Thanks for the praise last chapter, but I didn't think it was that good. Neither is this chapter. Writing crazy, funny OOC bits is pretty damn hard, and if I actually wore a hat I would take it off for cherryblossomroses for doing it so well. If anyone deserves to be Queen of Rozen Maiden OOC it's you! Really, this pales in comparison to some of your wackiness. Next chapter will probably focus on the twins and Suigintou.

Rozen Maiden: Märchen

EPISODE SEVEN

Sanity's Requiem

It had already been established by now that Jun was having a bad day. Being physically abused by Suigintou was only the start, and paled in comparison to his sister taking a sudden intimate interest in him. A kick in the head from Shinku also did wonders for his sunny disposition. But now he found himself locked in a room with Tomoe, and given the behaviour of people around him this particular afternoon that fact did little to calm his already frayed nerves.

"Hello Jun."

Jun flinched and shrank back from her, as if she'd just come screaming at him with a knife. He held his hands up defensively, acutely aware that his back was to the door and no power in the universe would compel him to open it. Not whilst his sister was out there, eager to deprive him of his innocence. Such as it was. Tomoe seemed puzzled by his behaviour.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Please, Tomoe, whatever you're feeling right now, fight it," he pleaded, expecting at any moment that she would hurl herself at him. He couldn't be more wrong, as it turned out. She simply stared at him as if he'd been drinking too much.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Did something happen? I heard a commotion just now."

Jun lowered his hands a fraction and watched her closely. She seemed normal. At least normal for Tomoe at any rate. Maybe whatever it was hadn't affected her? He lowered his hands completely and frowned. "Are you feeling okay? You don't have any sudden ... umm, urges?"

"Urges? Jun, you're really not making any sense."

Jun sagged and let out a sigh of relief. Whatever it was that had gotten to Shinku and Nori, it obviously hadn't reached Tomoe. Whatever it was. No idea on that yet. At least he was safe for the moment.

To be honest, he'd always known that Nori had something of a weird complex about her little brother, and she certainly had the type of mind to jump at the most perverse thoughts in any situation. But to come at him like that ... it really was like she was drunk. Yet she seemed otherwise coordinated and articulate, and there was no alcohol on her breath. He'd certainly been close enough to tell. So what then?

"I just came up here to have a word with you about something," Tomoe continued when he'd been silent for several seconds, "That Miss Micchan lady told me that the layout we did together for the fashion shoot was really popular. Even though we were only standing in for someone else, her boss asked her to try and get us back to do more. I quite enjoyed it so I told her I wouldn't mind, and she asked me to try and convince you. I told her you probably wouldn't be interested-"

"I'll do it," Jun blurted out suddenly, surprising Tomoe. And himself for that matter. Inside his head he went What?

"Oh. Really? I know you had fun too Jun, but I thought you were embarrassed by the whole thing. Are you sure?"

Jun found himself nodding, even though he had no intention of doing so. And he spoke again, words that he didn't plan on saying but said anyway. "Yeah, I'd love to do it again. I had a lot of fun the last time and I actually like dressing up as a girl." Inside his head he was screaming at himself. What the hell did I just say? I didn't want to say that! Why would I say that? I can't believe I just said that!

Tomoe blinked with surprise, evidently as taken back by his words as Jun himself was. Then she smiled a little. "Really? I ... didn't know that. It's good to hear, I thought you were very cute when you did it. I think it suited you."

"You did? Huh." Jun paced back and forth, thinking the matter over seriously. "Maybe I should come up with a name for myself then, for when I do it. I could still use Sakurada, because we told everyone at school that it was my cousin. Ha! Yeah, I could even go out dressed up, and if anyone thinks they recognise me I can just tell them I'm Jun's cousin. They wouldn't even know it was me. I bet I could even get into designing the stuff with Mitsu's help. She's always asking me for ideas and inspiration..." Jun stopped and clasped his hands together, gazing into the future with a dreamy sparkle in his eyes. "Ohhh, I bet it would be so much fun!"

Tomoe raised a hand to her mouth and let out a gentle laugh. "Wow Jun, I had no idea you felt that way. It's really surprising. I think it's great that you're like that."

Jun was fairly sure his brain had just frozen over. It certainly felt like it. He had gone past the stage of internally screaming at himself and now the part of his mind that was watching himself was rocking back and forth in a blizzard, shivering and muttering things like Not happening, this is not happening.

"So what was all that noise just now? I thought I heard Shinku, and she sounded upset."

On the plus side this snapped Jun out of his insanity induced behaviour, but on the downside it reminded him of recent events regarding his sister and the reason for the nice bruise on the side of his head. He blinked and turned to regard the locked door, his mouth hanging open. "That ... you wouldn't believe me if I told you. Something's wrong with Nori," and me! "She's out of her mind. She tried to..."

