Sora no Ato: Chapter 9
Forgiveness Given: Secrets Shared
Not long after Noël and Mishio finished repairing her box, the platoon was out working in the fortress garden. Seiya and Mishio had also come by to tend their eggplants growing there and also to help elsewhere in the garden. Seiya had found that he really enjoyed working with plants and helping them grow, and this brought him back here to the fortress garden far more often than his compatriots. He also tried to come by when he knew Klaus would be here, as the two shared a love for the green and growing. They enjoyed talking about farming and his friendship with Klaus was built on the bond forged when Klaus and Kureha rescued him. The chance to see, and maybe play with, Kanata also drew him here. Mishio was not as fascinated by gardening as Seiya, but she was the next most common garden helper of the orphans. Two of the main reasons she came were her friend Noël and, though she would never say so out loud, Seiya himself.
Today the platoon and the two orphans were spread out around the garden, each weeding and tilling their own spot. As they worked down the rows, Seiya happened to bump into Noël. Their conversation started with an apology for the collision, but Seiya realized he had more to say once he was talking.
``Noël-onēchan, thank you for fixing Mishio's box. I'm really glad you were able to.''
``Mishio and I did it together,'' Noël corrected him.
``Yeah, but...'' Seiya looked down at his dirty hands. ``But without you, it would have stayed the way I broke it. And then Mishio would hate me. She says you taught her a lot.''
``That's the way friends help each other,'' said Noël, glancing up to where Mishio and the others were working on other rows. She looked back at Seiya with a small smile. ``Mishio taught me about making friends ...and being one. Kanata did too.''
``Yeah, Kanata's also a good friend. She's fun to play with.'' He looked from Noël to Kanata and the others working here in the fortress garden. ``You know,'' he said, as a realization came to him. ``You're not at all like the soldiers that killed my parents. You're nice.''
``I'm glad,'' said Noël. Her eyes grew distant as she remembered that even though she wasn't responsible for Seiya's parent's death, there were many, many dead which did lie on her conscience.
Seiya noticed this, and though he didn't really understand, he saw Noël wasn't as happy as she should be. She explained, ``You helped Mishio with her box, and I heard you fixed Take... the tank to stop the war. You save people.''
``But I am a soldier. I have killed people,'' said Noël, a shadow of the old darkness creeping back into her voice.
``But remember those you saved,'' said Filicia, who appeared behind them as if by magic, the special magic by which a mother knows her children need her. ``Those are the ones to think of. Right Seiya?'' She looked at him while she put a comforting hand on Noël's shoulder, ruffling the scarf Noël always wore to remind her of Ashia and her words.
``Yeah, Noël-onēchan, you should be happy for them.'' He looked up at Filicia and the smile she gave him for his helping words would long remain with him, a vision of grace and beauty and caring.
Noël's expression softened as her friends again helped her put her personal demons away. Filicia quietly noticed this and continued talking to Seiya. ``You're right, not all soldiers are like the ones who killed your parents ...or like Colonel Hopkins. A lot of us wish we would never have to kill.''
``Yeah, you're good soldiers,'' Seiya agreed. ``I like Noël, and Kureha, and Kanata, and you.'' His cheeks grew red as he said out loud emotions he was unused to expressing.
``But... Thank you, Seiya.'' Noël hesitated, then decided to continue her original line of thought. ``But what makes ...someone a good soldier? Last year you said, all soldiers were the same.''
``Because you're good!'' Seiya answered, as if that was enough. Noël's face showed she wanted more of an answer, so he tried harder. ``I like you. You help us ...people. You're not like the soldiers who killed my parents and broke our stuff. You're a friend...'' He trailed off. What he wanted to express exceeded his ability with language.
Filicia saw Noël wanted more of an answer to her question, and that the answer was important to her. ``Seiya, are you saying that it depends on what kind of a person a soldier is, not just that they're a soldier? Maybe on how they act?''
``Yeah. You do good things. You fix stuff: you don't break it.''
