A/N: This chapter is a little short, but the next one will be longer. I promise. Anyway, I hope you enjoy :)
Bruce was lost. Normally when life chucked a dose of reality at him, reminding him that the Other Guy transformed both his body and perception of daily living, he turned to Tony for advice. In worldly matters the billionaire was a vessel of information, and when it came to women Bruce wouldn't hesitate to seek the man's wisdom. But when it came to discussing potential sex with Tony's niece, he decided there were some things that an uncle never wants to hear.
With Tony out of the running and Perry being the source of Bruce's confusion, there were few people left that Bruce could talk to about the matter. Of the Avengers, Clint and Natasha were absolutely out of the question. Sure there seemed to be some sort of weird partnership between the two, but Bruce was pretty sure any dating advice from them would center around mutual weapon cleaning and target practice. Thor had centuries of experience with women, but being a god was usually all it took for him to bed the lady of his choice. Besides, did Asgardians even go on dates? The last possible teammate was Steve, the man who had been a bigger nerd than Bruce before the serum. His experience with women was limited to camaraderie with a superior officer that ended with a brief kiss before he crashed into the ice. And the captain was so ignorant to Darcy's blatant advances – even Bruce could see that the girl was after him.
With all of the Avengers ruled out, Bruce considered others in the tower. There really weren't very many people in Stark Tower that he knew, and virtually none that he trusted. Pepper would be his first choice, but since everything that they discussed would become Tony's information as well (whether she actually told him or he found out from JARVIS, Bruce wasn't sure) he decided she wouldn't be his best choice for a confidant. The last two acquaintances that might be able to give him a little insight were Jane and Darcy. It wasn't a perfect solution, but it had to suffice.
The two girls were working alone in the Astrophysics lab when he arrived. In some ways he was relieved that Thor was not there, but he soon realized that this would be his first time talking to either of the women alone. Taking a deep breath, he pushed through the door.
"Hello Dr. Banner," said Darcy cheerily from her seat, "What can we do for you?" Across the room, Jane looked up from her work, interested in this surprise visitor.
Bruce cleared his throat and glanced back and forth between the women, trying to think about how to approach the topic. "Um, I need some advice and Tony is about as useful as a knife in your foot," he said.
The girls shared a knowing glance, each smirking as they watched the nervous doctor awkwardly shuffle his feet and wring his hands.
"Sure, we can help you out," said Jane politely. She sympathized with the man and wanted to alleviate his distress.
Darcy on the other hand, reveled in his discomfort. "You know, I am surprised you aren't asking Perry for advice. You two are close, aren't you?" she asked slyly. Jane shot her sharp glance, but Darcy brushed it off with one of her charming smiles.
Bruce breathed deeply again before continuing. "Well, um, the advice I need is about her." Feeling the anxiety build up in his chest, he began pacing to avoid looking directly at either of the women as he spoke. "Last night, Perry and I kind of… well we… we went up to my room and…uh, we kissed," Bruce sputtered, his face flushed deep red.
Jane nodded enthusiastically, giving Bruce an encouraging smile. Darcy grinned wickedly, leaning forward to thoroughly enjoy Bruce's confession. "Go on," she said.
Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. "So yeah, we kissed and it kind of…progressed. Things were getting, uh, good when –" he cut off when he noticed that Darcy's shoulders were shaking with silent laughter. "Perry already told you all of this, didn't she?" he asked wearily.
Darcy laughed out loud. "Yes she did, although she made it sound a lot juicier than what you are describing."
"She probably described it perfectly," he muttered, rolling his eyes.
"What sort of advice were you looking for?" asked Jane.
Bruce hesitated. He was already beginning to regret the decision to include Darcy in this discussion. "Perry said that she doesn't…you know…on the first date."
A puzzled look crossed Jane's face. "A lot of women don't sleep with a man on the first date. That wasn't what you were intending, was it? If so, let me just tell y –"
"Oh god no!" interrupted Bruce, horrified that she would make that assumption. Darcy was nearly rolling with laughter at that point. "I just want to make sure I am correct in assuming that she wants to go on a date with me."
Both women stared at him with completely bewildered expressions, making Bruce suspect that he was way off the mark.
