Hello again, and welcome to my world.

A/N:Some things will only answered in later chapters, so hope you enjoy the suspense!

Thank you all for the amazing response to this! Let's see where it goes...

Thanks as always to the awesome regulars & kelly2727.

Chapter 2- Without You.

Grabbing the phone her fingers dialed the only number that her brain could think of right now. Even though her hand was shaking from the adrenaline, her fingers managed to dial the number before she held the phone against her ear and waited for it to ring and her call to be answered

'This number has been disconnected, please consult your telephone directory or the operator...'.

What?

Why was Sam's number disconnected?

Andy hung up the call and dialed the only other number that she could think of right now and was more than a little relieved when Traci answered.

They were in big trouble right now and needed help, so it didn't really matter who answered her call. As long as someone did.

After rambling on Andy heard Traci say "I know, we got a tip, we're outside".

Andy felt relief sweep through her that they were minutes away from being out of a situation that turned sour in a matter a minutes, a situation that Andy really thought was about to be what ended her life. One that had made her life flash in front of her eyes while she begged to live huddled on her knees.

If she had been alone, she would have lost it, but she wasn't alone. Nick was with her every step of the way, and it was the only reason that she was still in one piece, the only reason that she was still sane. Although she was pretty mad at him right now, he still had her back. He helped her get away and now he was keeping her company while they were hiding.

Traci had swept her up in a huge hug and given her more than a once over when they were found, she had missed Traci more than she even thought possible. She'd only been gone six months but it felt like she hadn't seen her in a lifetime.

Once outside, Andy scanned the faces looking for one in particular, the only other person besides Traci that she was hoping to see as soon as she was out of here.

But that face was missing, Oliver was there, as were new faces mixed in between Dov's and Gail's, but she never saw Sam.

Oliver looked away the second they made eye contact. It was weird, he'd never been cold to her in any way or form before, but the look he gave her now was one that was cold and empty. It was one that she didn't understand, one that felt like something was missing.

After doing what they had to on scene, they were ushered back to the barn, a long stretch of road put between them and six months of their lives based on lies and split personalities. That's what it was like when you were under, you felt like a different version of yourself became the one and only you that you allowed to be seen.

Arriving at the barn, Andy took a deep breath as they walked down the hallways. It felt so good to be home.

Nick followed, but for some reason Traci took a sudden detour to Frank's office as soon as they arrived. Andy stood watching them exchange words through Frank's office window while they seemed to have some kind of heated conversation before they both focused their attention on her.

Andy felt like they were looking directly at her, even though Nick was standing right next to her.

...

"We have to tell her, she's already looking for him". Traci said looking up to find Andy looking around the barn in search of Sam. She was trying to hide the fact that she was searching for him, but anyone with eyes cast her way would see the obvious.

But she wasn't going to find him here, no matter how much she searched, or how hard she looked.

Frank was set against the idea, well of doing it now anyway. They just got back from being under for six months, it wasn't the way he wanted anyone to come home from being under.

"And say what Nash? She just got back, do you really think that this isn't going to make her loose it?". Frank wanted them to wrap the cover op up first. That meant statements, briefings and all the long tedious things that came with coming home.

"What if she hears it from someone else first? She won't forgive any of us for that".

"How much do you want to tell her?" Frank asked weighing up their options here. They really didn't have all that many right now, doing the right thing was just that- the right thing to do. And besides, they owed McNally that much.

"Only that he's gone. I can't tell her the rest now, not if I want her to keep herself together". Traci said looking back out through the glass. She knew exactly what she was about to do to Andy, she'd been wearing the same shoes a while back, only her situation had been less complicated than Andy's was.

"And the rest?".

"When she's ready, I'll tell her all of it Frank. I can't lie to her, and I won't hide the truth, she'll know eventually".

Frank stood up and went to stand next to Nash looking out across the barn. He never thought that this day would come, that he would reward someone who had become such a beloved part of their family, in such a cruel way.

That was what made this job so hard, what killed a little piece of all of them everyday.

"Get Noelle and Shaw first". Frank whispered. "Make sure Collins stays put". Frank added before turning away from watching McNally.

He couldn't watch her eyes dance and a smile play out on her lips as she laughed at something Collins just said knowing that he was about to wipe that smile off her face and pull the rug out from under her feet. What they were about to do would go beyond breaking her heart.

"Where's Callaghan?".

"He left when he heard we were bringing them in". Traci said. It was better that Luke wasn't around right now, not if he valued his own life.