``But soldiers...'' Noël hesitated. ``...break things ...kill people.''
Filicia returned Noël's grip on her hand, hoping her love and reassurance would make it through.
``Yeah, but...'' Seiya found himself at a loss for words again. He'd never thought deeply about this topic, and his inability to answer was starting to bother him.
``This really is a hard question,'' said Filicia, seeing its effect on both of them, ``but also an important one. Let's sit down together so we can talk it out.'' She gracefully dropped to the ground and put a comforting arm around Seiya and the other around Noël who sat down next to her. They both snuggled close and looked up at Filicia, so she continued. ``Noël is right, sometimes soldiers have to ...do unpleasant things.'' Noël nodded silently against her chest. ``Do you think what makes soldiers good or bad is why they do these things?''
``Yeah,'' said Seiya. ``Bad soldiers like doing bad things.''
``Colonel Hopkins laughed at being able to kill so many people,'' Noël added. ``He liked killing.''
``And he was a bad soldier, right?'' Filicia got a nod from both of them. ``And when good soldiers have to do bad things, how do they feel?'' She smiled at Noël. They both knew the depth of shadow Noël's deeds had left on her soul. ``Not so good, right?''
``Yeah,'' Seiya answered. ``...like I felt bad about breaking Mishio's box.''
``Yes, like that, or even more so.'' Filicia was happy Seiya could relate to this personally. ``And I think another difference is why they fight to begin with. For example, the reason I fight is to protect people.'' She gave them both a squeeze. ``Like you two. I hate war and want to end it, but we can't just not fight. Somebody has to stop bad soldiers and protect those who can't fight.''
Seiya took a moment to think on this. ``Yeah, good soldiers protect us, like you did in February.'' Seiya had heard some rumors that Filicia had even fought to protect them from Colonel Hopkins.
``But...'' Noël still wasn't sure if her deeds in Bienenland could be called protecting, but she stopped herself as she also realized this might be too deep for Seiya, and she didn't want to darken his day. Filicia and Seiya cared for her and thought she was good, and so did the rest of her friends here.
``But...'' Another caring hand appeared on Noël's shoulder, and a lock of raven hair brushed her cheek as Rio leaned over them from behind. ``But even good soldiers sometimes do bad things.'' She looked at Seiya. ``Just like good kids sometimes do bad things. And that doesn't mean they are bad kids ...or soldiers, right?''
Filicia leaned back against Rio in silent thanks for her support and opportune arrival. ``Yes, they do. And they worry about it when the do, too.'' She felt Noël begin to relax at this. ``Seiya, you didn't intend to hurt Mishio and Yumina when you were playing and broke their box, did you?''
``Oh, No!'' Seiya wanted to make that very clear. ``And after I did, I felt really bad, and I worried about it until Noël fixed the box.''
``Together with Mishio,'' Noël added.
Filicia and Rio smiled at this. It was good to see that Noël had put enough of her demons to rest that she was able to think of others this way. ``So you see,'' Filicia concluded, ``good soldiers can be that way, just like you are a good kid.''
Seiya nodded, understanding beginning to finally silence his question.
``And I met more good soldiers while I was away,'' Rio pointed out. ``They're good people to meet and to have as friends.'' She smiled at the memory. ``And not all of them were Helvetian, either.''
``Like Miss Aisha?'' asked Seiya, as his understanding blossomed.
``Yes,'' said Rio. ``From all I've heard, Aisha is a very good soldier.''
``Yes,'' said Noël, finally brightening up, herself. ``Aisha is very good.''
Filicia tightened her hug around Noël and Seiya. It warmed her heart to see her ``children'' growing up like this, and to see them becoming good and caring people too. This was what she lived for, and she hoped she could somehow pay them back for what they had just given her. She felt Rio understood this, at least in part, and someday maybe the younger two would as well. Noël was already very close.
She looked up at the rest of the crops in the garden. ``But as enjoyable as sitting here talking is, it isn't doing the garden any good. Maybe we should get back to working so the others don't have to do it all.''
