Olivia's Dark Nights

Disclaimer: These are not my characters, I'm only borrowing them and promise to give them back when I'm done!

Chapter 7

It had been such an emotionally exhausting day. Elliot felt as if he had finished running the New York Marathon, and went straight through the finish line and into a brick wall. He couldn't remember the last time he felt like this. He felt hopeless; like there was no solution to this problem. It was just too complicated. He couldn't deal with the aftermath.

He held Olivia's hand as she lay motionless in the hospital bed. The only sounds in the room were the beeping of the monitors. The sound was oddly soothing. The sound reminded him that Olivia was okay, at least for now. He couldn't help but wonder what the future would hold.

He thought about his relationship with Olivia. It took him almost ten years, but he was finally certain. He loved her. He loved her so much that he couldn't bear the thought of her not being in his life. She was his best friend; the only person in the world that understood him. He wanted her to be his everything. The events that led up to that moment only solidified his feelings. He wanted to take their relationship to the next level. He wondered if he waited too long.

"Liv, you have to come out of this. You can't leave me. I love you too much! I said it; I LOVE you! Olivia, you mean the world to me, and I was too stupid all of these years to act on it. We've had a special connection since the day we were partnered up. Olivia I don't think I can continue on without you. You have to get healthy. I promise you Olivia, I won't be so stupid anymore."

Elliot began to cry. He couldn't hold it in any longer. He felt like his world was being ripped apart again. He had finally cleaned up his mess with Kathy. Now, he felt like the rug was pulled out from under him for a second time. Olivia was his rock, the constant in his life. Now, he felt alone.

Elliot had managed to fall asleep on his chair. He was awoken by the door opening early the next morning. It was Casey. She had been crying.

"I just found out what happened after I got out of court last night," Casey said wiping her tears. "What the hell happened? Is she going to be okay?"

Casey sobbed into Elliot's shoulder. He tried to comfort Casey, but she was inconsolable.

"Why didn't I notice? I knew something wasn't right, but I didn't do anything about it! She wouldn't be here right now if I…"

"Casey," Elliot said. "It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. None of us knew how severe the problem was. Liv is sick. She needs more help then any of us can offer. Don't worry, it'll all work out. We'll all be here to give Olivia the support she needs. She will get better."

"How is she doing? Any better?"

"Not good. She has one hell of an infection in her blood. They can't identify the bacteria. She's been running a 104 degree fever since she got here that just won't break."

Casey looked down at her best friend. "I can't believe how thin she's gotten. I knew she lost weight, but it was hard to tell how much. She wore a lot of layers. I wonder if she was trying to conceal it."

"They think she might be anorexic."

Casey looked horrified. The night at Olivia's apartment came to mind. She noticed Olivia wasn't eating, but didn't make a big deal about it. Now she wished she had.

"So what happens now," Casey said trying to hold back her tears.

"We just wait and see. They have her on high dose antibiotics and acetaminophen. The biggest concern is the fever. It's dangerous. They inserted a feeding tube. She was starving herself. She's in a coma. Huang said she needs in-patient psychiatric care. She needs to be medicated. Her problems are so severe that therapy just won't cut it. Plus, we all know Olivia; she won't stick to a strict therapy regiment. She damn well won't take drugs."

Casey nodded. "You know she won't agree to any of that. They're going to have to get a court order... I can't believe this is happening. Olivia is so strong. What went wrong?"

Elliot didn't know what to say. The two of them sat in silence staring at Olivia, listening to the beep of the monitors. Neither one of them ever thought they would see Olivia in this condition.

Cragen came in to relieve him, but Elliot didn't want to leave his post at Olivia's bedside. He wanted to be there when she woke up. He tried to argue with Cragen, but he couldn't be persuaded.

"Elliot, go home. Get cleaned up. Eat something. You've been here for hours. You can't run yourself ragged. I don't want another one of my best detectives on the absentee list. I promise I'll call if anything changes."

Elliot wanted to argue, but he knew the captain was right. He was exhausted. He wanted to take a shower and wash away the grief of past twenty-four hours. He needed a stiff drink.

As Cragen began his watch, he couldn't help but to think what went so wrong with one of his best detectives. Olivia was stable and level-headed. She was the exact opposite of Elliot. What went so wrong in her life to lead her to this? He prided himself on keeping his squad close; like a family. Olivia was an integral part of that family. Did she know that? Why did she think she couldn't talk to him when she started spiraling out of control? Did she even know she was out of control? He felt guilty that he noticed there was something wrong, but didn't jump right in and say something. Maybe if he had, she wouldn't be in that bed hanging on by a thread. He wondered if it was the job that was getting to her, or was it personal? His gut was telling him it was a combination of the two. He hoped she would soon be well enough to tell him. There were so many unanswered questions. If this could happen to Olivia, it could happen to any of his detectives.