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Chapter 8- When The Truth Hurts.
Luke took a deep breath and dropped the pen his hand had furiously been playing with onto the open file on his desk.
The sound traveled through the room, not one single sound coming from him or Andy. Nash had given them some privacy and closed his office door behind herself when she left, but Luke could see her hovering close by, just in case Andy needed her.
"We got a tip, and Sw.. Sam wanted to follow it, so we went. The warehouses were first, made a few arrests, then one guy starts singing like a bird so Sam wanted to follow this lead.
We went to a house that was supposed to be empty, it was supposedly only used for storage. But it wasn't empty.
We went in, and they just opened fire".
Luke heard Andy's breath whimper in as she inhaled. This was really hard for her to hear.
"Sam got hit and went down, I returned fire and they left".
Andy started blinking back the tears, her face contorting into a look that resembled physical pain. " ?"
Luke looked away, his head shaking slightly. He didn't want to give her any more details than he had too.
"Where!". This time Andy's voice came out a little more certain and forceful.
"Leg, chest, neck". Luke took a gulp after that when Andy's eyes widened.
"He wasn't wearing a vest?". He was hoping that she wouldn't pick up on the fact that he said chest. If Swarek had been wearing a vest, a chest shot wouldn't have been fatal unless is was an armor piercing round.
"And then?". Andy pressed on for more details.
"I did what I could Andy" Luke said looking at her, he needed her to understand that.
"But would you have done it differently?".
This time her voice returned to a broken tune, her tears no longer in hiding.
"Yeah, I would have done things differently. But I can't change anything". Luke was honest with his answer, more honest that he'd ever been with her before this moment in time.
She still hadn't moved, so Luke knew that she was waiting for more.
"Noelle arrived, and so did the medics. He crashed in the ambulance and they couldn't get him back. I'm so sorry".
Andy choked back a sob, her hand wiping away at her face before she fled Luke's office.
The images spilling across her mind were things that had made up her nightmares, and some things were better left alone, better left as unknown.
...
Sam sat staring into space, the drink in his hand not even holding his attention long enough to keep the daze from sweeping in.
His run in with Andy had shaken him to the core, he was so mad at her right now that he could go over there, knock on her door, yell at her and then...
"You okay?" Gail's voice wafted through the fog that surrounded him.
"Yeah" Sam said forcing his mind to black out Andy McNally entirely.
"Sure?" Gail challenged his answer, her face telling him that she knew exactly where his head was.
Just as Sam opened his mouth to back his statement up Johnny appeared behind him. "Got a minute?".
Sam looked over his shoulder and nodded before he slid off his chair and followed Johnny to his office.
...
A few days later, Andy returned to Sam's grave. She hadn't been since his birthday, but she felt like she needed to go there.
She ordered a nice bouquet of flowers, and took them with her, the color lightening up the grey headstone surrounded by a blanket of snow.
Staying for a while Andy let memories carry her away as she let the blanket of white flutter across her vision.
Sam had no idea what he was doing.
He was meant to be at home sleeping but somehow he found himself looking through a window to see Andy get into a cab. What were the chances of that? Was the universe reminding him that he'd made a mistake or was it letting him get a chance to set things right?
He'd come to the store to get a few fresh supplies now that they were back at their cover house, and no longer hiding at his mothers. There wasn't a need too, so they just picked up where they had left off. He was just about to pay for his purchases when a dark head of hair caught his attention as it flurried between the snowflakes and then disappeared.
He knew that he shouldn't, but he couldn't help himself, so he followed her.
He watched the cab pull up outside the cemetery, Andy climbing out holding a bouquet made up of yellow roses.
He sat in the car for a while, let her go inside before doing the unthinkable and following.
His week old stubble had turned into a beard and his new shaggy hairstyle and weight loss would hopefully be enough to elude to his real identity as he pulled his hoodie up and ventured through the gates.
Andy walked over to Jerry's grave first and set a rose down, her footprints in the snow making Sam wonder why he had ever even agreed to do this. His footprints should be marking the snow behind hers as if he was walking next to her to do this with her, it did not feel right that they were following hers in hiding while she did this alone.
Within minutes she was moving again and Sam followed in stealth. He moved into the treeline again and stood taking the sight of her in.
Her face was turned to the side, but from what he could see she looked like she had been cast in stone. Gone were her soft features and timid smile.
He could tell that she had lost a bit of weight too, that she wasn't really looking after herself. But she still looked beautiful.
She didn't stay long, her lips moving ever so slightly as she said whatever words she needed to before she left again, a fresh set of footprints trailing behind her in the snow.
This time Sam stayed put, let her leave on her own.
He needed to stay away, needed to keep distance between them at all costs.
Andy asked the cabbie to drop her at the Penny. She didn't feel like going home.
He pulled up outside and she paid him and thanked him with a smile before getting out and moving towards the door where she stopped.
Even now coming here was still something that she felt wrong doing. She knew that she would walk in, look at that chair, and find it empty.
It was still hard to grasp that concept.
...
Gail sat in the chair, a razor poised over her skin before the fingers clutching it moved and shaved the hair off of her arm.
