Sanditon's familiar landscapes greeted Charlotte as she gazed out the window. She could already feel the change in the air - the breeze of the sea, the chill of the wind, the smell of salt. It felt like home. Yet the feeling did nothing to soothe the nerves she felt. She looked at her hand, the small ring on her finger, the weight of it still feeling unnatural. Ralph had been so happy to give it to her, "I know it isn't as much as you deserve," he had said with his kind smile, "but you must have something." She'd accepted it gratefully, gracefully and with a smile. He was a kind man. She would be happy, eventually. And at least she could be assured he'd never be able to hurt her. Heartbreak seemed to be reserved for only for the men she met in Sanditon, not Willingden.
Lost in her thoughts, she found herself surprised when the carriage pulled up to Tralfager house. She had barely opened the door of the carriage when the Parkers and Georgiana came barreling through the door. She felt the children at her waist and Mary's arms around her shoulders - she couldn't help but let out a laugh - it was as if she never left.
With Georgiana on one side, Mary on the other, she walked through the door and to her utter surprise, walking into the house - she felt no sadness, felt no dread. She paused at Sidney's portrait - she looked at the handsome face. She then felt the familiar swell of grief and regret, but it did not overwhelm her, and rather than being heartbroken for herself, for the first time she felt heartbroken for him - he'd gone too soon, left Eliza too soon, left his family - the tragedy of it all. Sidney hadn't been hers to keep. She felt cured of the pangs of her heartbreak at least, "now to get over the cure," she thought to herself unwittingly.
"Of course, if you need to rest you must, but I was so hoping you'd be able to walk with us to the shops!" said Georgiana, who had clearly been in the middle of a sentence that Charlotte had not been paying attention to.
"No, of course I'll join you! I'm excited to see the changes!" she said with a smile at Tom who had come out of the office to greet her. He beamed.
"I shan't spoil any surprises but I think you'll be quite pleased!" he said.
And as quickly as she had entered the house, she was bustled out of it. They walked slowly, ambling down the well loved streets, Georgiana talking of her party, Tom pointing out the small changes here and there until at last they stood in front of a building.
"The theater is coming to Sanditon!" Tom proclaimed grandly and with a bow. Charlotte laughed in delight. Tom's infectious enthusiasm was always contagious. He walked them through the outside, telling her of his and Arthur's grand visions and ideas, the plays, operas they hoped to bring. They walked beyond the building and were on the promenade when she heard a familiar voice.
"Miss Heywood!" Charlotte paused to look around, seeing no one she recognized. "Miss Heywood!" And as if out of nowhere, Lady Susan appeared looking every bit as regal and beautiful as when she had last met her.
"Lady Susan!" Charlotte exclaimed and without a thought to propriety, threw her arms around the other woman. The lady laughed in delight and embraced her back. And after separating, made her bows to the Parkers and Georgiana.
"What brings you to Sanditon?" asked Charlotte, she looked at Tom, "is there another regatta I'm unaware of?" Tom smiled and shook his head, looking as equally surprised and delighted to see Lady Susan.
Lady Susan chuckled, "Hardly," she replied "I've come here as a guest of a..ah girls there you are," she said, looking beyond Charlotte "come this way, anyway, as I was saying here to stay with some cousins of mine - Mr. Coulborne."
"Mr. Colubourne?" repeated Charlotte. The name sounded foreign on her tongue. She had not spoken it, and tried not to think about it(very unsuccessfully) for these three months now. She knew it was inevitable, that she would run into a mention of him, but did not expect it to be so soon and that she be so wholly unprepared.
"Ah, girls! Come meet my dear.." but Lady Susan was interrupted as a small child launched herself into Charlotte.
"Ms. Heywood, you've returned!" Leo's embrace had caught her off guard, but her instinct quickly took hold, she immediately crouched down, pulling the child close.
"Leo! You're looking lovely - quite like a young lady!" she said as she stepped back to take a look at the girl. Leo's hair had grown a little longer, she was dressed in a pretty dress and a lovely hat with a ribbon. Charlotte could hardly place the child she had met only a few months ago. But of course, nothing changes that dramatically and in one of Leo's hands there were two toy soldiers and in the other a rather large rock. She stood, only to be face to face with Ms. Augusta Markham. Lady Susan's influence could immediately be placed - Augusta's hair was done elegantly, her dress cut to her figure and clearly new, and to Charlotte's utter surprise, a smile on her face. "Ms. Markama, you are looking quite beautiful!." Augusta blushed and beamed, but in true fashion responded with her snark "see that you had a diamond before you all along!"
Lady Susan looked at the three of them quite surprised. "Ms. Heywood was our governess for some time," answered Augusta to the unasked question. Lady Susan looked as though this answer gave her even more questions, but instead just said "Ah, one of the many they had managed to scare off I suppose?"
