Live with passion
Chapter 11
Papa, can you hear me? Papa, can you see me? Papa, can you find me in the night?
Looking at the skies I seem to see a million eyes, which ones are yours?
The night is so much darker; The wind is so much colder; The world I see is so much bigger now that I'm alone.
Can you hear me praying, anything I'm saying, even though the night is filled with voices?
Papa, how I love you... Papa, how I need you… Papa, how I miss you kissing me good night…
(Lyrics of the song 'Papa, can you hear me?')
Hotch stirred out of sleep when an all too familiar, shrill sound broke through the peaceful silence of night.
"Dammit!", Hotch cursed, reaching wearily for the phone on his nightstand. His gaze fell on the alarm clock: 0:43. It had been a tough week. Yesterday they had finally been able to catch the psychopath they had been chasing the whole week and they had returned just in time to start a murderer-free weekend. He had been incredibly happy to finally see his son again, he always missed him like crazy when he was on a case.
But right now all he wanted was to sleep. Was that really too much to ask for?
Irritated, Hotch shouted into the hearer: "Honestly, wherever this is, if this is not absolutely urgent I will…"
But then he stopped. "Hotch?", a small voice asked.
"JJ?", immediately Hotch was wide awake and his whole body tensed when hearing her strained voice. "What's wrong?" he asked worriedly. "Are you and Henry okay?"
"Don't worry, Hotch, nobody is hurt. At least not physically.", JJ explained, becoming calmer. In the background Hotch could hear Henry's crying.
"Then tell me, why do you call? How can I help?", Hotch asked reassuringly, his tiredness forgotten. To be honest, Jack hadn't been the only one he had missed. The team just wasn't the same without JJ and little charming Henry had really grown on him the last few months.
"Henry woke up screaming for his Daddy and he just wouldn't calm down.", JJ told him desperately, the hurt obvious in her voice. "He asked for you, Hotch."
Hotch had to smile when hearing this. Henry had asked for him? "I'm so sorry that I woke you up, Hotch, but if you maybe could talk to him…", JJ rambled pleadingly.
"Of course JJ.", Hotch answered without hesitation. "Of course I talk to him."
"Thank you so much.", JJ said sincerely. "I'm going to leave you two alone.", she added before passing the phone to Henry.
A few seconds later Hotch heard Henry's soft little voice asking: "Hotch?"
"Hello Henry.", Hotch greeted him gently.
"Did you and Emily and the others catch the bad guy?", Henry asked softly.
"Yes, we did.", Hotch answered soothingly. "He'll be in prison for the rest of his life."
"He can't hurt anyone anymore?", Henry asked again.
"No, he can't.", Hotch reassured him. "Never again."
"Hotch", Henry whispered anxiously. "I think I have to be a superhero."
Hotch wasn't sure what Henry meant with that. Nonetheless he answered: "You already are a superhero, Henry. You may not be as big as one, but you have a superhero's heart."
"No!", Henry protested, angry that Hotch didn't understand. "I have to be a real superhero. I have to save my Daddy.", Henry tried to explain desperately, his voice growing louder.
Hotch frowned. "What do you mean, Henry? From what do you want to save him?"
"From death of course.", Henry responded.
Hotch sighed. "You can't save him from death.", he said tonelessly.
"Yes, I can!", Henry insisted passionately. "And I have a plan!"
"A plan?", Hotch pressed him, now slightly worried. "Tell me about it!"
Henry sighed. "Okay, I tell you. But it's a secret, okay? You mustn't tell anybody!"
"I won't, Henry. I promise.", Hotch told him.
"I talked to God, you know. And I made a pact with him.", Henry whispered conspiratorially. "I have to give him someone and in exchange for this person I get my Daddy back."
Hotch frowned, getting suspicious. "Henry, what do you mean with 'giving him someone'?
Henry sighed as if Hotch were stupid. "Isn't that obvious? Someone else has to go to Heaven so my Daddy can come back. Someone else has to die."
"Henry!", Hotch exclaimed, horrified. "I know you miss your Daddy and I completely understand that. But he is dead and nothing can bring him back to life!"
"No, you are lying!", Henry screamed.
"Henry!", Hotch shouted desperately. "Henry, please, listen to me!"
"No! You try to stop me from saving my Daddy! I don't listen to you!", Henry screamed.
"Henry?", another voice suddenly asked. JJ. She must have heard him screaming. "Hotch?", she spoke worriedly into the phone. "What happened?"
"JJ, open the window and let Henry look out.", Hotch told her gently. JJ seemingly didn't question what he said. He heard the window opening.
"Henry?", Hotch asked.
"What!", Henry sobbed angrily but apparently listened again.
"Look out of the window, Henry. You can't bring your Daddy back. But do you know why?", Hotch asked him softly. "Because he never went away. He is still here. Every second he is with you."
"I don't believe you.", Henry whispered tiredly.
"Henry, do you feel the wind in your hair?", Hotch asked him gently.
"Yes.", Henry whispered.
"That's your Daddy's breath when he sits next to you. And do you feel the raindrops on your face?"
"Yes.", Henry whispered again.
"That's your Daddy kissing you goodnight. And do you see the stars in the sky?"
"Yes."
"They are not really stars. They are openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy. One of them is your Daddy."
„Really?", Henry whispered.
„Really. And do your hear the leaves rustling in the breeze? That's your Daddy talking to you. Do you understand what he tells you?"
"Yes.", Henry whispered dreamily.
"What does he tell you?", Hotch asked gently.
"That he loves me.", Henry answered quietly with a tearful voice.
Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing to save the limit of our sight.
Rossiter Worthington Raymond