Mwuhahahaha, I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. I may have got a little carried away ... well I hope you enjoy!

Rozen Maiden: Märchen

EPISODE SEVEN

A Mad House

Jun sat slumped at his computer, struggling to figure out just what the hell was going on. There was no question now that something was affecting them all. First Shinku had made him tea and acted all sweet and nice towards him. Then Nori ... just ... Nori. His nightmares were going to be several shades more colourful from now on. And of course himself. What the hell had he been thinking when he'd blurted out to Tomoe all those things? It was as if some part of his brain responsible for keeping his behaviour in check had just shut down.

"Come to think of it, everything was fine until dinner," he pondered aloud. His eyes narrowed as a name cropped up that could easily account for all this trouble. Suigintou. She had made them a special dinner, and ever since then they'd all started behaving weirdly. It had to be her. Suigintou had put something in the dinner that was screwing with their minds and making them say and do crazy stuff. It was the only logical explanation. Jun raised a clenched fist and shook it in anger. "Suigintou!"

There's a saying that goes 'Speak of the devil and he shall appear'. Ironically then, Suigintou appeared the moment Jun spoke her name, almost as if he'd summoned her. The screen of his computer blanked out momentarily and then the first Rozen Maiden appeared on it, as if video linking to it. He blinked in astonishment and lowered his fist.

"Huh?"

"There you are," Suigintou spoke, her voice coming out of the speakers. Jun saw her reach towards the screen and almost screamed when her hands came through the glass and grabbed the collar of his shirt. Her head and shoulders followed in short order, and within seconds Jun found himself face to face with a furious looking doll. Before he could even think to utter a word Suigintou yanked him out of his chair and pulled him into the screen. Everything went dark.

The next thing he knew he was falling, and then he hit the cold hard ground quite painfully. He rubbed a fresh bruise on the side of his head that went nicely alongside the one Shinku had given him, and sat up, cursing Suigintou profusely. Glancing around Jun saw that he was inside her N-Field, sitting in a dark and desolate street surrounded by silent ruined buildings. He got to his feet and winced at the sharp pain in the side of his head.

"Alright, what the hell Suigintou?"

"How appropriate that you should mention hell," he heard her voice echo from some unknown location, "Because that's precisely where you are now."

"Stop screwing around and take me back right now!"

"I'm sorry Jun, I'm afraid I can't do that..."

Suigintou floated down out of the air to land atop the roof of a building opposite Jun. She glared at him with those creepy pink eyes of hers, and if he didn't know better Jun would have sworn this was the Suigintou of old. The one that had kidnapped Hinaichigo and dragged her to this place as bait to lure Shinku into a fight. He shivered, as much from that look as from the cold.

"What's going on?" he asked, "What do you want?"

"What do I want?" Suigintou mockingly pretended to consider his question seriously, before returning her malicious glaring eyes on him. "I want Shinku, and you, human, are in the way. There's only one thing for it," She summoned her sword and brandished it towards him, a wicked smile on her cold face, "I simply have to kill you."

Jun's eyes went wide. She couldn't be serious? "K-kill me? Why? I haven't done anything to you!"

Suigintou slashed her sword through the air with such ferocity that Jun heard the blade humming. She snarled at him. "Oh you haven't, have you? Well then let me tell you since you're so obviously clueless - Shinku has fallen in love with you, and that is unacceptable. She is mine and mine alone. Only I am worthy of her love. I will not allow you to defile her."

It struck Jun then that he'd got it all wrong before. It wasn't Suigintou that had put something in the dinner, because whatever had affected Nori and the others was obviously affecting her as well. It didn't seem likely that she'd play the same trick on herself. Of course that didn't change the fact that she was now nuts, wanted him dead, and happened to be armed. This was a bad combination of factors. Amazingly, his day had just got worse.

"Defile her?" He backed away a few steps, wondering briefly what his chances would be if he made a run for it. "What are you talking about? I've never laid a finger on her!"

He cried out as a row of black feathers buried themselves in the ground an inch away from his feet. Suigintou lowered her hand and barred her teeth at him. "Good, then that means I've chosen to act just in time. I suggest you start running Jun, because when I catch you-" she gave another fierce slash with her sword, "I am going to make you junkless..."

"Well hello mister jellybean I think I'll pick you up!" Hina sung cheerfully. She leaned down to snatch a green jellybean that was lying on the floor, before moving on to pick up another a few feet away. There was in fact an entire trail of jellybeans leading out of the house to the garden. Some might find this suspicious, but not Hina. As far as she was concerned the jellybeans were entirely innocent of ulterior purpose.

"Mmm, mmm! Hina really likes the pink ones!" she gobbled down a handful of pink jellybeans that she had gathered and laughed contently, before continuing to gather up the rest, the trail soon leading her outside. She followed it to a corner of the garden where she found a large birdcage. It was the same as the ones Kohaku had used to lock them all up a few weeks ago. Hina didn't know what it was doing in the garden, but the trail of jellybeans led right up to the cage. Inside it, in plain sight, lay an entire box of her very favourite unyuu - soft rice cake with strawberry.

