A/N: This ended up going a different direction than I originally planned, but I kinda like it. I hope you enjoy and leave lots of reviews. Seriously, I LOVE your feedback :) Thank you for all of the new favs and follows!
Tony was livid. There was no other word for it. Crammed in the middle seat of the van between Bruce and Natasha, with Darcy and Jane in the back, he glared at Perry as she halfway listened to their driver's one-sided conversation. Darrin Flett was his name and Tony loathed him with every fiber of his being.
"…After you left we have increased our testing sample by 30%. I think you will be pleased with the results," He rambled, casting Perry regular glances. "I have never been as good with the interns as you have. Of course you are much prettier than me, he he he." With his weak laugh, he attempted to reach out and touch Perry's arm, but Tony stopped him by clearing his throat loudly and giving the man a pointed look in the rearview mirror. Darrin jerked his hand back to the wheel.
Darrin Flett was the absolute definition of a nerd. He was a medium height and very thin. True, he had gained a little muscle mass since the Tony's last encounter with the man, but he still looked like a strong breeze could take him away. His dirty blond hair had been cut the same way since the mid-90's and his wire rimmed glasses hailed from the same decade. Working in the Florida sun had given him a permanent tan, but instead of a golden glow it gave his fair skin a sunburned look. Tony did note that his wardrobe had improved, trading his usual cargo shorts for slacks and the typical polo shirt for a smooth button down.
Behind him, Tony could hear Darcy snickering quietly and Jane shushing her. Bruce shifted uncomfortably in his seat but said nothing and Natasha was stoic as ever. Perry continued to stare out the window, not aware of Darrin's pathetic advances.
"Anyway, we have a new guy on board, but I don't think he is going to last, he he he."
Darrin's laugh was grating on Tony's last nerve. "Maybe if you quit experimenting on your interns they would last a little longer," he snapped, earning an approving smirk from Bruce. Clearly the doctor had picked up on Darrin's B.S. too.
"Oh, he he, I see what you did there Mr. Stark," Darrin said weakly. "No, the interns just aren't cut out for work down here. And so many of them have issues with radiation sensitivity. I can't have my help barfing all over the petri dishes, he he he." In the rearview mirror he shared a cold sneer with Tony. They were on to each other and the hatred appeared to be mutual.
Rubbing his hands over his face, Tony let out an agitated sigh. "So why exactly did we turn down a perfectly good driver in exchange for this charmer?" He asked, jabbing Perry's shoulder.
Perry turned to face her uncle with a frown. "You know perfectly well why I asked Darrin to get us. Jane's co-ordinances fall on his property and he is letting us use his other cabin. You better be good this weekend, Tony, or I will make your life absolute hell when we get back to New York."
Tony snorted. "Pretty sure I am in hell now," he muttered, crossing his arms and staring holes into the back of Darrin's head.
"Take it easy, Man of Iron." Darcy had leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Tony's shoulders. "Perry can handle him. She isn't going to fall for his crap," she whispered in his ear.
Tony sighed again, a calming sigh, and gave Darcy a tight smile. "Thanks, kid. I just can't stand this asshole."
Up front, Darrin was back to rambling while Perry stared out the window. "…You know, we could go over the data tonight. How about it, me and you, we will go into town and get dinner, a drink, and – "
"Just stop!" snapped Perry, finally turning to face Darrin. "We're not going down that road ever again."
Tony grinned inwardly at her words. Maybe Darcy was right after all.
"I just thought that we could –"
"No," Perry snarled. "We can't. Besides, I am not even working on that anymore. I have moved on to useful research. Not that dead-end road I was working on down here."
The van was silent for a full minute as everyone held their breath waiting for Darrin's response.
When he finally broke the silence, his normally weak voice as replaced by a cold, biting tone. "Oh yes, I suspected as much. I guess you have much bigger research now," his hard eyes searched out Bruce in the rearview mirror. "I hear that your new specimen is a real beast." Darrin leered at the doctor in the mirror, making Tony clench his fist, ready to send it flying through the bastard's teeth. Beside him, Bruce was gripping the armrest tightly as he returned the glare.
Perry rolled her eyes, and looked out the windshield as Darrin slowed the car to a stop. "Thank god, we are here," she muttered, practically throwing herself out of the vehicle as soon as he shifted into park. Darrin quickly followed, hanging close as she stalked up to the cabin closest to where they parked.
The others clamored out of the van as well, grumbling as they struggled to squeeze under seatbelts and through the narrow gaps.
"Who is this guy?" asked Bruce quietly, his brow furrowed as he watched Perry slam the cabin door shut in Darrin's face.
"Oh he is her old research partner," explained Tony. "And lover." He spit the word out like it tasted bad. "In case you couldn't tell, he isn't quite over her yet."
Bruce stood be the van, shell-shocked by Tony's information, while the others unloaded their luggage. Only with Darcy's prodding was he able to calm the storm of thoughts raging in his head and make his way into Perry's cabin as well.
"You never told me that you had a thing for nerds," shouted Darcy, barely making herself heard over the racket blaring from Perry's TV.
