Chapter 14

Ace Who

"OK tell us everything you know about this so called Ace of Black Hearts."
Said Arnold Rimmer's voice before his person was visible.

On the cold metal floor Red Dwarf's landing bay forty seven,
stood two Rimmers, Two Lister, one semi deranged mechanoid called Kryten and no Cat.

"Arnold glad you could join us old lemon tart, I was just about to brief
the lads on just that subject. Glad you could make it."

"Well me old bemused sister/likeness, don't let me stop you.
I'm sure your explanation will be fulfilling and insightful."
Accusation clinged like clinging wrap to his words.

"There is just one thing. When you're finished can you kindly tell us what happened to the crew Marie Celeste?"

Ace smiled a small unamused smile at Rimmer's sarcasm.
At first she thought this other version of herself would, in time, show some familiar, more fitting characteristics. This was not to be so.
Addressing the others she asked; "Can we do this somewhere else. It may take a while."
"Sure. There's a debriefing room not far from here.

OK from the start. I am commander Arnie Rimmer, friends call me Ace. Test pilot for the Space Corps. I 've come from another dimension. Where women are the dominant sex. Evidently unlike yours." Ace smiled at Holly's image on the room monitor "That'll take a bit of getting used to."

"Something happened while I was crossing the dimensional barrier. Back at Europa we sauced out that I would travel along my own destiny lines, and meet another version of myself." Ace glanced at Rimmer and continued.

"While I crossed the dimensional gap, I seemed to have become a part of a greater whole."

"What do you mean a greater whole? I mean how long was the jump?"
Questioned Rimmer.

"That's the tricky part. My instruments read that the jump was almost instantaneous, but my memory tells me different. I remember bits and pieces. Almost as though it was a dream."

"Could the presser from the dimensional friction and the excess heat build up have caused you to momentarily blackout?" Inquired Spanners, cleaning his gold metal specks on his flight technician shirt.

She looked him in the eyes and said; "That's what I thought first Spanners old friend. But that was ruled out by the memories recorded on the tape that's contained in my light bee."
Turning to the others;

"What I believed happened was that at the exact moment of my jump, another Ace Rimmer, from another dimension, was jumping as well.
Perhaps more. Perhaps dozens, I'm not sure ."

"While I was jumping gentlemen, I touched the mind of other Ace Rimmers." She paused remembering the moment.

"I gathered knowledge, memories, secrets and even telephone numbers
for some odd reason. I was disoriented when I came out of my jump or I would have worked it out sooner."

"What are you trying to say Ms. Ace mum? That you were somehow
brought here at precisely the same instant as yet another alternated version
of Mr. Rimmer." Kryten interjected. "That's intriguing. Do you realize the implications of this."

"Yea." Holly pitched in. "There will be one more for tea."

"There is a minor drawback to this. When our minds collided
one stood out towards the end, the one who killed me." Aces voice didn't
change, she might as well have been reading a tv listing.

"Only the gent I touched minds with wasn't a gent. He's fowl, dark and evil. Although I don't know if he started out that way. I'm assuming we shared similar memories up to a point, and only the different memories stand out.
Somehow he visited an evil planet, a Black Planet, and was corrupted by this."

"How can we be sure about any of this?" Asked Lister.

"Now that I'm a computer simulation of myself, I'm as sure about this as anything else that I can be sure of."

"Well Ms. Commander what can you be sure of?" Asked Rimmer.

"I'm sure of only two things. One: if your friend the Cat or anything else intelligent is down there it's in danger. And two: If I shared memories with
this evil Ace and I can remember them," she smiled. "Then it stands to reason that he remembers my thoughts and has my memories as well. That's probably the reason he attacked me when he did."

"How's that?" Asked Rimmer.

"Well he seems to be a chap that stands for pure evil, and I'm Ace Rimmer. Like the two biggest girls on the block, sooner or later it would come down to blows."

"Down to what?" Asked Kryten.

"A show down, a brawl, a barney as my pal Spanners back home would say."

"Well that was quite a tale Ms. Ace Mum. Then if indeed our Mr. Cat is still on the planet he is in danger. We will have to rescue him."

