A/N Purgatory

Chapter 59

He wasn't returning her calls. She called him every night the first week, and he didn't answer once. She tried to leave enough of a message to interest him, hoping to pique his curiosity. But nothing seemed to work. And then there was the Brownsville shooting and Falacci got a knife to the arm. The Doctors put her on desk, and Ross slid Alex over to do the legwork with Logan.

"You been doin' this a long time, haven't you, Eames?" He asked one day.

"Yeah," she nodded.

"You ever think it's like, I dunno, pruning a rosebush or something? No matter how much we cut off, there's always one or two or three more coming up."

"Yeah. I think that sometimes," she admitted. "And then I think how bad it would be if I never stopped them... and... I keep on going."

He sighed and smiled a little. "You're a hell of a lot tougher than me," he said, and toasted her with his paper cup of coffee.

There wasn't enough money. He'd already exhausted his savings and had to cash out some of the money he'd been putting away for retirement. Bobby tried to get by on whatever he could earn under the table. He filled in for Lewis at the shop when he was down a man or two; he did enough bar bouncing to keep food on the table and pay for the occasional whiskey at the local bar. But the truth was, the money was running out fast. He'd already started to pay some of the bills with credit, and that was doing nothing but digging him into a deeper hole.

He'd been evaluated by Olivet. She saw him three times before she cleared him for duty. It was the damn Chief of D's who stood in his way now. Every month, his suspension came up for review, and Bobby would stand quietly beside Captain Ross and listen as Dr. Olivet's report about his mental health was shared with a room full of brass, and every month, Moran would talk them out of reinstating him. Moran was making a hobby of going through Goren's file. He dug a little deeper every time, passing over his accomplishments and highlighting the most minor of infractions. In the end, the brass went along with their Chief, knowing they themselves wanted to sit in his chair someday, and too scared to breathe a word against him.

Ross was all right. He saw the situation for what it was, and he promised Bobby he'd keep looking for a way to help him out. Every time they turned him down, Ross would stay with him until the room was empty, until he was satisfied that Bobby hadn't given up. "We're making progress. I'll see you next month," he'd always say, just before they headed their separate ways.

Inevitably, his thoughts would turn to Eames. She'd called him a lot at first, when he was too angry and upset to put his thoughts into words. He never called back. There was no point. He couldn't continue to drag her down with him. She was too good of a Detective, too good of a person, for that. Her calls slowly tapered off, from every night to every other, then once a week, and now it was sporadic.

Sometimes he pined for what they'd had, that little glimpse he'd gotten of what it felt like to be with someone, someone you really loved. But there was no point in that, either. It was like staring through the display window at Macy's when you didn't even have enough money to get a hoagie for lunch. It was nice while it lasted, but things had changed.

He had changed.

"Hi Bobby, I was just thinking of you today. I really wish you would give me a call, but you know, I... I understand if you don't." She paused, wanting to say more, but then thought better of it and just hung up. Another hour passed, and she found herself staring at his empty chair across from hers.

"Good morning. I hope you've had your coffee," Ross said.

"I'm just finishing up," she said wearily, stretching as she rose from her chair. "I'm about to go see my family."

"There's been a shooting in Red Hook. Drug Dealer, two English tourists."

"Anybody out of the picture?' she asked.

"All three," he told her. "You can call your family on the way." Alex couldn't hide her disappointment.

Detective Daniels saw her at the scene and came over to say hello. "Where's your partner?" he asked.

"Still jumping through NYPD hoops," she replied.

They discussed the case, then. It had been Daniels' to cover until word got to Major Case about the tourists.

Goren thought too much. He thought about everything, he analyzed everything, and he thought about how he thought about things. On suspension, and especially over a glass of ale, he thought about how unfair life was.

It was his local bar, but it was popular with cops. He was surprised when he saw the former Detective Copa come in with some buddies. It was his misfortune that Copa saw him, too.

He swaggered up to Goren and stood by him. "You got some balls," he said.

Bobby kept his eyes on the bar and tried to appear detached. He picked up his beer to take a drink.

"What the hell you doing here?" Copa asked.

"It's my neighborhood bar," Bobby explained, and set down his glass.

"Not tonight, it's not. My old precinct's doing a 10-13 benefit for me. I wouldn't need their charity if you hadn't cost me my job."