``Thank you, Filicia-onēchan, Noël-onēchan, ...Rio-onēchan.'' Seiya got up, waved to them and ran back to his work in the garden.
Noël tightened her grasp on Filicia and Rio for a bit, then released them both, got up and quietly added, ``Thank you,'' her sincerity obvious, before returning to her work.
Filicia and Rio smiled at each other, and they too returned to their tilling.
ooo OOO ooo
That evening as they headed upstairs after dinner, Filicia turned to Rio. ``Thank you for your support this afternoon in the garden with Seiya.''
``You're welcome.'' Rio grinned. ``I'm not sure you needed any help, but I was glad to.'' She continued grinning as Filicia tried to deny her lack of need, then cocked her head as a realization came to her. ``And anyway, it also helped me with some thoughts that have been going through my head. ``I am glad Seiya is giving up his hatred of soldiers.''
They both smiled, remembering Seiya's attack on Rio with the ink-filled water-gun years ago, then grew more serious.
``Were you thinking about your father?'' Filicia hesitantly ventured.
``...Yes.''
``Would it help at all to talk this over?'' Filicia wanted to help, but didn't want to push too far.
``Umm... maybe.'' Rio slowed to a stop by Filicia's door. ``I guess it can't hurt.''
``Then, please come on it.'' Filicia opened her door, inviting Rio to join her.
``Thanks.''
They crossed the room and sat down together on Filicia's bed. Somehow this felt more comfortable than trying to decide who would use the straight-back chair at her writing table.
``Well...'' Filicia prompted Rio to continue with her previous train of thought.
``Well...'' Rio audibly gathered her thoughts. ``The conversation with Seiya and Noël got me to thinking: if Seiya can let go of his hatred for soldiers, even after they killed his parents, then I should learn from him and try to let go of my grudge against my father.'' She stared off into the distance and sighed. ``It's going to be tough work, but I guess it's just another hard part of growing up.''
Filicia smiled. ``True. And you have certainly grown a lot this past year.'' Rio's figure hadn't really changed this past year, but it didn't need to. Filicia forcibly brought her mind back to the current topic. ``Grown up and grown wise, that is,'' she added.
``Umm... Thanks.'' Rio looked at Filicia, perceiving some echoes of her unspoken compliment as well. ``You too have grown. I don't think the sergeant I first met at training camp could have done all you have this past year.''
The compliment warmed Filicia's heart, but she still nudged the conversation toward Rio. ``Thank you. I guess we all have. Isn't it interesting how we end up learning how to grow up from children?''
``Yes, look at what we've learned from Kanata and how she's grown.''
Filicia nodded. ``She's so adorable, and is a good reminder that I shouldn't fear to reach out, to put my feelings into words.''
``And she taught me to be true to myself and not hide, and that I should enjoy life, ...all of it, even the not-so-nice parts like getting lost.'' Rio fondly remembered her time with Kanata. ``But we don't just learn from kids. It was Madame Jacott who taught me to see mother in a new light. She showed me that she herself was happy loving that merchant and simply waiting for him to return. So it may well be that mother really was happy living in that boring little village, waiting. She said she was, but I thought she was just trying to make the best of things, just like she hoped that priest would cure her.'' She shook her head. ``But Madame Jacott enjoyed her ...fifty years up on the mountain, so maybe mother was telling the truth.''
``I think it doesn't hurt for us to believe she was.''
``No... but that means I shouldn't be as mad at ...my father for making mother unhappy ...since she might not have been unhappy. Yes, he did what he did for political reasons, but he didn't make mother suffer as much as I thought. I can't really say I love him, but...''
``But you've thought that of him for so long, so there's ...`mental inertia' keeping you thinking that way...'' Filicia trailed off.
