I had Covid, I was bored. Here you go!
English is not my first language so a special thanks to my dear husband, who is bilingual according to the federal government of Canada.
The table was cold and hard and a little bit sticky and… oh so comfortable.
Colin Bridgerton wasn't one of those who could hold alcohol very well. Contrary to his brothers who seemed to be able to drink like fishes, it took him very few glasses to be completely intoxicated. And that night, he drank a lot of "few glasses".
He opened an eye. Only one. Partially because his face was so crushed on the table that he couldn't open the other and partially because opening both made him dizzy.
He grabbed his scotch bottle, a fine single malt that cost him a pretty penny and tried and pour another glass only to spill half of it on the table. As the whiskey ran to his cheek, he wondered if it would be improper to lick it off the table. It wasn't, he decided.
"Are you really licking my table, Bridgerton?"
Will Mondrich was both amused by and sorry for the poor soul. He had seen a lot of inebriated young men these past few months – he was a bartended after all – but this intoxication was not one of fun or pleasure. Colin Bridgerton was experiencing the torments of a heartbreak.
"My pen won't write to me" he mumbled. "My pen won't speak to me either".
And apparently a drunk Bridgerton was a poetic Bridgerton.
"So, I'll drink until I forget my pain".
With a Herculean effort, he lifted his head of the table and downed his entire glass in one gulp, the results of his clumsy action dripping down his chin which he brushed with the back of his sleeve before collapsing back on the table.
"Come now, Bridgerton" said the barkeeper pulling him up. "You drank enough for today".
"No!" Cried Colin hugging his bottle. "Mine!"
"Let us just bring you home, then"
"I don't have a home" mussitated Colin as Mondrich brought him on his feet.
"Aren't you staying at your brother's for the time being?"
"My brother's is my brother's home. It was my home before. Now it's his home. Do you have a brother, Montrich?
"No, sir, I don't."
"I have brothers!"
"I know that!"
"Lots of them… and sisters too… lots of them!"
"I know" said Mondrich as he was getting him into a carriage.
"You don't have to do that, Mongrich, I owe YOU one. YOU don't owe ME one. I owe you".
"You just doubled my earnings this month by paying this bottle 30 pounds instead of 20. Your dept is paid, sir."
"You're a good friend, Monbrich".
"A good friend would be able to pronounce my name correctly" he mumbled as he got into the car.
Will was relieved to see Colin fall asleep as soon as he seated on the bench. He wouldn't have wanted to deal with a situation where he had to clean up the mess caused by a man who was too drunk for his own good. The road to Bridgerton House was short, and for a moment, however, he dreaded having to carry this grown man into the mansion.
Fortunately, he woke up when the vehicle stopped. Drinking directly from the bottle, Colin clung to Mondrich while he was getting out of the car so he wouldn't be falling on the sidewalk like an idiot.
"She has lips, you know?"
"I'm… sure she does."
"And hair too. She has hair."
"Most ladies have hair."
"And eyes…"
"Which are necessary to see."
"They are…" Colin suppressed a hiccup. "Blue, I think. Are they blue? Yes, they are blue. Blue as a summer sky during a storm while it's sunny".
"Your poetry is degrading, Bridgerton. You have keys?"
Colin reached into his pocket and placed a key ring containing at least twenty of them in the hand of a surprised Will.
"I have a whole collekshion"
Will sighed, he really didn't want to try the twenty keys and risk waking up the entire Bridgerton household but headed for the door anyway. Colin staggered, unbalanced by the sudden lack of support, and turned around.
A movement across the Square caught his attention. Tilting his head to the side, he lurched a few steps toward the wobbling light.
"She's awake" he whispered.
So, he crossed the park, stumbling unsteadied steps across the dew-covered lawn. He had a mission. He focussed on the candlelight coming from Penelope's room even though it swayed from side to side like the movements of a boat. He suppressed a gag reflex. Thinking of a ship reminded him of the time he had eaten bad mussels before setting sail.
"I'm a seasick sailor," he hummed, continuing to walk toward the light.
Will still hadn't been able to find the right key, but when a butler finally opened the door, he turned around only to find his friend missing.
"Wait a moment, please" he asked the butler before joining Colin who was picking stones in the Square. "Bridgerton, what are you doing?"
"I wanna talk to my pen"
"You can talk to your quill in your room, come now."
"No, Monenrich" he answered, taking Will's face between his two hands. "Not my quill, my peeeeeeeeeeen", he said letting go his grip on Will before advancing a little more towards the Featherington house. "PEN!" he shouted.
"Oh God!" Will cried as Colin ineptly tried to throw the pebbles at Penelope's window.
"Pen!"
"Bridgerton, stop, you're going to break a window" he exclaimed as a pebble landed in the bushes.
"I have to talk to Pen!"
"We're in the middle of the night. She's asleep".
"No, look, there is a candle, and the curtains are not drawn. PEN!"
"Hush! You'll wake up the whole neighborhood!"
Penelope opened her window at that very moment.
"Colin?"
"I told you, Monprich, that she was not in bed. Pen!"
"Colin, are you drunk?"
"Just a little bit typysy", he declares, placing the tip of his index finger and his thumb in front of his eye before swallowing a lick of whiskey. "I need to talk to you, Pen."
"Colin, go to bed. It's late. We will talk tomorrow."
"Listen to the lady, Bridgerton", Will said placing a hand on Colin's shoulder as the latter took it away with a twist of his arm.
"Why won't you answer me? I have written you thirty-twelve letters".
"Now is not the time, Colin."
"I am sorry! I didn't mean to upset you, Pen."
"Colin, please."
"I know what I can do. I will sing you a song. Like in the romance novels you love so much."
Colin, then, began serenating something about stars, lines and yellow while Will and Penelope gritted their teeth in embarrassment.
"Colin, what are you doing?"
"I'm courting you, don't you see?"
"You said you would never court me, not even in your wildest fantasies?"
"It was Fyfe's fantasies."
"I beg your pardon?"
"It was Fyfe's extravagant fantasies, not my fantasies. My fantasies include a mirror and you gorgeous cleavage!"
"Colin!" She yelled, shocked.
"I'm so sorry, Miss Featherington. I promise you that won't happen again!" Mondrich apologized before pulling Colin away to take him home. "Say good night to Miss Featherington, you've made enough of a fool of yourself for tonight".
"Good night, Pen."
"Good night, Colin", Penelope said in an annoyed tone, raising her hands to close her window.
"I love you", Colin had said softly as he turned to walk towards his brother's house.
Pen stopped, frozen by Colin's words. Of all the declarations of love she had imagined coming from Colin, this had to be the least romantic. She sighed and closed the window. He wouldn't remember anything tomorrow anyway.
To be continued...