Chapter 3

Red Dwarf 2.5: The Lost Season
The universe of Two Listers?

"Saaaaam". Lister drew out the vowel in the name as a used hopper salesman on Mimas would.

Sam Murray looked good fitted into the Red Dwarf hologram uniform by Holly. The regulation 'H' branded on his forehead, he stood before Kryten, The Cat and Lister in the sleeping quarters of Third Technician David Lister and Ex-sleeping quarters of 1st Technician Arnold J. Rimmer. The remaining crew of the mining ship Red Dwarf were holding an audition for the replacement of said Rimmer. Each seated behind a table littered with coffee cups, note pads and general debris of that nature, looking for a hopeful contender for the role of their ship mate.

A former crew mate, dead for millions of years brought back to life by a magical computer. This man composed completely of light and based solely on a small personality disc recorded and stored deep in the ship. Within the hologramatic simulation suite the massive energy required for this deed is routed through the vast network's of stuff.

"O.K. Whose up next Krytus" Lister said followed by a gulping coffee sound. Kryten, service Mechanoid series 4000, looks at a list full of names more crossed out than not. As he looks at the next name on the personality disc check list he mutters, "Let's see, hummmm. No."

Ticking out the next name Kryten announced; "Holly, can we skip directly to ID#13572199 if it's all the same with you?"
Absently Holly replied, "Sure". Still mulling over through the conversation he was currently not having with Rimmer.

"Aye Kryten what's up?" Questioned Lister, "Whose name did you cross off?"

"Well sir the disk in marked RD52169, does that ring any bells?"

"Yours Dave," said Holly, Diverting his attention in an attempt to forget the conversation he was concluding without Rimmer.

"Why are you skipping my disc?" Lister asked "It's not like we've had any luck so far."

"Yea." Said the Cat. "I for one was really looking forward to rejecting old dormouse cheeks here personally."

"What?" Lister blurted. "You were planning on rejecting my disc before you even saw what he was like."

"Bud, I know what he's like. I know what he's like way too many hours in the day and you want to double that time. Are you nuts?

'Well you're gonna find out any way." Lister taunted the Cat." Holly play holo disc "RD52169."

"O.K. Dave, here his is now." Holly accessing the Hologramation Disc which contained all of what Dave Lister was three million years ago before the accident that wiped out the original crew of the Mining ship Red Dwarf. His thoughts, his feeling, his entire personality. A Dave Lister who might have been, a Dave Lister who May Be. A second Dave Lister created from light stood before the current crew, and stared down at his smiling older self. Before a word escaped his lips he thought, "Who the smeg are these guys?"

"Ah Master David, good of you to join us," Dave Lister spoke in a very unlister type way. "As Holly informed you things haven't quite worked out in the way we planned. Be a cheeky fellow and pull up a chair."

"What's that there then?" Answered the Hologramatic Dave Lister.

"To put is succinctly, Mr. Lister sir. Due to a radiation leak all the crew are dead. And due to the fact that we are three million years into deep space we have to assume the human race is most probably dead as well."

"Due to unforeseen circumstances you, or should I say this Mr. Lister Sir," Kryten referring to his Mr. Lister, "is most likely the last human being in the universe."

"So what do you need me for then?"

"I was just getting to that sir," Kryten said just before the living Dave Lister broke in.

"The thing is man we can have Holly turn on one hologram. I was thinking about you."

"You may have been thinking about him, but I sure as hell wasn't," said the Cat.

"Who the smeg? Or should I say what the smeg is that?" Questioned the Lister composed of light.

"Oh that's the Cat. And that's Kryten." Said Lister indicating Kryten. "He evolved from the ships cat over the three million years while I was in stasis. He's pretty good company though."

"I still have the same question, what do you need me for? Especially since I can't touch anything."

"Company, I guess?" Said the living Lister.

"Well sir you seem to have been brought up to date. What do you say? Would you like to be revived as a hologram as a member of this crew?"

"Well I would have to say no at this particular juncture."

"No? Questioned all three."

"Hell no. Who'd want to play seconds to his ugly mug," said the light Lister referring to the living.

"Well thank you very much," said Kryten.
Then all went misty and the very ship around them seemed to melt away into nothingness.

The starbug now submerged in the cold murky waters of the Earth's Loch Ness, in northern scotland, Circa early 20th century. Only the three familiar humps of the bug protrude through the cold murky waters of the loch, casting eerrie hump like shadows just above the surface of the dark waters.
This incident would be forever misunderstood by the local inhabitants.