"I don't... want any trouble," Bobby said quietly.

"You cheated me outta my retirement," Copa continued.

"Look, why don't you just-"

"That's all you have to say?" Copa grabbed Bobby by the shirt and slammed his head against the wall. "I had one year to go!" Copa snarled.

Another man stepped in, grabbing Copa by the shoulders and pulling him off Goren. "Be smart!" The man told Copa. "You want somebody to call 911, huh?"

Bobby swiped his face with his hand.

"You want IAD in here?"

"Rat," Copa spat at Bobby as some more of his friends guided him into another area.

Bobby nodded and made his way slowly back to his barstool. The man who'd intervened walked away, and then came back. "I-I know you didn't need my help with that," he said.

"Do I know you?" Bobby asked, not even looking his way.

"Mike Stoat," he said, and they finally made eye contact. Stoat told the story of how he'd been suspended from narcotics because he failed a tox screen. He told Goren he went into narcotics because of him. He rattled off Goren's arrest statistics from his days there.

"You got a good memory," was all Bobby said, picking up his beer again.

"With or without pay?" Bobby asked about the suspension. He honestly didn't know what the procedure usually was, and he was curious if his was a special case.

"Six months without, just like you."

"Wait a minute," Bobby said. "so just now, this was a setup?"

"No, look." He pointed in Copa's direction. "I don't know that guy from Adam. But I am looking for you." He told him he had a legitimate job that he could do, which would pay more than detective work. "It's security work. Hey. I'll do right by you," Stoat promised. He left Bobby his card, and left a newspaper behind as he walked away. Bobby called after him about the paper, but he didn't want it. He peered under the folds and found a handgun hidden inside. Bobby swiped the weapon over in front of him, and found he had something new to think about.

After a couple of phone calls, he drove out to a shooting range and tried it out. He left the gun in the paper on the counter. It wasn't long before someone else picked it up.

Eames and Ross were getting the autopsy results from Rodgers when Daniels joined them. Ross explained he got Daniels temporarily assigned to work with Eames.

"Until Goren comes back," she said, ever faithful.

After the ME's office, Daniels joined Eames in the cafeteria for a coffee. "Your partner's been on suspension for five months? I didn't think they could keep you out that long."

"They can't, but they have."

"What the hell did he-?" They sat down together.

Alex checked her phone, but didn't answer.

"A couple of the guys upstairs told me he snapped."

"He didn't snap," Alex said. She filled Daniels in. "He had his reasons," she explained.

"Security" was just a word that meant bouncer for a man with a thicker wallet. Bobby stood with Stoat at the front of the club, the wind blowing against his curls as they sorted through who they would let enter. "You miss the job?" Goren asked him.

"What do you think, huh?" Stoat replied. "I was a good cop. I had four commendations, one for rescuing a three year old girl from her father, who had a clock to her head. And one from talking a jumper down. Now the way things are headed, I may need someone to talk me down."

Bobby said nothing. He understood that sentiment all too well. "How did you end up here?"

"I busted the owner once."

The next man to walk up had a gun hidden under his jacket. Goren grabbed him and pinned him to the wall, extracting the weapon.

"Hey, Goren, Goren, Goren!" Stoat called. "Let him go. Say hi to your new boss, Mr. Testarosa."

"Take it easy, cowboy," the club owner said, with a hand on Goren's arm.

He still had to see Olivet regularly. If they wanted to establish that he was stable, it would help to have a consistent record of visits and her observations could only help. Bobby was surprised when Stoat was waiting outside her office for him.

"Hey, rook," Stoat called. "Hop in."

Cautiously, Bobby walked across and joined the man in the car. As they made their way down the street, Bobby asked, "So how did you know where to find me?"

"I told you I got hooks. Dr. Olivet tell you that you have anger issues?"

Goren had to smile. "It came up."

Stoat continued to talk, and Goren checked his ringing phone. It was Eames. He knew if he answered her now, he'd be dragging her into whatever this new mess was he'd gotten wrapped up in. He ignored the call. When he asked Stoat about tonight's job, Stoat was vague about the owner. "I don't know who owns what... and neither do you," his new partner said.

It didn't sound very legit.