"We didn't scare this one off" responded Augusta. Charlotte ignored the statement and was ready to turn her attention to Leo, when Lady Susan called out "Mr. Coulbourne!".
Her stomach dropped, her mind going through a thousand thoughts, her first being to ensure her gloves were on her hands, covering her ring. She was not ready. Not ready in the least. She felt someone step behind her and felt unable to move. "Uncle" said Augusta with a nod. She took a deep breath readying herself, turned to face him and then to her utter amazement, found herself looking at the face of a complete stranger.
The confusion was clearly evident on her face, as the stranger smiled. "Samuel Coulbourne". The brother, she thought to herself. He gave with a quick bow and immediately Charlotte was able to see the resemblance - the same eyes, same build though perhaps this gentleman was a hair taller. The similarities ended there, already this man was showing an ease, affability and mischief that she felt entirely unfamiliar with. "Did I hear that you were a governess for these girls? And you aren't running away in terror at the sight of them?"
"Hardly! My charges were remarkable ladies and I was sorry to leave them." Charlotte said with an affectionate grin to Leo. Augusta rolled her eyes, but with a smile showing she wasn't entirely displeased with the compliment.
"Then it must have been Xander," said the younger Mr. Coulbourne, with a chuckle. "Probably couldn't cope having to converse with more than Mrs. Wheatley and his horses in a day, or worse he'd have actually tried to make conversation and scared you off.
Charlotte opened her mouth unsure of how to respond but was spared when Lady Susan spoke instead "Now Sam, stop this - she won't know you are teasing." He laughed again, then gave her a little wink. She blushed, unable to stop herself. She felt unmoored - the face was familiar, down to some of the expressions, and already she felt unable to steady herself - what hope did she have when she faced the real man, not the brother.
The bells of the church rang, momentarily distracting them all - reminding them all of prior obligations. Lady Susan embraced her and insisted that she'd call with the girls as soon as she could spare a moment, and soon they were off - the Coulbournes, Lady Susan and Augusta walking in the direction of Heyric Park while she, the Parkers and Georgina returned home.
Coulbourne sat in his study, pouring over the books, when he heard the door open. Immediately he could hear Leo's bellow - calling for him. "Father!" and not soon after the pitter patter (though perhaps thuds were more apt of a description) of her feet could be heard by his door. As always, without a knock, she burst into the room "Father! You'll never guess who's returned to Sanditon!"
"You wish to tell me, I've no objection to hearing it" he responded with a smile.
"Miss…" she had barely gotten the name out, when a voice interrupted Leo's. "You never told me Ms. Heywood was your governess," came Lady Susan's voice, followed by the woman herself. Leo deflated at having her news spoiled and left the room and immediately he understood who had returned. He swallowed and tried to control himself and his mind, which already was racing with a thousand thoughts - what was she doing back, when would he see her, should he see her, and above all, how did Lady Susan even know her?
"I was not aware you were acquainted," he responded, his voice as level as he could make it. "Shall I provide you a list of all the previous governesses lest they happen to be someone you know as well?"
She rolled her eyes at him, "Don't be so glib, Xander - I simply didn't realize she was in such a position that she had resorted to becoming a governess - last I knew, she was quite madly in love with Mr. Parker and he her, but I've learned the poor man married another woman and then died, and then to become a governess!" she tutted. It took everything that Coulbourne had to not ask more questions. Of course Ms. Heywood had spoken of heartache and betrayal, but he had never thought, or even been in the position to ask her more. Again, the feeling with he was was achingly familiar - he felt the pang of longing and regret.
For the first few weeks of the event, he had cursed Lennox, angered at the man's ability to discomfit him so, but further reflection had made him realize, he truly only had himself to blame - he loved her. Deeply. He hurt her. Deeply. He had tasted happiness for a few hours and then thrown it all away.
"Xander!" came Lady Susan's voice. "Have you been listening to a word I've said?" She gave a huff. "I'd like to take the girls to call on Ms. Heywood tomorrow."
"So, she's back then?" he asked, knowing the answer. Lady Susan nodded. "For long?" She shrugged prettily.
"We hardly had time to speak, she was with the Parkers and that girl, a Ms. Lambe? Darling Leo nearly bowled her over and Augusta even smiled at her - of course, I knew you'd want us home shortly and it seemed as though she'd just arrived herself, regardless, I'd promised her I call upon her and she was delighted to see the girls, so I'll take them along tomorrow shall I?"
"You seem to have quite decided on the matter, so wonder that you should ask my permission at all."
"Formalities, you know - with you being the father and guardian and all that." Lady Susan replied with a wave of her hand. He nodded and then went back to his books. Lady Susan lingered in his office, hands running through her books.
"Yes?"
