1981- Regression

Leonard was a healthy baby other than a mild case of hypospadias. After much debate, Edwin and Beverly decided to have the corrective surgery before Leonard began potty training. She and Edwin sat in the waiting room, side by side but never touching, until the surgery was over and Leonard woke from the anesthesia. Beverly spent the entire time wondering if she had made a terrible mistake and was relieved, not only that her son was well, but that she had made 'the right decision'. She was finding parenting more difficult the second time around. She can't stop over-thinking every decision.

Cassandra had never been so difficult. To give birth to her first child, Beverly had travelled home to Louisiana. Despite her many shortcomings as a mother, Adele Martin was a skilled midwife. Beverly spent the month leading up to the birth wandering the land of her childhood home during the day and working on her thesis at night. It was less than five hours from her first noticeable contraction to Cassandra's first cry. There had been times that Beverly worried she would not have the strength or energy to continue but her mother had been there, feeding her ice chips and offering words of encouragement. Cassandra had been pink and healthy from day one.

She'd tried to have Leonard at home as well. Eight years after the birth of her first child, there were more options for a woman who wanted a 'natural' birth but the most popular method was still lying on a table in stir-ups while being numbed as though gravity and physical engagement were irrelevant to the process. Beverly's mother was already becoming confused at that point but Beverly and Edwin were able to find a highly recommended midwife and prepared to give birth at home.

Walking the streets of New Jersey was not as soothing as the fields she'd strolled in Louisiana. She also no longer had the freedom of being in graduate school. It had been no problem to take a sabbatical from the university but she could not afford the career ramifications of disappearing for a year. She used her sabbatical to see patients and write articles. She was working on an article about the role of fatty acids in brain development when her first contraction hit. She finished her paragraph and began walking around the room. Soon she was doubled over with pain. Before her midwife could arrive, Beverly's blood pressure had spiked dangerously and she needed to call an ambulance. She gave birth to Leonard in a hospital via cesarean and it was hours before she was able to hold her second child. He'd had a poor APGAR score and irregular blood sugars. He'd already had baby formula before she was able to try breast feeding. He was eventually able to nurse but it was a long and torturous process for mother and son. Throughout the proceedings, Beverly had been very disturbed by the wrongness of every step. This was not how a woman was meant to give birth.

She stopped breast feeding after six months when Leonard began biting. When her menstrual period failed to return, she discovered she was three months pregnant with Michael. Beverly's feeling that things weren't 'right' turned to feelings of shame. Why had this been so much easier in her twenties? She should be older and wiser but she was making a mess of everything.

2010- Balance

Cassandra serves a perfectly prepared filet mignon. Beverly acknowledges her continuing surprise that Cassandra manages to find the time to cook with such skill.

Cassandra frowns, "I can't tell if you are complementing my cooking or criticizing my priorities."

Beverly has the same problem with all of her children but only Cassandra addresses the issue directly and allows Beverly to make herself better understood.

"I am complimenting your culinary skills."

Cassandra smiles happily, "Thank you, Mother."

They discuss Cassandra's work at John Hopkins. Beverly can see the signs of worry on her daughter's face. Although she never says it aloud, Beverly knows Cassandra is plagued by the same fear as any other great intellect.

She's afraid she's wasting her time.

Edwin wrote a modestly interesting book on the end of the age of reason in the western world. Beverly finds the work well-reasoned and interesting but lacking in practicality. The reason her copy of the book is well-worn is the introduction in which he describes his children to illustrate varying types of 'intellectuals'.

He draws a loving verbal portrait of each of their children: Leonard locked away with his lasers, Michael making policies and molding minds and caring Cassandra calmly creating cures. Stuffy, pretentious, sentimental and abusing alliteration; the descriptions fill Beverly with love for her children and her bastard soon-to-be-ex-husband. Leonard isn't quite the mad scientist Edwin makes him out to be but he is an old-fashioned genius, isolated in a world of pure intellect, shielded from the petty problems of a careerist. Michael is his polar opposite, spending most of his day networking, fundraising and glad handing.

Cassandra is the most like Beverly. She splits her time between isolated laboratory work and face-to-face contact with patients. Beverly well knows the satisfaction of helping to improve a patient's well-being. She also knows the crushing guilt of failure.

Cassandra responds to logical discourse. Without using words like, 'it isn't your fault' or 'you're doing important work' she is able to remind Cassandra that her work will someday change the world and improve the lives of thousands. While she is reciting the current stats on childhood obesity in the U.S., Cassandra's eyes fill with tears and she throws her arms around Beverly.

"Thanks, Mom. I really needed to hear that."

xxx

Beverly is marveling over Cassandra's lighter than air mousse when her daughter asks, "How did you and father meet?"

"We met at a university fund-raiser, as you are well-aware."

"But how did you actually meet? How did you start talking? What did you say?"