Over the next hour she sat patiently while the buzz of a machine trailed up and down her skin leaving a trail of ink behind it.
She'd always loved tattoos, just never thought that she'd ever get one.
Now she had two. Well one, but it had new additions.
The first she had done in memory of Jerry, a pattern around her wrist that looked like ivy clinging to her skin. She'd added small roses, each of them holding meaning. One for Traci, one for Andy, one for Chris and Dov. Today she extended the tattoo and had more ivy added, this time a purple butterfly sitting on the ivy.
This one was for Nick, the symbol of the butterfly meant to signify her letting him go.
...
Andy pushed the door open, the boisterous noise inside in no way altering now that her presence filled the room.
Her eyes settled on Nick and Dov sitting at the bar lost in conversation so Andy stepped forwards with the intention of joining them.
"... I mean, how could he do that? How could Swarek just start dating someone else as soon as Andy left?" Dov said to Nick without noticing Andy's presence behind them.
"What?" Andy managed to shriek even though her blood ran cold and her entire body stopped functioning.
Dov's head snapped up as he turned to face Andy his face contorted into the most devastated kind of expression.
"Oh shit" Dov said even though Nick wasn't listening anymore. His head was hanging down and his eyes pinched closed.
"Andy..." Dov tried to say something as his hand reached out for her.
She took a small step backwards, severe tremors taking over her body while her head tilted to the side.
"I..." Dov stood up off his bar stool, his hand still reaching out for Andy as she continued to back away.
"No, he...". She couldn't say that Sam wouldn't.
"Andy, I'm sorry" Dov's voice sounded so remorseful that it made Andy cry.
"You're sorry? Why are You sorry?" Andy's own tone was lost to a dry laugh as her head began shaking.
"I didn't know you were there" Dov said barely above a whisper.
"But you knew?"
Dov nodded and looked down.
"How long Dov?". Andy was on the verge of completely losing it. How she managed to hold on to the final restraints holding her together she'd never know.
"Dov!" This time her voice was fierce as it murmured his name when he remained silent.
"Couple weeks after you left". Dov sounded so humble that Andy couldn't be mad at him, even if she wanted to be.
"Who?" Andy's hand swiped away an annoying tear as it wet her cheek.
"Dov who?" She repeated when he didn't answer again.
"It doesn't matter" Dov held her in his gaze. Cruz was here too so the last thing that he should do was look her way and tip Andy off. That would only make things worse and that was so not what he wanted right now.
"It doesn't matter" Andy laughed out sarcastically. She wasn't making fun of Dov it just slipped out that way.
"You know you're right. It doesn't matter. It won't matter who it was, or where she's from or even where she is now. Sam's dead and so what if I left him here when I took off in the middle of the night? So what if I came home and he wasn't waiting? So what if things were better with her..."
"Enough" Nick said before forcefully pulling Andy towards him. Her voice had risen to screaming at Dov, the entire Penny coming to a standstill as Andy just lost her cool.
When her words were cut off, sobs ensued filling the air as Andy let her final teetering strings snap.
"Let's take you home" Nick said letting her go and looking towards the door. If she had anything to drink it would get worse so he needed to get her out of here.
Dov stood watching them until they were completely out of view.
When he moved to reclaim his seat, his eyes shifted lightly over Cruz who seemed to have the strangest of expressions on her face. It was almost like she regretted the truth coming out.
Andy stayed quiet as Nick drove her home.
Her numbness had returned with vengeance, every single fiber in her body having fizzled out completely when she heard that Sam had moved on.
And everyone knew, everyone except her.
It made her feel sick.
She had been fighting the guilt that she had missed his funeral and now it just felt like she had been wasting her time feeling that way.
"You didn't waste it Andy" Nick said when he pulled up outside her building.
Crap, that should have stayed in her head, it wasn't meant to pass her lips.
Nick moved to open his door, but Andy's hand on his arm stopped him.
"I need to be alone now" she said looking at him through eyes heavily misted with tears.
"Andy..."
"No Nick. I need..." What she really and truly needed was the one thing that she couldn't have.
"I need some time alone" she said looking down before pulling her hand away from his arm and getting out.
When she walked away she didn't even look back at Nick even though she knew that he was still sitting there watching her.
Andy let herself in, tears blurring her vision.
Everything that Andy thought she knew faded away to be replaced with the most heartbreaking pain that she'd ever felt.
As her hands hit the lights and her arm dropped her bag, her feet carried her towards the kitchen where she searched her cupboards for what she was looking for.
Unscrewing the lid, Andy lifted the bottle to her lips and took a long sip.
She knew that she shouldn't, but right now she needed too. This moment was too flawed and crushing. It was a moment of weakness really.
This was the moment that she realized that no matter what had happened between her and Sam, she hadn't been the one faking it, he had.
No matter how things looked from her point of view, Sam hadn't meant what he said and he hadn't meant what he had promised her, not when he moved on as soon as she was out of town.
Like she once told Oliver- Sam didn't feel the same way about her, as she did about him.
****so let me know what you think? & if you're still here? Thanks for reading, have an awesome day!
Jelly Bean Jenna©