Later that day, Bobby went back to Olivet's office. The buzzer rang, and he quickly went in, hoping Stoat wasn't aware of this trip. "Am I making progress?" Bobby asked.

Ross sat in Olivet's chair. "I talked to the Chief of D's. They're gonna take a look at the club."

Bobby filled in his Captain on what he'd learned about Testarosa so far.

"What about the guy who gave you the .45?" Ross asked, and Bobby told him about Stoat.

"It looks like he's working at being reinstated."

"I doubt that'll happen." Ross slid the gun across the table toward Goren. "The gun Stoat gave you is clean, but some of the people at the property clerk's office may not be. That's where the gun that killed the tourists came from. Chief wants you undercover for this."

"Wha-whe- how long?"

"You know the drill, you can't drink."

"Look, I can't... do that."

"No trace of drugs." Bobby gritted his teeth as he considered it. "It's your call," Ross said.

"W-w-w-why can't he get someone from OCCB or IA? Why can't he get someone from SNU?"

"I went through the whole alphabet with him. He says you're already inside; he wants you."

"Yeah, he's hoping I'll get myself killed." Bobby chuckled.

"The thought occurred to me," Ross said sadly.

Bobby looked away and turned his head. "Well, the way this thing fell into my lap, you know I'm thinking that this guy Stoat... could be working for the Chief."

"Now you're being paranoid, Detective."

Bobby closed his eyes. He was sick of hearing words like that.

Ross' voice was kind when he continued. "Look, you're within your rights to walk away."

"Yeah, if I do, they keep me in Purgatory forever."

Ross nodded in understanding. "Watch yourself out there," he told Bobby.

"Yes, Captain," Goren replied. He picked up the gun and tucked it into his pants. "Just get me back," Bobby said.

It was impossible not to look at the pole dancers. Bobby turned away every time he caught himself, but it was impossible. He'd always appreciated the beauty of the female form. He scanned the room again and saw something suspicious going on between some men at the bar and his boss. Bobby inserted himself in their conversation. "We don't deal drugs here," Goren told the men. "It's a clean club."

"What are you doing, cowboy?" Testarosa asked him. Bobby reached down and picked up the man's phone and smacked it against the counter. A panel broke off, revealing a hidden microphone. Testarosa was impressed. He invited Bobby back to his office.

"How'd you know?" Bobby told him the clues he'd picked up. "Hey Mike, where were you?" the boss asked.

"Busy counting your money," Stoat said. He passed Testarosa a rolled up dollar, and the man did a line of coke off the coffee table. Bobby sat on the couch between the two.

"Take one for yourself," the boss told Goren.

"It's okay, I'm on duty," he said, shaking his head.

"It's okay, I'll get someone to cover you," Stoat said.

"Yeah, go ahead," Testarosa said. Bobby tried to keep a friendly look on his face. "Live a little," the boss told him.

Bobby removed a bill from his pocket and took his time about rolling it into a tube. A knock sounded at the door. Stoat was too busy doing another line to notice that Goren never took one.

The next morning, Bobby was just leaving a diner where he'd had his breakfast when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Bobby!" Eames called cheerfully.

He stopped in his tracks, immediately concerned for her safety. "What are you doing here?" He tried to sound friendly, but didn't quite pull it off.

"I left you two messages. You... never called me back."

He hadn't called her back in a long time, but she'd never hunted him down before. "Yeah, I've been busy," he told her.

"Doing what?" Alex asked. She'd already read him somehow. She was worried, now.

He shook his head. "Sorting things out." Bobby looked down at his shoes and swallowed. He hated to lie to her. "So... how you doing?"

"Well, I caught those tourists who were murdered in Red Hook."

She was in danger. Her case was the same as his. Abruptly, he turned away. "I gotta run," he said. Slowly, he turned back. "I'll give you a call, okay?" he walked away without a goodbye.

Alex frowned to hide the pain in her chest.

Every day, their job got a little shadier. Bobby tried to warn Stoat, telling him Testarosa was already on the radar, and that he might be ruining his chances for reinstatement.

"Look, we're both taking a big leap of faith here," Stoat said. "You know, neither one of us is going to rat the other one out. You got my back, Bobby, right?"

Bobby nodded and shook his hand. Everybody lies. "Sure I do," he told him.