Upon arrival, Jane had immediately dragged Tony, Bruce, and Darrin out into the wilderness to begin taking measurements. They all agreed that Darcy would be more hindrance than help, and Tony was determined to keep Darrin as far away from Perry as possible. Since nobody wanted to leave the girls alone, Natasha offered to stay with them. Five minutes after the others ventured out, instruments in hand, all three girls changed into comfy shorts, microwaved a huge batch of pizza rolls, and set up Perry's Playstation. Natasha surprised them by picking Guitar Hero, which she was unnervingly good at.
Perry's face was contorted in mixed expression of concentration and annoyance as she played bass for Barracuda by Heart. Natasha was kicking her ass and Darcy's comment was a topic she as hoping to avoid.
"I don't have a thing for nerds," she muttered, grimacing when she miss three notes in a row.
"Right," snorted Darcy. "That explains the hearts drawn around this guy in your yearbook…"
Perry glanced over at the book that Darcy had dug out of her closet. "James Dalton? He wasn't a nerd."
Darcy waved the page in front of Perry's nose. ""Um, hello… 'Captain of the Quiz Bowl team', 'President of the Science Club'…. Nerd."
Perry looked at the picture again. She had forgotten how cute he was, with his curly black hair and black framed glasses. He was so smart, always the top of their class, and Perry found him absolutely irresistible. She actually spent an entire lunch period with him discussing the plausibility of and social implication of creating an alliance with the Klingons before…Oh who was she kidding, he was a nerd.
"So what," she grumbled, tossing aside her guitar in defeat, "Just because I liked James in high school doesn't mean I 'have a thing for nerds'."
"Yes you do," said Natasha, flopping down on the couch and cracking open soda.
Darcy grinned. "Thank you, Nat. See, Perry? You can't get anything past a spy. Even she knows you have a thing for nerds."
Perry rolled her eyes and joined Natasha on the couch. "I don't believe that you have any evidence to back up that theory."
"And that is where you are wrong." Darcy's grin was wider than ever. "Let's begin with exhibit A, this yearbook, which we have already covered, is the first tangible example of Perry Stark's nerd lust."
Placing the yearbook on the coffee table, Darcy wiggled her cell phone in her friend's face. "Moving on to exhibit B…" A picture of Perry sitting on Bruce's couch, her legs thrown across his lap and her head leaned back in laughter, flashed up on the screen. The picture had been taken a few days before Perry's birthday. "You clearly have some serious nerd-love going on in this picture."
Perry scoffed and shook her head. "Bruce is my friend. That picture proves nothing."
"Exhibit C!" Shouted Darcy, switching to a new picture. This time Perry was staring forlornly into space, clutching Bruce's journal, oblivious to the camera snapping her picture.
"You were taking pictures of me on the plane?" she asked indignantly.
"You bet I was. I wanted you to see how pathetic you are being about Bruce. Seriously, it is obvious that you are in love with him. And he is in love with you. Why do you nerds have to make this so difficult?" Darcy shook her head and plopped herself down on Perry's lap.
Perry scowled and pushed the girl over to the middle cushion. "I really don't want to have this discussion again. And you have proved nothing."
"Your defense is failing," said Natasha, somehow managing to keep her own evil grin at bay. "Darcy has presented adequate evidence, but to further support this claim I would like to point out that we are currently under the hospitality of your ex-boyfriend who is the biggest nerd of them all."
Darcy nearly fell off the couch in laughter while Perry gave Natasha a heavy dose of eye daggers.
"He – was – not – my – boyfriend," she ground out, making her annoyance well known.
"Whatever," snickered Darcy. "You were totally sleeping with him." On her other side, Natasha was nodding in agreement.
"Okay, fine! "shouted Perry, finally reaching her breaking point. "I slept with Darrin a few times. But that was over before it even began. And yes, I have a thing for nerds. High IQ and Ph.D.s turn me on. Are you happy?!"
Darcy's smugness was rolling off her in waves. "Yes, much better. Now we can move on to other points of discussion." Turning her attention to Natasha, who was already burying her face in a magazine, she said "So, are you and Clint partners, or partners?"
"I can't believe that you let Jane go off alone with Darrin," muttered Bruce as he loosened the top button on his shirt. They had been outside in the Florida heat for over two hours and the doctor was a sweaty mess. To make matters worse, Tony had spent the first hour bickering with Darrin before demanding that they split up to scan the area. Now Bruce was stuck doing all the work while Tony whined about Perry's former research partner.
"Oh please, it's not like we have to worry about him humping Jane's leg or something," said Tony, holding his cell phone high above his head. "My god, the reception out here is terrible."
Bruce cringed. Tony was always so crass about things, even if he was making a valid point. Darrin had been rambling about Perry all day, thinning the delicate veil of calm that Bruce had managed to maintain since her rejection.
"I'm not worried about him putting the moves on Jane. He just gives me a bad feeling. There's something about him that I don't trust."