Frank nodded and sat back down with a sigh.

Life was about to be stopped for McNally, and it would get a whole lot worse before it even had hope of getting better.

Traci approached Nick and Andy cautiously, carefully schooling her features as best she could. "Andy, got a minute? Frank's looking for you".

Andy smiled before walking off towards Frank's office, Traci hanging back with Nick.

"You, stay right here" Traci said as soon as Andy was out of earshot. Then she just left him standing there a little confused and anxious.

A few minutes later Traci walked back passed him, Williams and Shaw hot on her heel as a solemn mood suddenly swept through the barn.

Every single pair of eyes seemed to follow the three sets of feet as they crossed the space to Frank's office, each one of them looking worse than the other.

Nick shook his head as he tried to wipe his worst fears away, something was very wrong. From their expressions, something was broken beyond repair.

Andy stood in front of Frank's desk waiting for him to say something, he hadn't said one word since she came in here.

Seconds later the door to his office opened and Traci walked in followed by Noelle and Oliver and Andy's heart just stopped.

Once Oliver closed the door Andy managed to pull her gaze from them, each of them were looking somewhere else, but not at her.

"Sit down Andy" Frank said, the use of her first name scaring her. Noelle was the only one that he ever called by their first name while on shift, other than that; it was by their surname. Always.

"I'm good Sir" Andy mumbled trying not to freak out.

Silence engulfed the room, no-one knowing what to say, or how to start saying anything.

"Andy, um, six weeks ago..." Traci started and failed when she choked up and broke eye contact with Andy.

"Six weeks ago, Sammy went on a drug sweep and he got hurt" Oliver picked up when Traci couldn't say anymore. It was as though he knew that it was his cue to take over.

"But he's okay right?". Andy's words flew out of her mouth as soon as Oliver's stopped.

"No sweetie, he..." Traci tried again, but again she couldn't.

Oliver stepped closer and stood in front of Andy before taking a deep breath.

"Andy McNally, it is with great regret that I have come here to inform you... that Sam Swarek was killed in the line of duty when he was shot on the job". Oliver tried to distance himself by going with saying something that was bluntly to the point, but also so far removed from his own feelings that he regretted saying it that way the instant that it left his mouth.

This went against everything he stood for, everything he believed in, and yet here he was doing it.

Andy stayed quiet, her mind soaking up Oliver's words as it tried to digest them.

"No" Andy stuttered out the single word, her voice the only sound in the room, her head tilting to the side the only movement in the room.

"Andy, I'm so sorry" Oliver said as he took another tiny step towards her. He could see the vigorous head shaking was meant as a form of denial as the motions took over.

"No". This time it came out really scared, and broken, a withheld sob echoing through the room following the word.

Andy sniffed, just once, while her arms crossed over her chest and she took a defensive stance. "No, Oliver...". Her head was still shaking and her tears made tracks down her cheeks.

"No!" This time she yelled the word out, tossing it at Oliver as if it was intended to hurt him.

Oliver took another step forwards, Andy suddenly just loosing it as he tried to wrap her up in a hug when she came undone.

"Where were you!" She wasn't asking him, she was making accusations, but he didn't blame her. Next thing he knew, she hit him.

He wouldn't say that it was unexpected, but the force was surprising. She was pretty strong for someone so small.

Her fists pounded his vest, his hands coming up to take hold of hers so that she wouldn't hurt herself. She wouldn't hurt him by hitting his vest.

"No". This time it was whimpered out as her hands settled down and she let him wrap her up in a hug as she finally just let he tears come freely.

When Andy had collected herself enough, she pulled away, her eyes red and swollen, her cheeks still wet.

"Let's take you home" Oliver said smoothing a hand over her hair. His heart was really breaking for her, but he too knew that she would endure more than her fair share of suffering before she would even see the road to forgiveness and healing.

Traci stepped up and took Andy into a warm embrace, she was crying too. She knew how hard it had been for her when Jerry died, it was just worse for Andy because she hadn't been here. She came home with hopes and dreams and they had just been shattered and stolen away.

Dov made his way over to Nick, his smile fading the second he saw Andy in Frank's office with Noelle, Traci and Oliver. He knew why she was in there.

"Glad you're back" Dov said by way of greeting as he and Nick shook hands and then did the whole man-hug thing.

"Know what that's about?". Nick asked straight away, he'd seen Dov's face fall when his eyes found all the occupants in Frank's office.

