Disclaimer: I can hope, wish and dream that I own SpongeBob, but it's just wishful thinking. Stephen Hilenburg is the owner.
A/N: Another chapter which is rated M due to what they're talking about. BTW, thank you readers for the reviews.
Title: Sex
Sitting comfortably on his sofa, Sandy channel-surfed his television – on a mission to find something entertaining or fascinating for the both of them to watch. Even though she still had yet to find something plausible, the remote control had stopped working – leading the television screen to play whatever channel Sandy had last pressed.
The season finale of 'Passionate Souls', a widely liked Bikini Bottomite romance drama was starting near the middle-end. Sandy had groaned at this, desperately wanting to switch the TV off, however the sponge denied her request. To be told, SpongeBob had cheered – happy to know that he was in the social loop to discover what made this romance drama so popular.
Without a doubt, one could proclaim that SpongeBob had discovered why the show was infamously 'fascinating'.
Story short, two lovers had only one night to embrace one another before they would have to go their separate ways in different cities. Sandy yawned at this, thinking to herself that the directors had followed a cliché ending, but SpongeBob was tearing up and exclaiming loudly to Neptune that it wasn't fair. However the sponge wasn't tearing when things heated up.
The brown-haired male protagonist pushed his lover onto the bed with urgency. He clambered over her, pinning her arms down and exposing to the audience how much he had wanted her, no, desired her. With curiosity or interest, the sponge and squirrel both watched how the female lover began to moan and pant (ridiculously loudly) as the protagonist placed kisses all over her neck, until he claimed her lips.
Sandy swore she heard her gasp from SpongeBob, but she ignored that thought. She herself watched the scene with no incredible interest as she previously had her opinions that this shows too unrealistic and ridiculously romantic. She had argued with Pearl a month ago that no one could find no absolute faults in a lover. It just wasn't possible. Mary Sues and Stu's didn't exist in the real world.
Growing tired, she glanced an eye at the sponge, noticing his ever fidgeting finger and a growing blush on his freckled cheeks. Looking back at the TV to induce why, she understood immediately why he was becoming redder than chili relleno sauce. Even she couldn't help but feel uncomfortable as the actors and actresses rapidly clothes came off at such a speed, which could only indicate what was to come next.
'Seriously, what age is this lil' erotic show for? They're not gonna really have...Oh no, if they're really gonna go all the way, then SpongeBob can't handle that!' she worried in her head, glancing his facial expression again.
She was concerned for his innocence, nevertheless, she couldn't help but want to laugh at his predicament. He was in his twenties after all, he should've kind of understood where the two characters were heading.
"I NEED YOU NOW!"
At the actresses tone of voice, SpongeBob's blue eyes had widened six times wider than Patrick's waist. Never had he heard in his life someone so, so...so desperate.
As the female lover began to act like a women possessed, Sandy decided enough was enough.
Quickly, the brown-furred squirrel rushed in front of the television and switched it off manually. The last sight the sponge saw was a bra being tossed, and the last he had heard was a baritone groan of frustration.
What the heck did he just watch?
. . . .
He coughed twice. "That was...that was very, um. I didn't know that," trailed off SpongeBob.
"Sorry, I should've been quicker."
"No, it's okay. They were just taking off their clothes...they were gonna have, well I'm assuming that..." trailed off the sponge again, casting his head down.
Sandy looked at him in slight concern. "SpongeBob, why're ya lookin' so glum? I mean, I know you're embarrassed an' such but." stopping her words, the squirrel caught on to something. Something important. "Please tell me y'all did know what they were gonna do?"
SpongeBob averted his eyes elsewhere.
This time, Sandy's eye's were the one the widened wider than Patrick's waist. "SpongeBob. Do ya or do ya not know what was goin' on in that scene?"
"I do." he answered meekly, which didn't satisfy Sandy at all. Regarding his childlike behaviour, the squirrel had always thought that with mature situations in relationships, the sponge would be clueless.
"Y'all don't know what sex is, don't cha?"
He flinched at the s-word. The blush on his cheeks grew darker.
"I-I do too know what s-s...that word is."
Sandy's voice became gentle. "Ya don't have to pretend with me, SpongeBob."
"I-I'm not pretending. I do too know what 'it' is."
She refrained from sighing. "Well if y'all know what 'it' is as ya claim, then why in sam's heck can't ya say the word?"
"Because, b-beause, y'know it's not a word you say out in the open."
She arched a brow. "SpongeBob...We're in yer house, not Downtown Bikini Bottom."
"Still!"
"Oh, brother!" she sighed out, massaging her forehead.
Sandy thought that she could easily forsake this discussion and move onto something else, but he was her friend of five to eight something years. Her mind reminded her (more liked instructed) that she did kind of have a duty as a friend to help him get over his issues. Her leaving, squirrel jokes and competition were one, now sex was a new one.
. . . .
Before she could talk, he took the lead and rambled on.
"I-I found out about it in high school from Patrick, but got told about it properly from my Dad, Mr. Krabs, the Mailman even Squidward when he drank too much of that red drink." he laughed from memory. "Boy, that was the funniest night ever! It's a shame Squidward got such a big headache in the morning."
