Olivia's Dark Nights

Disclaimer: I only borrowed the characters. I'll return them in the same condition I received them in.

Author's Note: I appreciate the reviews! Please keep them coming! I'm glad people are still reading!

Chapter 13

"Olivia! Are you okay? Where are you?"

"Casey I'm okay. I'm alive."

Casey could tell Olivia had been crying. She didn't sound good.

"Liv, where are you?"

Olivia didn't answer.

"Olivia, please tell me where you are. We're worried sick."

"Casey I'm not ready to come home yet. Please just understand."

Casey didn't know what to say. She wanted to reach through the phone and hug Olivia. She needed to know where Olivia was. She knew she was not okay and needed help.

"Casey, I don't know what to do. I can't stop."

"Can't stop what Liv? What are you doing?"

Olivia was crying hysterically.

"Casey I can't believe what I've done. I don't even know myself anymore."

Casey's stomach was in knots. She couldn't figure out what Olivia was talking about.

"Casey I'm sorry I called. I didn't mean to bother you."

Olivia hung up the phone.

Casey heard the click. "Hello, Liv, are you there? Hello?" She couldn't believe that Olivia had hung up. Her heart was racing in her chest. Was her best friend okay? What had she done that was so terrible? Casey needed to talk to the guys. She threw her coat on over her pajamas and ran out the door.

All eyes were on Casey as she entered the squad room wearing a black pea coat with striped pajama bottoms and Ugg slippers.

"Is striped flannel all the rage this season in the court room," Munch asked.

"John I don't have time for jokes. Olivia just called me. She was crying. She mentioned she couldn't stop doing something but didn't say what. Then she said she was sorry for calling and hung up. She wouldn't tell me where she was."

"Did she call your house or cell," Cragen asked.

"Cell," she answered as she pulled the phone out of her bag,

"Let's see if they guys in tech can figure out where she called from."

Casey paced around the squad room nervously waiting for news. Every minute felt like an hour. Everything felt surreal. This couldn't be happening in real life.

"Damn it! She used a prepaid," Cragen said coming back into the room. "There has to be some other way of finding her."

"Maybe she'll call Elliot," Fin said. We should call him and tell him to keep a close watch on his phone. If he doesn't answer, she may not call back."

Olivia drank away her guilt about the previous night at the bar. She cut into her arm with fury. Blood had dripped all over the sheets. She didn't know to fix her life. She couldn't just go home. She had no where to go. She had been thinking about it since being in the hospital, but she had now made up her mind. Suicide was her only answer. It was the only solution that would take her out of her misery permanently. This was the only way she could rid herself of the shame she felt. She had the courage to go through with it. All she needed was a plan.

Olivia spent another night drinking at the bar. She invited another stranger into her bed. She was so drunk that she didn't really know what she was doing or what was happening. The next morning, she didn't even remember his name. She didn't remember anything from the night before. She got up and poured herself another drink. Olivia just didn't care anymore. It didn't matter what happened to her. She was going to kill herself anyway.

Fin and Elliot sat in the squad room in silence. Neither knew what to say. They hit a brick wall in the search for Olivia. They were frustrated. They knew Olivia was out there and in trouble, but they couldn't do a damn thing to help her.

"Wait a minute," Fin said. He was starting at a picture on Olivia's desk.

"Is that a picture of Liv and her mom?"

"Yeah, Elliot said. She was just a little kid then."

"Where was that taken?"

The light went on in Elliot's head. It hit him like a ton of bricks.

"Cape May! Olivia's in Cape May! She went there a few times with her mom when she was a kid!"

Elliot ran into Cragen's office. "Cap, I think I know where she is! She has to be in Cape May. Liv's mom took her there a few times. Cape May was the only vacation they took when her mom was sober!"

Cragen stood up from his seat. "I'll call the police department down there. They can keep an eye out for her and her car. You and Fin head down now. Munch, Novak, Warner and I will follow as soon as I can get everyone together."

