Disclaimer: I can hope, wish and dream that I own SpongeBob, but it's just wishful thinking. Stephen Hilenburg is the owner.

Title: A Variant Valentine's

Each year, on this specific day of the month, it had become growing ritual for the two to celebrate Valentine's day together (as friends!) and plan a little something special for their pink-skinned starfish friend later during the day. For Patrick, they settled with simple gifts, such as offering him boxes of chocolate assortments or leaving heart-shaped krabby patties in front of his home, since the Valentine's day carnival incident from three years ago, hadn't faded out of theirs and the Bikini Bottomites mind. Patrick could transform into quite the tyrant.

In her home, when exchanging gifts, she read her romantic greeting card. Crackling in laughter with this year's knock-knock joke's punch line; 'olive you', meanwhile SpongeBob simply smiled alongside her, not laughing which was not normal for him, bizarre even. The squirrel noted this.

"Okay, okay," said Sandy, her laughter quieting down. "Somethin' ain't right with you," she remarked, adding more words to that statement after. "I mean, more than usual of course."

He replied all too quickly. "I feel fine! Happy, excited even, er, I'm really content today Sandy." He looked up at her and stretched his smile as wide as he could, but once meeting her ya-ain't-foolin'-me stare, he knew she knew. "Aw, you caught me. I'm not as happy as I should be." he admitted.

"Obviously," she remarked. "This lil' holiday is the day of love and romance, yet yer facial expression is celebratin' the day of despair and doom."

He bowed his head in shame, eyeing the floor of Sandy's living room in shame. The sponge thought he had been ruining the day for him and Sandy, with her picking up on his negative attiduede today on such a positive themed one today.

He turned to her on her sofa. "I'm sorry for being selfish Sandy. I never meant for my attitude to spoil our day today, I-"

"Woah, hold yer horses there SquarePants. You ain't spoilin' anything. You're just really upset about somethin', that ain't yer fault." Her voice took on an comforting tone. "Just tell me what's wrong, an I'll try n' help."

Before he caved in and broke like a weakened dam, he first gazed admiringly at her on how his friend; the squirrel, knew what to say, how to say it and what to do in all his dilemmas.

.

.

As with all his 'troubling' dilemmas, they never tipped over to the level five scale of extreme seriousness, but simply a mild level three and this particularly one, featuring the Krusty Krab was a 3.5 in her view. From what the sponge said: the future of the Krusty Krab was facing permanent closure, all because a health inspector that had been buried by Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob, seeked revenge to close down the establishment, and was close to succeeding due to evidence of Mr. Krabs breaking thirty-two health and safety regulations and avoiding debt somehow.

The Texan squirrel rubbed her forehead in thought of a solution, plan of action or advice.

"Gosh, that old man has squatted on his spurs big time." she commented. "There's still a solution, so down look to down in the dumps. Since the Krusty Krab has been one on the longest standing fast food restaurant in this city, it's most likely that the Bikini Bottom health department would bend down to this 'inspectors' claims so easily," she assured. "It would help to fix the so-called regulations that are or not 'broken', that'd help."

The sponge with his head once cast down looked up to stare at his friend in emotions of pride, gratefulness, happiness and relief.

"You, are...AMAZING Ms. Cheeks!" he loudly exclaimed, in praise at her. Standing up from the sofa, jumping up and down in pure happiness.

Abashed, she closed her eyes and shook her head at him. She didn't understand the amount of joy he had, she was his friend, she thought so of course she'd help him with his problems.

Her thoughts and actions froze for the next four, mind-numbing seconds. She heard a helmet fall to the ground and felt lips pressed firmly on hers. Short the contact lasted, very short, meaning his intentions for his lips on hers were not for what many would think at first.

"Thanks, Sandy." he said, when breaking apart from her. "What would I do without ya?" he questioned good-naturedly. Fearing that he had inhaled too much of dangerous 'air', the sponged quickly placed his bubble helmet on his head full of water, not even beginning to realise the vermilion coloured state his actions had left his female friend in.

Whilst running out of Sandy's living room, the sponge abruptly stopped in his steps. Apologetically it seemed, he looked back at the squirrel, turning his whole spongy form around. What Sandy thought would be a stream of over-flowing apologizes or poetry of forgiveness turned out to be a loud greeting.

"Before I forget," he stated. "Happy Valentine's Day Sandy!" he shouted, proceeding to run out of her tree-home and tree-dome, off to the Krusty Krab to save the establishment once again.

She snapped out of her daze when she heard the door close. She'd known that sponge for three years now, and she didn't exactly become his friend due to his intelligence levels, but couldn't the naïve yellow sponge realise that two individual lips meeting one another was universally acknowledged as a kiss? A kiss that was something intimate! Then again, it was SpongeBob after all, and the day of love.

.

.

Absent-mindedly, the squirrel's finger touched her lips, reminiscing what had happened, and how exactly it happened. SpongeBob had caught her off guard. There was no time in the seconds for her to pucker up or even the return the kiss if that was what she wanted to do. In a state of shock, she just received the action, alongside the sensations of it. His lips being; cool, moist and something else she couldn't describe.

'What am I doing?' she berated mentally to herself. 'I should be huntin' down that sorry good for nuthin' punk, not...not day dreamin' on how his lips felt!'

It was easier said then done. Sandy's mind couldn't help but wonder around different areas and circumstances.

'It was a thank you kiss, I'm sure of it, I think...it was short, really short, not that I'm complainin' or am I? No! I ain't complain', I can't be complainin'.' she nodded her head at that. 'First of all, he came outta the blue and planted on me, with his lips that happened to be very steady, cool and moist with that salty flavour and...' With a thought that would further describe things, she reprimanded her thoughts stricter.

'I'm going too far now. He'd never, I mean never ever kiss me like that. SpongeBob was just happy that I found a solution to his dilemma and being over-excited he kissed me' Sandy grinned at her explanation. 'I need to stop actin' jumpier than a june big. It was just a kiss. A four second kiss! It ain't like we made out, or that he kissed me deeper, or that pulled me closer or even just a lil' on teasin' tug on mah lips or...No, no, no!'

The squirrel tried a physical approach, meaning that she banged her head on fist, hoping to eliminate any seemingly salacious visions of SpongeBob doing something highly sensually pleasing to her mouth that would've changed the entire situation. With such thoughts in her head, especially on a day of love, they had no problem gravitating to forbidden imaginative ideas. It had been a long since she was on land with a guy.

Sandy stood up, leaving her living room to walk to the bathroom. "I'mma take a shower, preferably cold," she was reminded of his lips. "Scratch that, I'll take a hot one and sleep this off with pleasant dreams." her footstep halted. "...not like that. Not dreams where he'd or I'd, nuh uh. This is the last time I offer mah help."

Akin to nearly all the trouble SpongeBob caused daily in her life, Sandy would manage to erase this some how. The squirrel jokes, ripped pants and land animal insults; all was just a period of time. Yet, each had their unforgettable once since it occurred on a variant valentine's from the rest.

A/N: Variant means different. SpongeBob is famously for being himself because of the way he acts. Clueless, funny, innocent and kind-hearted, so there is a certain possibility of his limited knowledge of kisses. Constructed criticism and advice is very much welcomed.