"Oh! Yummy unyuu!" Hina dropped the jelly beans she'd been carrying, instantly forgetting them in the face of a bigger prize. Without even stopping think she ran right into the cage and picked up the box, laughing happily as she did so. A second later she realised that something was wrong - the box was very light. Frowning, Hina opened it up and peered inside. To her intense disappointment it was empty.

"Oh my, I so don't believe you fell for that!" said a voice. It belonged to a very smug looking Suiseiseki. Hina turned to see her sister slam the cage door shut and lock it, trapping her inside. Gasping, Hina dropped the empty box and ran up to the bars, while Suiseiseki chuckled at her own brilliance.

"Hey! Let Hina out!"

Suiseiseki snorted. "You really are a puny little meathead. Only a complete moron would fall for a simple trick like that. I swear, you're so hopeless it's a wonder you make it through each day in one piece."

Hina shook the bars angrily, her brow furrowed in frustration. "Hina's not a moron! Stop being so mean you ... you big meanie, you!"

"Well now, I suppose I could let you out," Suiseiseki admitted as she brandished the key to the cage, "But you would have to do something in return."

Hina's eye's widened as she saw a possible ray of hope. She should have known better really, with Suiseiseki being involved. "Unyuu?"

Suiseiseki leaned close, grinning like a mischievous shark that was just about to feast. "It's quite simple; just swear your allegiance to me and I'll let you out. Promise to be my obedient servant, like you were for Shinku. That's all I ask."

Hina gaped at her for a moment before stamping her foot in a fit of temper. "No! Hina is not a servant, she is a free doll!"

Suiseiseki sighed, though looked far from defeated. "Oh well. If that's your answer then I have no choice but to leave you here. I'm actually quite hungry, I think I'll have a snack while I wait for you to change your mind." She reached around and produced a soft rice cake with strawberry. Hinaichigo watched with wide-eyed yearning as her elder sister took a leisurely bite into her very favourite food, an expression of ecstasy showing on her face. "Mmmm, this is simply divine. I'm so glad I'm not locked in a cage like a dumb animal and can go and get things like this to eat whenever I want."

"Ahhh!" Hina raised her hands to her mouth as Suiseiseki took another taunting bite. Truly her cruelty knew no bounds. Hina thrust a hand through the bars to try and grab the sweet rice cake, but Suiseiseki moved it out of her reach, tutting as she wagged a disapproving finger at the little doll.

"Now now, as long as you are my prisoner you are not permitted to eat or drink anything. Of course if you were my servant rather than my prisoner, I would have no problem with sharing the rest of these with you," as if by magic she produced a box of the strawberry rice cakes, this one open and obviously not empty. Hinaichigo stared at it with longing, as if hypnotised by it.

"Hina wants..."

"Then swear. Promise to be my servant and I will let you out. Well?"

"Ohhhhh!" Hina shook the bars, frustrated. She really really wanted to eat those unyuu, and she certainly didn't want to be locked up. But she didn't want to be Suiseiseki's servant either. Shinku was bossy, but at least she wasn't mean to Hina, not like Suiseiseki, who was always playing cruel tricks and calling her names. Finally she crossed her arms and turned her back on her sister, stamping her foot again as she did so.

"Defiant until the end," Suiseiseki sighed, "In that case I have no choice but to eat these yummy snacks all by my self."

"Put the box down and step away!" commanded a voice from across the garden. Both Hina and Suiseiseki turned and gasped with surprise. It was Kanaria, clutching what looked suspiciously like a bazooka of some kind. She had it pointed directly at Suiseiseki, who stared down the barrel of the weapon as if it were an oncoming truck.

"Yaaaah! Put that thing down you crazy freak you!" Suiseiseki blurted out. Kanaria barred her teeth at the gardener doll, her aim not faltering in the slightest.

"Hinaichigo is my friend, and I won't let you treat her like this!" she snapped, "And besides, you've always sort of pissed me off, y'know!"

Suiseiseki dropped the box of rice cakes and waved her hands frantically in front of herself in a blur. "Wait a second! We can work this out! Let's not be hasty!"

"Target acquired!" Kanaria screamed, her finger tightening on the trigger, "BONSAI!" She fired the weapon, which let out an almighty Boom and fired some kind of projectile at Suiseiseki, who hurled herself onto the grass and clapped her hands over her ears. Consequently the missile sailed over her and impacted the cage containing Hina instead. There was a thunderous explosion and a lot of smoke. Kanaria dropped the spent weapon and doubled over, coughing.

After a few minutes the smoke started to clear. Kanaria waved her hand to help it dissipate. "Wow, I wonder if I used a little too much nitrate ... oh no! Hinaichigo!" She hurried over to what remained of the birdcage, Suiseiseki getting up and joining her. It was little more than a twisted and blackened heap of scrap metal now. There was no sign of Hinaichigo at all. Kanaria burst into tears and cried onto Suiseiseki's shoulder. "I've killed her! This can't be happening! She was too young to die! TOO YOUNG! IT'S JUST NOT FAIR Y'KNOW!"

Suiseiseki buried her face in her hands and wept dramatically. "Oh woe is me! I have lost the kindest and bravest sister I ever knew! The world shall so not see her like again! She was the best of us, the best!"