``That's true, but I,'' Rio took a deep breath and let it out. ``I've found I don't hate ...my father so much anymore. True, I feel he does make a better sovereign than father, but he's not evil, not like some of the nobles I met back in our capital. I've learned some of the political issues which kept him from visiting mother more than once a year. I also see that those were too complicated to explain to a little girl. And after mother died, I didn't want to hear anyway. Iliya tried a little, but she was also busy then, and may not have been the best at explaining things like that. But...'' Rio blushed. ``I think that Emperor Franz Leopold is ...a better ruler and ...a better man than my father. I was only able to see and understand some of the problems constraining ...my father after talking with him.''
Filicia looked at Rio, impressed by her new outlook.
Rio continued. ``I see that ...my father actually does care for his country and people ...probably more than his family, but he cares nonetheless. He didn't work so hard for that treaty just for power or political gain. It's... I've only come to see how difficult a time ...my father has had ruling, how hard a job it really is, since I've met Emperor Franz Leopold. He's been willing to share some of the troubles he's had ruling with me, some when we met in person, and more through our exchange of letters.'' Rio blushed. ``And I probably shouldn't say this, but I think he's an even better ruler than ...my father.''
``Rio...'' Filicia said. ``Don't worry. I think you're allowed to say that more than anyone else.'' She then got up and headed over to her writing table. ``While we're sharing things, I ought to show you this.'' She rummaged through one of the drawers until she found the letter she was looking for, brought it over to Rio and handed it to her. ``This arrived not long after the peace treaty, together with the letter patent granting us a charter to produce calvados.''
Rio took the letter and read.
.
Captain Filicia Heidmann,
Commander 1121, Seize, Trois
Captain Heidmann,
Thank you for your and your unit's efforts in keeping the peace and preventing a last-minute resumption of hostilities which might have made implementation of the peace treaty impossible. We have already thanked you publicly with your promotions and medals, but we would like to say a few more words directly to you, privately.
We understand the difficulty you had with Colonel Hopkins. While it is prejudicial to discipline to encourage or condone any action against a superior officer or contrary to their orders, in this case you followed what our plan actually was, and did what we would have wished. Colonel Hopkins is under investigations for possibly violating his own orders and attempting to wreck the peace plan he was charged to facilitate. Please send us any information you may have which might have bearing on this investigation or on his conduct. And while we can never state our reasons publicly, please know that you have our sincerest thanks for stopping his effort to resume the war.
We are leaving you posted to Seize as you seem to be doing very well there. You also understand the reason, and the need, for us to break up the team of you and Rio. Before she died, Princess Iliya told me that posting you there would be, ``Good for you, good for Seize, and good for Helvetia.'' We know the later is the case, and hope the former is too.
I am also including here a letter patent for you to continue producing and selling calvados. I see that your sales of calvados allowed you to keep your unit supplied and also enabled you to repair the type-0 vector tank you used to stop Colonel Hopkins. So it seems fitting that you be officially chartered to continuing producing and selling it without fear. Also, Rio insisted I do this for you.
I have written the charter so you may keep it hidden except at need, but if anyone should ever trouble you or your unit over your production, you will have this to defend yourselves.
I have one more reason for thanks, and it is a personal one. I wish to thank you for caring for Rio and for finally convincing her to come and agree to fulfill the terms of the peace treaty. I fear that she will never forgive me for the way I treated her mother, but affairs of state would not let me do otherwise at that time. She has held this against me ever since her mother's death and even more so since that of her half sister Iliya. Indeed, her behavior right after Iliya's death made me despair of ever being able to convince her to help, to save her country and her people. I see that you were able to make her see the benefits of agreeing to come. I don't know how you did, but thank you.
I fear that Rio will always see me as more of a sovereign than a father, and I suppose with that I must be content. From the little we talked, I see that she has grown much, and in large part I have you to thank for this. Please know that you have my thanks. If there is anything I can do for you, you need only ask.
With deepest gratitude,
Archduke Akira August Arkadia
.
Rio sat, staring at the letter for a while after finishing reading it, the expression on her face unreadable. Finally she spoke. ``Thank you for showing me this, Filicia. I...'' She paused, unsure of her emotions.
