A/N I forgot to mention that the song "Two Hearts" by the Jayhawks went through my head an awful lot while working on Amends. It seems to fit our heroes pretty well…

Chapter 49

Bobby wrapped up the loose ends with Beltran by himself. Alex had completely fallen apart, and he'd had to take her home. It had been hard to leave her there, but he had every intention of returning as soon as the job was done. He picked up some takeout on the way over, enough for two in case she hadn't eaten. He rang her bell, and was pleased when the door swung open.

He was unable to return the hug because his hands were full. Alex rested her whole self against him, and all he could do was lay his cheek against the crown of her head. As she pulled away, he kissed her cheek. "You okay?" he asked sincerely.

She frowned, but she nodded, and she didn't cry. "I spoke with Liz," she said, "and Dad. That helped."

He gave her an encouraging smile, and held the takeout bag up a little. "I brought dinner," he said. "Hungry?"

She didn't answer, but led the way to the kitchen. She got him a plate and one for herself and sat down across from him. Bobby dished his food out and offered to do hers, but she held up her hand and took the carton from him. She got a tiny portion out of the box, and sat down to twirl her fork through it. It didn't escape Bobby's attention that she never took a bite.

"Paperwork's done," he told her. "You could take a couple of days, if you want. Logan's due back tomorrow, anyhow, and they're bringing in his new partner."

She nodded, and he could see how tired she was. "I might do that."

"It's good to," Bobby agreed. "You know… take some time…"

"We were trying for a baby… Did I ever tell you that?"

He locked his eyes on hers in surprise. Silently, he shook his head.

"A couple of months before he died… we decided we wanted… and so we were trying…"

"I'm sorry, Alex."

"I don't hate him. Beltran. Why don't I hate him?"

One of Bobby's shoulders shrugged. "Maybe he did make amends, in a way."

"I don't hate him, but I can't forgive him, Bobby. He took Joe from me. And the baby we might have had…"

"When you thought it was Delgado, you felt differently."

She nodded. "It was different then… a cold blooded killing… now I know… the truth."

"A stupid kid… made a lethal mistake…"

She nodded again. She was thoughtful a moment. "I can forgive you, though…" she reached out her hand, and he scooped it up in his. "And I suppose I should thank you."

He shook his head.

"It feels better… to know… the truth."

"You know… there are all these… rules… about grieving… There are no 'shoulds' here, Alex. You loved him. You were planning a family with him… it's okay to mourn that."

"Doctor Olivet told me I'd never grieved him. I blew her off." A tear slipped down her cheek, and she said. "I guess I never really did."

"Everybody tried… to be there for me… Mom, Dad, my brother and sister… I guess I didn't let them. I was too busy being strong. I was sad, Bobby. I cried, and I felt the loss. But I guess that was all."

"The people we love never really leave us," he said.

With a nod, she continued. "I lived with the loss, but I guess I never really gave myself permission to live with his memory."

Rodgers called Bobby into her office the next day. With an earnest expression, she said, "I had this yesterday, but with everything going on with your partner… I…" She held out an envelope.

"This is it?" he asked, though he already knew what he held in his hands.

"He was your biological father."

Goren closed his eyes and was very still.

"I'm sorry," Rodgers added.

"No. Y—forget about it. Thank you." He tucked the envelope in his binder. He didn't open it. He didn't read the report. He stood tall, gave her another nod, and walked away.

"Alex, I… if you're okay, that is… I really need to take care of some things at my place…"

"It's okay, Bobby. Go ahead. I'm all right."

He thought about telling her the real reason why, but he only took a breath and breathed "thanks," into the phone. There was no reason she should know. It would only cause her worry. And though Bobby wasn't happy about the results, in his heart he'd already known. He would be fine. He wasn't defined by this genetic code. He was defined by the choices he made: from moment to moment, from day to day.

Bobby chose to live as he always had: to honor the things his mother had taught him. She had shaped him into the man he was, after all, with a little help from the Catholic Church and the school of hard knocks.

He'd had a lot of influences, really. And he could honestly say he was glad for the minor role both of his fathers had played in his life. The father he'd known was abusive and selfish. His abandonment had been a blessing in disguise. And his biological father, the cold blooded killer, could have only done him harm. Frances had had her faults, but she'd taught him love, and that was something to be grateful for.

Once he got home, he poured himself a drink and opened the envelope. DNA reports weren't something he read every day, but he'd seen enough of them to know what he was looking at. Rodgers had told the truth. Brady was his father.

He stuffed the envelope and the papers back into his binder and settled down in his recliner to ruminate over a stiff drink.

"I'm okay, Johnny." Alex sprinkled salt over her plate.

The restaurant was busy, but not crowded. Johnny watched his sister eat for a few minutes and then asked, "You and Goren… are you still… together?"

"He's my partner," she answered.

"I'm not talking about work."
"What makes you think—"

"Alex…"

"Okay, so… yeah. I guess."

"What do you mean, you guess?"

"It's complicated."

"That's a cop-out."

"No, it really is complicated."

Johnny wasn't satisfied with her answer. "Look, Alex, I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"You think Bobby would hurt me?"

"I don't know."

"Johnny, I can take care of myself."

"Yeah, but you shouldn't have to."

"Which is why I'm seeing him."

Johnny shook his head. "What happened, anyway? All this mess with Joe's murder?"

Alex looked down and sighed. "Quinn was killed."

"Joe's partner Quinn?"

She nodded sadly. "And the case kept crossing with Joe's case. And we had to reopen it. It turns out Delgado was innocent."

"Jesus, Alex. I had no idea."

She shrugged. "We found the man who… Bobby helped me."

"He's a good Detective," Johnny said.

"He's a great Detective." She twisted her drink a few turns against the palm of her hand. "And a great friend."

"But it's complicated," Johnny told her with a slight grin.

"Just think of it as us… taking it slow."

Johnny regarded his sister with a kind eye. "Okay, sis. But if he ever crosses you—"

"Then I'll kick his ass," she said. They shared a smile. The waiter returned, and Johnny got his billfold from his back pocket. "I got this," he said.