Chapter 32
Blue Midget Stolen

A siren was blaring which woke Arnold Rimmer from a dream of
his mother chasing him through a car park with a submachine gun.
Stumbling out of his bunk he checked the clock beside his bunk. It was 4:37 AM. He'd barely been to sleep five and a half hours.

"What is it Holly?" Rimmer shouted over the siren. And why can't it happen later."

Holly's image appeared "There's been an unauthorized launching of a
transport vehicle. Somebody's stolen Blue Midget."

"Who would want to steal Blue MIdget, and why should I care, we have plenty of transports." Rimmer thought for a second, and a smile drifted across his face.

"Holly turn off the alarm and let me get back to sleep. It's probably Ace
on a late night fling with the population of Cat World. God knows her ego could handle it."
As the sirens died down Rimmer crawled back into bed and closed his eyes. As sleep started to creep in from the edges of his mind the door to his
quarters opened and four sets of feet clomped Arnold back into conscious.
Rimmer could see the lights turn on through his hologramatic eyelids.

"Arnie old sleepy head. Didn't you hear the school bell, breakfasts getting cold." Joked Ace good humoredly.

"Have you seen Dave man?" Spanners asked Rimmer, who was still in bed.

"I thought he was bunking down here for the night, with you. Holly
says he's not on any of his scanners."

"Well my brave and noteworthy colleagues," Rimmer announced getting out of bed. "Let's take the facts at hand. Lister is not on board the ship. A transport has been launched from The Dwarf, and Lister's boys have been kidnapped and are more than likely on the planet below." Rimmer looked from one to the other. "I thought it should be obvious to a pair of over achievers like yourselves."

"We had thought of that," said Spanners. "But before starting out after him I thought it prudent to make sure he wasn't on board."

"Have you tried to raise Blue Midget on the radio?"

"Holly's been on it since the moment it cleared the landing bay doors, and sailed out into the big black. Spanners says he was a trifle too upset about his boys to wait, thinks he may have gone it alone. Brave lad."

"I blame myself," a tired and unusually disheveled Spanners said. "I knew
he was upset, how could he not be." He scratched at his weak looking mustache.

"Fine. That's absolutely dandy. Now can I get back to sleep?"

"How can you think about sleep at a time like this, your mate needs you.
Are you going to let him down?" Ace questioned.

"To borrow a phrase; That doesn't even deserve an answer." Rimmer stated, a smug look on his face.

"That's great Arnie. I knew you'd come through in a scrape." Before
Rimmer had a chance to question Ace's response, she spoke again.

"Holly I want you to give me his light bee."

"What?" Asked Rimmer.

"You want me to do what?" Questioned Holly.

"Arnie here seems to be in a bit of a daze. Doesn't know what he's saying.
I want you to turn off his light bee and set it on auto restart. For about, say an hour. Just like restarting a computer when it crashes."

"Wait a smegging moment" said Rimmer finally getting out of bed.

"You can't order Holly to do that."

"Yes I can, Space Corps Directive 135792." Ace started talking her hand on her hip. "In an emergency situation, as deemed by the highest ranking corpsman, any equipment, machinery or weapons as supplied by the Corps, may be inspected, tested and if necessary confiscated, by said commander." She stopped talking and looked at Holly. "As I am the highest ranking corpsman, and I deem it to be an emergency situation. Holly give me his light bee."

"Have you no decency," Rimmer started. "A man's light bee is his castle. HIs home, like a shell to a hermit crab. How can you do this you complete and utter bit." Rimmer's final comments were cut short as his image disappeared in a flicker of blue, until only his floating light bee remained.

"Take care of that Spanners"
Spanners plucked it from the air and dropped it into his shirt pocket.

"Good, let's meet Kryten on the landing bay and catch up with your over worried double, before he does something rash and foolhardy."

In the landing bay were two crafts ready for launch. Star Bug Two stood
cleaned and ready for launch. Sitting next to it, with Kryten putting a third coat of bees wax on, was the Wildfire Mach Two. The ship Spanners had designed and rebuilt with Lister's able assistance.

"I hadn't expected this," Holly announced shortly after the duo met up with the mechanoid.

"The twelve hour marathon of the Flintstones had been interrupted by a
news break while in the middle of an episode. So it had to be major."

"Well what happened?" Asked Spanners.

"Well all was fine until Fred and Barney decided they were going
to go camping but the girls wanted to tag along. Well Fred wasn't going to stand for that."

"Holly" Spanners interrupted. "I meant what's happening with the news flash."

"Oh, I was just getting to that part. Here I'll let you watch it
on your own." Holly's image faded away and was replaced with a distant
shot of a sea of cats. A sea of Cat People to be precise. With brutal red garbed military presence everywhere. For security one would assume.
The camera slowly zoomed in on a motorcade. When the motorcade
got closer to different sections of the crowds, the cats in those area would go wild. To the point where the security was straining to contain the group. In the center of the convoy was a flatbed transport, covered with long haired darkly robed cats. The largest of the robed cats wore a patch.
Behind the robed figures was a throne like chair. In that throne wearing a pink double breasted morning suit with matching tie, shoes, and hanky
was the missing crewman of Red Dwarf, the Cat.
On his head he bore a crown. A blue hat with a humorous arrow through the top. The audio was faint and filled with static but the chant
'Tabby, Tabby, Tabby', was easily audible over white noise.

"Holly how old is this broadcast." Asked Ace.
"It's current

"Well," said Spanners. "At least the part of finding the Cat isn't going to be as difficult as we thought."

"Possibly old Friend." Ace looked from Spanner to the screen.

"But I wouldn't bet on it."