There was a groan from the bushes that put a halt to both dolls theatrics. They glanced at each other, wondering if the other had heard as well. And then they both heard it again, a low moan, the kind heard when someone is in considerable pain. They watched in astonishment as Hinaichigo crawled out of the bushes behind the wrecked birdcage, covered in soot and scorch marks. She coughed a few times and then collapsed onto the grass. Suiseiseki and Kanaria hurried over to her side and jumped with joy.

"Hinaichigo, you're okay! You're okay!" Kanaria gushed. Hina tried to lift her head but found the effort too great.

"Oww, my ears are ringing. It keeps going crash bang boom inside my head."

Suiseiseki glared at Kanaria and gave her a sharp shove. "This is all your fault you big forehead you!"

"My fault? You were the one who locked her up!"

Both dolls started bickering with each other, forgetting the fact that Hinaichigo was lying at their feet in a sorry state. After a short rest she prised her eyes open and spotted the discarded box of strawberry rice cakes lying on the grass a short distance away. She crawled over to it, completely unnoticed by the other two dolls, who by now were shaking each other and yelling at the top of their voices. Hina managed to sit upright and removed one of the soft rice cakes with strawberry from the box.

"Unyuu," she murmured with satisfaction, and chomped down on it.

Jun leaned his back against the side of the building and panted heavily, fighting for breath. He'd been running from that demented doll for almost five minutes now. She was drawing it out, trying to make him as frightened as possible before she moved in for the kill. Suigintou was really evil.

"There you are," she said, landing lightly a few feet away from him. Jun yelped and tried to run, but a bundle of black feathers had wrapped themselves around his ankle, causing him to trip and land in a sprawled heap on the ground. When he recovered he turned over just in time to see Suigintou lunge at him with her sword. The point of the blade dug into the ground a little over an inch away from him, right between his legs. He stared at it with wide eyes, wondering for a terrible moment if she had missed on purpose or not.

"Close, but no cigar." Suigintou tugged the sword free and waved it at Jun's face. He scurried back from her but she advanced.

"Please, we can talk about this, just put the sword down and talk!" he pleaded, desperate. Suigintou scoffed at him.

"What is there to talk about? I want Shinku for myself, which means you have to die. It's that simple."

Jun waved his hands at her as if that would somehow dissuade her from cutting him into tiny chunks. "What the heck do you mean you want her? She's your sister! She's yours already!"

She sneered at him and flicked her blade deftly, drawing blood across Jun's cheek. He cried out and clapped a hand to the stinging wound. "You are such a dummy Jun, really. My love for Shinku goes much deeper than sibling affection. I care for her more than you can imagine, but she only has eyes for you. That will change once you are out of the picture."

"You gotta be kidding me," Jun breathed, unbelieving, "You as well? What the hell is this, national incest day?"

She lunged at him with her sword, but Jun managed to pull out of the way just in time. Panicked, he struggled to his feet and ran for his life. Suigintou cursed herself for missing the killing blow and glared at his retreating back.

"That's right Jun, run while you still can. This is one fairytale where the prince doesn't get to live happily ever after."

In addition to having two bruised and aching humans, the living room now also contained three injured and battered dolls. They sat, slouched and in one case flopped about the room, groaning and occasionally coughing. Souseiseki stared at them in bewilderment.

"What happened to you three?" she asked.

"Don't ask," Suiseiseki moaned. Kanaria managed to point an accusing finger at her.

"She started it," she winced. It had been a pretty rough fight they'd had.

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Hina wants more unyuu."

The living room door burst open and Shinku marched in, head held high, or at least as high as a doll could manage. She strode over to Hinaichigo and peered down at her, her expression as haughty as it'd ever been.

"Really now Hinaichigo, you are filthy."

"Got blowed up," Hina offered by way of an explanation. Shinku sniffed.

"That is no excuse. Go and tidy yourself up this instant. You cannot be my maid of honour looking like that."

Hina raised her head a fraction. "Unyuu?"

Shinku ignored her and turned to face a startled Souseiseki, who was still trying to work out if she'd heard Shinku correctly. "Souseiseki, I would very much like it if you would be the one to give me away. Traditionally a lady's father performs that function, however under the circumstances I would like you to fulfil the role."

Souseiseki raised a hand to her head just to make sure it was solid and she had a firm grip on reality. "Shinku, what are you talking about?"

Shinku stopped as she was about to turn away. She frowned. "Is it not obvious? I am getting married this afternoon."

"WHAT?" everyone in the room yelled simultaneously.

"Don't tell me you and the runt are finally tying the knot?" Suiseiseki breathed, unable to believe she was even asking the question, much less that it might actually be true. Shinku turned her nose up and closed her eyes.

"Certainly not. As if I would marry such a vulgar, debased, degenerate sorry excuse for a human being."

"Then who are you going to marry?" Souseiseki asked, struggling to think of possibilities and coming up with precisely zero after Jun. Shinku glanced about and realised that everyone in the room was watching her with abject anticipation. She seemed genuinely surprised that they were so clueless.

"Who else? Detective Kunkun of course."