Chapter 39: We Can Do This!
Meredith's stomach fluttered, thinking about staying the night with Derek. She had stayed with guys she took home or went home with, but this means so much more. Before she fell asleep out of the pure exhaustion of the activities of the night, but this wasn't about that, and they both knew it. "Derek, I…"
He leaned down and kissed her softly, "Don't think, go with what you are feeling… right… now." He pressed light kisses in between the last three words.
Meredith moved her hand to the base of his neck to play with the curls that had a dampness covering them. They shared a kiss full of passion before Meredith pulled him back slightly so that he could see her, "Okay."
Derek smirked, "So I get to have my officer's hot, naked body in my bed all night."
Meredith's mind immediately started processing the enormity of that statement. She was his boss or one of a few. If he was anything else but an enlisted man in the navy, he would be the most perfect man in every way, but the reality of this situation, he was enlisted. "Fuck." She muttered to herself.
"We just did." Derek smirked but had a feeling she was referring to something else by the expression on her face.
"No, I mean, fuck, as in… I'm your fucking officer, Derek." She sat up in his bed with a hint of panic in her face letting the covers fall down to her waist exposing her upper body. She immediately put her head down to think.
Derek immediately grew worried and sat up with her. "Meredith." He said in a soft tone and waited for her to turn and look at him.
Once he had her attention he continued, "If I could walk away from you, I would. I know this is crazy. I know this is a bad idea… a really bad idea, but I can't. I can't walk away, and I don't think you can either."
Meredith dropped her head with a sigh before looking back up at him, "I can't. I want to." She saw the hurt immediately wash Derek's face, "No, not because of you but because…" Meredith was thankful to see his face soften so that she could explain, "at times, I think it would just be easier for me."
"Because of what Meredith… because the way I see it, it would ultimately be harder… to fight this feeling." Derek moved a little to sit more in front of her, both of them their most intimate state of garments binding them.
"To fight wanting to hug you, kiss you, talk to you when someone is a dumb ass." She let out a much-needed laugh causing him to smile at her and move his hand to her chin to rub it slightly.
"Mer, we can do this, there will be nothing easy about it. I think we both know that, but we have to be fair to ourselves and try this." Derek said truthfully.
"How? How do we do this? We will be there, on the boat and will not even be able to talk other than to find out the status of 501 which is to be launched in a few hours. That will be it. Are you ready for that? Can you handle that?" Meredith asked knowing this was next to impossible, not with the feelings.
He immediately took his hand off of her chin and looked at her shocked, "Can I? Seriously, you are asking me that. I can handle any fucking thing. You are the one that seems like you can't handle it."
"Me? Derek, do you realize how hard this will be? Have you even stopped to think beyond these stolen times together? Of course not, you are a man." Meredith stated very guarded.
"I do realize. I realize more than you probably think for an enlisted man. I am not your typical one you know." Derek was trying not to be upset, but he was more than just an average man.
He could see the anguish on Meredith's face and softened his tone a bit, "Stop underestimating me Mer. Yes, I am an enlisted man, but after… what we have shared tonight, I can't go back. This is real Meredith. I am not playing any games here. This will be hard, but I have to give this a shot and I think you do too." He was back with his hand around the side of her face letting her know how serious he was about every word he just said to her.
"How? How do I see you every day and not…" Meredith couldn't even finish, feeling her throat close up.
"We think about when we can be back here, with each other. I have even been thinking maybe I should move off the island just to make sure no one sees us." Derek went to say more but Meredith stopped him.
"I will move off the island. I need to find another place anyway after deployment. I live with Alex right now." Meredith hadn't told him that part yet.
"WHAT?" Derek said loudly in shock.
Meredith knew she had to explain. "I have known him for a long time, and we are best friends, we would never go farther than that. But, Derek, that is it. You have nothing to worry about. He is really like my brother. So, I need to move anyway because I want… I want you to be around." She stated.
Derek didn't like the idea of her living with Alex from things he had heard but he also knew there was something in Meredith's voice that gave him the confidence that she was telling him the truth. He smirked at her, "You want me around, do you?"
She smiled sheepishly at him, "I do."
"Good, because you aren't getting rid of me that easily you know. This may be hard. Hell, this may be the hardest thing we ever do, but it is worth it. You are worth it." Derek smiled affectionately at her.
Meredith's heart fluttered a bit. She had never been "worth it" to anyone. "We can do this."
"We can do this." Derek confirmed.
Meredith started to giggle.
"What?" Derek asked playfully.
"I just totally freaked out on you." She bit her lip.
Derek chuckled, "You did, but I love it."
"And, I am sitting her naked."
"Yes, you are." Derek's voice lowered noticing her perfect breasts in front of him.
"We shouldn't waste time." Meredith was now provoking.
"I agree." He leaned into her brushing her lips ever so slightly.
"Promise me one thing." Meredith whispered into his lips.
"What?"
Meredith leaned back to look at him, "We spend tonight together, and we do not mention the situation we are about to find ourselves in. We leave in the morning, and we say bye like normal. Let's just be together."
"I like that promise and you are in luck." Derek raised his eyebrows.
"Oh yeah?" Meredith tilted her head to look at him with a huge smile, just enjoying this moment.
"After a night full of hot sex, you will even get a full and hearty breakfast in the morning. You know, you are dating a chef in a previous life." Derek amused himself.
"Dating… we are dating?" Meredith hadn't thought of it that way.
"Yes, it may not be conventional, but we will make it work."
"We will and I am curious about this night full of hot sex thing you were talking about."
Derek grabbed her quickly causing her to ride up on him. He wrapped his arms around her middle and she wrapped hers around his neck. "I will show you hot sex." He kissed her hard, starting a night loaded with passionate love making although they wouldn't call it that out loud. Right now, they were wrapped up in one another without the world looming on them.
The forces… can they stay magnetized together?