Chapter 17

Mud Bath 2

A yawn split the Cat's face and made his head appear to double in size. He sprang down from the upper bunk, arched his spine and stretched until the back of his head was touching the heels of his red bunny slippers, then yawned again. He opened the door of the mini fridge, reached inside. He draped his imitation King Penguin fur smoking jacket casually over his shoulders before popping the top off a magnum of milk and filling a crystal goblet. He gargled petitely, urinated in a locker and was feeling curious, as should be expected.

"Old dog food face wouldn't let me touch the controls while we were flying around up their." His mind quickly drifting to the shiny rolly polly things, and with the fear of getting lost in their spell again, he looked for a distraction. To take his mind off them he decided he would press every cool button in the ship. Then maybe take a shower. He had completely forgotten about Lister's existence never mind his disappearance. Until he spotted a half eaten vindaloo to the cockpit.

"If old dormouse cheek's want's to play hid and seek on an asteroid, well than let him". There no reason to rush or rule in the book about how long he might have to wait until the I start looking for him."
The Cat smiled. "Hey, I wonder what happens when I press this button?"
The Cat's finger glided to a shiny red button.
The moment the button was depressed the earsplitting sound of an alarm filled the ship.
!

Immediately the Cat pressed both his hands to his ears as hard as he could. The sound was far more painful to the Cat's feline ears than could have possibly been imagined by anything human.
Using his right hand, leaving his left in place, the Cat begin hitting buttons in the hope that he'd eventually hit the one that would shut that damn alarm off. Removing his hand even for a moment meant agony, so back to his ear went his hand. He tried again. His hand made it half way to the control console and back it went again. This went on, the Cat alternating attempting hands, until finally the he steeled himself with all his will power, which was a limited resources, and actually managed to hit a button. Unfortunately this added an Awooga, to the constant squealing of the first alarm.

Now the alarm went Eeeeeeeeeeeee AWOOGA eeeeeeeeeeeeee AWOOGA eeeeeeeeeeeeee AWOOGA eeeeeeeeeee AWOOGA eeeeeeeeee AWOOGA!
This may have been louder thought the Cat trying to find some good in his effort. "At least it broke up," he yelled.

Dropping to his knees the Cat desperately started hitting buttons with his nose. Not only with his nose, but with his ears, his cheeks, his tongue, his chin, he even managed to depress a smaller white one with his left eye, but to no avail. Finally moronically waddling on his knees, hands still tightly fastened about his ears, the nimble Cat managed his way into the airlock and hit the DOOR CLOSE button with an elbow. The sound was not cut off, but it was demurred, giving the Cat a moment to gather himself up and sauce out the situation.

"Since I can't go back, I'll go forward". Said the Cat, happy to be able to hear his own voice.
His space suit was already in the airlock all he'd have to do was slip it back on, hit the big shiny candy like red button and go finish his hide and seek game with Lister.
"How hard could this be?" Thought the Cat while hitting the big red button. "After all I'm used to hunting small little furry animals on a really big ship. Now all I gotta do is find a big smelly dog that resembles a shinny silver beach ball on one small itty bitty asteroid. Ten minutes tops." said the Cat contemptuously.

When the airlock doors opened the Cat got hit full in the face with a shower of mud. It seems that he geyser had gotten stronger since his little nap, and consequently had started flooding the crater which surrounded it. The crator he knew Lister to be hiding in.

"O.K. Maybe twenty minutes on the outside," he said wiping mud from his
visor, and was off.

Lister awoke from a dream, he was curled in a ball. The dream was one he had had before. He was standing in front of his Phys. Ed. in Junior D class and wetting his pecks. He was relieved for a moment that he had woken up and that this was in fact, back to reality. This lasted a full six seconds before the truth, like a bull horn, tore through his brain with the speed, and the roar of thunder.

Upon opening his eyes Lister saw only darkness.
Unsure if he had actually opened his eyes or not, he attempted to wipe them clean with his shirt sleeve. Something was stopping him from getting to his eyes, some kind of bubble. What the hell was going on he thought when it hit him. An outstretched piece of asteroid that is, which caught Lister across his left shoulder blade, completing his six seconds of zero recall.

Lister had the uncanny ability to fall asleep in the most unlikely places. This was a defense mechanism that kept Lister alive through many hours of school, and through even more Reggie Hammond Organ recitals. Those who knew him in his youth would have proudly swore that if sleeping was an Olympic event, Lister could have slept for his country.

With the dreams behind him, and a mud streaked future before him, Lister realized that he was actually moving faster than when he had nodded off. Hoping that when all was said and done he would have either have been spat out by the asteroid as inedible, or dead when he awoke. Unfortunately neither had occurred and he was still caught in the sickening flow of asteroid gunk.

"What a stupid way to go," he thought. He remembered when he was ten years old and Tommy Ledbeater had dared him to climb up the chimney of the burnt out tenement past the other abandon buildings near the Tubes.
Unable to think ahead more than three minutes at a time, he accepted the dare, and was stuck in the chimney three hours. Luckily a local constable heard his cries, and returned him home only slightly harmed. Had to teach the boy a lesson you know. This reminded him of that time when he was young and helpless and at the mercy of chance, the great equalizer.

The illuminated gauges within his helmet told him that his nap had been short and he still had another nineteen minutes of air remaining before he would suffocate to death. He thought he saw his life flash before his eyes. The garden he played in as a child, the first time he rode a bike, his
first french kiss. His marriage and three lovely daughters. At that moment Lister realized that it was not his life flashing before his eyes but somebody else's.

While still trying to recall whose life he had been recalling his angle of motion followed a strange curve in the rock and Lister's direction had most definitely changed. Suddenly, even though he was upside down, he knew he was traveling upward. Ascending faster and faster toward what he didn't know.

It had taken the Cat the better part of ten minutes to get to the bottom of the crater, and to the edge of the mud lake where he was now ankle deep
in the warm gray green mud of an asteroid named Fred.
The Cat wasn't exactly sure where he was headed, but he did remember
the shiny glare in the distance, and though that was as good a spot as any to start. Unaccustomed to the space suit, and it's exact function, the Cat moved with incredible speed, taking full advantage of the low gravity, and making brilliant time.

The Cat was also blissfully unaware of the dangers related in the tearing of his life giving clothing, and of the danger of puncturing his air tanks which were not full. He was even more unaware of the dangers of jumping so high that he could completely escape the miniscule gravity of the asteroid and wind up in orbit. This was for the best, for if our favorite feline knew any of these risks he would have stayed in the bug and simply destroyed the control console. Something that hadn't yet been completely ruled out in the Cat's mind.