Chapter 45: What Can I Do?

"This seat taken?" Alex asked seeing the dark blonde sitting at the bar with a sullen look on her face.

"It definitely is not taken." Meredith said sourly, continuing to look at the tequila shot in her hand with two more waiting in the wings.

"Sierra Nevada please and her drinks will be on my tab." Alex said to the bartender who had come up to take his order as he sat down on the empty barstool beside her. He had a feeling there was a reason she was sitting down here by herself, looking to have a minimum of three tequila shots if she had not already partaken in at least a few.

"What the fuck happened to you in a matter of hours? When I left you, you were almost… happy, crazy happy really and now you look like you are about to drink yourself under the table. What gives?" Alex was a straight shooter, and nothing would change that.

"The fucking navy. That is what gives. Why do I even put up with this shit?" Meredith said as she quickly downed the shot that was in her hand.

Alex had no idea what was going on. Something was very different. "Because this is the life we chose?" He asked questioning where she was coming from.

"Why did we choose it? Why would someone who is intelligent and capable going in as an officer, fuck, he even has a fucking bachelor's degree, but yet, the stupid ass has to go in enlisted. Although, he isn't stupid, and his ass is actually very hot which I won't get to see tonight." She looked to Alex realizing everything she just said without even thinking in a moment of ramble, "FUCK." Meredith got wide-eyed knowing this could go one of two ways, she hoped she hadn't just screwed up everything.

Alex took a deep breath processing everything she just said, confirming his suspicions. Well, he really wasn't sure of anything, but he hadn't missed the small stuff that most overlooked. He knew no matter what, he was there for her, "You are in love with Shepherd."

"What? No, I am not. Are you talking about AT1? Seriously Alex? No, not Derek." She quickly grabbed the second shot off the bar and quickly let it run down her throat unsure of how this conversation was about to go. She trusted him, but this was a lot of information for anyone to hold.

"I thought you trusted me more than that." Alex stated.

Meredith literally slouched down and sighed heavily. She had to trust him. There was no getting around it now. She slowly looked up at him and mumbled, "Yes."

"You trust me?" Alex wanted to find out exactly which response she was admitting to. He had a feeling she was responding to his first statement.

"And… Derek, I mean Shepherd or Derek. Definitely Derek. I have feelings for him." Meredith fidgeted with the empty shot glass contemplating downing the last one sitting there and asking for three more.

"Is there a reason for me to go kick his ass? Did he fuck up already?" Alex asked.

She breathed heavily, "No, it was nothing he could help. But, Alex, you can't… I wasn't going to tell you. I know this puts you in a hard position and if you…"

Alex interrupted her by grabbing her arm hard enough to get her attention, but not hard enough to alarm her nor anyone in the bar. "Mer, I am 100% behind you. I would tell you this isn't a wise decision, but I am with my sister on this. I have seen you the last few weeks, something has definitely been going on. I suspected as much.

"Oh my god, you don't think other people have noticed or anything? OH SHIT." Meredith immediately could feel her head starting to spin with a mixture of tequila and the millions of thoughts shooting around her brain.

"First off, calm the fuck down. I am with you and together, we will do this. If this is what you want, I am with you." Alex paused to make sure she understood. When she nodded, he continued, "Secondly, I do not think people are picking up on stuff. I live with you; I see you and have known you. The others have only been around you a few months and that is it. Addison is starting to watch more closely I believe. Maybe I will just have to fuck her to shut her up if she starts shit." Alex smiled.

Meredith couldn't help but let out a strained chuckle, "I am sure you would be willing to oblige to that. But, she is out to fucking kill me."

"She isn't. You are a threat to her, but because of that, she may try to dig up shit. But, again, I needed to know. I can help you with this." Alex was serious.

"You know you don't have to. This is going to be hard, and I never asked you to do this. I don't want to make anything more difficult for you." Meredith had decided not to open up to Alex because of this.

"Stop with that shit, will you? I am here for you. No questions asked." After a few seconds of silence, "So, what happened tonight?"

"Duty. He wasn't on the schedule but with the change of sailing time, they needed more for tonight on the pier." Meredith could feel her throat tighten slightly.

Alex thought for a second, "You didn't call to get him out of it?" Before she even answered, he answered his own question, "Of course you didn't. Raising suspicion would not be good."

"Yeah, even Mark, I mean – AE Sloan wanted to offer, but that would have led to possible suspicion of something strange going on with him." Meredith explained.

"He knows?"

"Yes, he knows. He and Derek are like brothers. William, you know, MCPON Shepherd." She made the connection to who he was.

"I am not stupid, I know Derek's dad is the MCPON." He rolled his eyes causing another moment of lightness that was desperately needed.

After they both thought for a second, "So, what do I do?" Meredith asked to Alex.

"What can you do? It sounds like you are both very serious about this." Alex stated very matter-of-factly.

Meredith wished this wasn't true, but this statement was dead on, "Yes, it is definitely something. What I do about that? Honestly, I have no idea, but I can't imagine not having him which is even strange to consider."

"So, he is stuck there all night?"

"Sounds like it. Again, he has to stay on the boat; it would raise suspicion him coming at midnight." Meredith answered sounding defeated.

"What if we went to him? I could buy you at least a few minutes to see him in a very secretive way. You know I have been to San Diego more times I care to even count."

"What do you have in mind?" Meredith couldn't help but feel a twinge of hope, but she couldn't let herself get too excited.

"Let me see what I come up with." Alex responded, smiling slightly to her.

"Alex?" She said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. I needed you to know this, but didn't want to put you in this position." Meredith said very seriously, looking at him the entire time.

"I know. That is what makes you, you." Alex winked and added, "Let me make a few phone calls and see what I come up with." Alex opened his phone and immediately started talking to some of the contacts he had in San Diego. He did truly care about Meredith and knew she didn't take things lightly. If she wanted something with Derek, she had thought it through, all of the implications it may entail. But, if she thought it was all worth it, that was enough for Alex.