Beverly pretends to think as though she hadn't been replaying that day in her head since Edwin announced he had been unfaithful.

"He tripped over a carpet and spilled wine on my dress. He insisted on paying for the dry cleaning."

"Oh!" Cassandra clapped her hands together, eagerly, "You had a meet cute!"

"It was hardly cute, I had to eat nothing but food in dented cans for a week to afford a properly sophisticated dress only to have in ruined while in the midst of the very people I was trying to impress. It was a terrible evening."

"Did you think he was cute? Did you like him right away?"

Cassandra has Beverly's devotion to empirical evidence but her father's tenacity when it comes to creating an enticing narrative.

"I thought he was handsome..." Beverly can see him in her mind's eye. Even in his mid-twenties, he dressed like a middle-aged academic. The first time she laid eyes on him, she saw the difference between men like Edwin, who were born into brilliant wealthy families, and people who had to work their way into those circles. His tweed suit was expensive but well-worn. His curly hair was shaggy and unkempt and there was tape holding his glasses together. He didn't have to try and blend in with the elites, he was born elite and nothing would ever change that.

She knew of Dr. Edwin Hofstadter. He'd traveled to Africa (on his parents' dime) to complete his doctoral work with Dr. Louis Leakey. He'd been there for the discovery of homo habilis and had never wavered in his support of Leakey even as the anthropology world questioned the discovery.

"Did he ask you out right away? What was he like? Was he more like Leonard or Michael?"

"He insisted we exchange numbers and called me several time under one pretense or another before finally asking me to dinner. He was a Leakey acolyte. He pursued me in his free time but he was full of academic fervor in those days."

Leakey was known as a philanderer but there was no questioning his respect for women in his field. His one-time mistress and current wife, Mary, was his partner in every sense. If Leakey had accomplished nothing else in his career, he would have earned his place in history by launching the careers of Jane Goodall, Dian Fossey and Birute Galdikas. Goodall and Fossey ultimately became not only important researchers but household names and Galdikas, the least famous of the trio, secured her place in history by coining the term 'Leakey's angels'. Beverly was only vaguely interested in anthropology and archeology but she was very interested in women in science.

He hadn't been anything like Leonard or Michael. He'd been eccentric but gregarious. No matter how coolly Beverly treated him, he never backed away or seemed uneasy. She'd been envious of his easy confidence.

Of course, life had been easy for Edwin. He and his brothers were pampered and adored by loving and wealthy parents. He grew up with nannies and summer homes. He changed after they were married. With each child, he became more withdrawn and anxious. He tried to micromanage Leonard's career until their son fled to California.

"How did you know you were in love with him?"

"You should be asking these questions of your father," Beverly responds in a carefully neutral tone, "The Western ideal of romantic love is more his specialty."

1961-Curiousity

Mother says that doctor's are only for really sick people. There is no such thing as a 'check-up' in the Martin household. Trips to the doctor are few and far between and, to Beverly, very exciting. She eagerly reads as many magazine articles as she can while she waits. The secretary even allows Beverly to take some of the magazines home with her to read and re-read from cover to cover. She shares her new knowledge with her family at every opportunity but no one else seems to care about cholesterol, heart disease or which part of the brain causes violent behavior. She absorbs the information like a sponge. Floyd takes her to the library every Wednesday where she checks out books on anatomy and chemistry. They are filled with words she doesn't understand and has to look up in a dictionary. Most of the definitions are also filled with unfamiliar terms so she has to look them up as well. She can spend hours with a dictionary, letting the world unfold before her eyes. Her mother tells her not to read so much or some day, she'll need to wear glasses and boys don't like girls who wear glasses.

2010- Resilience

It doesn't come as a big surprise, Edwin had been increasingly distant over the past couple of years, but it was still painful to hear him say the words.

"I've been seeing someone else. I'm sorry to have been dishonest."

He was sorry to have been dishonest, he actually used those words after four decades of marriage.

Beverly knew who she was as soon as Edwin began to describe the 'other woman'. Her name was Jennifer and she was a waitress in the university cafeteria. Jennifer was in her early thirties and she was going to school part time for creative writing. Beverly can't decide if it would be better or worse if it had been a sexy young co-ed or a brilliant young anthropologist. Whatever Edwin sees in this woman, it isn't her looks or her mind. Jennifer is perfectly ordinary. She is a perfectly pleasant, moderately attractive youngish woman.

She doesn't ask why, she doesn't want to know why. Whatever explanation Edwin can offer can only make the humiliation more profound.

The only person she tells is Sheldon during one of their conversations on Skype. He doesn't ask for specifics, he only asks about her personal life because it is part of the social protocol. He suggests she drink a warm beverage. Beverly admires the fine features of his youthful face. She can clearly remember Edwin as a young man with no real responsibilities and yet already weighed down by the weight of the world. For all his eccentricities and anxieties, Sheldon seems to be a content young man.