Chapter 30
Good Morning Cat

For the second time in as many days the Cat was awakened from a dream, that only weeks earlier he had tried to retrieve from the Red Dwarf dream recorder. The dream included a family size carton of vanilla yogurt.

His sense of smell told him he was in some sort of bunker far out in the country, the sounds he heard agreed, they weren't of cities or prisons. He could hear voices that were familiar and yet unfamiliar as well. All these things registered good on the Cat's internal safety readings.
Still he wasn't convinced that he should open his eyes.

True all may be as it seemed, and when he opened his eyes there would be a lovely servant girl, ready to do his every bidding, granting his every wish. In short get him food and draw a bath and not necessarily in that order.

He couldn't remember the last time he ate, or more importantly, bathed. Much of the time he was thinking; "All this royal kidnapping and rescuing stuff is cutting seriously into my preening time. This is unbearable."
But the Cat bore it for one reason and one reason alone.
Fear.

His mind in all its devious ways took it upon itself to come up with a completely different scenario for the Cat.

From the moment he opened his eyes the sounds would be the first thing to disappear. They would change from the pleasant sounds of the great outdoor to the sounds of squealing and anguish. Cries for mercy unfulfilled, the occasional crack of a whip and a bloodcurdling scream thrown in now and again for good measure.

His eyes would quickly adjust to the dim light and a figure would come into focus. He could envision a large fat unsmiling figure with breath that could cut through bank vaults, holding a branding iron. Near him would be a table covered with all sorts of devious instruments of torture.
Then the smell would assault his nostrils, and he would smell burning fur and think.

"Is that mine?"

Seemingly floating on air a voice quarried; "Are you still asleep, or are you pretending to be asleep?" It wasn't a girl's voice, this was bad he thought.

The question the Cat asked himself was; "is this real, or am I dreaming? And if this is real then I gotta make a decision."

The voice seemed to have a body as well, the body in turn had a hand. The hand, which had fingers, placed two of them on the Cat neck, below the left ear. Now he was sure it wasn't a dream.

"He's conscious."

The voice seemed to be addressing him again.

"Are you going to keep pretending you're asleep, or are you going to be the Prince I know you to be and open your eyes to face whatever your future holds, whether foul or fair? What say you?"

"Thank you but no thank you" murmured the Cat, his eyes still closed. "If it's all the same with you, I'll just keep pretending I'm still asleep."

The voice must have had a foot as well as a hand. On that foot there was a boot. That boot stomped down three times. Then to the Cat's ears there was chaos. At least a dozen feet were heard shuffling about. Objects made of
woods and plastics could be heard being moved out of the general vicinity. He could also hear great amounts of water moving.

"What the hell is going on?" He thought. At the very fringes of his curiosity he hovered until he could bear it no more. He had to take at least the tiniest peak.
His right eye opened ever so slightly, as to allow only the smallest sliver of light past its vigilant guard.
It was exactly what he imagined, lots of cats moving lots of stuff.

"What could it all mean?" He pondered only for a moment,

then the moment was gone. As if there was a fire in his shorts the Cat's eyes popped open.

Eyes fully opened it registered that he resided in a well furnished house that was indeed out in the country. The room was tastefully painted white with blue trim, he noted as he sat up in his large bed, with red sheets.

"Good Morning all." He started. Then did a series of stretches and strolled over to the largest of cats

who seemed to be in charge.

"My good Cat. I seem to be at a disadvantage. Who might you be and what on Cat World is going on?"

Slate looked him over with a curious stare. "I'm simply disbanding the royal bath and breakfast."

He said, with query in his voice. "Young Prince?"

"Who else would you expect?" Answered the Cat while looking about for something. "And delay that bath and breakfast disbanding I've had a trying ordeal, though I can't seem to remember all the details. For one lackey, who are you, for two why does the back of my head hurt like someone danced the fandango on it and three..." He paused to look at a mirror:
"Who the smeg am I?"