"Tried to what?" Tomoe prompted when he left the sentence hanging. Jun swallowed nervously, not sure how to word it exactly.

"Err..." He blushed, although why the thought of explaining Nori's behaviour caused him to do so and admitting that he wanted to be a cross-dressing fashion designer didn't was a mystery to him. Not that he did! That was just the crazy talking. "Umm, maybe you should go see for yourself. Try and calm her down a little, or failing that you could tie her up. That might be for the best, actually..."

"Okay, are you ready?"

"Ready!"

"No peeking..."

"Hina doesn't peek! Now stop dawdling and put it in Hina's mouth already!"

Kanaria steered the spoonful of tinned peach into Hinaichigo's waiting maw. The little blonde doll chomped down on it and swallowed as Kanaria watched her closely.

"Well?"

"Peach! It must be peach, Hina's sure."

Kanaria gaped and set the spoon down, impressed. "Wow, you're really good at this game, y'know? That's five in a row you guessed right. Not too shabby."

Hina laughed and pulled her blindfold off, waving her feet happily as she did so. She held the blindfold out towards Kanaria. "Your turn now Kanimisa!"

"Hey, it's Kanaria! KA-NAH-REE-AH!"

Hinaichigo put a hand to her mouth and chuckled. "I know, Hina was just playing with you."

"Hmph."

"Will you two keep it down?" Suigintou snapped, her mood gloomy. She turned her attention back to the chess game she was watching. Souseiseki and Barasuishou were sitting on the floor together, the board between them. It was their third match and they had each won a game so far. This was the deciding round. Barasuishou was doing very well.

"It is the hat," she explained, removing Souseiseki's hat from her head and holding it out for inspection, "This is a magic hat that increases the intelligence of whomever wears it."

"Oh, that's so nonsense!" Suiseiseki protested. She snatched the hat from Barasuishou and placed it on her own head, before extending her hands in a 'See?' gesture. "Nope, not smart."

Barasuishou grinned. "Correct, you are not smart at all. I on the other hand..." she turned to Souseiseki and held a waiting hand out towards her. The Gardener doll groaned and placed a chocolate bar she had in her palm while Suiseiseki watched.

"W-what was that for?"

Suigintou sighed, her chin resting in her hands. "She bet Souseiseki she could get you to wear the hat before they finished their game. You really are a dummy, Suiseiseki."

Barasuishou took a bite of her newly acquired chocolate while Suiseiseki shook with anger and struggled to think up a suitable insult to hurl. She opted to hurl the chessboard instead, scattering the pieces across the living room floor. Souseiseki groaned again. She closed her eyes and extended a hand towards her twin, not even looking at her.

"Can I have my hat back now?"

As they set the chess board back up, Suigintou began to pace back and forth, growing increasingly frustrated. As the only other unoccupied doll in the room, Suiseiseki was the only one to notice that something was bugging her.

"What's eating you?"

Suigintou stopped pacing and rounded on her, her hands clenched tight. She seemed to be extremely annoyed by something. "Where's Shinku?" she demanded. Suiseiseki stared at her.

"Is that all that's bothering you?"

"All? This is the first time I've bothered to pay her a social call and she doesn't even give me the time of day. Where is she?"

Suiseiseki hopped up into a chair and shrugged. "She's upstairs with lover boy, of course."

Suigintou balked. "Lover boy?"

"That useless runt, who else? She made him some tea about ten minutes ago and took it up to his room. Honestly, those two are worse than ever now that they've admitted their gooey mushy feelings for each other," she scoffed and folded her arms, "I mean really, when we had all that trouble with Kohaku, Shinku was so going to sleep in the puny runt's bed! With him in it no less!"

Suigintou gasped with shock, as if she'd just been slapped. She stared at Suiseiseki with a pained look in her eyes, desperately hoping that she'd misheard. "What?"

"It's true. They're probably up there right now, making eyes at each other. I so wouldn't be surprised if they were smooching and doing other yucky lovey dovey stuff too. Suigintou?" She blinked and peered over the side of the chair, wondering where her big sister had vanished to.

Tomoe found Nori just outside her room, kneeling on the floor and probing the area around herself as if searching for something. She'd lost her glasses in the scuffle with Jun a few minutes ago and was fruitlessly trying to locate them, despite being almost blind without them. They were right behind her, too. Tomoe strolled over and knelt down to retrieve them.

"Jun, is that you?" Nori rounded on Tomoe. Without her glasses all she could see was a blurry silhouette. She was nevertheless convinced it was her little brother and let out a squeal of delight. "Oh Jun-kun, you came back!"

Tomoe held up Nori's glasses and was about to explain, but Nori didn't give her a chance. She lunged forwards and embraced Tomoe, mistakenly believing her to be Jun. She pressed her lips against Tomoe's before Tomoe could even utter a word, and by then Tomoe was too shocked to do much of anything. After a long few seconds Nori pulled back and smacked her lips together with glee, a faint blush on her cheeks.