"Sam seemed quite taken with her." She paused and looked at him. Coulbourne schooled his features to remain as neutral as possible. "He was asking the girls about Ms. Heywood's time with them"
He set his pen down, a bit more forceful then he would have liked. "And who is Sam not taken with?"
"Who am I taken with?" and walked his brother to the study.
"Does no one in this house understand knocking?"
"Taken with Ms. Heywood." Lady Susan responded, ignoring Xander entirely.
"Who wouldn't be - pretty face with a pretty smile - only Xander would be immune to such charms" responded Sam with a brotherly slap on his back. "Leo said she was a farmer's daughter and let her wear trousers and Augusta said she convinced you to take her to a ball. And that you danced." Again, longing and regret. Thoughts of the ball tortured him - the kiss, the way she had melted, that she could have been his. Unable to bear the reminders, especially with company far too nosey, he stood up briskly.
"Lady Susan you are more than welcome to take Augusta and Leo with you to call, I'm sure they'd be delighted." he said as he moved to gently push her out of his study. "Sam, go…" he paused, unable to think of anything "somewhere else." Efficiently managing to get both Sam and Lady Susan out of his office he locked the door and sank to the floor against his door and placed his head in his hands. Deep breaths. Slowly. Trying to compose himself. She was back. She was back in Sanditon. He had resigned himself to never seeing her again. Except for his dreams. There he saw her nightly.
Charlotte sat in her room, trying to calm herself - pulling her ring on and off her finger. She would see the girls, but that didn't mean she would need to see him, and there was nothing to indicate that he would seek her out. So it was entirely possible that in the four weeks she was meant to be in here, she could safely make it out of Sanditon without crossing paths with one Alexander Coulbourne. She ignored the whisper in her heart that was hoping for the exact opposite. The same whisper that had pleaded for her to not accept Ralph. She'd gotten quite adept at ignoring that whisper. Finding the room stifling, she abruptly stood, deciding to go for a sea air would do her good. Letting Mary know she was walking, she grabbed her coat and made her way to the cliffs.
The air immediately brightened her spirits. She stared at the sea, the grey skies, the sea moody and violent, waves crashing, the breeze colder than she remembered. She closed her eyes breathing slowly.
Coulbourne froze. It was her. He'd known it the moment he'd seen the distant figure on the cliffside but he had walked closer unable to resist. But when he got close enough to see her face, he found he could not move. She was stood by the cliff, eyes closed, a small smile on her face, her hair blowing in the wind. She was breathtakingly beautiful and he felt breathless.
Her eyes opened as if she had sensed a presence, she turned her head and for the first time in four months, Xander Coulbourne met the eyes of Charlotte Heywood. Her mouth opened slightly and he saw her take a surprised breath. They stood staring at each other - both realizing the moment was a fleeting one, and when it broke, they would have to speak. They would have been frozen for eternity when they heard a gunshot which seemed to break them out of their stupor.
Coulbourne reacted first, and walked to her. She did not move. When he came to a respectable distance, he gave a small bow. "Miss Heywood."
"Mr. Coulbourne" she bowed her head.
"I heard from Leo that you'd returned to Sanditon"
"Yes." she responded, unable to think of anything else to say.
"I've just come back to Sanditon myself."
"Ah." she replied.
"We'd gone to London" he continued, "Lady Susan and my brother returned with us for a short while." She nodded, but gave no response.
"Will you be staying long?"
"Only a few weeks - I'm here for Ms. Lambe's birthday."
"Of course," there was a pause. "I hope you will not mind, Lady Susan had insisted upon calling on you with the girls, regardless of our.." he trailed off.
"No of course, I was thrilled to see Leo and Augusta."
"And they you," another pause. "I didn't realize you were acquainted…" but he was unable to finish his sentence as Charlotte interrupted.
"You'll excuse me sir, I do think I'm expected back at the Parkers." There was another awkward silence.
"Yes, yes of course, I apologize for keeping you," he gave a quick bow, she gave a nod and turned and began walking away from him. He watched her go for a moment before turning and heading the opposite direction himself.
It had happened. They met - and they had both walked away. Gone was the ease and friendship - the promise of more, that had been so painstakingly built over months. But that ease had gone the moment he had let her go. The politeness was unbearable, the kind shown to a stranger. Perhaps worse, as there was no longer the hope of anything more, not even friendship. Coulborne had not expected anything more, yet it was somehow worse than he had imagined - he knew what it was to be in her favor and now knew what it was to be so wholly out of it. And to know he was the cause of his own tragedy. Again.
Charlotte felt sick, her heart racing; she walked briskly as if trying to outpace her own thoughts. She didn't realize how much she had missed his presence. The way he stood, the way he smiled, his voice - the feeling of his hand on her face. The awkwardness of the conversation was unbearable - somehow knowing every moment she didn't mention her engagement was a betrayal. But to whom, her heart whispered.
At least it was over.