Olivia's Dark Nights

Disclaimer: I only borrowed the characters. I'll return them in the same condition I received them in.

Author's Note: Let's all send some prayers and good thoughts to Mariska Hargitay for good health.

Chapter 11

Olivia didn't sleep at all that night. She knew that her doctors and friends were trying to seal her fate. They all thought they knew what was best for her. However, they thought wrong. She was not going through with this plan to be locked up for god knows how long. She did not for one minute believe that it was for her own good. She refused to just sit back as they turned the key on her.

As she laid in her hospital bed for the final night, Olivia drew up a plan for her escape. It was simple really. She would sneak out of the hospital unnoticed. Luckily the clothes she came in wearing were still in the closet. After her IV was removed tomorrow, and her antibiotic was finished, she would get changed, and disappear. No one would find her until she was ready to be found.

She waited nervously for her time to come. She watched each drop of medication seep into her bloodstream. Her heart was racing with anticipation. She didn't have a plan B in case anyone caught her during her escape maneuver. She had to make this work the first time.

Just as the Ellen Degeneres show was ending, Melinda came in to unhook her from the IV.

"You're looking better Olivia," Melinda said with a smile.

"I'm feeling much better too. I can't wait to get out of here."

"Olivia, you're really taking this well. I thought you would protest in-patient care."

Melinda was watching her suspiciously. She had a gut feeling something was up.

"Melinda, I know I have a problem. I want to get well."

"I think that's what we all want Liv," Melinda said with a smile. "You'll probably be transferred tomorrow morning. Elliot and Cragen are going to drive you up personally. I think it's a better option than going in an ambulance."

Olivia smiled." I'll start to get my things ready tonight."

"Olivia, please take care of yourself. You are like family to all of us. We were all devastated when…Olivia I'm always here. Remember that."

Olivia and Melinda hugged. "Melinda, don't worry, everything will be fine."

Melinda finished writing in Olivia's chart and was headed back into the hall.

"Could you close the door? I want to take a nap."

Olivia immediately began working immediately. She took a shower, and finally got dressed in her own clothes. She caught her reflection in the mirror, but didn't recognize herself. She didn't realize how pale she had gotten. Even her eyes seemed to have lost their luster. She silently cursed Elliot for not including some make-up in her overnight bag. She threw the rest of her clothes and personal items into the duffel bag, put on her coat, and opened the door slightly to see who was out in the hall. Luckily, no one seemed to be paying attention to her. She looked both ways, and quickly stepped out into the hall. She took the stairs down. There was less chance of someone catching her. The elevators were too crowded. It seemed as if time were passing so slowly. Each step down brought her closer to freedom. She could taste it at this point. She finally came to the final landing. The only obstacle between Olivia and freedom was the hospital lobby. Again, she took a look around and made sure there was no one she recognized. She took a deep breath, and headed to the final doors that would lead her to freedom.

When she stepped out onto the sidewalk, she felt as if she had won an Olympic medal. She was relieved that she made it out without being discovered. How would she have explained herself? They would have restrained her and thrown her in the looney bin forever.

Olivia's first stop was the bank. She needed cash. It was obvious they would put a trace on her credit cards and ATM card as soon as they began looking for her. She withdrew five thousand dollars from her savings account. She hoped it would be enough, as she wasn't sure how long she would be incognito. Olivia walked back to her apartment. She didn't want her face to show up on security cameras in the subway, or in a taxi. When she arrived, Olivia didn't go inside. She went directly to the parking garage to pick up her car. She hoped no one yet knew of her absence from the hospital. She had to get out of the city as quickly as possible. Olivia headed to the George Washington Bridge. She ripped the ez-pass off of the windshield as she approached the crossing. Even though there was no toll on the Manhattan side of the bridge, there would be getting on the New Jersey Turnpike. The ez-pass would track exactly what tolls she had went through, and at what time. She had to pay everything in cash. She didn't want a paper trail.

Olivia drove in a fog. Her thoughts were racing. She still hadn't processed the events of the past few weeks. She didn't feel like herself. She felt like a criminal on the run. She had to remind herself that she hadn't committed a crime. She only wanted her space, and privacy. No one had any right to tell her she belonged in a mental hospital!

She felt guilty about running and not telling any of her friends where she was going. She knew they would all be extremely worried, but she would figure it all out later. No one could possibly understand what she was going through right not! None of them ever had to face a mental hospital! Olivia was so upset about the situation that it felt like her blood was ice cold running through her veins. Her legs felt weak. In her current situation, she had no choice but to keep driving.

Olivia was headed to Cape May, New Jersey. It was one of the few places Olivia had positive memories of. It was the only vacation Olivia took with her mother while she was sober. Olivia enjoyed Cape May because of the peace and quiet. It was serene. It was unchanged from the past. The town was full of beautiful old Victorian houses and quaint little restaurants and shops. The beach was undisturbed. It was the off-season, so Olivia didn't foresee a problem renting a room near the beach. She wanted to be near the ocean. She wanted to feel the wind and hear the waves crashing on the beach. She wanted to breathe the sea air. She needed that constant in her life right now.

As she was getting close to her destination, Olivia realized she would need to stop for a few things. She only had the clothes that were on her back, and a few pairs of pajamas in her bag that needed to be laundered. She knew that there was a mall somewhere around there, but she didn't have the time or energy for that. She saw a sign for a Wal-Mart, and decided to stop. Olivia parked her car, and took a cart. Her mind felt fuzzy. She couldn't think clearly. It was too much for her to figure out what she would need. She walked around the store absent-mindedly. She had a horrible headache. She wanted to be home in bed. Olivia threw a few pairs of jeans in the cart barely checking the sizes. She grabbed a few t-shirts, some bras, and some packaged Hanes underwear. She remembered she also needed pajamas and toiletries. She bought an untraceable pre-paid cell phone. Olivia could feel her heart beating in her skull. Her prolonged illness took more of a toll on her then she had realized. On her way to the register, Olivia spotted the hardware department. She couldn't help but to buy a box cutter.

Olivia unlocked the door to her room. She had managed to get an efficiency apartment in an old Victorian across from the beach with a balcony. It was a weekly rental. Olivia paid for two weeks in advance. She had checked in using her alias, Rachael Hunter. She had her car parked in the back of the building away from street view.

"Captain, we have a big problem."

"What is it Elliot," Cragen asked.

"Olivia's gone. Warner last spoke to her around four. She said she was going to take a nap. An hour later when they delivered dinner, she was gone. All of her things were taken from the closet. She was last seen on the security tape leaving the hospital at 4:37."

"Alright," Cragen said resting his head in his hand. "Come back to the house. I'll get everyone together. We'll get a plan together. We have to find her ASAP."

"Alright Cap. I'm gonna stop by her place on my way back. Maybe there's a chance that she's still there. If not, I'll ask if anyone has seen her."

"Don, you have to find her. Olivia isn't well. I'm sure she is going to continue harming herself. Especially now. She feels like her world has been turned upside down. Her secret is out. She doesn't know who to trust," Huang said.

"I knew something wasn't right when I took out her IV. She seemed too calm. Olivia is not the type to take things lying down."

"Don't worry, we'll find her. All available manpower will be on this," Cragen said.

Olivia sat in bed with a bottle of vodka sobbing. She didn't know what she was doing. She absently cut into her arm with the box cutter. She didn't care that blood was dripping all over. She felt more alone then ever. She had no one to go to. Her secret was out. She had nothing to hide behind; nothing to live for. She didn't care if she died. She was already labeled as crazy. She refused to live the rest of her life with a big black mark following her. Why should she bother living at all?