Casting away the worry if SpongeBob knew what Squidward drank, she asked. "So if you're educated enough from a lot of people to know what 'it' is then why're yer feathers ruffled when seeing that show."
"Uh, well I guess it's 'cause seeing like that is." he bit his lip. "Sandy I've got a confession to make."
"'OK then, y'all can tell me."
"I know what 'it' is and how people do 'it', but I've always wondered if there was another reason why people did 'it'."
She folded her arms. "SpongeBob, ya hav'ta clarify to me what 'it' is."
"Please don't make me say it."
"You have to." she urged.
"Barnacles...s-sex. There I said it!" he raised his arms in the air. "I've always wondered if there was another reason as to why people do have sex."
"Is that all?"
He flushed in embarrassment. "Pretty much."
. . . .
"...so if sex is something you do with the special people in your life, then can friends could do it too?"
Sandy really didn't want to answer this question.
"If they so wanted to, then I can't see why not, BUT...like I said, sex can be for: reproduction, romance and pleasure. Problem is that one friend could think it was romantic and want to be more than friends, but the other just might think it's just for fun."
"What's wrong with having fun?"
"Nothing's wrong with fun, unless fun is harmful or confusing for one person."
"Ah, I get it. I guess it wouldn't be a good idea for us to have sex, would it Sandy?"
"Well I guess...woah, SpongeBob. Hold up a minute!" she asked in genuine surprise. "Did ya just imply...were ya suggestin-"
"-No!" realising how bad the sounded, he said. "Yes, no!" realising how confused she looked, he said. "P-Please give me a minute to arrange my thoughts...I didn't mean it like that, it was just a thought, honest to Neptune Sandy, just a thought!"
She relaxed slightly at his words.
"It's funny ain't it. I mean we're such good friends, so we'd never have s-sex with each other, plus were different species, right?" he reasoned.
"Heh, heh. Can you imagine it? Me and you on a bed, touching each other, kissing...moaning, panting, unbeknownst to him, SpongeBob drooled. "my red tie off, you're purple skirt off and green..."
As Sandy witnessed his blue eyes gazing over in anything but innocence, she reddened, already presupposing his wild imagination.
"SpongeBob, snap out of it!" she cried, snapping her fingers in front of him "D-don't, y'all dare start undressin' me and yerself in yer mind!"
He mumbled naughty gibberish and Sandy knew she was losing him fast.
She shook him, on all fours, on top of him. Gripping his shirt, she shook him like a rag doll, until he came back to earth or the sea. "Stop. The. Fantasy. This is awkward enough. SpongeBob!
. . . .
Two weeks later at 01:00 AM.
Groggily so, Sandy got out of bed, slipped on her slippers and walked over to the ringing phone. 'I swear I'll wring this varmit's neck out dry in daylight. Who in sam's heck would call me at...' she nearly cursed when figuring out who. 'SpongeBob.'
Placing the phone next to her ear, she said. "Good mornin', SpongeBob. What in Neptune's name did I do to hurt you?"
"Huh, how did you know it was me?"
"...I'm physic. So why did ya call me?"
"Oh yeah, about that. I just have a teeny weeny question to ask ya." he answered. "It's really really small, and actually...maybe I don't hav'ta tell you. You know what, you can have a nice rest and-
"-SpongeBob, get to the point, or I'm comin' over." she threatened which lead him to gulp. He knew this was a bad idea.
"NO! Do not come over, I repeat. Do not come over, everything is under control here."
Something told her that things were definitely not under control.
"Dreams are not bad things, right?"
"Yes, lil' square dude. Dreams are good things, unless it's a nightmare."
"OK then, so if a dream was very, um, very mature in nature. Wouldn't that be very bad?"
She slightly understood where he was going with things. "SpongeBob, you're an adult now. If ya had dreams that were sexual in nature, then there ain't a thing to worry over. It happens to everyone."
"B-But what if...what if you were in the dream? Would ya be mad at me?"
"Of course I wouldn't be mad at you...SpongeBob. Repeat what ya said please."
"Uh, let's say hypothetically I'm having mature dreams where you, uh, are sometimes," which was actually all the time. "in it, with me."
The phone in her hand shook. "O-okay, let's pause for a moment. If you're the protagonist in you're 'dreams', then who am I?"
She heard a squeak, but that wasn't what she wanted to hear. "You're not answerin'!"
"The actresses?" he muttered.
She felt herself go warm and blushed. She understood exactly what he was dreaming about, and the very fact and idea that SpongeBob; naive, innocent and clueless SpongeBob was fantasizing her and him doing something they shouldn't be left her breathless.
"Answer me this. When ya have these dreams 'bout me, d'ya sometimes wake up with yer bed a lil' not so dry?" she questioned as calmly as she could. Deep down inside, Sandy was panicking.
Both of them held their breath for as long as they could. The silence from either line seemed to last for eternity. Sandy didn't dare ask the question again and SpongeBob had yet to answer.
A phone dropped.
"HOW'D SHE KNOW THAT?" SpongeBob exclaimed, looking below his bed. "Gary, you promised you wouldn't tell anyone!"
A/N: Not what you thought it was, was it? This is the second but not last M-rated chapter. So, what did you as the reader think of this chapter? Criticism and advice is really needed please.