Chapter 22
Sonogram / Ultrasound

It had taken lister the better part of six weeks to repair Kryten. Sure he didn't exactly look like the old Kryten. The damage to the droid outer casing was so severe that the exoskeleton had to be adapted, and fixed more or less permanently on the Mechanoids frame.

His personality was something else, not entirely different, but not quite the same. He was still unassertive, convinced he was third rate and plagued by guilt. But still not the same droid that had taken care of the Nova five all those years.

"Kryten?"
"Yes Mr. David Sir."
"Are you awake?"
"I'm on line if that's what you mean."
"Yea, that's what I mean."
"I got a problem, my left nostril is itching. It's driving me bonkers."
"Please sir you must lie completely still."
"I haven't used the gents in seventeen minutes"

Dave Lister lay on his side in the Medi Bay. The cold of the observation table's plastic covering seeped through his thin backless surgical gown. "The pains are coming closer now." He thought, trying now not to think of his bladder. He'd already screwed up the first two tests having to excuse himself to the lew.

The two were in Medi bay, Kryten had been giving Mr. Lister a sonogram to diagnose the source of his unusually upset stomach.
"You haven't moved in twenty minutes. Aren't you done yet?"
'I'm afraid it'll be another 2.3 minuets sir. If you'll just bear with me"
"But I have to wiz". Lister hesitated then said, "Really badly"
"I told you not to have that third can of smart lager before you test."
I couldn't help it. That fish vindaloo you cooked up for me was brutal. Now I'm paying for it." Lister stiffened as pain shot across his face.

"Was that like the others sir?"
"No. Now my foots fallen asleep."
"There there Mr. David sir were almost done now.
And ah, here are the results."

Lister did not wait for the results, but lifted his bulk from the obs table and waddled into the lew as quickly as his legs would carry him.
Kryten used this time to download the information from his hard drive into the medical computer's read out display input slot. Instantly a full size blurred color image of Dave Lister's insides oozed onto the screen.

"Eh? What's that there then?" asked Lister having returned and was viewing the image over Kryten's shoulder.

"That's you sir. Or should I say more precisely your womb."
Lister tried to make out the jumble of colors, but it was useless.

"Where?" he asked
"Oh I'm sorry sir. The image hasn't come completely into focus on the screen yet. I was viewing it on my internal. Here I'll switch it to my chest monitor."

Slowly the images came into focus on the mechanoid monitor, the strange cone shaped shot all sonograms are comprised of. It showed
two infants clearly overdeveloped but small and even more clearly racing around their fathers womb as if chasing some unseen object. When ever they seemed to reach the object they kicked at it furiously, while Lister simultaneously grabbed at his round belly and yelled "ARRRGGHHH!"

"What the smeg is going on Kryten man?" shouted LIster as a particularly strong kick from with dropped Lister to the floor.
"Be careful sir you don't want to harm the babies"
"Harm the babies? Me boys are tearing up me innards. Owph!"
Lister cringed, "and your worried about me harming the babies.
I don't now how much more of this I can take".

"Here sir lie down on this" said Kryten patting on the obs table Lister had occupied earlier.
"I'll play it back to you as it happens on my chest read out screen
"Kryten them brats are playing football with me love spuds. You gotta help me man." Lister pleaded. "The boys were having half-time before. There back at it again. You gotta do something, anything. This is murder."
"Ohheeeeeeemmppp."

"There is something we can do sir. Although I'm not sure it's entirely safe."
"Kryten I don't care if it's entirely legal. What ever you have to do,
do it." Begged Lister.

The problem was this. There was something wrong with the boys.
They were too big. Sure you hear people talking about how big their kids are, or little e Billie from down the street is Six and a half years of age and is four feet two and eighty three pounds. It wasn't that kind of big that the boys had in common. It was the kind of big that shouldn't happen until the children are out of the womb. Much more had been developed in the boys by the sixth month than spinal formation. They were done. Grown. Little people. Not children but super deformed in to little, eight pound fully developed people. And at the moment were running amuck much too close to their dad's happy sac.

Kryten couldn't tell this to the expectant Lister, the shock alone in itself might prove devastating. The mechanoid wouldn't share this information
with Lister, nor the crew, not until he could do some more test and verify this information.

With that kryten took out a large hypodermic and filled Lister
with some unknown drug and helped him carefully to the observation table.
Kryten was going to have to enter Dave's bodY and stop the boys from running amuck. While refereeing a foot ball final between the two boys
using their dads gonads as a soccer ball.
A service mechanoid job is never done.

The sonogram alerted him to the problem, but this was more than any
normal doctor could be expected to diagnose, and treat without something
of an internal exploratory. Never mind a 4000 Series mechanoid, who was
programmed for an entirely different kind of plumbing.

Kryten would have to go inside Dave much sooner than he had originally estimated. Something he knew his programming wouldn't allow him to do.
On the other hand if he diagnosed it incorrectly, Lister and possibly the boys would surely die.

Running this through his systems he pick up an alert mode of 99.979999321 on his internal screen. Kryten froze motionless, suddenly, without warning. Leaving Lister in in a bit of a pickle.