Olivia went out walking on the beach in only a tank top and panties. It was 28 degrees outside with blustery winds. She was too zoned out to realize how cold she was. She was in a trance. Her mind was flooded with a thousand thoughts that kept replaying like a record. She was thinking about Elliot, about loneliness, about her job, about Casey, about wanting a family, about suicide, about the weather, about death, about a million things, but all at the same time. She couldn't find any peace. She sat down on the frigid sand and put her hands on her head.

"I've got to stop this. I can't do it anymore I'm better off dead then living like this for another second!"

Olivia was able to get her thoughts together and focused on planning her own death. If she had her gun, she would shoot herself point blank. In her current state of mind, she didn't think she'd have any trouble pulling the trigger. Without her gun, things were more complicated. She wished she still had the sleeping pills. A few of those washed down with vodka would do the job effortlessly. She knew a guy at the bar was selling vicoden. Maybe that was her answer. Overdosing would be quick and painless. She could just lay in bed and fall asleep permanently. Olivia couldn't focus. Her mind began racing again. She felt like her thoughts were on fast forward. Everything was a blur. She needed to pull the plug, but couldn't manage to find it.

Three hours later Fin and Elliot arrived in Cape May. They were both on pins and needles. They needed to find Olivia quickly. They had no idea what type of condition she was in. The local police had been searching for her with no luck. The few hotels that were open had no record of an Olivia Benson being registered. They were going to have to search the town on foot. Elliot had a gut feeling that Olivia was here. He could feel her.

Olivia continued wandering down the beach talking to herself. She felt like she had to free herself from her own mind. The constant internal turmoil was making her ill. She needed another drink. That would soothe her. Alcohol was her only comfort.

The search was futile. Olivia was no where to be found. The few people in town hadn't seen Olivia. Fin noticed there was a bar open on the corner.

"Come on man, let's check it out."

The bar was empty except for the bartender and two patrons.

"We're looking for this woman, have you seen her?"

Fin took out Olivia's photo and showed it to the bartender.

"Oh yeah, I know her. She's been here for the past few nights. She usually sits in that corner."

"Was she with anyone," Elliot asked.

"She comes in alone, but she hooks up with someone over the course of the night. She takes the guys home with her. She's a slut if you ask me. Last night she was falling over drunk and left with some sleaze."

Fin and Elliot wanted to punch the bartender for calling Olivia a slut, but were able to contain themselves. Neither of them could imagine Olivia ever acting like that. She would never take strange men back to her apartment. Besides, Olivia wasn't a drunk. As hard as it was to admit, they believed the bartender's story.

Elliot flashed his badge. "If you see her again, please give us a call. That woman is a missing person, and we think she's in trouble."

Cragen and the rest of the squad had arrived and began searching the marina. They checked every boat and shed with no luck.. The town was small, and half of it was shut down because of the winter. There couldn't be many places to hide down here.

Cragen's cell phone rang.

"They found her car, and her hotel room. She's registered as Rachael Hunter, her alias. I don't know why we didn't think of that. She's staying at the Victorian Palace. It's only a few blocks from here."

Cragen called Fin and Elliot and told them to meet the rest of the group at the hotel. They were praying she would be there. Elliot got the key from the manager. They decided to let Casey and Elliot go in first. They didn't want to barge in and scare her.

"Olivia, are you here? Olivia it's Casey and Elliot. Are you in there open the door?"

There was no answer.

"Liv, we have the key. We're coming in."

Casey and Elliot quietly opened the door to the room. It was completely dark. The curtains were drawn. The bed was unmade with the sheets twisted. Casey noticed the blood on the white sheets.

"Elliot, look," Casey said horrified.

"Maybe she has her period?"

Elliot, that's not from her period, trust me."

They looked around the small studio apartment and realized Olivia wasn't there. They knew she had to be staying there. Her bag was there along with her clothes. She had to be coming back.

Elliot's mind flashed back to the conversation he and Fin had with the bartender. He prayed Olivia was not in some stranger's bed. God forbid she was raped. He couldn't think about it.

"There she is," shouted Casey. "She's outside walking on the beach! That has to be her!"

Everyone's eyes widened as they turned to run down the stairs. It had to be her! Please let this nightmare be over!

Author's Note: What do you guys think? This is going to be E/O very soon! Please keep reading and reviewing! Your reviews keep me going!