"Of course she wants to go on a date with you," said Darcy slowly as though she was speaking to a child. "I thought you were some sort of genius or something."
Frustrated, Bruce raked his hand through his hair and began pacing again. "I can't help it, she is so hard to read. Hell, all of you are hard to read. I mean all of the signs say she is interested, but what if I am misinterpreting all of the data? Maybe I haven't considered all of the variables leading up to last night's events. Maybe – "
"Okay, that is where I have to stop you," said Jane. "You can't think about Perry as one of your experiments. Quit trying to quantify your time together or collect data. There isn't just one or two variables in this, there are far more than you can ever count, but I can guarantee that observing her like a lab rat is a variable that will screw up your hypothesis. Get what I am saying?"
Bruce chewed his lip silently. Oh he understood what she was saying, loud and clear, but all the variable talk got him thinking about another possible flaw in his experiment. He never quit thinking about the Other Guy, nothing could distract him from that, but for just a bit he began to believe that Perry appealed to both of them enough for something good to happen. Last night the Other Guy did not seem to mind Bruce having a moment with Perry, in fact he seemed to enjoy it. But would he really be able to hold out? Would the Other Guy actually give him a chance with her, or was he making her feel safe so he could attack?
"Hello, Earth to Bruce," called Darcy, breaking him out of his thoughts.
"S-sorry," he stuttered. "I was just thinking."
Jane gave him another one of her polite smiles. "I think you should take her on a nice date, someplace she would enjoy."
"I don't know… me and the general population don't mix well," muttered Bruce.
"No way," said Darcy. "You already have dinner in Stark Tower with her every night. It wouldn't be a real date if you just add kissing after dessert. You have to go somewhere fun."
"The planetarium is having a special right now. They are showing viewings of the Perseid Meteor Shower," offered Jane.
"Bleh, boring," said Darcy, wrinkling her nose. "I would suggest baseball, but I don't think the Cards are in town anytime soon."
Bruce shook his head. "They aren't…God, why do I even know that?"
Darcy clucked her tongue and wagged a finger at the man. "You've got it bad, Dr. Banner."
After his conversation with Jane and Darcy, Bruce decided a cup of coffee was just what he needed to prepare himself for facing Tony in the lab. He knew that there was a coffee shop on the second floor that he had never been adventurous enough to try, but after last night he was feeling a bit braver than usual.
Ordering a small black coffee, he found a seat away from the other workers and pulled out his phone to read over the morning's headlines. It was no different than any other morning's news; some politician harping about non-issues, acts of violence around the world, some celebrity "slamming" another one. It was same stuff different day.
Moving to the science section, he skimmed over an interesting article about a new development in removing brain tumors that were previously considered inoperable. Immediately, he thought of Perry and her research. This was right up her alley. Finishing the rest of his coffee, he quickly emailed the article to her so they could discuss it later.
"Soooo, did you have any fun last night," asked Tony the moment Bruce stepped into their lab. He clearly had been waiting all morning for the doctor to come in.
Masking an annoyed eye roll, Bruce walked over to desk and began turning on his computer and getting set up for the day's work. Tony followed him, hopping up on Bruce's desk and daintily crossing his legs while he waited. Bruce bit back a smile as he thought about all the times Perry had sat on his desk the same way. Glancing around the lab, he quickly noticed that she wasn't there.
"You can't get out of answering me, Big Guy."
Sighing, Bruce gave Tony his best nonchalant look. "Yeah, it was a good party," he said, silently praying that his voice didn't give anything away. He really didn't need Tony prying into the events of his and Perry's after party.
But as usual, Tony could not be fooled. "Right, 'good party' is Boring Banner speak for 'fucking awesome party.'"
Bruce shook his head, reaching past Tony to begin opening the programs he needed on the computer. Most of the time, Tony would go away when Bruce ignored him, his attention span dropping merciless teasing at lightning speed in favor of some other entertainment. But nothing could draw him away from the obvious change written all over Bruce's face.
"So what held you up this morning?" Tony continued, picking up a stack of Bruce's notes and flipping through them. Of course, Bruce immediately yanked them out of his hands and stashed them in a slightly safer place. "I bet you got yourself some honey last night, if you know what I mean."