"My thoughts precisely," beamed Ace. "Series 4000 mechanoids soul of the space corps. Kryten what plan have you got tucked up your sleeve?"

"No plan ma'am." Kryten raised his arm. "No sleeves."

"Well it shouldn't be too difficult, not with this crew. What say you gentlemen? Are you up for a bit of rescuing, and general adventuring?"

"Count me in said Lister." He looked at Ace "Wherever your double is
that's where I'll find my boys."

"And me." Said Spanners. "Couldn't imagine Ace going on a mission without me, his main technical man."

"That just leaves you Arnie." Ace's voice pleading with her weaker self.

"What do you say old turnip?"

Arnold J. Rimmer wanted nothing on Io more than to say no to this cocky, liberated, swashbuckling astro marine but, "Sod off."
The utter idea of him assisting her.
Assisting no less. Him. To this this this
Woman.

"Yes." He said in a tiny voice that was not his own.

"That's the Rimmer I like to see. Arn, you man the scanners, maximum range, I want every humanoid on the planet pinpointed."

"Kryten old friend. I have something special in mind for you. I'll brief you later."

"Spanners, Lister," They looked up at Ace as if she was their teacher and they were caught at mischief. "I have a special job for you two."
When all was explained in detail, Ace finished.

"Then if we're all in agreement let's have a lot less chin wagging and get our posteriors in motion. We have a comrade to recover,
evil to be stopped and and a world to be saved." With that
Ace laughed and headed out of the portal with Kryten in tow a few meters
behind.

Once she cleared the doorway and was clear of general humanoid traffic, Kryten said to no one in particular, "What a gal."

Kryten went into jogging mode, and placed his setting on maximum.
He knew he wouldn't catch up with Ace until he reached their secret briefing rendezvous point. He was elated that Commander Rimmer asked him to be
briefed alone, away from the crew. In case he was asked to do something
beyond what his core programming allowed.

Lister and Spanners were headed out the door and towards and back to the landing bay, where Spanner's ship lay.

"Lister." Rimmer hissed at him as he was leaving.

"Yea?" Both he and Spanners stopped.

"A word with you in private if you don't mind."
Lister looked at Spanners his eye brows standing at attention.
Spanners said, "I'll meet you down there." And he was off.

"What is it now Rimmer, we got a lot of work to do.

"How can we believe anything these two say. I don't trust either of them.

"Commander Rimmer. I ask you. Could she be more of a bossy bitch? The way she thinks she can just order us around. I'll bet you anything she wears women's underwear."

"What?" Lister was confused by the statement.

"Of course she wears women's underwear you smeg head, she's a girl. Looks man what your beef? She's you."

"She's not me. I'm me. She's the me that got all the breaks."

"That not the way it is. I was talking to Spanners, it was one decision.
It's amazing that a single decision in our pasts could cause such drastic differences."

"Well you know how I feel about not getting the breaks. There's proof
of what I could have achieved if I'd gotten the break she did."

"Look I'm in the same boat. I got Spanner's to deal with. I can't
say that I'm not jealous in a way. But whatever decision he made I'm happy for him, he deserves the lot." Lister stopped a moment.

"In some ways it makes sense that all these realities play themselves out."
Lister got up. "Now I've got to help Spanners so we can get my kids back. And find the Cat."

As Lister headed for the door Holly's image came on the wall monitor.
"I hadn't expected this," Holly announced "There's been an interruption in the twelve hour marathon of the Flintstones.

"What happened Hol?" Asked Lister.

"Well it was all well and good," Holly started. "Then Fred and Barney wanted to go camping and the girls wanted to tag along."

"I mean the interruption Holly. Not the smegging show," Lister interrupted.

"I was getting to that. Hang on a sec, I'll just roll the tape."

Holly's image faded away and was replaced by a crowd, and a celebration in the streets, with some brutal security throughout. The camera zoomed in on a motorcade, behind several robed Cat people, on a flat-topped crude transport was a thrown like chair. Sitting in the chair, dressed in his pink
morning suit, smiling and waving to the crowd was the Cat.