Olivia's Dark Nights

Disclaimer: These are not my characters. I only borrow them. I don't make money from writing these, but if SVU needs a new writer, I'm available! (In my dreams!)

Chapter 4

Later that same night, Elliot went over to Olivia's apartment. He noticed from the street that all of the lights were turned out. It was only 7:30; he highly doubted that Olivia went to bed already. He could feel a knot forming in his stomach.

He knocked on her door. "Olivia, are you home? It's me. Hello?"

There was silence.

Olivia was panicked. She did not want Elliot to see her like this! She was a mess, and her apartment looked like a bomb went off. She stayed in bed, and hoped he would give up and go away. She wasn't so lucky.

"Olivia, I know you are in there. I need to talk to you. I'm worried. We are all worried."

Still Olivia didn't answer.

"Olivia, I have my key. I'm coming in!"

"Oh shit!" Olivia thought to herself. She pulled the covers over her head, and pretended to be asleep.

Elliot turned the knob, and stepped into Olivia's apartment. Right off the bat, he knew something was up. The place was a mess. There were clothes and newspapers everywhere. That was totally unlike Olivia. Normally her place was so clean you could eat off the floor.

"Olivia, are you here?"

She still didn't answer. He walked around her apartment calling her name. If she was there, he didn't want to frighten her. He knocked on her bedroom door.

"Olivia, are you in there? It's me."

She knew that her gig was up. He was going to find her whether she liked it or not.

"I'm in here Elliot. Sorry, I must have fallen asleep."

Elliot opened her bedroom door, and saw her under a pile of blankets.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

"Sure, why not?" Olivia answered.

"Are you okay? I've been worried sick."

Elliot noticed that her bedroom was as trashed as her living room. He also noticed that the windows had been covered so no light would come in. Olivia normally loved the sunlight coming in through the windows on nice days. She was usually the first one to complain that the blinds were not open in the precinct in the morning. Something was definitely wrong. Elliot did not like this at all.

Olivia avoided his eyes. She looked nervous. "I'm fine El. I've had the stomach flu that has been going around."

Elliot knew she was lying.

"I'll tell you what. Let me get cleaned up, and then we'll talk. Go have a seat on my couch. I think there's some beer in the fridge."

Elliot went into Olivia's kitchen and noticed she had no food in her cabinets or fridge. "If she had the stomach flu, there should at least be saltines and ginger ale in here." Elliot thought to himself as he grabbed a beer. There were no dirty dishes. There weren't even any takeout boxes in the trash. "What has she been eating?" Elliot thought to himself.

"Shit Shit Shit!" Olivia thought to herself. "I'm not ready for this."

Olivia took a quick shower, brushed her teeth, and combed her hair. She put on an old NYPD sweat suit. She went out to join Elliot in her living room.

"So, what's up?"

"Well I haven't heard from you all week. It's not like you to stay home sick unless Cragen orders you to."

Olivia looked around the room nervously. She would not look at him in the eyes.

"Olivia, I know there is something more wrong with you. We've been partners and friends too long. I can read you like a book."

"Don't cry…don't cry…don't cry…Olivia kept telling herself. Hold it in! Hold yourself together!"

It didn't work. Olivia's upper lip quivered and the tears began rolling down her cheeks.

"Elliot, there is so much wrong that I don't know where to begin. My life, it's just wrong!" Olivia sobbed uncontrollably. Elliot moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around her shaking body.

"Shh…Liv, don't cry. What brought this on?

"I've been feeling this way for a while. It just got worse when…." Olivia paused. She didn't want to talk about what happened with Leon.

"Olivia, come on. Tell me what's really bothering you."

"It started with Leon. Elliot he broke up with me! He told me he wanted to marry me, but I was too damaged for him after my assault. He got tired of waiting for me to sleep with him again. He said I should just get over the assault and move on with my life! He was cheating on me with some woman named Vanessa."

"Liv, I'm so sorry."

"My whole life is broken! My childhood was broken! It only gets worse! I have nothing in my life besides my job, and my job just seems to make my personal life even worse! I was assaulted because of my job, and now I lost another relationship because of my job. When does it end? What do I have to live for Elliot?"

Olivia was crying so hard she couldn't breathe. She was hyperventilating and gasping for air. Elliot wrapped his arms around her again and gently rubbed her back.

"Liv, you have to calm down! You are going to make yourself sick."

"I don't care! I have nothing to live for!"

Elliot was definitely worried. He had never seen Olivia so depressed before, He didn't know how to handle the situation. How could he help his best friend?

"Olivia, don't beat yourself up over one deadbeat boyfriend! He was rotten to you! Don't let his words get to you! Olivia, you mean so much to so many people; especially to me and all the guys at the precinct. Casey too. You guys are like sisters. Liv, I know the job is tough and can get you, but look at the hundreds of victims you have helped though the years, all of the lives you have saved! Liv, you have been there for the victims who didn't have a voice. That has to mean something."

"It means a lot Elliot. Just not enough."

Olivia had calmed down and finally stopped crying. Elliot did not want to leave her alone tonight.

"Liv, you wanna get a pizza or something? We haven't had Lucia's in a while." Elliot hoped food would make her feel better."

Olivia smiled slightly. "Elliot I know what you're doing."

"I know Liv. And I'm good at what I do."

The rest of the evening was quiet. They ordered a pizza, and watched some cheesy lifetime movie on TV. Elliot was watching Olivia like a hawk. He noticed she barely touched her pizza, and barely made a dent in one beer. He decided he had pushed her enough that night, and didn't say anything about it. It was getting late.

"Liv, I'd better get going. It's almost 3 in the morning.

"Elliot, stay. I don't want to be alone tonight."

"Anything for you Liv."

Elliot felt better staying close to Olivia tonight. He slept on her couch. It made him more comfortable to know she wasn't all alone tonight, especially if she was having suicidal thoughts.

As Olivia laid in bed, her mind was racing. She thought about Elliot, her job, her life, her depression, everything. It kept replaying in a loop in her mind. Slowly, she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. She finally had some peace.