Bruce shook his head, giving Tony another eye roll. "You are incorrigible," he muttered.
"Oh-Oh, you totally did! Let me guess, you got one of our little hula girls. Or Susan from engineering, I saw her making eyes at you."
"Who is Susan?" asked Bruce, now scanning over the previous day's data. He was trying very hard to appear busy and unconcerned with Tony's speculation, but inside he having a mini panic attack.
Tony hopped off the desk and leaned over Bruce's shoulder, pretending that he was interested in the information on the computer screen. "Or maybe you spent the night groping my niece," he said quietly. Dangerously.
Bruce jumped in alarm, bumping into Tony and knocking him backwards. Spinning around, the doctor's wide eyes met his friend's equally surprised expression. Tony managed to catch himself before he fell and drew himself to his full height over Bruce. "I dearly hope that was simply a reaction of thinking about groping my niece instead of remembering," he said, continuing to use his dangerous tone.
In some physics defying way, Bruce's eyes grew wider as he tried to sputter a response. "I haven't… I never…We…no..."
Tony rolled his eyes and took a step closer. "Oh come on, Bruce. Your secret is safe with me. I know you have thought about all of the things you want to do to Perry." Although he maintained the angry uncle/dad act, Tony was dying inside with sheer amusement at Bruce's panicked reaction. He took another step so they were standing toe to toe. "But I will tell you this one time only: If you hurt her, in any way, I will personally kill you over and over again."
Bruce's breaths were coming in short bursts and he tried to link together a cohesive response. Tony was terrifying! But he was saved from answering by the clatter of the lab door opening and footsteps heading to where Tony had the poor doctor cornered.
Perry wedged herself between the two men. Facing Bruce, she gave him a quick wink. "Sorry I'm late, Tony. Bruce's gift –" she pressed a hand on Bruce's chest "- kept me up all night. I just didn't want to get out of bed this morning."
Her comment elicited red faces from both men, although Bruce's was from embarrassment and Tony's from surprise. Grinning at their expressions, Perry leaned over and pecked Bruce on the cheek before sauntering over to her work area. Bruce watched her as she moved, his flush renewing as he remembered her retreat from the previous night. Tony noticed this, his jaw clenching as a wave of genuine protectiveness crashed over him. Quickly, he turned away and stalked out of the lab.
An hour later, Perry had finally finished with her morning tests and observations and settled in front of her computer to check her email. Bruce was just finishing up a calculation he had spent the hour working on and decided to use Perry's break to make his first attempt at asking her on a date. Walking over to her desk, he was quite surprised to see her eyes wide and red as they stared at the computer screen, and her lip was quivering like she was about to cry. He couldn't imagine what could bring out a reaction like that.
"Um, Perry?" he asked, capturing her attention. She quickly bit her lip to stop it from shaking as she looked up at him. "I wanted to ask you something." That was smooth…not.
"What's that?" she asked over brightly.
Bruce quirked an eyebrow, but continued with his awkward wooing. "Well after last night I was wondering if you wanted to do something? You know, go on a date? I, uh, thought of a few places –"
Suddenly Perry jumped up from her seat. "Oh, Bruce. I'm sorry. I can't do this. I-I-I can't explain it, you just don't want me. Trust me." Without allowing Bruce to respond, she went running out of the lab, not even bothering to turn off her computer or put away her work.
Bruce stared after her for a few minutes, completely bewildered by what had just transpired. Last night she was perfectly happy, more than happy, to be with him. Even this morning she flirted with him. Or was she just trying to piss Tony off? Had he misread everything that badly? Jane and Darcy seemed to think that Perry was interested. And she said he didn't want her? Where in the world would that come from? He definitely wanted her. True, he had tried to resist her draw, but now that they had crossed that bridge there was no going back.
Stepping around her desk, Bruce decided to look at her computer and see just what had up set her so much. There displayed on the screen was the very article he had emailed her this morning. Bruce gasped in surprised. He thought she would find the article as intriguing as he did. Instead, this new information was somehow emotionally distressing to her. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Bruce also left the lab and headed towards his quarters. As he walked slowly down the corridor, he couldn't help thinking that he had managed to seriously derail his one surefire chance get a date with the most wonderful woman he had ever met.