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Chapter 5- Misery Loves Company.
Three months had gone by, but time evolving did nothing to make her broken heart heal.
She had been back on shifts, had mandatory shrink appointments, but her mind still kept wondering, her heart still aching.
Tomorrow was Sam's birthday and it was going to be a really bad day. Worst of all was; she was off duty. Life had thrown her another curve ball by having rotation work out so that it would just happen that way. The universe was telling her that it was time; time to go see Sam.
She hadn't told anyone about it, hadn't ushered a word about it, she wanted to spend the time alone.
She suspected that Traci knew, and maybe Nick, but neither of them said anything about it. She could tell that they knew by the way they both looked at her, and constantly hovered.
The last three months had been hard, but she was taking one day at a time. Her life was boring and almost non-existent, but that was the way that she wanted it.
She had become a semi-recluse and had only been to her dad's and Traci's, and the Penny twice.
But then there was Oliver.
He would show up randomly at dinner time with copious amounts of food and just keep her company, or he'd pick her up on a sunday morning and make her go shopping. She didn't even have to buy anything, she knew it was his excuse to get her to go beyond her four walls.
He really was a good guy, and she valued his friendship. She knew how hard things were on him, but yet he always found the time to check on her.
He had also asked her if she had been to see Sam yet, and her answer had been no.
All five times that he asked.
She just didn't have the courage to do that, she hadn't been even though it made her feel like crap.
But, tomorrow that would change.
Tomorrow after her run she would go because she needed to, but she owed it to Sam too.
...
After a fitful nights sleep Andy dragged herself out of bed and pulled on some sweats.
The weather had changed, and the first wisps of snow had started to fall.
Leaving her condo, Andy felt the cold give her chills as she stretched a bit before picking up a steady pace when her feet hit the tar repeatedly.
It took a while for her to get her fitness back, but slowly it was returning.
As she made her way through the dimly lit streets her mind flurried over to Gail.
She had been gone for almost three months now too, she took a transfer a week after Andy went back on shift and only came home once- the day of her fathers funeral.
Gail attended the service in her dress blues, and was at the cemetery too, but after that she disappeared again and hadn't really been in contact except with a short text to Traci once or twice telling her that she was okay.
Nick was pretty devastated after she left, his heart packed in her bag when she left. Even after all she had put him through, and what he put himself through, he still loved her and hadn't quite let go yet.
The few scattered tufts of snow that littered the ground made her think of Gail now, her heart so cold that even Nick's warm one hadn't been enough to melt the ice that encrusted it.
After her run, Andy took a hot shower and had two cups of coffee before her cab arrived.
She had pre-booked so that she wouldn't chicken out.
The drive to the cemetery had her knees trembling, and her eyes watering, but she forced herself to push through and finish this.
She had too, she owed it to herself.
When Andy made it to where Oliver had directed her to go, her feet didn't want to move anymore, they stayed planted to a small patch of grass that was a little to the side of her destination.
And then, without warning she just cracked.
Every single strong moment she'd had in the last three months withered and died as her heart did reading over the name engraved in the tombstone.
When her blurry vision cleared a little, Andy was able to venture forwards, a little closer, but it still felt so wrong to be here like this.
After a while, Andy gave up trying to stay away, her feet pulling her forwards until she was squarely in front of Sam's grave.
She had the cabbie pull over on the way here when they drove passed a florist, and she brought one single long stemmed rose, one yellow one because they were the flower of apology.
Bending down Andy set the rose down before her feet retraced their way back towards the main gate and the cab she had asked to wait.
...
Today felt surreal, unreal, unimaginable.
But yet somewhere in the back of her mind she'd always been anticipating its arrival.
Sarah passed a distraught woman fleeing the cemetery as she made her way inside. It had been a while since she had been here, well months actually. She hadn't been here since Sam's funeral.
But today was his birthday and she'd taken the day off to come here and spend a little bit of time with him.
She had left St Catherines extra early to beat rush hour traffic, but to be honest she wanted to miss Sam's girlfriend showing up, and avoid Oliver too.
She knew it wasn't fair, or acceptable behavior, but she just couldn't deal with that, or them, not today.
Sarah stopped when Sammy's grave came into view, a fresh yellow rose resting against the patches of green and white in a striking contrast of color.
Her eyes flashed across the neighboring graves, their flowers frozen and withered from the cold.
Then she remembered the fleeing woman, and her body moved before her mind could tell her to stop.
Sarah set her flowers done next to the grave of a stranger and took a light run back in the direction that she had seen the woman go in until she spotted her moving through the last row of graves that were aligned before the gates were seen.
"Hey" she called out, the woman stopping and facing her really surprised.
"Why did you come?" Sarah asked as soon as she was close enough to the woman.