Eames had another run in with the oaf in the properties room. He called his superiors, rather than deal with her. Daniels was a sharp detective, always bouncing things off of her. They really worked well together. He called out names and she pulled up info on everyone with access to the property clerk's office. Ross overheard. He came out and pointed them in the right direction, Stoat's old precinct.

"Something you want to share?" Alex asked her Captain.

"Just call it a hunch," he said with a smile.

They found her right away, Melago, Stoat's former partner. She was back on patrol, and very bitter about it.

Bobby helped Stoat collect money from a man. Stoat was way too rough with him, and Bobby pulled him off the guy. When they dropped the money off to Testarosa, he asked Bobby to stay with him.

"Whatever you want, boss," Bobby said.

Mike Stoat went straight to Major Case. He sat in Goren's chair and planted his boots on the top of Bobby's desk. "I heard you were looking for me," he told Eames. "Here I am."

Alex glared at him. "Get your feet off my partner's desk."

She meant business, and he knew it. Slowly, he lowered his feet. Daniels walked around and sat on the desktop, smiling at Stoat.

"Melago called you," Alex told him.

"Yeah. She said that there's a nine mil missing from evidence? I don't wanna waste any time. I'll tell you right here and right now. I had nothing to do with it."

Testarosa asked Bobby to show Hector Santana into his office. He gestured for him to come inside, and closed the door behind him. Bobby stood by and watched while Testarosa sold him a huge amount of coke. Then Goren showed him out. "We done here?" Goren asked.

"Not yet. I gotta do a good deed," Testarosa said, and made a call, giving info on the man with the coke. "Kill or be killed," he told Goren with a smile.

Daniels and Eames interrogated Santana. He said he knew about the shooting in Red Hook. They found out Stoat's old partner had probably taken some of the coke and given it back to Testarosa. Alex felt out the Captain again. He knew something he wasn't telling. He gave her nothing.

"Go convince Santana to wear a wire," Ross told them.

Melago informed Stoat that Hector had posted bail, and he and Goren made a late night trip, wrenched the man out of his bed, and dragged him before their boss. Bobby frisked him in Testarosa's office. He found the lighter, and he knew it was a wire. "All right, he's clean," Bobby announced, setting the lighter on the counter.

"Did you cut a deal with the cops?" Testarosa asked.

"Me?" the man was scared. "These are your guys. I'm two blocks away, I get pulled over."

The boss nodded Stoat in. He walked up and punched Hector in the face.

"Did you?" Testarosa stood over him angrily. "Well then that should have taught you to keep your mouth shut."

"I didn't say nothing to nobody!"

"The DA bailed you out, is that it?" Stoat punched him again, and hit him so hard he hurt his hand in the process. The boss pull out a gun and aimed it at the man. "Did you make a deal with the cops?"

As the man denied it again, Stoat found the lighter and broke it open, revealing the wire.

"You think I'm stupid?" Testarosa asked.

Bobby's heart raced as he saw what Stoat was doing. "Hey," Mike said. "His lighter. He's wired." The criminals turned to Goren.

"You said he was clean," Testarosa said.

"Yeah," Bobby said. He shrugged. "I missed it."

"Okay." He nodded at Stoat again. "Then he's your problem. You take care of him."

Bobby nodded, as Stoat crossed the room. Testarosa looked at Goren in anticipation. "What, now?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah, now."

"Here." Goren said.

Stoat tossed out a roll of plastic on the floor.

"Right here," said the boss.

Stoat gave Goren a challenging look as he crossed the floor in front of him. Bobby walked over to Hector and grabbed him by the arms. "Get up!" he ordered. The man started to plead with him. "Shut up," Goren said quietly. He stood the man over the plastic and withdrew his weapon from the back of his pants. "Shut up!" Bobby yelled. Hector sobbed, and Bobby put the gun against his face.

The door burst open, Daniels calling out "Down on the ground! Down on the ground!" Bobby and Alex found themselves pointing their weapons at each other. Neither of them moved. Bobby couldn't afford to blow his cover yet. Eames finally found her voice. "Drop it," she warned him. "Drop it, now."

Slowly, Bobby let the gun hang loose on his finger and raised his hands. Alex confiscated it and the uniforms threw him against the desk and cuffed him. He didn't say a word.