``I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause you pain, but I have realized I don't have the right to hide the truth from you either.'' Filicia looked up. ``I was surprised to hear that he credits me with changing your mind.''
``In a way, you did, but that's because you helped me to grow up, not because of anything specific about the treaty. And I really appreciate that.''
``Th... Thank you.'' Filicia blushed at Rio's gratitude. ``Thank you for seeing it that way. I wouldn't want you to feel I had manipulated you into this.''
Rio grinned back at her. ``Even though you are quite capable of that when you feel it's for my own good ...like playing the Fire Maiden last year.''
Filicia stammered, tongue-tied by Rio's teasing.
``Don't worry, Filicia. I know you only did that because you care. I don't mind ...now.''
``Thank you, Rio. I'm glad you feel that way. And I'm really glad you don't think I would let your father use me to manipulate the whole direction of your life. I'm also glad you aren't offended by your father's letter.''
``I guess...'' Rio took a breath, changing the direction of her answer. ``My father's ability to sense and work with the prevailing political climate earned him one of his appellations at court, `the Duke of Expediency.' He understands power-politics and dealing very well, but not so much the hearts of individuals. In the end, this letter shows how grateful he really is.'' She looked directly at Filicia. ``He wouldn't make that offer at the end to do something for you if he didn't mean it. Hang onto this letter. Whatever else I may say of him, he is one who will keep his word. And heaven help any who try to make him break it, or who break their word to him.''
Rio handed the letter back to Filicia who re-folded it and sat back down next to her. She looked over at Rio and brought a previous topic back up. ``You said you no longer hate your father, but it also sounds like you really ...admire Emperor Franz Leopold.''
``I...'' Rio paused. What was the word to describe her feelings for her future husband. ``I think he's a ...good and understanding man, and we're working to get to know each other better. We'll need to do that.'' She smiled wistfully, and continued in a less sure voice, ``But yeah, I guess you could say I admire him.''
``Rio, do you really feel this way about Emperor Franz Leopold?'' Filicia looked at her friend next to her, eyes full of concern. ``You're not just trying to make the best of the situation?'' Filicia then shook her head and changed the direction of her thoughts. ``You know, I shouldn't chide you about that. Making the best of whatever situation we find ourselves in is the best any of us can do. I hope that you can make the best of this, and that you will eventually find happiness in your life with Emperor Franz Leopold.''
``Thank you,'' said Rio, fervently wishing the same thing herself. ``I hope so too.''
``And if you go in with that attitude, that's the best you can do to ensure you will find a happy life. Let me say I truly appreciate the personal sacrifice you made to stop this war. I hope that it does not end up too painful for you.''
``Franz Leopold told me much the same thing. Of course, the cynical might say he was just saying that to lull me into acceptance until he could get his claws into me, but I don't see him as that kind of man, especially after talking to him in person.''
Filicia smiled, mostly hiding her feeling that she was losing Rio. ``I'm glad he seems a good man,'' she said. ``I hope he truly is. I... I want the best for my dear friend.'' She shook her head minutely. ``But the important thing is that you feel all right about things, and it sounds like you do. Do you?''
``...Yes,'' Rio answered after a moments consideration. ``I think I do. I can't be completely sure, but no-one can about the future.'' She stood up to leave and smiled back at Filicia. ``And thank you for being a good friend I could talk about this with.'' Her eyes joined in the smile. ``You're the only friend this good that I have.''
Filicia joined her standing and took her hand. ``Thank you for sharing this with me ...for considering me a good enough friend to.''
Rio returned her grasp. ``I'm glad to be able to, and honored to have such a friend.'' She grinned back at Filicia. ``But I think it's time for both of us to get some sleep. We don't want to give a bad example to the girls.''
``You're right,'' Filicia reluctantly agreed. ``But if you ever want to talk again, you know I'll always be here.''
``I do. And that's something I treasure.'' She let go of Filicia's hand.
``Good night, Rio,'' Filicia said, letting go of her hand in turn.
``Good night, Filicia.'' said Rio, quietly opening the door. ``Sleep well.''