Chapter 10
Asteroid Belt?
Shortly after returning from the the Navi turret Lister outlined his plan to Holly and the crew.
"This will never work miladdo. and I say this in the most professional capacity possible, with no side on it what so ever.
YOU ARE TOTALLY INSANE!
Read my lips." Rimmer exaggerated every syllable that was there and a few that weren't. "Thii...ssssssss...Willlllll, lll, lll Neeee...vvvv...eeeee...rrr
Worrrrrr...rrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk."
In later reflection Rimmer had been very happy with his speech. All his
silences were concise and to the point. The final thirty five second drag on the last two letters could have been drawn out to a full minute, and surely would have if the ship hadn't been hit by something.
"What the smeg was that!" hollered Lister.
"An asteroid I suppose." Answered Holly unaffected by the impact. "What kind of asteroid? "Asked Rimmer as his image flickered with an electric blue light.
"The small to medium size kind."
"How could you let this happen? Weren't you paying attention?"
"I'm sorry I got so caught up in your little asteroid speech it must of slipped my mind. Don't worry, won't happen again. I'm on the case now." Holly beamed confidently.
"Well, what's the damage?" questioned the Cat as he fought to regain control of his pompadour, which had come loose during impact. "Are they're any more coming? Are we going to die. More importantly, should I use gel?"
"Yea Hol. Can we get a damage report?" Lister asked excitement in his voice.
Since returning from his excursion Lister had become single minded; Find Kryten. Like an expectant mother setting up a nursery there could be no reasoning with him. Lister became more anxious than ever when Holly's scanners got a fix on the signal. Kryten became a bassinet that the expectant mother had to have.
"Sure you can Dave as good as done." Holly smiled benignly."
After a few moments Lister asked "Well what is it? Everything OK?"
"Oh you meant right at this moment. I'll go check." Holly's image faded off for a second then came back on. "Sorry, didn't want to miss anything.
"Well Hol?"
"Yea sure all seems OK. Must a been a rogue. I'll just give the field a wider birth."
Standing in the middle of the room Rimmer started.
"You really expect us to risk the ship, our lives and everything we hold dear, to forget all we know about the dangers involved in traversing a asteroid belt. To take the not so small rouge one into that kind of hostile environment where it would be physically impossible to avoid at least some damage."
"Holly, what kind of damage would Red Dwarf sustain while being lead on this wild goose chase. Through a field of death in the one in a million chance that Listy's favorite Toilet Attendant is the source of that homing beacon. Come on, what is it Holly? Tell Rimmsey how much." Rimmer commanded snidely.
"Well I can't give you an actual, dead on correct percentage number now could I. Straight off of the top of my head, how can I. Have to calculate all the available data, cross reference it with historical information on ships that have actually attempted this. Take into account the millions of scannable actual asteroids in side the belt itself."
"Yea I know that Hol, but can you give us a clue maybe?" Lister asked with a mouthful of sheep. "Something on the non committal side," his mutton vindaloo balanced on his round pregnant belly. "Something. Anything?"
"Sure I can, now that you gave me a moment to do some figuring. OK your question; if we, meaning a highly trained team, locate and know without a shadow of a doubt the exact coordinates of the asteroid to land on, it's size, and then calculated it's trajectory. Sneak in commando style, pull off a bit of collecting and such then high tail it pronto to a safe distance. I would say that Red Dwarf would suffer approximately,"
Holly hesitated. "No damage what so ever".
"What? Are you serious?" Dave inquired a touch of disbelief and curry in his voice. He could hardly control his elation.
"Hey, hey hey, things are looking up," chimed in the Cat.
"Holly what are you driveling on about. Having all that information, with the variables, and your top notch team is El dirt ball and El hair ball.
I wouldn't trust either of them to get in and out of a red alert situation in less than an hour forty."
"To bring Red Dwarf, a ship some four miles wide and five miles long, inside a asteroid belt without defensive shields, where every moment it's in peril of collision damage. Getting in and out with a ship of this size with no damage.' Rimmer shook his head, "That's just not possible."
"Look you asked me for the answer and I gave it to you, maybe you should ask the right questions and you might understand the answers I give better."
Rimmer and the Cat both looked at the monitor puzzled.
Lister struggled to his feet, eyes elated, hands waving, curry in his voice: "SsssmddttttasrrrbUUUGGGGGDD!'
"Right on Dave," said Holly. "He guessed it."
Guessed what? Asked Rimmer.
"Starbug!". repeated Lister. "We don't take in Red Dwarf at all. Starbug is small enough to pick it's way through an asteroid field and receive no damage. Am I Right Hol?"
"Yes Dave you're right" Answered Holly.
"You must be mad, Rimmer sneered. There's no way I'm going in with you. You know how unstable those asteroid belts are, how dangerous they are with rogue asteroids, and such. One crack on Starbug's Plexiglas windshield and your instant people paite'. You can count me out."
"Fine. Your counted out. What about you Cat? Can I count on you? Buddy?" Lister cooed soothingly.
"Well Buddy, to tell you the truth I agree with old golf post head.
But I couldn't honestly allow myself, to vote with a man with his dress sense."
"Brutal. Holly how long until were close enough to launch the bug?"
"Not too long Dave. I just have to pinpoint the signal, send out a few scouters for that. Correlate the data, bring the ship around to the safest point of entry. Don't want to rush, I'd hate to gooseberry it up."
"I'd say two maybe three hours." Holly answered with all the confidence he could muster.
"YEEEEEES! Cat come on. We'll just have enough time to get together
some supplies and get down to the landing bay"
"Lister you can't do this. I forbid it. Don't you have any Idea of the danger, the risk. What if you get killed, where will that leave me?" asked Rimmer.
"What do you care? If you did you'd be going out there with us to help."
"Don't get me wrong Listy, I don't give two smegs about you. If the unforeseen occurrence of your demise came about Holly just might take it into his head, just out of spite mind you, to turn yours truly off. Now we couldn't let that happen to old Rimmsey? Could we squire?"
"Rimmer," Lister walked up to his face and stood close. " Right now if there was anything possible, short of my own death to turn you off, I'd do it.
You'd be stored away in some dusty vault deep in the ship. Not exactly how you expected your twilight years to be." Lister turned to leave. "While I'm gone you just might try to think about that . You just might." With that Lister walked out of the sleeping quarters with the Cat in close pursuit.