Chapter 51: She's Trying

Derek and Meredith's eyes met for a few seconds, saying what they wanted to say to each other, but couldn't verbalize. They were trying to exist without making this harder than it already was. Derek was the first to break the hard stare and walk into the gym with his head down, trying to ignore the feelings that were circulating around his body. Meredith sighed loudly and did everything she could not to look at Alex. She knew if she did, he may see what she was really feeling. She just wanted to hold him, touch him, and love him.

"What?" Alex asked frustrated.

"Do you even realize how hard this is for me?" Meredith asked, looking to the side of Alex, rather than directly at him.

"It doesn't give you the right to flaunt around here like you want to fuck every man onboard ship." Alex knew Meredith needed to hear this. He knew she was trying to go on like normal, but she had to stop. Alex knew if he were in Derek's shoes, he wouldn't be able to handle it.

Meredith shot her eyes to Alex quickly, "I do not fucking flaunt around here."

Alex rolled his eyes flippantly, "You do. If you want Shepherd to be with you beyond this, you need to cut that shit out."

Meredith stopped to think about the last few days on the boat. She and Derek had not spoken since they had been aboard ship and had only seen each other a few times. She started thinking to herself about the accusations Alex just made. She realized at least half of those times they had caught sight of each other, she was with another man, usually a male officer from another squadron.

Alex noticed the change in Meredith's eyes, "So you agree?" Alex questioned.

"I know. It is what I do, I have always done it. But…" Meredith started to say when she caught a glimpse of Derek at the bench press. She didn't just see the hottest man she had ever laid eyes on, but she was looking at the man she couldn't see her life without anymore.

"But what?" Alex asked curiously.

Meredith continued to watch Derek through the glass. "This is a first for me. I really am trying as hard as I can." Meredith spoke honestly and openly. She had never had to watch how she acted around men until now. It was as if she was a magnet for men and that worked for her for many years. However, now, the magnet was only for one man. Derek.

Alex smiled at her, "You have never done this."

"No, I have never done this." She turned her head and smiled at him.

"Come on, let's go work out." He cocked his head in the direction of the gym.

"You know, I think it may be best if I wait until another time. Let's just say there is no chance for me to concentrate." Meredith giggled a bit biting her lower lip catching one more glimpse of Derek. He was starting to sweat just a bit through his sleeveless shirt. She stood there thinking what it would be like to go to the gym together, work out together. Meredith wanted to do the normal, everyday activities with him. Would she ever have the chance?

"Okay, I am going to head on in. See you later tonight?" Alex questioned.

"Yeah, maybe the rumors will start about you and me." Meredith laughed but was thankful Derek knew the truth about Alex.

"There have been from day 1, although, before Shepherd, I would have loved to live them out." Alex playfully raised his eyebrows at Meredith, knowing they were like brother and sister and would never go there, although he couldn't resist comments like this.

"Thank you Alex." Meredith wanted to hug him, but knew that would just add to the rumors.

"Anything for you Temptress." He laughed walking, into the gym.

Alex wasn't sure what he wanted to do first, but decided to walk over to where Derek was sitting up on the weight bench, wiping his sweaty head with his hand towel.

"AT1, good seeing you at the gym this evening." Alex got his attention while sitting on the weight bench beside him.

"Yes. I work out at least once a day while onboard ship, sometimes twice if I can't sleep." He continued to wipe his face a bit before putting the towel on his leg, sensing Alex wasn't going to go straight to bench pressing.

"Having trouble?" Alex wondered.

Derek knew anything he said was going to get back to Meredith and he wanted it to. Alex was really his only way to get anything to her right now. It was too risky for him and Meredith to talk much, "Only when I have seen disturbing sites during the day."

"Yes, that has been discussed and being worked on." Alex couldn't believe he was doing this, although he knew Meredith. He knew she cared for Derek deeply and he would do anything to contribute to her happiness. He knew this situation was not ideal. If he could be the person to help them communicate, Alex would do it.

Derek studied Alex carefully after his comment assuming this could have been part of the heated discussion, he found Meredith and Alex in when he walked into the gym. "Good." Derek plainly responded.

Alex looked around thankful the gym wasn't really busy right now, before he started talking "Look, she is learning how to do this. Before now, she hasn't led the most wholesome life."

"So it seems." Derek said somewhat jokingly, but continued to have the uneasiness in his stomach, thinking about her reputation before him. He knew Meredith was promiscuous coming into this, but he had to have faith that it was in the past.

"Now, why don't you come over here and be my spot, I don't see any of the other guys in here and you are the best choice." Alex smirked to Derek.

"Yeah, I can hold my own." Derek got up to help with the weights on the bar, "How much do you want on?"

"How much did you bench?"

Derek just shook his head and cocked his lips in a smile, "180."

"How many reps did you do?" Alex asked, trying not to show how impressed he was although he wasn't shocked. It was obvious Derek worked out on a daily basis.

"2 sets of 12, I was actually about to do another set when I found someone to spot. My spotter walked off." Derek explained.

"Well, load me up to 180, let's see what I do with that." Alex said knowing this wouldn't be a piece of cake for him.

Derek helped load up one side with weights and stood in position as Alex did his reps. He was somewhat surprised to be standing over Alex, an officer. This wasn't completely uncommon if an officer came to the gym by themselves and there was no one else they really knew in the gym at the time, so it was a natural choice. Derek was enjoying this time with Alex. In a strange way, it made him feel connected to Meredith.

As Alex neared his last few reps, he was straining just a bit, but was able to make it. He knew the next round he would have to go down at least 10 pounds, maybe 20. When he finished the last one, he sat up taking a deep breath and turning around to Derek, "You ready?"

"Always." Derek switched places with Alex. He did the first 10 very easily. The last 2 were a little more difficult but just a little slower going all the way up.

"Have you always been into lifting?" Alex asked, wanting to learn more about Derek.

"Yeah, I was an All-American Quarterback in high school. I played in college as well." Derek said nonchalantly and added, "What about you?"

"I wrestled in high school and got a full ride to Ohio State for it in college." Alex watched Derek carefully about this admission of him playing in college, "Did you finish college?" Alex asked curiously.

Derek knew the second he said he played in college this might raise some questions. He was surprised Meredith hadn't mentioned this to Alex, but Derek wasn't sure what all they talked about, "I did."

"Huh." Alex nodded his head with a million questions running through his mind with one thought sticking out the most, why in the world is Derek not an officer. He knew his father was the MCPON, but he wouldn't have been when Derek went into the military.

Derek could see Alex's quandary, "She knows why." Derek said wanting him to know Meredith knew and understood although he couldn't help but wonder what would be different if he was an officer. He also knew this pathway led him to her, if he were an officer, who knows where his life would have taken him.

"So, you were a QB, a real jock then. I would have kicked your ass in high school. I was a wrestler, a tough one, not a pansy ass football player." Alex joked around as he laid down to do his next rep with Derek standing up behind him.

"Yeah, I could hold my own then and could now. I just hope I don't have to find out." Derek added, knowing he had to contain himself where Meredith was concerned. She did have a reputation that he was well aware of and to end that cold turkey, there would be questions as to why. He knew how the military worked and any hint of a difference would lead to some questions.

"Me too." Alex took a deep breath before lifting the bar off, remembering he forgot to take some weight off. He knew he could do it, just with a little pain.

Derek was thankful Alex was aware of the situation between him and Meredith. He felt like Alex was someone he could trust and would help them with whatever was needed.