"Oh Jun-kun, your lips are so soft ... that was the best first kiss I could possibly hope for."

Tomoe sat there still clutching Nori's glasses, her face bright red, her eyes glazed over as she replayed what had just happened in her mind. Then without any warning she reached a decision and kissed Nori herself, cupping Nori's face with her hands and pouring as much passion and intensity into the kiss as possible. And of course Nori still believed her to be Jun, and so kissed her back. It went on for some time, and eventually the two girls slipped sideways onto the floor and began ... well groping seems like such a crude word, but it was certainly accurate. It also led Nori to realise something when her hands strayed to Tomoe's chest.

"Umm, Jun-kun ... since when did you grow those?"

"I'm sorry, I'm not Jun," Tomoe admitted, more than a little flustered. She pressed Nori's glasses into her hands and, sitting upright Nori hastily put them on. She gasped as she realised just who she had been kissing and pressed a hand to her mouth to stifle a scream as Tomoe sat up beside her.

"Tomoe! But ... but ... why did you kiss me?"

"Well you kissed me first," Tomoe pointed out.

"Yeah, but that was because I thought you were Jun!" Nori said, exasperated. Tomoe blinked at her.

"... I have no idea what to say to that," she confessed.

Nori grabbed the sides of her face in a panic, her expression distraught. "Oh no, I can't believe I gave my first kiss to a girl!"

Tomoe frowned. "You say that as if it's a bad thing."

Nori wailed. "It is! I was saving it for Jun-kun ... well at least I can still give myself to him. It might take some convincing, but that's only because he's so shy."

"Wait, we are talking about the same Jun here? Jun Sakurada? Your brother?" Tomoe asked, just to clarify the situation. She was starting to understand Jun's panicked behaviour a little now. Nori clasped her hands together and nodded, a dreamy, wistful expression on her face.

"Yes," she said breathlessly, "My pure, kind-hearted sweet little Jun-kun. I want my first time to be with him and no one else. Don't you feel the same way, Tomoe?"

Tomoe shook her head slowly from side to side. "I can't say that I do, no. He's not really my type, and to be honest I'm a little shocked to know he's yours."

Nori blinked and suddenly fixed her attention on Tomoe, who was starting to edge away. Not nearly fast enough as it happened, as Nori reached out and grabbed her hand. "Wait, Tomoe, you could convince him! I know deep down he really wants to, he just needs a little nudge, that's all."

Tomoe gasped and pulled away from her, getting to her feet. "I ... really don't think that's such a good idea. Maybe you should have a lie down until you're feeling better?"

Nori got to her feet as well, her expression darkening with sudden jealousy. She pointed accusingly at Tomoe, her finger shaking. "You! You want Jun for yourself!"

Tomoe backed away, eyes wide, palms held up defensively. "I don't! I told you, he's not my type-"

"Liar! I know you gave him chocolates on Valentines Day! You want to take him away from me, you want him all to yourself! Admit it Tomoe, you want Jun, don't you!"

Tomoe stopped backing away and her demeanour changed to one of irritation. She leaned forwards, her hands clenched tight at her sides. "That's ridiculous, if I wanted Jun then why would I kiss you? I prefer girls!"

"Oh!" Nori's eyes glinted with sudden understanding. She scowled at Tomoe, her hands on her hips. "So that explains it then!"

"Explains what?"

"Why you talked Jun into dressing up as a girl for that fashion shoot! You want to turn him into a girl so he will be your type!"

"What?" Tomoe leaned back, startled by Nori's claim. "That isn't ... that's not ... that's true!" She clapped her hands over her mouth as if she could take the words back, shocked that she would even say them in the first place. Nori jabbed a triumphant finger at her, almost hopping on the spot.

"You admit it! I knew it! Well you can just forget about it Missy, because Jun is mine, you hear!"

Five minutes later they were both sitting in the living room clutching ice-packs to their heads. Tomoe had a bruise on her cheek whilst Nori's glasses lay in broken fragments on the table. Hinaichigo hurried up to Tomoe and held out a fresh ice pack for her.

"Are you gonna be okay, Tomoe?" she asked, her voice laced with concern. Tomoe nodded and took the pack from her, wincing as she did so.

"I'll be fine Hina," she said. She glanced over to Nori and smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry I broke your glasses."

"That's okay Tomoe, I'm sure Shinku can fix them," Nori admitted, smiling a little as well to cover her intense embarrassment. "I'm sorry I hit you so hard."

Suiseiseki and Souseiseki exchanged looks, both wondering what could have caused such a clash between the two. Barasuishou meanwhile sat perched atop the couch, smirking at the whole situation. It had only been an hour since dinner, and already things were getting interesting. She honestly didn't expect it to take effect so quickly.

Really though, the fun was just beginning.