Chapter 26
We've got to go back.

"Sir, we have to go back"
"We can't. It's impossible"
"Are you referring to the fact that the Holly Hop is no longer operational? Or the fact that we cannot obtain the proper coordinates to traverse the Omni Zone"

"Neither" said Lister.
"Then what is the problem sir?"
'The problem is that deadbeat of a mother, er I mean father doesn't deserve to see her boys. Never a hello, how's raising of sons going. No here's a little something for the boys on their birthday. Not a card round Christmas. Nothing, zip".

Kryten noticed Lister's agitation and tried to calm him.
"But sir, she's in another dimension. How could she?"
Ignoring Kryten's sage wisdom Lister went on

"Never mind not showing up for the birth, at all." He looked off, a glint of light reflecting in his eyes. "It really really gets on me pecks. I could have used her support then."

"If you weren't here Kryten I don't know what I would have done."
"Point being sir?" Questioned Kryten. The emergency red cross illuminated on his chest monitor.

"Point being I never wanted to hear or see that irresponsible son of a goit again. Only now I gotta walk up to her as polite as you please and say;

"Excuse me I know you your busy slogging round the universe, and had never intended on talking to me or our offspring again, but here we are. And were here to stay." Lister grimaced at the thought of it.

"Sorry but that's not exactly how I planned our reunion."

"How did you?" Asked the service mechanoid as he changed the bandages on Lister's red c shaped lower abdominal incision. Soon he would have to do some plastic surgery he thought.

"Something a bit more subtle. Involving a bucket of ice, and any convenient body cavity."

"But the boys sir." Said Kryten, as if he needed to remind him. "If Holly's calculations are correct, they will continue to age at a rate of...if they were to be released from stasis.

"And if we are indeed to take the Starbug to traverse the omni zone then temporary stasis pods will have to be set up in the craft . We'll have to leave soon. I'll get on it right away."

Lister had been dreading this decision that he had made hours ago.
Now was quickly approaching the hour when he would be forced to act on his decision. Praying that it all was right. Gambling the future of his two boys who were currently drooling infants with the bodies of six year olds. And of the rest of the crew.

Only twenty two hours earlier Dave Lister had his two boys Jim and Bexly Lister cut from his body by the recently rebuilt Kryten in a life and death struggle involving a soccer game, Dave Lister's innards and two quickly growing boys.

Soon after the birthing Dave ran out of the Medi bay, his two sons wrapped and one in each arm, Lister spoke and posed for his past self that he could neither hear nor see. But knew he was there none the less. After all it was himself who his own future echo had photographed all those months ago.
When it was discovered several minutes after the boys liberation, that they were growing at a noticeable and alarming rate, Kryten's panic chip went into overdrive and a confabulation was called in the medi bay.

As Lister sat upright with the aid of several large fluffy pillows, he fed Bexly his bottle. The Cat and Rimmer sat at different corners of the room as Kryten, still in his nurses uniform, held Jim gentle over his shoulder burping the large infant.

Holly's digitalized face appeared on the monitor, and as JIm Lister belched. Holly started:

"OK group." He started, "Here's the low down. I've checked my calculations against all the known data we acquired while visiting the FemVerse where all this started." Holly paused to think wantonly about Hilly, then continued.

"It seems that for some reason outside the scope of human knowledge that your children," addressing Lister, "are aging at a rate of ( y=an hour, roughly x=a minute)". And if we don't get them back to their mother's dimension within a fort night." Holly's eyes looked down at his non existent shoes, he didn't need finish his sentence.

"That's impossible; Rimmer Chimed in. "The Holly Hop is unstable, we were lucky to get back in one piece last time, with the help of your counterpart." Rimmer turned to face the others, "What makes you think that he could pull it off this time. Alone."

"He'll hardly be working alone now will he Rimmer." Interjected Lister while wiping protein boosted milk from Bexly's full lips. "Kryten here can help."
"And that's supposed to fill me with confidence. Just because he managed to save you and your drooling tykes you think he's the answer to everything. Remember what happened last time, when he rebelled. He can't be trusted." Rimmer walked up and pointed to Kryten who was currently changing Jim's nappie, who cooed on his make shift changing station.

"He's dangerous." Rimmer announced.
Even the Cat who wasn't actually paying attention had to laugh.

"Yea about as dangerous as a vacuum cleaner with legs."

"Come off it Rimmer. Your just ticked because you were deprived of your own personal doormat. And I helped him do it."

"Well I for one refuse to return to that dimension with that hideous woman." Rimmer shook off a chill that was working it's way around his spine.

"Fine no problem than. We'll set you on auto pilot in White Midget before we leave, and pick you up when we return. OK?"

"No kay" Answered Rimmer. "Who's to say you'll make it back all right, or at all. Where does that leave me? A software ghost haunting a disused transport vessel, floating adrift in deep space. What am I a character in a Space age Edgar Allen Poe short?
Thanx, but no thanx."

It took nearly forty more minutes of debate before an acceptable plan was hammered out. The boys were put into stasis, their age would be temporarily halted. Kryten and Holly would put all their available run time to working out the coordinates to properly traverse the Omni Zone and by pass the Holly hop completely. The final plan was far more desperate than originally thought.
Unable to get exact numbers for a craft the size of the Dwarf, the transport vehicle StarBug was to make the journey. But there was a very distinct detour that had to overcome. Traversing a Time Loch.