"Excuse me?". Andy tried not to seem as taken back by the woman that had just approached her, but seriously? How do you ask a stranger, a crying stranger that kind of question? In a cemetery?
"You came to see Sammy, why did you come?".
Andy tried to hide her shock, but she knew it wasn't working as a gust of wind blew over her face and one single tear stung her cheek.
"It's his birthday" Andy shrugged and then turned to walk away. She really couldn't do this right now.
"You're her" Andy heard the words leave the woman's mouth, but paid no attention to them, she needed to leave, and she had to go right now.
...
"No, you can't" a hand reached for his arm the second he took a step forwards and nearly cleared the treeline.
"You can't do that to her" the voice sounded like it was trying to reason with him.
His eyes swung from where the voice spoke back through the trees to see Andy falling apart.
He'd come down here for one reason and only for that reason, this wasn't a part of that plan. She wasn't supposed to be here.
He came here to see his sister, to see that she was okay because he knew that if she ever came back here, it would be today; his birthday.
He knew that she would be here early, so he stayed hidden in the treeline a few rows away from his grave, his hoodie pulled up to hide his face and hair just in case she caught a glimpse of his movements. He had five day old stubble across his jaw and chin, but even then he knew that if Sarah saw him, she would recognize him instantly. And still, he was here, and he waited.
Then suddenly the only person that he wasn't expecting to see here showed up, and he was mesmerized.
He couldn't move, he couldn't breathe.
He couldn't anything other than stare at her.
He knew that she was home, he'd been the one that called in the tip when he heard them run into trouble while he hid in the shadows when their paths accidently crossed while she was UC with Collins on Dakota.
He knew she made it out okay, but he hadn't actually seen her since the day he told her how he really felt, and she ran.
Seeing her now, torn up and crying, all he wanted to do was show himself so that her tears would stop. He couldn't bare the thought that he brought her more heartache.
He'd done enough of that in the past, it was one of the reasons that she was standing over his grave sobbing her heart out right now.
But her presence still didn't make any sense to him right now, why was she here?
"If you show her, this is over, it's all going down the drain and it's made worthless".
Sam knew that the words were the truth, but he couldn't help himself, he just wanted to go over to Andy and tell her that she didn't need to cry because he was okay, he was still alive and she could keep moving on.
She had been the one that had ultimately let him go, so her being here, looking like that, was even more confusing.
"Why is she even here?" Sam whispered out as he looked back at Andy's huddled figure just in time to see her stand up and walk away. He also saw Sarah approaching in the distance and held his breath as they passed each other without even knowing who the other person was.
"Are you kidding me? Are you that stupid, or are you just being a moron because it's your birthday? You know old age...". The voice asked, a hint of sarcasm wrapped up with the playfulness he had become accustomed too.
Sam kept his gaze focused on Sarah who suddenly whirled around and chased after Andy, she'd figured out who she was. They exchanged a few words before Andy left and Sarah moved back to retrieve the flowers that she so hastily set down in the middle of nowhere.
That was another thing to live regretting, he'd never introduced Andy to Sarah. Even though he wanted to so badly, he hadn't.
He hated that fact right now, they could have shared their misery with each other, because they were very clearly miserable and pretty cut up over his death.
Sam took a long breath, this wasn't supposed to be so hard.
He watched as Andy climbed into a cab that was gone from sight in seconds, his heart giving up on the steady rhythm it had been holding.
As the light breeze made the branches overhead swing and dip Sam stood staring at Sarah feeling even worse than he had when Andy arrived.
He had been all that she had left besides her kids, but they were mid teens now.
Thinking of his niece and nephew made him smile, they were good kids and Sarah made him proud by raising them right, and raising them honest.
Her husband had died a few years ago, just before McNally joined Fifteen and it tore Sarah's heart out. But seeing her now, Sam knew that what he had done was worse.
"We need to go" his partner mumbled.
Sam nodded even though he kept Sarah in his line of vision. He knew it was time to leave, they were not supposed to be here anyway.
But, he hadn't been able to help himself, he needed to see that Sarah was coping.
Taking one last look at his sister as she said something to his grave, Sam smiled a sad smile before leading the way out of the cemetery through the trees and over the back fence, just the way that they had come in.
His heart was heavy, but he'd made the right choice to come see Sarah, she was okay.
The mistake he made was not really seeing Andy, the mistake he realized was doing any of this.
The mistake was thinking that she didn't feel the same way anymore before he walked away knowing that he could never come back, ever.
***** thanks for reading!
So who's still here?
Okay so Gail's gone, Sam's here, and had a girlfriend when he 'died', Andy is coping and met Sarah, or saw her, any ideas on where this is going?
Have an awesome day!
Jelly Bean Jenna©