firm, warning gaze Emily gave up. "Okay, okay, we did it! We did it! Please don't hurt me!" JJ had to laugh. Emily turned to Garcia: "I told you, they are too clever to not find it out!"
But Garcia just laughed. "Worse things happen at sea! It worked after all, didn't it? I told you it was a good plan!"
JJ groaned. "Of course, Garcia, it was your idea! I should have known it!"
Garcia grinned proudly. "Of course! Who else could plot such good plans?" Everybody laughed.
"But why did Emily call me, then?", JJ asked blankly.
Garcia grinned cunningly. "Because I knew you wouldn't be so suspicious if Emily would talk to you."
JJ looked at Garcia for a moment, indecisive if she should be angry or not. Garcia stared at her worriedly. Finally JJ grinned. "You really know me well!" Garcia smiled back triumphantly. JJ's eyes met Hotch's and they looked at each other, smiling. JJ was really glad that everything was back normal between them. Even better than normal.
Finally the group of five decided to leave the bar. They called two cabs and headed home.
When JJ finally arrived at home and staggered, still weak-kneed, into her living room she suddenly stopped. The lights were still on and the TV was running. What JJ saw in front of her brought a big smile on her face but also a few tears into her eyes.
In front of her lay, sprawled out on the couch, Spence, fast asleep. On his stomach lay, equally peacefully sleeping, Henry. Reid had slung a protective arm around the little boy who had snuggled comfortably into his godfather's chest. JJ smiled happily.
Then she switched off the TV. Carefully she lifted Henry from his godfather's chest and carried him into his room. He had his PJ's already on so JJ just put her son into his bed, tucked in the blanket around him and placed a loving kiss on his forehead. After having watched Henry for a few minutes she headed back down into the living room. Carefully not to wake him up she covered Reid with the wooly blanket that had fallen to the ground next to the couch and kissed him, too, on the forehead.
Eventually JJ got ready for bed, too, and slipped under the covers. Before closing the eyes she took two framed pictures which stood on her bedside table and looked at them. The first photo depicted the BAU team plus Jack. On the second photo one could see a close shot of Will and Henry. The familiar flush of pain rushed through her at the thought of Will. She placed one kiss on Will's cheek on the photo. After hesitating for a second she placed another kiss on Hotch's cheek on the other picture.
Then she snuggled into Will's shirt she had on, breathed in his scent and tried to sleep.
JJ stood there, staring at the brown, wooden coffin in which the love of her life lay and his eternal sleep slept. Tears rolled down her cheeks. The grief felt like an incredibly heavy weight that constantly pulled her down. Hotch's strong arm around her waist seemed to be the only thing that kept her upright. On her other side stood Emily, squeezing JJ's hand so much that JJ thought it would break. But today JJ felt no physical pain. Only mental. Behind JJ stood Morgan and Rossi, like two bodyguards, watching over her and always ready to catch her if she would fall. Next to Emily stood Henry with his godparents. Garcia had picked Henry up, Reid held tightly onto one of his little hands.
A few feet away stood JJ's parents, her father had his arm around his wife's waist but it looked rather as if she would keep him upright than vice versa. JJ's big brother was there, too, together with his wife. Next to them stood Will's mother and his sister Elizabeth. While Elizabeth sobbed piteously Will's mother stood there like a stone, immovable. But her face was contorted with pain.
JJ had thought about her speech a lot. Whatever she wrote down, in the next moment she would tear the page into pieces. No words, no metaphors, no quotes, nothing ever seemed enough for Will. There were no words which were able to appropriately describe Will's personality or what he had meant to his loved ones. It was impossible.
Finally JJ spoke.
"Will was the love of my life but he was taken away from me. I don't understand why he had to go when there was so much for him to leave behind but I guess there is no answer.
Will died as a hero, he died saving my life. Me and my son, we were his life, the way he was our life. And the way Will was in his life, the way he was in his death: brave, selfless and full of love for his family. He always knew that you have to fight for what is important in life and even in the face of death he still fought like a lion for those he loved.
This doesn't make it easier, though, because life will never be the same without Will. When he smiled he lit up my world. Will loved life and only if you knew Will you truly understand the meaning of these words. There is no doubt that Will will be greatly missed and I know that if love could have saved him he would have lived forever. Although we cannot see Will anymore he will always be with us. Will left traces on our hearts that will never be erased and memories in our minds that no one can ever steal.
And he gave me the greatest gift I could ever imagine: He gave me our son Henry. Although it makes me sad to know that Henry will grow up without a father it makes me happy to see Will live on in his son. Will surely wasn't perfect, but he was perfect for me and Henry and I will make sure that Henry never forgets who his father was.
Will was a good man. He wasn't only a loving husband and a passionate father, he also was a loyal friend, an understanding brother, a proud son and a dedicated cop. If everybody would be like Will was, this world would be a far better place.
Someone once said: When the ones we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. People die, buildings burn, but real love is forever."
JJ reached out her hand. "Come on, Henry. Let's say goodbye to Daddy."
Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow.
When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet bird's circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not there. I did not die.
Robert Hepburn
I hope you enjoyed reading. Please review!