"Right," scoffed Tony, "That's not the jealousy talking at all. Are there no hills? How the hell do people communicate around here?"
Bruce shook his head as Tony continued waving his phone around. "What are you doing, Tony?"
"I'm calling Thor so he can come smash Darrin's face in."
"I think we've got the smashing covered," snorted Bruce. Oh how tempting it was too.
Tony paused and gave Bruce a weary look. "That bad, Big Guy?"
"Getting there," Bruce sighed. It was kind of embarrassing really. Bruce felt like a teenager again, jealously plotting to thwart his opponent's attempts to win over the girl of his dreams. The only difference was that Bruce would be the obvious winner in this situation, whether it was winning Perry's heart or beating Darrin to a pulp. The Other Guy seemed to be very receptive to both ideas, cracking his knuckles, ready to unleash the moment Bruce's barrier fell.
Pocketing his phone, Tony walked over to Bruce and clapped him on the back. "You do what you have to do. The whole team is here, so we can make sure Hulk doesn't get too crazy."
Bruce stared at him in horror. "Are you seriously encouraging me to wipe out half of Florida over some annoying prick?"
"You bet I am," said Tony unabashedly. "It wasn't a problem last year when you put a hole through my floor with an annoying little prick. Come on, you need to let off a little steam and it would shut Darrin up."
"Loki had an army of aliens!" shouted Bruce. "That doesn't even compare…You know what? I am not going to argue with you over this. No, Tony, I will not be 'letting off a little steam' anytime soon. As far as I am concerned I just want to get the measurements and get the hell out of here."
Just then, Darrin appeared in the clearing.
Tony gave him a cold sneer. "Were your ears burning, Bucko?"
"Talking about me, were you? He he." Darrin shifted his gaze quickly between the two men while nervously wringing his hands.
Bruce rolled his eyes. If he had to hear that laugh one more time… "Where is Jane?" he asked, frowning when he realized the scientist was missing.
"Oh, we split up a while back. There was a fork in the path back there and she thought we would get done faster if we each took a side, he he he."
Bruce swore under his breath. What an idiot! He let Jane wander off alone in unfamiliar territory with no way of contacting her. What was Perry thinking dragging along this imbecile?
Apparently Tony was thinking along the same lines as Bruce because he immediately started yelling. "Are you fucking kidding me?! Where did you leave her?" Grabbing a rather terrified looking Darrin by the collar, he steered him in the direction of the path. "If something happens to her because you abandoned her out there, you may not live to regret it. Did she tell you that her boyfriend is a literal god?"
"I-I-I didn't think –" stammered Darrin, now jogging down the path.
"No, you obviously didn't think," snapped Bruce. Tony gave him an approving nod before focusing his attention forward looking for Jane.
When they reached the fork in the path, Darrin led them in the direction that Jane had taken. About a quarter mile down, they came to a round clearing. Jane was there, sitting on a large rock with her head lying on her knees.
Bruce was at her side in a flash, helping her sit up so he could look her over.
"I'm fine," Jane said weakly. "I just don't feel well. I guess the heat got to me."
Bruce noted the fine sheen of sweat glistening on her forehead. That ruled out heat stroke, but something wasn't right. Her eyes were dilated and she was clutching her stomach. A thin trickle of blood was coming out of her left nostril.
"You are not fine," he said, handing her a kleenex that he fished out of his pocket. "Can you stand?"
Jane stood up slowly, leaning heavily on Bruce. "I can walk," she said, but he didn't turn loose of her. They began walking back towards the vehicle, Bruce and Jane leading, while Tony trailed behind with Darrin.
"You are so dead," Tony told the nervous man. "You are deader than dead. If Perry and Darcy don't kill you, Thor will gladly do so. He has this big hammer, you see…"
"Shut up, Tony," groaned Bruce. Jane was sagging against his side, barely moving her feet.
Together, Bruce and Tony managed to get Jane safely inside the van while Darrin hopped in the driver's seat.
To his credit, Darrin kept uttering what seemed to be genuine apologies, but Bruce's annoyance was beyond pity. He technically did not cause Jane to get sick, but he should not have left her alone out there.
In a matter of minutes, the van came to a screeching halt in front of Perry's cabin. Tony flung open the side door and pull Jane out. She was barely conscious, so he opted to carry her inside instead of making her walk. Bruce scrambled after them, but Darrin stayed in his seat.
"What should I do?" he called after Tony. He was clearly distraught , and therefore useless in Bruce's opinion.
"Go far, far away," shouted Tony as he kicked open the door.
For a moment, Darrin looked as though he didn't believe Tony, but when he met Bruce's hard glare he realized that it wasn't a joke. Scowling, he slammed the van into drive and squealed out of the driveway.
Bruce watched as he drove away. He now understood Tony's hatred for Darrin. His actions didn't necessarily deserve the level of dislike he was receiving, but the whole package made up for a very annoying and irresponsible man. Sighing, Bruce headed into the cabin to figure out what had happened to Jane. He could only hope that it wasn't serious and that Darrin wasn't somehow responsible.