Olivia's Dark Nights

Disclaimer: I only borrowed the characters. They said I could keep them for two weeks. After that the fine is .10 a day.

Author's Note: Please review! It only takes a second!

Chapter 14

Elliot and Casey ran down the stairs like a flash of lightening. The rest of the group followed. Elliot was silently praying as he ran. This had to be her. Please God let it be her. They climbed the wooden stairs over the stone wall. The figure they assumed was Olivia was standing in the waves.

"That water is freezing! What is she thinking," Elliot said to Casey.

Casey and Elliot kicked off their shoes and began running across the sand. They screamed her name, Olivia, Olivia! She couldn't hear them over the sounds of the waves. She just stood there motionless as the water flooded over her bare legs. The salt of the water stung her open wounds. Olivia didn't mind. It was good to feel again.

Casey was exhausted but kept running. She had sharp pains in her sides from the exertion, but nothing would stop her. Maybe after all of the worry, her best friend was okay. Casey kept screaming Olivia's name. She hoped she would hear her, but she didn't turn. She didn't know how she would react if the figure in the waves was not Olivia. Finally they were getting close! The water was only feet away. She could see the drop of the sand as they inched closer to the ocean.

"Olivia, is that you," Casey asked.

Olivia turned slowly to see who was talking to her. She stared at her blankly. She hesitated.

"Cas..Casey? Is that you? What are you doing here," Olivia said flatly.

Elliot and Casey instantly noticed Olivia was wearing only panties and a tank top. They could see the damage Olivia had done to her body. She was covered in bloody gashes. Some were still open and oozing bright red blood. It was as if her skin had been shredded. She was so thin. Her skin had a sickeningly bluish tint. Her ribs and vertebrae were visible. Elliot ripped the coat off of his body and wrapped it around her. Casey wrapped her scarf around Olivia's neck.

Elliot spoke up. "Liv we've been searching everywhere! We were worried sick! You disappeared from the hospital without a trace! You scared us to death!"

Olivia had no expression on her face. Her voice held no emotion. She acted as if there was no reason why anyone should have been looking for her. Then, she broke down. She cried harder than either Elliot or Casey had ever seen before. If Elliot wasn't holding her, she would have fallen onto the sand. Cragen, Munch, Fin, and Melinda stood by helplessly and watched her fall apart in front of their eyes.

"I can't do it anymore. My entire life has fallen apart. I'm so alone. It's like I have a huge hole in my heart that I can't fill. My friendships aren't enough. The victims aren't enough. I can't have any of the things I've always dreamed of. I wanted a husband, a baby. My job pushed so many men out of my life. I can't cope. Everything has been taken from me. I have nothing. I will never have anything. So help me god I'm going to kill myself."

Casey's blood ran ice cold down her spine. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. If they didn't arrive when they had, Olivia may have been found dead. She had a horrible feeling that Olivia was telling the truth; that she was prepared to commit suicide. Casey felt guilty. Why hadn't she seen this coming? She should have been there for her friend instead of sitting in some stupid court room! She would commit suicide too if anything happened to Olivia.

Elliot's legs weakened beneath him. He knew what he had just heard, but couldn't process it. He knew how Olivia was feeling. Why didn't he step up? Why didn't he tell her how he felt? He wanted to take their relationship to the next level. He wanted to give her the baby she always wanted. He wanted to be her husband. He had known that for many years now, but never had the courage to speak up. He was divorced from Kathy now. Nothing held him back. Why didn't he tell her? If he had, maybe they wouldn't be standing on this beach right now.

Elliot and Casey guided Olivia back up the beach. Melinda put a blanket over her head and shoulders. She knew Olivia was suffering from hypothermia. Her wounds needed to be cleaned and possibly stitched. She called for a bus to meet them. She couldn't believe Olivia was going through this again. She felt responsible. Melinda knew Olivia wasn't right that last day in the hospital. She should have done something. Why did she leave that room? She felt as if what happened to Olivia was her fault.

Fin, Munch, and Cragen followed silently back to the cars. They felt numb. All of this had happened, and they hadn't done a damn thing to stop it. They knew Olivia was far from "fine," despite what she told them. This should have never happened. Cragen felt like he had betrayed his own daughter.

As Olivia was loaded into the ambulance, she couldn't remember what she was doing out on the beach. Her thoughts began to race again.

"Why was I out there? What the hell was I doing on a beach in February in my underwear? Why would I go in the water? Why didn't I stop myself? What did I put my friends through? I need to end it all! I just want to die and be put out of my misery! Why didn't I take the damn pills?"

Her actions were crashing down on her as she laid in the emergency room. She had never been so cold in her life. Her teeth chattered uncontrollably. Her body trembled. Olivia had changed into warmer clothing, but it made no difference. The doctors were running warm saline into her IV. She was in a heated bed. The chill was so deep in her bones she didn't think it would ever cease. She stared up at the ceiling as a doctor stitched the wounds on her legs and arms that she had inflicted upon herself. She had never in her life felt so out of control.

Olivia took solace in the fact that her friends came to find her. When she escaped from the hospital in New York, she was delusional. She really thought everyone would forget about her like yesterday's coffee. They proved her wrong. It took a lot to open her eyes, but she knew she had at least a family to go to. Olivia knew she wasn't well. All of the things she had been doing were not normal. She scared herself. Olivia realized that she had snapped, and that scared her to her core. It was like her mind and body were two separate entities.

She thought about the past few days and felt sick to her stomach. She couldn't believe what she had done. The drinking and self mutilation was bad enough, but what shook deep down to her soul was that she had slept with two different men off the street. She had sex with two strangers without any protection. She was so drunk that she hardly remembered any of it. She felt disgusting. A million thoughts about what could have happened flooded her brain. She knew she was lucky to be alive.

Olivia couldn't run anymore. She had to face her demons. Running hadn't helped her. It only made the situation worse. Olivia was fiercely independent. The fact that she could no longer help herself was crippling. She had to face up to her illness, or she really would die. She didn't care about herself, but she couldn't do that to her "family."

I've worked really hard on this chapter. Please oh please give me 10 reviews! It will help motivate me to get the next chapter written sooner!