"Swarek got killed a couple weeks ago". Dov answered before looking away. The whole situation was something that wasn't really spoken about. And it wasn't because Fifteen lost two people in mere months of each other.

"What?". Nick's eyes snapped back to the glass, Andy a shambles on the other side. Nick could see her shaking her head and crying before Shaw wrapped her up in a hug even though she was hitting him forcefully.

"He got shot, didn't make it".

"Who's that?" A feminine voice piped up from behind them making them both spin around for Nick to find a new face in a uniform behind them.

"That's Andy. Andy McNally" Dov said with so much distaste that Nick just stared at him.

"So, she's back?". The female asked.

She sort of changed colors and her face became hard as she heard the name.

"And you don't go near her, you don't talk to her, you don't say anything to her, okay". Gail said stopping her meaningful stride passed them just behind the woman who's nametag read Cruz as her words came tumbling out fiercely.

Cruz spun around and held her hands up in surrender, apparently she thought that taking on Gail Peck was a really bad idea.

Nick looked between Gail who walked off ignoring him, Cruz who scattered away in the other direction and Dov who stood watching Andy.

"Did I miss something?".

"Nope" Dov said before departing too and leaving Nick to wonder what the hell was going on.

Seconds later, Frank's office door opened and Andy came walking out with Traci following right behind her. They slipped across the threshold one at a time, Andy moving towards the stairs first.

Nick saw her legs wobble and her steps falter just as she made it to the top of the stairs. Her hand shot out towards the banister, and it missed by miles, her hand grasping on to thin air as she fell forwards.

Nick moved forwards at the same time Traci did, but Andy's body was free-falling by then, as her legs gave way and tiny little silver stars clouded her vision.

...

Waking up in the ER had never been something she thought would happen to her.

Her head felt like it was splitting apart and her mouth was dry, her tongue sticking to her pallet as she tried to say something.

Her eyes had fluttered open, and she instantly knew where she was.

"Look who's back." Traci said when she noticed that Andy's eyes were open.

Nick smiled at her, but it did nothing to make her feel any better as memories tumbled back through her mind.

"Hey" Nick said moving away so that Traci could move in next to Andy.

"You okay?".

Andy nodded even though she was anything but okay.

"You're still such a bad liar" Traci said smoothing her hand over Andy's hair that hung over her pillow.

"What happened?".

She knew everything up to a certain point, remembered everything like it was happening right now, until there was just... Nothing?

"You blacked out and fell down Frank's stairs". Traci said as Andy moved a hand up to her forehead. The skin felt tight, so she wanted to feel what was going on. She felt the telltale signs of a band-aid as it clung to her head just below her hairline.

"You hit you're head and got seven stitches" Traci winced when Andy looked down at the IV running into her hand and began to panic.

"Hey, you're okay, you're just dehydrated and you went into shock..." Traci turned to Nick as she scowled out the first part. "They're letting you go home when your body's replaced the fluids, so we'll stay until then and take you home okay".

Andy let out a relieved sigh. She really just wanted to go home and crawl into her bed right now.

"Leo" Andy mumbled looking at the water Traci had in her hand. Traci held out the water and Andy sat up and took it.

"He's okay, he's with my mom".

Andy nodded before taking long sips of water from the bottle. Traci was always well prepared and had obviously got the water for her while she was still out of it.

"Will you stay?" Andy asked looking at Traci before she turned to Nick and tried to find a smile. "You, need to go".

"Andy..."

"I'm okay Nick, go find Gail?".

"No, I'll find her later, I..."

"Nick, please just go okay? Find Gail and fix it, you might not get a later". Andy whimpered the words out as she let emotion sweep over her. Nick nodded just once before leaving the room and the hospital.

Traci took Andy's open water bottle and set it down on the counter top of the bedside table next to her before turning to Andy and nudging her head to the side as she told Andy to move over.

Andy complied by shifting over and making space for Traci before rolling onto her side.

Traci kicked her shoes off and slid up onto the bed not really caring what the nurses or doctor would say once they saw the view behind the closed curtains.

Mirroring Andy's position Traci draped an arm over Andy and just held on while her friend cried.

She needed to cry, and she needed Traci here to comfort her while she faced a harsh reality that had most likely never crossed her mind.

"Try get some rest okay? I'll be here when you wake up, and its another hour or so before the IV is done and they let you go" Traci said squeezing Andy's hand.

Andy squeezed back and swiped away the last few stray tears before closing her eyes and trying to will her mind away to a happy place, a place made up of lame jokes and dimpled smiles.

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Jelly Bean Jenna©